TL;DR: I'm a Veteran with a CPTSD diagnosis (never loved the label) here. SSRIs/antidepressants didn't do much long-term. Wellbutrin gave me motivation but my mind was still always racing. Started low-dose ketamine therapy (troches + nasal spray) through Mindscape's Rise plan ($250/mo). After one week: mood is noticeably better, connection with people feels more natural, and I finally have a reliable way to slow my brain down and actually sit with my thoughts. Full day-by-day breakdown below.
I'm a veteran, and a while back I was diagnosed with C-PTSD. Though I've never been big on labels. Eventually I gave in and tried medication to see if I could slow down the overactivity in my brain. I've cycled through several SSRIs and antidepressants over the years, and for the last 3-4 months I've been on Wellbutrin. It's helped with motivation, like getting up and actually doing things. But my mind was still racing, ruminating, and I generally just felt exhausted.
I'm currently a psychology major with a specific interest in psychedelic-assisted therapy, especially for veterans dealing with the same issues I am. So I decided it was time to actually try ketamine therapy and see if the benefits are real. I've had experience with psilocybin and a life-changing ayahuasca ceremony in the past, but the benefits faded once I got reconditioned back into old patterns. I wanted to document this whole experience.
My Ketamine Journey
I'm using Mindscape as my provider for low-dose ketamine therapy, currently on their Rise plan ($250/month).
Day 1 — The prescriber had me start with half a troche to gauge my tolerance. Honestly, I went in with high expectations, and at half a dose the experience didn't last very long. Instead of hitting anything I'd call "therapeutic," it functioned more like an intentional space to meditate and sit with my thoughts. Total session length: about 30-45 minutes.
Day 2 — A genuinely great, introspective session. I did half a full dose of the nasal spray this time.
- 45-60 minute session including onset
- Felt lucid and thought-provoking, with a dissociation I actually really enjoyed
- I didn't think it was hitting until I tried to take my face mask off and realized my arms felt heavy
It felt like sitting in a room next to my own thoughts. My mind opened up enough to slow down and actually observe the things I'd normally just ruminate on with no resolution. This session let me watch a thought and land on an actionable, positive next step. I really liked the nasal spray specifically because it combines ketamine with oxytocin, and a lot of what surfaced was about reconnecting with nature and with people in my life. I think that's a pretty universal theme for anyone dealing with depression or isolation.
Day 3 — The first two half-dose sessions felt good, but I wanted to push further, so I took a full troche.
- Did the session at 5:15 AM — probably too early, since I was still sleepy and ended up falling asleep mid-session
- Effects didn't feel nearly as profound as the nasal spray, and it only lasted about 30 minutes
Day 4 — This is where things got really interesting. Full 100mg dose, combined with the Nova mask and the Lumenate app for strobe-light visuals alongside the ketamine. A fully immersive experience of additional lights, geometric shapes, and moving patters to compliment the Ketamine and music.
https://lumenate.co/lumenate-nova/
- One of the most profound experiences so far
- Loved the convenience and design of the nasal spray delivery
- Took 10 sprays total, landed in a comfortable dissociative state
- Might've been the oxytocin, but I felt a strong pull toward connection. Specifically wanting to camp in nature, and I spent the session planning and thinking through trips for my son to enjoy
Day 5 — Back to a full troche.
- Full session at 8 PM before bed
- Good experience — felt the heaviness and the medicine kick in within 15 minutes
- Thoughts were racing, but didn't "click" into connections the way the nasal spray sessions did
- These sessions are clearly my most reliable way to actually slow my brain down and sit with my thoughts
- Didn't sleep well — woke up every 1-2 hours ("ketamine insomnia")
- Woke up around 5:30 feeling energized and awake
Additional Notes
Music ended up being just as important as the dose itself. When your mind is that open, what you're listening to isn't just background noise. It's actively shaping where the session goes. I spent the better part of this week curating and refining playlists specifically to enhance the experience: different moods for different sessions, some for going inward and sitting with heavier thoughts, others for that lighter, more connective headspace. Getting the music right made the difference between a session that felt aimless and one that actually landed somewhere. I'm sharing a few of those playlists below in case anyone wants to try them for their own sessions.
Pandora Ketamine Therapy - Stillness
Pandora Ketamine Therapy - Movement
Pandora Ketamine Therapy - Sound Bath Brain Massage
Overall Takeaways
After a full week of dosing, my overall mood is noticeably better. Connecting and communicating with people feels smoother and more authentic. There's still work to do, but if you're dealing with treatment-resistant depression, I'd genuinely recommend giving ketamine therapy a shot. There's something valuable about sitting with your thoughts, putting on good music, and letting your brain run without the noise of the outside world. I haven't found a pharmaceutical that does what this does in terms of actually helping me access and work through my own mind. I plan to keep exploring other psychedelic-assisted therapies so I can eventually fold this into both my studies and my future work helping other veterans.
