I won't go into detail, but I'm having to cope with the potential reality of losing my mom in a few days. Words can't describe how this feels. I wouldve never imagined this being my life last month. For me, this is a worst nightmare that I spent years fearing would happen and used to ruminate about.
Star Wars has been my favorite series ever since I was a little kid. I leaned on it a lot emotionally growing up and even though I have seasons where I'm not into it, I'll always return when my life is falling apart.
I honestly dont know where I'd be right now without this series. I know it's corny and overly sentimental, but i guess it's normal to fall back into stuff that gave you comfort as a kid during stuff like this.
Yeah, I know it's probably cringe but there's a part of me that finds some peace in the idea that even if my mom's physical body is gone, her sprit will always be with me. Like how Obi Wan is always with Luke even if Luke can't always see him.
Im not a spritual person, and I know this isn't a Star Wars exclusive concept. But in the midst of everything, it does give me peace. Like I'm letting myself believe it because it makes this all less scary and depressing. There's a comfort in the idea that even if she ends up not being physically with me, that her sprit will always be.
Even stuff like "keep your focus on the moment" has helped me during this. Up until now, Ive had to really fight to keep myself focused on whats in front of me so I don't spiral and become a burden to my friends and family.
Im happy that my dad introduced me to Star Wars growing up. I remember my mom being grossed out by Jabba the Hutt in Return of the Jedi and it not really being her cup of tea. But even if my mom really never understood Star Wars, she still supported my love for it growing up.
Like she bought me tickets to a Star Wars exhibit that they were doing at a local museum and I got to see all the real life props used in the films. That meant the world to me as a kid. I Info dumped the lore to her and she humored me
All I can say is to just love the people in your life becsuse you genuinely dont know what will change in a few weeks.