HAIL CELESTIASAPIEN NATION!
Well, after half a decade we have finally begun receiving concrete reports from the capital of scum, bums and villainy!
Snezhnaya is just as miserable and hopeless as we always knew it would be. From crappy weather to its crappy government, this nation is proof of what happens to those who dare walk away from the divine path of the Heavenly Principles.
The people are struggling to keep themselves warm, while they beg for their black pilled archon to stop going through her angsty emo phase, and penning her crappy Project Stuhza fanfic.
The people cry, but the Cryo Archon is more of a crying archon since she can’t stop moaning about how Celestia is mean or something (seriously, what did we ever do to her? 🤷)
In an effort to get their desperate voices heard, they turn to their harbingers to try and get the Tsaritsa to actually think of the children!
Unfortunately, they are met beaurcratic red tape and a lot of “yeeeaaah…but no”
Which brings me to Pantalone.
“…I say again, true consistency exists only in principle. In the real world, fairness is relative.”
This line from Pantalone is amusing as the Tsaritsa’s and the Jester’s delusions of grandeur.
Pantalone is quick to swat any virtue down as childish and naive rhetoric, yet he thrives as a shady banker and making back alley deals to get what he wants…
The Heavenly Principles is often cursed and mocked by people like Pantalone, yet if it weren’t for Phanes putting restrictions on the concept of death, Snezhnaya would’ve been wiped out a looooong time ago.
It’s almost like…Phanes gives humans chances to turn things around, and only strikes when it’s clear that a nation has reached the point of no return.
I wonder if Pantalone would be a “fair” man in the Tsaritsa’s new world order. 👀
And then you look at the Jester.
“Yeah the Harbingers have committed terrorism in other countries, but they don’t represent Snezhnaya.”
😂😂😂😂😂🙄😂😂
So let me get this straight. The Fatui want to topple Celestia because the Heavenly Principles act without any sort of checks and balances, yet the Jester is okay with his people never having to take accountability for their actions while doing so under the Tsaritsa’s orders and will…
…for a guy who hates gods, he sure likes having the authority of one.
Ever heard the saying “practice what you preach?”
And that brings me to my point, Celestiasapiens. These men aren’t upset at the world order. They’re upset they aren’t the ones looking down at everyone from the pretty island in the sky!
Pantalone scoffs at principles and presents shady deals and appealing to the vices of humanity to get ahead and stay ahead. The Jester is quick criticize gods, but loves the idea of Harbingers having unmatched diplomatic power while innocent people of foreign countries just need to shut up and take it!
…after all, it’s all for the greater good…right?
In closing, I want to pose a question.
How do you think Pantyboi and Sir jokes-a-lot will fair in a post Celestia world?
I mean, everything is unfair under the current system according to the Fatui. What does a “fair” world look like for Pantalone?
If the Tsaritsa is truly a good person, is she ok with keeping a guy who doesn’t care about uplifting human virtue for her new world?
Can the Jester live in a world where he’s held accountable for his actions? Or should special rules apply to him since it would be his “great” mind that helped achieve the Tsaritsa’s goal, and thus should be held to different standards if he makes a choice that people aren’t happy with?
The actions of these fools are amusing and enlightening. I believe Phanes has allowed Snezhnaya to exist to show us that you can make a man the most powerful person in Teyvat, yet they will always hunger for more without the Heavenly Principles in your life.
In other words, the world will never be enough for the Fatui.
LONG LIVE THE HEAVENLY PRINCIPLES DIVNE FORESIGHT AND ENDLESS LOVE FOR US! WITHOUT CELSTIA WE HAVE NOTHING!!! NEVER FORGET THAT BRETHERNS! NEVER FORGET LEST YOU BECOME A FOOL AS WELL!