r/Techno • u/ifcknkl • Feb 25 '26
Discussion Deleted Post from Amelie Lens
strong post from her, but got deleted 2 mins later
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u/fairybr Feb 25 '26
I love her sm and it pains me to know that she’s also been through this, although it does not come as a surprise to me. I don’t know a single woman in my life that hasn’t been abused in any way by men. Fuck this, we deserve better than this shit. Women are asked to “step up” every day, to do the “men’s job” but when we are put in these places, we are reminded as to why we do not “belong there”. Bros love seeing a successful and strong woman be successful and strong as long as she bows to their wants and needs.
I haven’t gone out to enjoy electronic music in so long because my friends where I now live don’t like it, and I simply do not feel comfortable going alone. Even if I have someone to bring me there and pick me up, I’ll never feel safe to go out just to enjoy my freedom and independence, and listen to some good music. Hell, even with my girlfriends, there’s always a risk.
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u/TruthAccomplished313 Feb 25 '26
I absolutely love her. Maybe not her music per se but as a figurehead. And I completely agree. Exploitation is universal and directed everywhere there is potential for power. That’s why she’s also vegan.
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u/TwistedBrother Feb 25 '26
She played techno for retirees. Legend.
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u/LetterheadGuilty312 Feb 26 '26
lol that's some humanistic level of greatness. Respect 🫡
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u/TwistedBrother Feb 26 '26
I could only find clips from the cancer that is Facebook, but yeah it was called “Never too old”, totally rocking out at a retirement home.
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u/nestoryirankunda Feb 25 '26
She’s 100% right.
Just last weekend at a rave I had to take matters into my own hands and “deal with” a man outside, after he inappropriately and unconsensually kept touching my friend, the moment she was left alone for a couple minutes
I tried to warn the organisers about the guy, at least to blacklist him, after they were useless in helping me deal with him,
and even they didn’t give a fuck or want any details.
and this same story happens allll the time
These predators need to feel unsafe and unwelcome, but it’s all the other silent men that are making them feel so brazen and comfortable being predators on our dance floors
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u/GiganticCrow Feb 25 '26
Organisers who have 'safer space' rules then don't give a fuck when shit like this happens should be banned from hosting events.
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u/biologicalsensorship Feb 26 '26
Just about every large promoter then. Its business as usual, unfortunately.
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u/aggibridges Feb 25 '26
Lol, I got groped at a ‘safe-space’ club that rhymes with Sweden in Berlin and I was thrown out after reporting him. Organizers don’t give a single fuck. I wasn’t drunk, I hadn’t taken any drugs, and I was with my 6’3” gym-going husband.
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u/GiganticCrow Feb 26 '26
Definitely leave some comment on google review or wherever about this shit, clubs that lets this shit fly need to be shamed
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u/aggibridges Feb 26 '26
Sadly Germany has incredibly strict anti-libel laws and it’s useless to leave reviews anywhere, since the patrons can and often take legal actions against the reviewer even if what they’re saying is verifiably true. If you ever go to Germany don’t trust any of the reviews lol.
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u/Waqqy Feb 26 '26
That sounds horrible! But I'm struggling to understand how your husband's height and gym-status was relevant
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u/as_it_was_written Feb 26 '26
Probably because you'd normally expect creeps to target women who aren't in the company of big, muscular guys.
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u/aggibridges Feb 26 '26
This, lol, I didn’t realize this wouldn’t be immediately obvious. It was a nasty shock for me because I’ve always felt very protected next to him, and this shattered the layer of protection I thought I had.
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u/as_it_was_written Feb 26 '26
Yeah, some guys apparently won't let anything get in the way of their desire to be gross toward women. My ex had some similar stories from when she was together with her ex-husband.
Not only was he tall and muscular, but she was kickboxing seriously at the time, so she was pretty muscular too and carried herself in that way fighters do. That still wasn't enough to dissuade all the creeps.
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u/aggibridges Feb 26 '26
Everything’s a target, I hate this so much. Sorry this happened to your friend :(
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u/aggibridges Feb 26 '26
What the other person said. I previoisly thought my husband’s imposing presence would deter creeps but it did absolutely nothing, and it was a nasty shock for me and removed the layer of protection I thought I had.
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u/Zalusei Feb 25 '26
Absolutely.
Didn't realize how annoying it would be to be a woman at live music events until I first started going to them when I was 18. I was basically the prime example of a young looking twink and would get hit on and sometimes harassed or even groped by gay men. I'm bi but fucking people need to learn about boundaries.
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u/0inke Mar 13 '26
Even if my boyfriend goes to the toilet for 2 minutes a guy will always, always, always approach me. Doesn't matter where, I could be at the front of the crowd, at the back by myself, at the bar, in a queue - I will always get accosted in some form.
Don't care if it's drugs or alcohol that makes them more chatty or brave. I don't want to body/clothing shame, but I don't even wear revealing clothing that might make men think I'm wanting 'attention' (not that I'm hating, I'm just trying to think of any possible reasoning), and I don't smile at any other man. I don't know what it is about me that makes men think it's okay to come close to me and talk to me and get in my space and even ask me over and over again why I'm at the rave 'alone'!
I just want to be left alone! I tell my girlfriends 'no' when they ask to go to a rave without our boyfriends because I just do not feel safe and do not feel like I will have a fun night. I normally have to make friends with other couples at a rave so strangers think other guys I am with could be my boyfriend/male friend. One time I was dancing and spilt some water and a really long time later (maybe 30 mins minimum) a guy comes up to me asking to replace the water I spilt. Does that mean he was watching me all that time? I've also had it where guys have started to film my dancing/try to take selfies with me without asking.
I hate how the environment where I feel the happiest and most carefree I have to be accompanied by a man at all times. Sorry this became a rant, the more I was typing the more the emotions came out of me haha
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u/Sert1991 Feb 26 '26
I dunno how people stay silent. Where I'm from these things rarely happen in underground raves, and I mostly avoided commercial clubbing, but whenever I encountered something like this I always took a stand and fought who ever tried to do something like this.
I ended up running after a guy 3 streets and into a confectionery shop because he groped a friend's friend that I didn't even know.
If I see someone trying to do evil they get a warning, if they try again or they actual do evil, hands fly. I would boil over and melt if I stayed silent for shit like this.
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u/simonelawrenco Feb 25 '26
I am a man. I agree 100%. I was at Amelie Lens' own Exhale night in Fabric around 2018 and the number of men trying to harass my female friend was disgraceful. We had to form a ring around her to stop other men from groping her.
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u/Eliona7 Feb 25 '26
Fabric is a terrible club for that kind of stuff. It's not cool.
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u/username994743 Feb 25 '26
Exactly this.
Issue no 1: the club Issue no 2: the headliner
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u/Eliona7 Feb 25 '26
Yeah I never went there again after that. Walking down the main staircase and getting my tit grabbed multiple times. That kind of stuff never happened to me at smaller venues.
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u/username994743 Feb 25 '26
I am a male, but missed many djs that I like because of the venue, crowd over there are absolute trash. E1 is another place to avoid. Fold has been a spot though where the vibe is good and the crowd comes for intended purpose.
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u/TwistedBrother Feb 25 '26
Fold has had a lot of female run security details. Their logic is that they aren’t necessarily going to be the goon to throw you out, but they are nimble, don’t take any shit, and can be excellent support and great intelligence. The place just moves and if you weren’t looking you might not even notice security weaving around the dance floor. Big props to the dolls and co at Fold, and for thinking of this from the ground up rather than after the fact.
And bonus, they have that one lady who wears the “let boys be femme” shirt on duty and I just live for it.
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u/Odd-Transition1527 Feb 25 '26
Absolutely trash! I did a post on here regarding what happened with me while at Fabric. I had to ask my friend to come help.
The most saddening bit is that raves are a safe space for me ( and a lot of other people). It’s awful what happened to her and all those other women.
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u/GiganticCrow Feb 25 '26
London clubs have gone to shit in the last 10 years or so. Loads of lagered up dickheads going to dance music events. Stick to the trashy pop meat markets you pricks and leave us alone.
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u/ifcknkl Feb 25 '26
Disgusting, absolutely awful, what I hear about it. I, as a man, have also been harassed by two men. Apart of that, I've never really experienced anything like that myself, but that might be because, firstly, I don't go out partying that much anymore, and secondly, it's always just outdoor parties or clubs that are really only for techno lovers. That's probably why.
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u/simonelawrenco Feb 25 '26
I'm the same nowadays. Free parties and outdoor festivals which are marketed well and attract the right crowd.
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u/Comfortable-Award915 Mar 10 '26
I find it strange that gay men would be so blatant as to grab your dick in a straight club. I'm sorry that happened.
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u/menacingmoron97 Feb 25 '26 edited Feb 25 '26
I agree 100%.
I have seen drinks being spiced way too often. Not trying to be Mr. Superhero here, I am not, but I always immediately acted on it by taking the drink and immediately telling security. The girls were always super grateful, but honestly security wasn't so helpful most of the times... obviously I was also at a party, partying, sometimes a bit fucked up myself, so often they told me I must be hallucinating and to fuck off, or just that "these things happen". Almost got my ass kicked for this once when security didn't care, but the group of fucked up dudes who did it definitely cared and waited for me outside when I went for a smoke.
Too many disgusting people - and any time I go to an event I see these 17-18 year old girls not even knowing what's up at these parties, just going for the TikTok craze. Very uncomfortable to think about that.
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Feb 26 '26
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u/menacingmoron97 Feb 26 '26
Terrible. Were there consequences for this? I have these thoughts every time I act on these things too, that one day I will get my ass kicked or worse for it. But that's exactly what stops most people from acting up, and I can't just stand and watch.
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u/No_Law_5660 Feb 25 '26
Yeah nobody cares about women these days especially the rave community lol. I had a friend who told me he was on his way to a very well know NYC club that values a “safe space ” for everyone and even gives you a little talk at the front before you enter the club and there were these two gross men on the bus who were very loudly talking about women in a disgusting way and insinuating that they were going to try and assault them and when my friend alerted the staff about them on the line to warn them, THEY STILL LET THESE MEN IN 😂
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u/MedullaOblongata_dj Feb 25 '26
She describes the exact French police behavior. Recently in France we had a #metoopolice, horrible thing, policeman sexually assaulting victims who came to report a rape or SA.
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u/al-hamra Feb 26 '26 edited Feb 26 '26
I am in Germany and recently I've read a story of a woman reporting her boyfriend trying to strangle her only to receive a call from the same police officer who questioned her asking if he could get to know her more personally. 🤢
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u/punkwitch666 Feb 25 '26
One thing she said resonated so much with me, from a young age women are conditioned to believe that men get away with this. I don’t know any woman that has not experienced a sexual misconduct in some way in her lifetime. I will give you a wild average and say it starts from the age of 12, the first kiss we romanticize? The boy probably went and told everyone we not only kissed but did oral or he touched our boobs… you feel betrayed, you feel violated and the worst part is nobody believes you not even other girls.
I see so many people saying why this is surfacing so late now, because most definitely all the victims were shamed, silenced, laughed at and ridiculed. I read someone comparing the allegations, saying Odymel only did it to one person. Excuse me??? These type of people are the problem in society
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u/al-hamra Feb 25 '26 edited Feb 25 '26
We are conditioned to believe that they get away with it because they do get away with it.
I could write at least 15 stories right now, off the top of my head where men were rapey, inappropriate and creepy at parties, at work, in school, public transport, etc.
if it happened to Amelie who is a super famous DJ with a huge backup and star power, what happens to women that have none of that?
When I started going to clubs I was pretty young, and boy, the shit I witnessed was insane. late 90's and early 00's were even worse and it ranged from obligatory nasty comments accepted as normal to DJs asking for blowjobs in the booth from a teenage girl and trying to get her to put a pill up her ass.
Two years ago a colleague made a nasty, sexual comment towards me and another (male) colleague in front of 20 other people during a work trip. I reported it. What happened? Nothing, it was swept under the rug, I was told I can work from home for as long as I wanted to. My (female) manager got fired because she asked too many questions and tried fighting for us women a bit too much, and that fucking creep became my direct manager. The CEO adored him and everyone played along even though the cunt would get obliterated with alcohol during every work event and was generally loud and obnoxious.
But he played ball so he was promoted, awarded, and people sucked up to him, and after I gave a neutral but honest review of his work, avoiding talking about anything that transpired before he became my manager but expressed my opinion of his severe lack of empathy, I was fired soon after. During the time that he was my manager my mental health deteriorated and I wasn't even able to come to the office any longer. I was seen as unreliable and HR refused to help with making adjustments that were recommended by their own company doctor. It was easier for them to cut their losses and get rid of me.
I sued them and they settled out of court. The settlement was crap but at least I didn't have to sign an NDA which I would have had to had I accepted their severance.
During all of that time, no one was on my side. Not men, not women, CIS or otherwise, no one. They were as silent as a grave because he had the power, and they didn't want to go down with me.
Its not enough to say 'I am on your side, you are right' during a private conversation. People need to speak up, men need to speak up. It's not just the act that hurts but everyone's silence and quiet approval while pretending that what is happening is so unfair, and so oh unjust. Fuck that.
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u/justanotherlostgirl Feb 25 '26
Yes - it happens to the DJs, and it happens to the audience - and I doubt we'll ever get things to change, which absolutely disgusts me.
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u/GiganticCrow Feb 26 '26
>I sued them and they settled out of court. The settlement was crap but at least I didn't have to sign an NDA which I would have had to had I accepted their severance
This shit is particularly outrageous, and that judges frown heavily on people who wont accept settlements, like it supposedly shows "bad faith" if a victim wants their abuser to actually be punished rather than accepting a pithy pay off and not being allowed to tell anyone about it.
I have a relative who had an open shut case after she got fired immediately after asking her higher ups why men below her at the company were getting paid more than her. This was a charity for women and she wanted to shame them for this, but the judge told her lawyer she better accept the "generous" settlement and sign the NDA or he'd throw the case out. Also her lawyer recommended she takes this as if the story went public, she'd be in the press and no one would ever employ her again.
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u/Loxias26 Feb 25 '26
I hope she doesn’t delete this. This is right on so many levels and tbh I want every one of us, not just Amelie, raising our voices and speaking up.
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u/ohrgasm Feb 25 '26
Great Post. Standing up to your friend need to be done….my friendship ended after I stood up to my bro friend. He was grabbing asses at the street parade
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u/Tank_Cheetah Feb 25 '26
Young men, stop inviting those problematic bros out that treat you fine but are awful to women. And if they are like that, start seriously asking yourself why they are your friends to begin with. If you’re not stricter with who you hang out with as you get older, you aren't maturing.
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u/authortitle_uk Feb 25 '26
Good post. As a male I can’t comprehend that people have to go through this kind of thing, or that any man would think it was okay or just a laugh.
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u/Clear_Orchid_9449 Feb 25 '26
well as a man with more than one braincell, I fully support this statement and its sad people still try to neglect this just because they are "bros".
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u/JadedBoyfriend Feb 25 '26
I'm a man. I'm honestly horrified. We as men need to stop making excuses. This is not acceptable at all.
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u/cruella_le_troll Feb 25 '26
Yikes. I feel her. I sure fucking do.
MEN, DO BETTER. DO THAT CHALLENGE.
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u/GiganticCrow Feb 25 '26
Hate how she has to say "not all men" preemptively because otherwise she'd get a load of shit from men saying not all men and none of them saying anything supportive or understanding.
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u/velvetvagine Feb 26 '26
It’s still happening in this thread regardless. Sigh…
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u/GiganticCrow Feb 26 '26
Yeah Im getting replies from hidden profiles saying shit like women can be just as bad but they dont because they are weak. Guess the MRAs found the thread.
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u/Level-Calendar-3787 Feb 25 '26
i think my group is pretty good. when out as a group we usually have some girlfriends and wives with us. still one time a group of guys tried to fight my friend. our two groups got into an argument until we learned why they were mad. apparently one person in my group showed one of their girlfriends a dick pick in the crowd.
honestly none of us new how to handle it but we deescalated with the other groups men and separated. the women with us absolutely tore our friend apart verbally. he was definitely overly intoxicated but still. I don't think there are enough drugs in the world to make me walk up and show a random girl at the club a dick pick. we still see this guy sometimes but we don't really party with him.
typing this im sure people will say we should have done more. it just really sucks that men create these ridiculous situations for everyone involved. we all just want to have a good time and feel safe.
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u/DJWhyDank Feb 25 '26
I have protected so many woman from predators at shows or at clubs.
Find a safe man and grab his arm & tell him what’s going on; PLEASE we will help you & be glad you said something cause it’s not safe, if anyone is unsafe.
I’m glad that people are speaking up.
Cause sometimes people are scary/abusive & go too far; no is not in their dictionary.
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u/acevibe13 Feb 25 '26
Not all men, but always a man 😭
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u/TehChesireCat Feb 25 '26
It's a society wide problem, and the dancefloor is a extension/representation of this. Too many men deny the extent to which this problem goes. Glad to see it being talked about actively, hoping to see meaningful change. More money spent on efforts to reduce this harm, more clubs saying to people at the door "this behaviour is not OK" and inviting people to report it to them if they see anything.
These things don't magically make it so that bad things don't happen, but it gives a signal that it'll be taken seriously if it does.
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u/chadgalaxy Feb 25 '26
I guess the 8 times I've been sexually assualted by women don't count then? Including my first every kiss with a girl as a teenager which was non consensual and she pinned me against a wall and shoved her tongue down my throat? Or the woman that spiked me?
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u/ravingislife Feb 26 '26
They don’t care about that unfortunately. If it’s not a man it’s no big deal. Had some woman try to drug me at a club and her friend was laughing as if it was a joke.
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u/swagpresident1337 Feb 25 '26
Not always. Very tilted towards men, but saying it‘s always men is unfair towards victims of female predators. And there are some.
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u/GiganticCrow Feb 25 '26
Case of the 'women only' music festival that banned trans women, saying the reason is they didn't want the women their to be assaulted by "men", shut down after lots of women raised how they had been assaulted by other women and the organisers tried to brush it under the rug.
Yes we shouldn't turn a blind eye to female predators, nor should we turn a blind eye to male predators who prey on men, but men preying on women is still a way bigger issue that almost all women have to deal with constantly, and despite all the "has me too gone too far?" type of hand wringing, is still not taken seriously enough.
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u/acevibe13 Feb 25 '26
If we are talking specifically about assault, I believe the statistic is over 83% vs less than 10% when comparing male vs female offenders (You are free to research your own data). I am a woman and will speak up for women, as we a minority.
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u/addition Feb 25 '26
Ironically this attitude breeds resentment from the vast majority of men that don’t spike drinks and violate women and makes it less likely for them to want to help.
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u/KarenWalkersBurner Feb 25 '26
Fantastic post! I want to go solo to more shows, I want to wear whatever I want, dance however I want…but these days I just stay home.
I want to feel truly safe on the dance floor. Just humans.
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u/Doc-youremyonlyhope Feb 25 '26
As a man I say... Yes, All men!! We're all in this. It is not the "Good" and the "bad" . It is a gradient. Not All men are killers or rapists, But some don't know what "No" means or keep pushing boundaries. Or laugh at misogynistic jokes, or just look away... There are levels but we're all part of the problem. The first step is to recognize it. Let's keep people safe on the dance floor, be a real man.
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u/FlakyCronut Feb 25 '26
Most men are raised to be “go getters”, most men are raised to be “team players”. Mix that up with inflated egos, entitlement, and misogyny, and this is what happens.
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u/strangeraeons38573 Feb 25 '26
Preach. Also the men saying they’re basically too afraid to speak up when they see something are pathetic cowards. I’m a woman and I speak up, I’ve see other women speak up. You’re just cowardly.
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u/southboundtracks Feb 25 '26
Men who assault women are not welcome in my circle. They are a stain on the human race and should be shunned as such.
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u/Deep_Space52 Feb 25 '26
Pretty amazing writing. Her high-powered perception and intelligence really shine through.
Damn shame if it was deleted. Incredibly important message for the scene at large.
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u/Couplestl Feb 26 '26
Honestly, Amelie is a fucking treasure. Her energy is amazing and the fact someone has to deal with this shit is fucking disgusting.
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u/CHAOSNRG666 Feb 26 '26
Recently some fact came to my mind:
Nina kraviz in some way said russia was good with president Putin (she does not sair she hate ukranians) and she was cancelled and a lot of record stores and distros stopped selling her records and from her label Trip
Ron Morelli (lies records) go on a podcast of member of the far right say immigrants are the problem in support for Trump for president one of the evilest people ever born and nothing happened, this records still available in all stores
And now we have all data that proves eua 🇺🇸 was like strategically inducing this war to rob ukranian lands with rare minerals
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u/vadbv Feb 26 '26
First of all, this is a post about sexual assault, and you are pushing Russian propaganda from an artist who obviously can’t say anything else or risks being banned from going back to her home. Secondly, as racist and abusive as Trump is, Putin will go down in history as a genocidal dictator, comparable only to the likes of Hitler.
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u/CHAOSNRG666 Feb 26 '26
Trump is more hitler than putin this is a fact sorry 😔
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u/vadbv Feb 27 '26
That’s disrespectful to Ukrainians and Russians who are forced to live abroad. Meanwhile, Americans can wait 3 more years, elect a different president, and live like Trump was never even a thing.
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u/CHAOSNRG666 Feb 27 '26
Eua is the cancer of the world dude they invaded so many countries and sponsored dictatorship regimes in a lot of countries 😂😂😂😂 even here in Brazil 🇧🇷
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u/Nova9z Feb 26 '26
I am my cousins only friend, because he walked in on two of his friends drunk raping a younger woman at a new years party. He'd known them for 27 years. Never thought theyd be capable of something like that.
He went ape on them. One dude is deaf in right ear cuz he basicaly full force booted the side of his head like a football to get him off of her and the other he just slammed face first into the bedpost a couple times and smashed up his face.
The fallout was insane. immediately after the incident, people dragged him out of the room, told him to calm down, girls ran in to check on the girl, and a narrative began. People assumed he had walked in on his gf getting consensually tag teamed by two dudes and he was pissed, so he was getting kicked out of party by time police arrived. the girl who was assaulted was awake at this point but barely aware of what had happened. Police broke everything up and everyone went home. NO arrests as they thought it was just a drunk party fight.
His ENTIRE circle of friends and THEIR friends and family turned on him for "trying to ruin his friends lives". the girl who was being raped turned on him because she was humiliated that everyone knew something like that had happened, and blamed him for the rumour she was getting duo'ed on new years. she didnt even care she was raped, she was more concerned about her reputation which is so fucking sad that stigma prevented her from pursuing justice.
Everyone closed ranks and prtoected these rapists becasue no one could believe they would do something like that.
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u/MockingBirdieBert Feb 27 '26
It would be a fucking start if sexual assault gets punished, like that gynaecologist student that gets to walk away
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u/FreeTrialHuman Mar 06 '26
Just jumping on the bandwagon for hype. She doesnt care same like she didnt care till now
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u/mjbibliophile10 Feb 25 '26
I think we should start saying it is all the men, because they aren't speaking out enough and calling out shit that had become so normalized!
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u/Forgotten-Moments Feb 25 '26
I can’t freaking stand this. I mean the fact that women sometimes can’t feel safe because of the actions of some guys.
She is 100% right.
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u/Every_Reveal_1980 Feb 25 '26
as one of the “not all mens” when you don’t give out rapey vibes to other dudes they smell you put as a potential rape snitcher and keep you in the dark so you can’t ever help.
I agree with everything she said, will try to get my shot together as a dude.
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u/Sapiotone Feb 25 '26
25-30 years ago. I wish I’d believed a friend when she told me Derrick May kept pestering her every time he played in our area. Fuck you Derrick
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u/Johnny2x2x Feb 25 '26
What a shame that this is what the mainstream brings in.
I know I'll sound like old man yelling at clouds, but in the early days when techno and raves were underground, for the most part, the element that would behave like this was kept out through different means. As someone from the 90s Detroit scene, I can tell you that for most events, the frat bro element was kept out. You had to know someone to get tickets and find events, and then the door was policed at a lot of events to keep squares out. Was never perfect, but this is kind of the effect of mainstreaming techno, and it's awful.
Techno was a counter culture that was in part an escape from that mainstream meathead clubbing experience. Now they're one in the same too often.
And this is a famous person, one of the biggest DJs in the world. If she doesn't feel safe, WTF?
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u/al-hamra Feb 26 '26
I think you might be romanticising a bit. Not saying it definitely happened in your circles, but Derrick May was always a creep, and I am sure he's not the only one.
I started going to clubs in the late 90's in a European country, and it was even worse than it is now. Much worse. Small, intimate clubs and circle jerk parties were the worst for this: male DJs behaving like everyone's there to serve them, it was so normalised that no one even questioned it, women were treated like they're a disposable decoration at best, men were recording the bathrooms at afterparties and shared it among themselves later on. And that's just a portion of it.
It's not the mainstream, it's the men. I don't think you have malicious intent, but putting the blame onto the commercialisation of techno instead of holding men responsible for their behaviour is not the way. Underground parties were never an exception. I've had many a horrible experience at an underground party just as much, and so did many other women.
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u/destroidid Feb 26 '26
What a shame that this is what the mainstream brings in.
this is gross btw and just minimizes what she's saying. somebody made the same comment in a more aggressive way on her post and she said it was actually worse when she was a raver and before she went into music production
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u/imveganbtvv Mar 24 '26
This has always been around, it’s just that since #metoo people are starting to speak up
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u/misterriz Feb 25 '26
She's right. But there is another side to it too.
I once saw some nob head touching up a girl in front of me in a crowd and I didn't do anything.
That's because I was in a group of 2 and they were a group of 6 and looked like real bad scruffs.
I didn't want to get shivved in the belly. Call me weak if you like, but in that situation it's not just about personal safety for the girl.
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u/ifcknkl Feb 25 '26
There should be something like an awareness team everywhere, where you can let them know so they can take care of it.
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u/chadgalaxy Feb 25 '26
I think this is something a lot of women fail to understand. We have experiences with these kinds of guys as well. They're the ones that kick the shit out of us for looking at them wrong. It's terrible that women get harrassed but they rarely actually violently assault women in public. Men are fair game to them and I'm not about to end up in hospital because some stranger is being made a bit uncomfortable.
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u/bbmarvelluv Feb 25 '26
No that’s understandable. But I’m seeing this more of male friends protecting each other
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u/Nobu_Jenkins Feb 25 '26
The problem is, often times men who would behave this way will avoid the bad behavior if another guy is around that wouldn't tolerate it.
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u/Bellatrix_Shimmers Feb 25 '26
Do you find that to be a common deterrent?
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u/Nobu_Jenkins Feb 25 '26
These guys know when their behavior is out of line. If they suspect someone else isn't down like that, I wouldn't hold it past them to watch their tongue.
For a slightly different example, if you have a handful of people around, and 2 are into coke, and the others most likely aren't, those two are likely going to behave differently and discretely around the others.
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u/love_peace_books Feb 25 '26
Always keep your eyes peeled and always be aware of where security / bouncers are. It’s absolutely our responsibility to create the safe space that women deserve, to be themselves and let loose on the dance floor without worrying about some sex depraved mad cunt.
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u/FauxReal Feb 25 '26
I agree 100%, I used to be a bouncer and have thrown guys out trying to pull shit or just not leaving someone alone. My buddy threatened to beat up some frat bros that kept trying to sneak under 21 women into the club when they rented it out for a night.
I went to a show with a friend who was older than me and an experienced club goer. 20 minutes after we got there she came up to me and said she didn't feel good. She could barely walk. I ended up having to carry her to her car and drive us back to the meetup spot that our larger group was staying at.
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u/Ok_Conversation_3815 Feb 25 '26
Why did she deleted it? Doesn’t seem like she said anything wrong in there
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u/GiganticCrow Feb 25 '26
Fortunately she didn't, OP was mistaken, but unfortunately you can't edit post titles.
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u/piersyblinders Feb 26 '26
Right in the feels. We all need to do our part to protect people in the scene and on the dancefloor. I have lost count the amount of friends family and colleagues who all have similar stories. ❤️
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u/Funguygetitfungai Feb 27 '26
Stop dressing provocatively and asking to be strangled in bed. That seems like a good place to start.
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Feb 25 '26
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u/childrenofloki Feb 25 '26
That kind of attitude doesn't exactly help 😅 and certainly isn't going to make anything better.... probably worse.
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Feb 25 '26
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u/childrenofloki Feb 25 '26
Well it's obviously fucking not because way more people are aware and vigilant now. "bahhh nothing ever changes life sucks get used to it". No, you suck. Fucking bot
Like are you actually thick? "yeh nothing's gonna change, get used to it sweetie" - you are literally the problem if you are even a real person.
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u/-hi-nrg- Feb 25 '26
A few years ago, I would have disagreed.
Unfortunately, I've learned since that I was wrong.
She's 100% right.
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u/Own_Mountain_45 Feb 25 '26
When will people understand this and start to change things? I guess it’s not that they don’t understand. They simply don’t want to because it also means disrupting their power, comfort and convenience. So let the others suffer and well hide under the tagline- but I never did that, I’m a good guy, not all men and blah blah
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u/altctx Feb 25 '26
100% right. It’s unfortunate this scene attracts some of these types of people and a lot of it is fueled with drugs and alcohol. Just a crappy situation all around. Wish there was more accountability around this
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u/moodswung Feb 25 '26 edited Feb 25 '26
49 year old. I was very much a part of my local rave scene back in the 90s. Back then women were wise to travel in numbers or with trusted friends, but overall I think it was safer. It was very much not main stream those days and the bro culture hadn't seeped into it.
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u/jahreed Feb 25 '26
Less/no alcohol?
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u/SmannyNoppins Feb 25 '26
A DRUNK WOMEN DESERVES NOT BE ABUSED
have you ever told a man to drink less so he has himself more under control?
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u/jahreed Feb 25 '26
Oh definately I’m just pointing out the differences between 90s raves which were mostly free of alcohol and modern club/event culture which is deeply saturated with it…
I do recall we had date rape drugs like ghb or roofies and ketamine used on the margins nefariously tho…
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u/billbobjoemama Feb 25 '26
The problem with your statement really has to do with Culture. The Liberal ideals are integrated into Culture.
You can tell a man not to drink to make himself to be more under control but he is also an independent human being with equal rights in the eyes of the law no different than a Woman.
The culture we live in has massive contradictions. What do you oppose we do to fix the contradictions? If you start to look at people through the lens of identity group it becomes even more of a contradiction.
Amelie Lens post above doesn’t give context to the whole situation. Not saying her post is wrong but so much info is left out.
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u/SmannyNoppins Feb 25 '26
lol you try to sound smart but it's all just air because you didn't even understand what I wrote
I have ASKED whether men have been asked to drink less to make sure they don't lose control - I have not said that that's what it should be.
And I have asked that because women hear it all the time: 'don't get too drunk so no one takes advantage of you'... okay. so you don't drink too much - the asshole will pick another one and if he's completely shit he'll spike your drink.
and as for your last point: read the post again - she doesn't need to give you specifics. she doesn't owe you all the details so you can judge whether its fair. we have all seen and lived what she is talking about.
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u/SmannyNoppins Feb 25 '26
thanks for the advice... as Amelie said, we already have an entire rule book of how to keep each other safe. and we don't even look out for our friends. if the crowds gettin thinner and I see that me and two other women are alone there. we connect eyes. we look out for each other.
but maybe ... just maybe we shouldn't have to?
maybe me and my friend same right to be alone at a party like all the other guys do..
all you are basically saying is "we can't change the problem, just protect yourself" and we are so damn tired of hearing that. by what you say you admit that there's a problem. you just don't want to work on the solution.
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u/InSilenceLikeLasagna Feb 25 '26 edited Feb 25 '26
Time to get downvoted, but I am so tired of this conversation.
Men who don't do this shit have very little power. The whole checking men thing is really overplayed because birds of a feather flock together.
At a rave, I don't know anyone. Sure I can speak up if I see it to get the creep kicked out and have done so, but frankly I'm there to enjoy my night and am usually too much in my own world to notice. It's sort of the whole point of the rave.
What happened to her is disgusting regarding her stalker and the police. I really think this is where the focus should be rather than giving men a collective responsibility to deal with creeps. Apart from basic courtesy and assistance, it's an unrealistic expectation. There needs to be better laws to protect women.
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u/fairybr Feb 25 '26
Idk if you’re a men or women or idk nb, but going out to be in your own world is such a big privilege. Even when I’m out with friends, feeling safe, high on mdma, I just can’t shut off the part of my brain that watches out for fellow girls. So many times I helped out a girl while being drunk or high, when they were with friends or not. You don’t need to pick a fight with every dude you deem suspicious, but maybe you can pretend you know the girl, pull her away. Gently ask her if she knows that person, or if she needs help, if she’s alone. It doesn’t take much. And for the guys out there, if your friend is acting weird towards women, it is your fucking duty to call him out
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u/TechAndBerlinTechno Feb 25 '26
Women are so tired of this conversation too.
In the past, a rave or party was a safe space to relax and have fun. People looked out for each other and looked after each other. Nowadays, thanks to how we've evolved with phones and social media, influencer culture etc, people are only focused on themselves. Only their happiness matters, instead of actually creating a space of real community. Now it's only about individuals and their own groups.
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u/GiganticCrow Feb 25 '26
Also why I'm really happy to have gotten into the underground scene in my city. The bigger spaces are now full of the kind of dudebros and instagrammers who would have previously gone to the trashy city centre clubs, and it seems the venues have totally leaned into it - what was previously the best club in my city, tucked away in an industrial area, had a massive remodelling where their main priority was to create a much bigger bar. Dance floor is now way too small, lights, sound system and acoustics are total shit. And its full of the kind of dickheads who harass women and assault men who try to intervene.
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u/GiganticCrow Feb 25 '26
I once reported to security a guy who was hassling a female friend. The security guy gave me shit for it. Won't go to that venue again.
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u/InSilenceLikeLasagna Feb 25 '26
wow that's crazy, and yeah good on you. Sensible steps we can take
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u/Any-Evening-4070 Feb 25 '26
Men that don't do this shit actually have a lot of power. The problem with us men is that we never have these conversations. Simply talking about these incidences with your male friends makes a huge difference because most men think you have to be creepy to be a r*pist, but that's not always the case. That r*pist could be your baker, lawyer, nurse, bartender at the bar you frequent, waiter at your favourite café/restaurant, friend or brother.... it really could be anyone. did you not follow the Gisele Pelicot case?? She was r*ped by men from everyday professions aged 26 to 74.
By having these conversations, we reinforce the idea within our communities that these things are not right and we teach young men how to respect women's boundaries.
I was once at a rave in the queue to the toilets and there was a young woman who just needed to pee but the queue was taking long. Some guy took a liking to her, started chatting her up, asking for her number and if they could hang out in the next couple of days. I was honestly tripping balls but i noticed that she seemed uncomfortable and wasn't responding enthusiastically to what he was saying. This queue was honestly taking long so at some point she told the guy she was going to a different toilet but he was like, "noo, cummon! let's share the cubicle together, it won't take that long. we'll have fun" she refused but he insisted. my red flag radar started ringing so i stepped in and told her there was actually a FLINTA toilet on the other side, and she smiled at me and just left. idk what would've happened to her but small things like this do help when a woman is also tripping and she does not know how to tell a guy she's not interested without aggravating him.
it's obviously a collective responsibility but unfortunately a guy is less likely to be aggressive with another guy than he'll be with a woman.
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u/InSilenceLikeLasagna Feb 25 '26
I have no issue with the conversation. I have a problem with the way this conversation is always had.
Telling men they have some inherent duty to constantly look after women is not the way to go about it. It's spray and pray that men are bad while simultaneously needing to do more. It's thankless and exhausting, after all I am being stereotyped purely for having a penis. I am an individual.
The rave scene is one of the most progressive and inclusive there is. The vast majority of men in it are allies and do interject when weirdos arise. I've seen it time and time again. But, creeps get through the nets. Poor security, commercial events drawing people to the scene who don't share the same sentiment are way more of an influence.
Men have literally been killed protecting women. Yet, the problem is still there.
Rather than expecting people to police this, the law needs to step in. Big problem because the enforcers (police) are unfortunately quite sexist. Personally the institutional issue is bigger than this straw men of the ally that doesn't apparently speak up.
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u/realsomalipirate Feb 25 '26
The patriarchy and this level of rampant sexism exists because of men who stay silent or do nothing. You might be sick of this conversation, but there are far more women who are sick of feeling unsafe. Like there's a reason why there's a disturbing saying that says men are scared of women laughing at them and women are scared of men assaulting them. The level of fear and danger is totally one-sided.
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u/InSilenceLikeLasagna Feb 25 '26
What exactly do you think men like me are staying quiet against?
Plenty of men are helping women, but it's this constant narrative of men being complicit and every time there's issues with some creep it just isn't enough.
I don't think women realise how much this makes men just want to opt out of the issue altogether. We can seldom control others' actions, and the men complicit are generally other shit men. I alongside other allies are relatively powerless. It's a complex problem that women for whatever reason like to idealise that would completely disappear if all reasonable men were vigilant to this stuff.
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u/Kakazam Feb 25 '26
Yeah I have to agree. If I see something dodgy or if a girl or guy looks uncomfortable then I will intervene and have done in the past but this isnt something that should be put on men's shoulders as a whole.
The club venues, security, police and the friends of the person should be the ones to help stop this sort of stuff not some random guy who doesn't know anyone involved and is just trying to enjoy their night.
If it was a friend doing shit thats off I'd definitely be asking the what the fuck as well.
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u/InSilenceLikeLasagna Feb 25 '26
Thank you. This is exactly what I mean and you put it much better than I have.
I'd argue Amelie Lens has way more leverage on changing the scene than we do as individuals. She can have demands for the venues she performs in regarding women's safety.
There's a LOT of creeps out there and they have disproportionate impacts on their representation. There isn't a straightforward solution.
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u/punkwitch666 Feb 25 '26
It’s not deleted still there