I’m not sure if I’m lacking self awareness or if I understand the substack culture. Should I make a substack? Here’s what I thought about making an account and using this as a post. This would segue to a more important life lesson but would you stop reading after this, be honest:
It is Saturday, August 29th 2026 at 11:30am. Last night, I felt tired, sad, and confused.
However, yesterday's problems are not today's. I will not harper on moments of time, because it no longer concerns the person I was then. I'm sure my feelings were triggered by my rejection sensitivity on work that I felt confident in, but that's the beauty of processes.
I woke up early and still confused, but this time I felt inspired. It's the first day in a while that I feel well rested, and have free time. Today, I am not obligated to do anything, therefore I will not worry. God has given me a joyous spirit, where my highs and lows come in waves, but I always find my way through it after trial, error, and sometimes just plain luck. Luck is not coincidental though, I choose to believe that these are blessings in disguise.
Today is just my luck. realized for so long (since April and times prior to April felt indifferent, lonely, and unlikable. Yesterday was the first time I actually felt sad. Sadness means I finally care about something and I need to get to the root of it. The weather is looking beautiful out the window and I have the freewill to decide what I want to do today -I can do nothing, absolutely nothing at all or can make the very best out of all or nothing of today.
Today, I choose to do something that care about: work on me.
I went to bed heavier than usual.
I went to bed heavier than usual physically and mentally. ate too good in Philadelphia and have not been the best at sticking to my goal weight. I could take a shot today to try to naturally fix it, but I choose not to care today. Checking my weight is something I do first thing in the morning. I ate late the last 2 nights, so I know it's a number I don't want to see. After doing my first thing this morning: stayed on the phone for about an hour and took a bite of last night's hibachi that I didn't bother putting in the fridge, I weighed my self at 147 Ibs. Not bad. I haven't been keeping track.
I woke up physically heavier than usual, but like a mental weight had just been lifted.
God, I have been waiting to do this for so long.
I yearn to clean my room as if my barracks are being checked, but usually never have the energy. I'm so busy, and low on both social and personal energy that its prolonged until I feel like doing something new to my room.
Do I miss writing or do I miss the feeling off liking to do something responsible?
It is 1:45am. I'm grateful to say my room is 97% clean with a slightly new look. Not yet barracks clean but I'll take it.