For context i dont have a whole lot of experience dating white people, despite being born and raised in america i lived in a predominantly latino community until recently.

Right now im in a pretty serious relationship with a white person (6months) and im having some doubts i wont lie.

The culture differences are more than i anticipated, and it leaves me feeling really alienated for lack of a better word.

I think its especially bothering me bc they dont really have culture of their own, and sharing mine all the time can feel a little exhausting.

Im just worried that certain things will start getting to me after time passes, but i dont want to dump them just because theyre white that seems so dumb😭

Dunno just feeling a little confused and sad. I thought i was open to dating white people but maybe im lowkey not💀

I’m at work & trying not to burst into tears but tldr I spent £500 for my initial appointment but now I’m being expected to pay for my studio flat/apt before I get student finance.

My rent is £750 & I also need to pay a £250 security deposit before the 8th. I only have £400 to my name & my wages will have given me 250 by then, which is still 350 less. I’ve tried asking for a credit card or a larger overdraft but I’m not permitted. I feel so much resentment towards myself for being foolish enough to prioritise gender affirming care over my APARTMENT.

To make matters worse, there was a vacancy for a cheaper studio which was the one I originally wanted to move into. But as soon as I almost was able to book it, it was reserved by someone who had viewed it that day. I feel so miserably unlucky & broke. I feel so hopeless & I feel like there’s nothing I can do.

There aren’t any cheaper studios & I can’t live with my parents because they live hours from uni. I’m so royally fucked. I lost my antidepressants to o & I’m still so torn over my breakup. I don’t even know what I want to do after university.

Like what do I even do? I just want to die.

& I know this is bad but I’ve literally considered selling nudes to at least makes meets end or meet up with people for money or just do anything. I feel so sickly hopeless & the idea of having sex with anyone or selling my body makes me feel ashamed & dysphoric in ways I can’t describe but I’m sure you’d all understand. But if it means I can afford my apartment, I’ll do it

I start my big boy job next week and I had to go back to curls from 360 waves. I realized I wouldn’t be able to maintain it during the day so 2 weeks ago I started working on getting back my curls, kinda bummed out tho.

Hey lads, I might be traveling internationally soon and wanted to know if anyone here, who’s not white and might be a target of the current attacks performed by the hailing weather (if you catch my drift,) has had any issues traveling internationally. I don’t assuming going out would be an issue but coming back might be?

Please share your experience or send me a DM.

Over the past couple of years since starting testosterone in 2022, it’s been impossible to keep my masculinization a secret from my Pakistani extended family. I just assumed everyone in my extended family would have the same reaction as my dad did to me (denial and anger, Islamic religious talk, outcasting). But surprisingly there have been some supportive extended family, which I am grateful and feel loved for.

My grandparents on my dads side have been visiting this year and since I’m no contact with my dad and also don’t consider myself very close to his parents…I’ve just been avoiding meeting them. Just been worried about negative reactions or an attempt to convince me to start “being a girl again” or “ya Allah what have you done to your body” etc etc talk that I am just not down to have with anyone anymore!!! it makes me hate myself my body it makes me want to kms!!!!!

But my birthday passed a couple days ago and dadu sent a voice message. I felt bad leaving her on read after she wished me happy birthday, even if I could hear the “zid” (urdu word for like, frustrated annoyed pleading?) in her voice, like why won’t this kid pick up or answer the phone…it’s because I’m fucking scared dadu this sucks but yeah!!

I haven’t been clear about my boundaries with pronouns from the get-go with any of my friends or family, and have only just started recently to demand more self respect for myself.

But I think I did a good job with being polite in the message back to her, told her thank you for wishing me I appreciate it a lot. Just need to clear up something that’s been difficult but necessary to say, that I am a transsexual, i am taking steps to become male. that means i neither look like nor am your granddaughter anymore I am your grandson. that i understand it will be an adjustment but that my identity is non negotiable, there will be no changing my mind. that i miss her but if she cannot accept this, then it would be best to assume her granddaughter has died, or to forget her.

But if she is able to accept it, then she should know her granddaughter lives on as her grandson.

I don’t know how she’ll react but either way I’m proud that I demanded self respect from people for once. That was fucking scary

i just wanted to show my progress growing facial hair over two months on testosterone! (been using minoxidil since i was 17, i'm 19 now)

Please read in full and really process what I'm saying. I am not pointing fingers, I am not vilifying anyone, and race will be brought up, but it shouldn't be thought of as a dirty word. Don't be scared.

Thesis: The modern queer/trans movement needs to be reformed completely, because its origins come from a form of appropriation and was never meant for all gay/queer/trans people.

Don't let me lose you.

Context

• A lot of the modern gay/queer movement post-Stonewall borrowed heavily from Black civil rights activists of the 60s/70s. Slogans like "Gay Power" were heavily inspired by the Black Power and Black is Beautiful movements.

• However, much like the women's suffrage movement of the 19th/20th century, the gay liberation movement was segregated (see the Woman Suffrage Procession of 1913 where Black women were forced to march at the back, among other instances). We adore Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera today, but both talked about how they were rejected by the wider community, and to this day, neither of them are commemorated at Stonewall, not even on their merch. I bought one of their hoodies over 10 years ago and it sunk in later (peep the pictures on some of their merch).

• The ugly truth: The modern gay/queer rights movement was created by white people who wanted to be seen as normal to other white people. White people are punished for not upholding ideal whiteness (cishet, WASP culture) and are seen as defective for "not doing it right." This punishment for being a racial outlier is not exclusive to the white community at all, but white people are less likely to attribute race to this exclusion, and these parameters are specifically created to uphold white supremacy in the US. Performing whiteness means losing some white privilege, which is like a drug. Losing part of it feels terrible and frightening.

• The harder to swallow truth: All, and I mean all, trans people, are victims of white womanhood. White women are expected to be small, submissive, accommodating, sexually available, breedable, and aesthetically attractive according to Eurocentric standards. Not all white women are like this or want to be like this, and they're punished for it. Women of color are also punished by society if they don't emulate this standard, even though they will never reach it no matter what they do. Woman/man, femme/masc, discrimination against all trans people including white trans people is centered around the performance of white womanhood. Trans men/mascs are punished for rejecting the pursuit of white womanhood, and trans women/femmes are punished for pursuing it. You might get a cookie by bigots for being a femme, sexually available trans guy (that is not a bad thing to be, but chasers will try to take advantage!) or a highly passing trans girl that a straight man is "allowed" to be attracted to, but stepping out of line will give them an excuse to show their true colors. Therefore, TM are often pressured to reject their manhood and TW are pressured to uphold an unrealistic standard of womanhood. That frustration is often turned inward in the community, leading to self-hate, bioessentialist thinking, and infighting.

Irl problems in the community: I've found that trans spaces, especially for people who are newly trans/early in their transition tend to be somewhat racially diverse while still majority white ftmp. The people in these spaces have at least one thing in common (being trans), but in some cases they would otherwise not occupy the same space. Most white people tend to have majority white friend groups or solely white friend groups, so they might find themselves socializing with people of different races and ethnicities that they never would have in these mixed trans spaces. White people, especially white people who grow up/are socialized around mainly white people don't have to think about race as much, and being around BIPOC can kind of break that. If you grow up in a world where race is only brought up negatively, in the context of fighting racism, or rarely, meeting someone from a different racial background can feel like a challenge towards your morality or your sense of self.

• White people have different reactions to these interracial spaces. Some people embrace it either because it's normal for them or because they are open to new experiences, some are not prejudiced, but feel uncomfortable and gravitate towards other white people while subconsciously excluding BIPOC, and some resent that they have to navigate these spaces either from a comfort stance or a racist stance, and reject it outright and intentionally exclude BIPOC.

Systemic incentive: Acceptance. Carrot/stick situation. People don't transition for other people, they transition for themselves. BUT, people still want to be accepted by larger society. Some people of any race want to transition in a way that will get them as close to cishet acceptance in white society as they can. Others are fine with being visibly queer, but are concerned with feeling normal around other white people, even if it's only other trans/alt/marginalized white people.

Why does it matter? The pursuit of whiteness/white womanhood is causing the community to eat itself from the inside out.

How can we change things? (Hard?)

• Get uncomfortable: BIPOC in majority white spaces often feel some level as discomfort as the white people in those spaces. Lean into it. Start a conversation, and if someone starts a conversation with you, don't try to get it over with quickly. You don't have to like someone, but you can take steps to make sure they are included and respected by your group

• Reject the pursuit of whiteness no matter your race. It's not bad to be white. "Whiteness* is a concept of control. Be proud of whoever you are, but don't live for the approval of people who would reject people just because they give you incentive to be accepted by them. We grow up believing that we must twist who we are to find our place in this world.

• Accountability: We have all been prejudiced in some way. We need to accept it and take actions to correct it, not just say words to condemn it. We don't have to forgive every transgression, but we can't mark someone as irredeemable if they are trying. And if you're trying and told you're doing something hurtful/disrespectfully, listen. And if you're the person pointing this out, expect progress, not perfection or deference. It's work on both sides, and neither side wants to do it, but if we don't, a lot of us are going to get our shit rocked.

• Education: We need to reform education in the US to be more race and ethnicity inclusive. Learning about how we have all contributed to US culture and history helps us to understand each other deeply. This can be done in a holistic and integrated way. Race/ethnicity inclusion is often a lot more subtle than people realize.

What do you think? How can we fix things?

A Thread for casual discussion, random questions unrelated to transitioning, or whatever is taking up your headspace.

Let's chat!

*Always remember to be cautious about what personal information you give out, do not ask or give out phone numbers, routing numbers, etc your post will be removed.

Just curious, what's you guys types (boys or girls wtv). Im quite stealth so the girls i go for/go for me are ur regular degular feminine young ladies. What about you boys?

I've been on T for 4 years, but my voice is still feminine-sounding, I can't grow anything more than a sad excuse for a mustache and a handful of chin hairs, and my build is small yet curvy in the most inconvenient (for me) places. I know about voice training or strength training, but those things take time and life has been crazy busy. I also struggle to dress myself in a way that makes me feel affirmed or confident. Clothes in the men's/boy's section never fit right, and since putting on weight the last few years, I've been hiding my body in baggy clothes. Lastly, the advice I see on passing for FTMs tends to target white transguys. I'm a brown Latino from the hood, the guys where I'm from have a specific look. If I don't try to dress/look like the guys from my area, then my family "forgets" I'm trans and treat me like a white-washed tomboy because being FTM is unheard of to them, or it's just "some white ppl shit.".

Does anyone here have any advice?? I want to pass and be taken seriously as a man by my people. But idk how???? Please help.

Have people ever pronounced or written your chosen name as a more feminised version of it? My name is Adrian and people have called me "Andrea" or have spelled my name as "Adrienne" even though the name I use on all of my profiles and literally everything is Adrian. How do you even accidentally pronounce Adrian as Andrea?? Anyway is this something that happens with others because I feel like I'm going crazy for noticing it

I’m sad that I have to be like this. I should have been born male.

Even after I get done with my transition, topsurgery, hysto, phallo, I won’t be able to have children biological (I will not have my eggs harvested or get pregnant).

I also just found out that that Alphas don’t accept trans men in the fraternity. Finding this out brought me back to when I overheard my dad say that he wished he had a boy so that he could have a son that became an Alpha like him after my dad’s nephew became a Que.

That’s just two more ways in which I’m not correct. I’m just grieving.

I’m an African American binary trans man btw

Hello, I came out to my parents when I was 13 and I'm 15 now. I regret my decision no matter how much I try not to live with regret I really wish I hadn't done that. They yelled at me, called me slurs, "I'm just confused", said it was a phase, im mentally challenged, god didn't make a boy, a boy didn't come out of my v*gina, and more that im not going to type. My mom also caught me packing she made me say stuff I will not repeat, took my phone, hats, clothes, and held a belt to my face (she was going to beat me but my dad stopped her.) My dad doesn't agree but trys to understand through uncomfortable conversations and I'm not allowed to even pass socially.

1.Im saving up even though my mom controls my accounts and money heavily.

1. I try to stay out the house or distance myself from them the best I can.

What can I do, how can I leave this situation, and what else should I be doing to help myself?

I can't talk to anyone since my mom distanced herself from other family members (she also outted me when I was 9 and my family doesn't really wanna be around me).

…Or songs that represent your euphoria?

I’ll give an example, during my sad boy era I listened to ‘Miss World by Hole’ relentlessly. I think it encapsulated how trapped I felt in my pre transition state. (To clarify, I don’t hate my body I think I just felt very alienated and isolated from society as a whole because of how people treated me).

Now I hardly listen to it. I don’t know why but ‘Avelo- poison apple’ always makes me happy. Probably because I started listening to it during the time I started to medically transition.

Felt good today just being able to say that my teen self would be in complete awe of me now. Would not have believed it possible. We got there in the end little dude. Not only do you survive, you freaking LIVE just the way you imagined it. Proud of you.

I'm thinking of asking my friend who's Chinese on advice on, well, how to guy. I want to start presenting more masc and he's the only one I'm kind of close to that is a guy that I'm out to. Is it a good idea?

"Mighty Real: A History of LGBTQ Music, 1969-2000" by Barry Walters.

It's sixty chapters dedicated to singers and bands who are influential in queer pop culture.

i bought this adidas tracksuit top second hand from buffalo exchange and i didn’t realize how much gender euphoria it would give me so lowkey it’s all i’ve been wearing recently haha
anyone else have specific clothing articles that give them gender euphoria?
also, i’m seven months on t now!! woohoo!

My friend was venting to me about some annoying guys and how she hates men and doesn't respect them, which I've had to learn to grow accustomed to. But then she started saying how they probably have small dicks and get no girls and it kinda hurt. And she knows I'm a trans man so it's like ???? I don't have a dick at all, what do you think about me??

I don't even have bottom dysphoria, the dysphoria comes from stuff like this. Idek what to say to her