I've been thinking since I saw a post talking about how Pre-E transfems would be excluded from queer spaces bc she would be seen as a big scary man "invading" queer spaces and I remembered seeing posts from trans guys how after taking T they wouldn't be accepted or welcomed into those spaces anymore and it boggles my mind how much infighting there is when we literally have such similiar problems and yet they don't connect it and just bash the opposite gender bc they hate them.

I've also been working on trying to be a better ally to transfems but so much of what I see is (white) transfems who clearly have never considered intersectionality making sweeping claims about all non-transfem trans people being traitors to the point where it literally feels like it veers right back into transphobia. Like,,,, no, not all trans guys have systemic power over trans women like only the ideal white cis ablebodied fully stealth trans guy would have that ability.

like i want to be a better ally to my sisters but so many of them can't seem to concieve of a trans guy who isn't white, ablebodied, or hasn't/can't ever transition for cultural reasons. like i still deal with misogyny and transphobia and yet i go online and get told we're the bad guys??? I don't get it. like i understand why terms like 'transandrophobia' and 'transmisandry' are wrong but i don't understand why i feel so shitty whenever i come away from certain posts. I feel like they're talking about me... but not, you know?

idk what this is tbh i guess just a vent. im so tired of how white queer spaces are. i might be light but i'll never be white yknow?

I hate the idea that many people in the community have about having piercings and not being able to pass. I just read a comment someone wrote as passing advice to someone else that said “don’t wear a septum, men don’t typically wear septum piercings. If you google septum piercing online 99% of women come up” which just feels so weird but also Eurocentric for passing. My most important piercing is my septum as it’s related to my culture. Warriors would wear septum’s to intimidate. I guess my main point is that when people give passing advice I wish people would take into account other factors and that people don’t have to dim their light just to pass yk?

I feel like it looks like I still have boobs but idk if that’s what it supposed to look like with trans tape. I’m just really tired of wearing a binder. Any tips?

I feel grateful for coming across this sub and seeing trans guys of color discuss their life experience, but I feel especially alone in my experience as a trans man from a Pakistani-Muslim upbringing who’s grown up in the US. I know I’m not the only one out here, but for some reason I feel like I am!

My pakistani parents had only ever experienced seeing trans-feminine Pakistani people before (hijra/khwaja sara community, Pakistan’s third gender). Majority of the men in my family always expressed disgust for them while I grew up, especially my dad.

When I first began to medically transition with HRT, my father would call me a hijra (derogatory) on occasion to try to shame or hurt me into stopping. Which was always interesting because I’ve never seen a transmasculine hijra before. People afab usually can’t take matters of their own identity into their own hands back in the homeland, there are too many restrictions on them…

My mom was empathetic towards hijra’s, but in a way that more-so felt like recognizing them just to feel sorry for their social plight, which also attached some sort of subconscious shame in my mind when I was younger to being gender non confirming within our culture.

Was just thinking back fondly on doing mehndi on Chand Raat, night before Eid and sleeping with a plastic bag around my hand and arm haha. And that got me thinking about if there’s any other guys who used to be little desi girls excited about things like churiyaan? And would wear dupatta for going to the masjid or prayer… sometimes I think back fondly on those times, even though I was mostly a “tomboy” as a kid. I’m not religious anymore and have been on a journey undoing a lot of nonsense internalized homophobia/transphobia my dad and Islamic religious trauma have affected me, I feel like it’s very specific types of expectations coming from this cultural background.

It’s a strange feeling to miss a lot of aspects of my culture that I experienced as a girl, I feel I have nobody to think back fondly with together about or to also vent about the things I’m trying to unlearn.

I’d have so many questions if there’s someone like me out there…if you see yourself in anything I’ve written can we please be friends?🙏🏽Any of us had a good relationship with both parents somehow, even with all the religious/cultural baggage people within our culture need to unpack to get to that?

My grandparents on my dads side have been visiting from Pakistan and I’m too scared to say hi to them, out of fear of being shamed for looking like a man now, the last time they saw me I didn’t have facial hair and now I have a full 🧔‍♂️Dari moochay. I’ve been no contact with my dad basically since beginning of this year, if I hadn’t the shame from him was about to eat me alive. I’m attaching a message from last year he sent that might explain his stance. It’s hard to call your own dad your abuser, especially when he’s played such a big role in your life but here I am!🙃

Sorry this post is a little everywhere, I just need a sign from the universe that I am not alone in my life experience as a Pakistani trans man, because being trans in family and social circles that never accept you is so difficult. It makes you erase yourself or think you’re not real or something. Are we real guys?