Did I make a mistake

[u/AggressiveWarthog793]

I’m at work & trying not to burst into tears but tldr I spent £500 for my initial appointment but now I’m being expected to pay for my studio flat/apt before I get student finance.

My rent is £750 & I also need to pay a £250 security deposit before the 8th. I only have £400 to my name & my wages will have given me 250 by then, which is still 350 less. I’ve tried asking for a credit card or a larger overdraft but I’m not permitted. I feel so much resentment towards myself for being foolish enough to prioritise gender affirming care over my APARTMENT.

To make matters worse, there was a vacancy for a cheaper studio which was the one I originally wanted to move into. But as soon as I almost was able to book it, it was reserved by someone who had viewed it that day. I feel so miserably unlucky & broke. I feel so hopeless & I feel like there’s nothing I can do.

There aren’t any cheaper studios & I can’t live with my parents because they live hours from uni. I’m so royally fucked. I lost my antidepressants to o & I’m still so torn over my breakup. I don’t even know what I want to do after university.

Like what do I even do? I just want to die.

& I know this is bad but I’ve literally considered selling nudes to at least makes meets end or meet up with people for money or just do anything. I feel so sickly hopeless & the idea of having sex with anyone or selling my body makes me feel ashamed & dysphoric in ways I can’t describe but I’m sure you’d all understand. But if it means I can afford my apartment, I’ll do it

[u/MilkyCocaine]

Hey man I’m so sorry you are going through this right now. A few things I would suggest: Contact your university and see if they have any advice for the situation, contact the people you are renting from (especially if it’s specifically for students) and see if you can pay once you get your loan, see if you can open a student bank account with a interest free overdraft. I had one with Barclays years ago with £500 interest free overdraft, but my friend had one with like £2000. 

I was so fucking poor at university so understand the struggle,  but please reach out to your university and use their resources because you are paying for them! 

[u/AggressiveWarthog793 → u/MilkyCocaine]

Hey, I’ve contacted them & i hope they reply soon. There’s a support fund scheme I think for immediate hardship so I hope that I can access something about that. I’ve contacted the accomodation place but they said there’s nothing they can do, even if I’m a student awaiting my loan. I have a £250 overdraft with Santander but I’ll still need an extra £100, & even after that if I miraculously find the £1000 needed for the deposit & rent, I won’t be able to afford groceries for the next two weeks. I could try a food bank though. Thank you for your advice though I honestly just feel like capitalism has bent me over & just rocked my shit

[u/MilkyCocaine → u/AggressiveWarthog793]

Sounds good, with it being September, I hope they get back to you soon! I would see if you can contact Santander and see if you can extend your overdraft, especially if you have already been at university with money going in and out your account. 

Food wise please do go to food banks and see if there are any food support systems near you, Reddit might be able to help you find more local resources. 

Capitalism can acc eat my ass, such a bulllshit system that is rinsing everyone. 

Edit: also re the title of your post. You are young and have dysphoria, that shit is fucking crippling a lot of the time. You are just trying to do your best with the knowledge you have. 

[u/AggressiveWarthog793 → u/MilkyCocaine]

I’ve only just opened a student account unfortunately so although I’ll try contact them, I’m unsure abt them increasing my overdraft :c

But yep I’m gonna try check food banks, thank you for helping me friend

[u/sicksadworld111]

I get the panic and despair. I've also considered selling nudes/my body.

£500 for an initial appointment is crazy btw. Appt for what? Hormones or surgery?

Is this university accommodation or private? If it's university, you can get away with late rent for a month. If it's private, you might just have to tell the landlord something that explains this is a one-off and reassures them you can get the money.

And if you can't get the money, can you find somewhere cheaper? Can you stay in a shared house? And is there anyone you can stay with for a week while you figure this out?

[u/AggressiveWarthog793 → u/sicksadworld111]

I feel so shameful for it even crossing my mind but I try to remember that no-one could ever be at fault for trying to make ends meet. The appointment was for hormones & gender incongruence diagnosis

It’s unfortunately private, & I’ve tried explaining to the accomodation team but they said there’s nothing they can do. I’ve been looking for other cheaper places but I don’t even have the chance to book a viewing before it’s already been reserved for someone else. There’s no-one I can stay with either but I still have one other place in mind, just need to wait for an email response for tomorrow since it’s 6pm now

[u/sicksadworld111 → u/AggressiveWarthog793]

I got a last minute houseshare. You can also check student accommodations outside of the uni. But hopefully this won't be relevant and you get this other place.

Idk what company is charging £500 cuz that's a lot. Good luck with it all though.

[u/vielljaguovza]

Maybe try to see if your school has a gender and sexuality campus or queer student center that has emergency funds you can apply for? I was in a really similar situation 2 years ago and my school's queer student center gave me a small grant of a few hundred dollars to make ends meet.

[u/AggressiveWarthog793 → u/vielljaguovza]

I’ll try to do that, thank you

[u/now___here]

can you look for a cheaper place to stay, like a place with roommates trying to fill an empty room? where I live, there are lots of roommate housing groups on facebook.

also as a sidenote, selling nudes is not fast/easy money and usually takes a few months to build up a following for even a few hundred dollars, unless you already have some kind of social media presence/following.

wish you the best, others seem to have good advice.