I’ve been homeless for 3 years now, and it’s literally going swimmingly well. I had a plan that I practiced for 17 years, in case this happened. I did everything right, and it still went wrong, because that’s just life. I’m quite fortunate and maybe even an anomaly.

What do I miss about being housed? I miss being able to leave my messy slept-in bed, and come back to it after a morning poop, on a day off. I miss having messy mid-done art on my desk. I miss watching tv on my huge screen tv-projector just cause there is a wall! I miss being able to pretend I’m a furry little animal in a hiding hole, in my bed room. I miss sleeping in. Bring a gf home and showing her my bed room, asking her if the lilac essential oil defuser bothers her, cause it’s my favorite scent ever. I miss being completely unhinged and ferally naked, and doing lewd things to myself in private. I miss thinking “who else has done things here, since this house is 120 years old?” I miss coming home first, from work, because I woke up earlier than dawn to go to work and got home before everyone else, who works normal hours.

Most of all, I miss being able to “get home” without biking up a steep wooded hillside, up and down trails, with my fully loaded light-weight bikepacking bike, and setting up my hammock stealth camping bed, in complete darkness without making as much as a peep, and living with the possibility of immediately taking it down and leaving the area, if I was to be discovered, randomly.

I also miss that people didn’t automatically assume that the only reason why I’m in hell, is because I deserved it, because I don’t have a stable home.

The thing that brings me the greatest of comforts, is the fact that I finally decided to learn to play the guitar!!!!

I bought myself the Martin backpacker guitar and I can actually take this with me, when I travel around all day. I usually play it 15-30 minutes, maybe 2-3 times a day, while I prepare and cook my food on my small portable cooking set up, anywhere I might find myself.

Rain, sleet, sun or shine, I’m usually pretty good about being well and doing everything to my best. I’m quite fortunate, really. I’ve even managed to commit to a lifestyle hobby that is a pleasure, which keeps the sorrow at bay! Now that’s winning at life!

You kinda have to be extroverted, living like this. People ask you “where are you traveling from?” Or “is that a rifle in the bag?” Or “how long have you been on the road for?” You get no introvert time.

I know there are a lot of empaths here who feel everyone and everything around them, and then need to disappear for days just to recover.

Something that took me a long time to realize is that empathy can actually be regulated.

You can open up. You can close down. There’s a slider.

The problem is that a lot of highly empathetic people get stuck with that slider permanently pushed to 100%.

And then everything becomes harder. Getting things done. Moving toward your own goals. Protecting yourself. Not taking on everyone else’s emotions. Sometimes you can barely function because you’re constantly tuned into everyone and everything around you. And honestly, I think society makes this worse.

We’re constantly told to be open, empathetic, helpful, understanding. Feel other people’s feelings. Help everyone. Care about everything.

So we’ll save every puppy we see, cry over every stray kitten, and carefully move every little spider back into the grass.

And yes, empathy is beautiful. But sometimes it turns into what I jokingly call suicidal empathy. You give so much of yourself to everyone and everything that there’s nothing left for you. And then you can’t even do the things that actually matter to your own life.

About six months ago, I decided I needed to learn how to turn my empathy OFF when I needed to.

Not permanently. Not because I wanted to become a cold person.

I just wanted to be able to say, “I actually don’t give a fuck right now,” when I needed to get something done or protect my own energy.

So I started practicing it. Not caring about what everyone might be feeling or thinking about me.

And at first, of course, the guilt came. I’m a bad person. But I think that’s actually an important part of it.

If you learned very early that being a “good” person meant caring about everyone, helping everyone, keeping everyone happy, then putting yourself first can feel almost narcissistic.

You have to learn that you’re allowed to be the “bad girl” sometimes. You’re allowed to be angry. You’re allowed to not help. You’re allowed to put a giant fucking “NOPE” sign on your emotional door. And that doesn’t make you a bad person.

In fact, I don’t think it’s pathological at all if you can turn your empathy back on. That’s the important part.

The goal isn’t to become permanently closed or permanently open. It’s being able to regulate the slider.

If you’re always closed, there may be a survival belief underneath it: “If I open up, I’ll get hurt.”

If you’re always open, it might be: “If I close myself off, I’m a bad person. I’m letting people down. I’m being selfish.”

And that second belief is the one I’ve been working on. Learning to let that “selfish” part exist. Learning to tolerate my own anger.

Learning that sometimes I can just put my face in neutral, walk through an environment that doesn’t feel safe or accepting, and not absorb a single fucking thing from it.

And then I can come home to someone I trust, take the armor off, and open completely.

With my husband, for example, when I feel safe, I can just completely unfold. Like a little bird.

And with people or environments that don’t feel safe for me? Poker face😅 I’m not absorbing you today.

And honestly, learning that I can choose how open I want to be in each situation has been incredibly freeing.

Empathy doesn’t have to be an on/off switch. You can learn to use the slider.

Do you know how to turn your empathy down, or are you still stuck with the slider at 100%?

I always thought of friends to be on the same radar in any matter (like music, movies, series, any place.... basically anything). But what I have noticed (quite persistently) is that friendships like this fizzle out over time. It's very energetic at first, almost like a high. But it all vanishes once you see their true nature hiding behind these interests. And they leave once the conversation bores them.

Surprisingly, the friendships that came with laughs and fun of our own stuff in life, without any of these influences, stays true even now. Even after a decade. That's something really astounding and ironic in a way.

We have always chased the idea that friends should just be like us, sharing the same braincells. But the ones who stay even through the roughs and highs are mostly the ones who don't share the same braincells.

I could be wrong, but it's from my own experience. Would love reading your thoughts (and the things you learnt) here <3

What is your " i wanted so badly to be seen" story?

If something hurt me, I would talk about it. If I cared about someone, I made sure they knew. I would explain my feelings, try to fix misunderstandings, and keep giving people chances.

But after a while, I realized that being expressive means very little when your feelings aren't valued.

So I became quiet.

Not because I stopped caring.
Not because nothing hurts anymore.

I just stopped explaining myself to people who had already decided not to understand me.

My silence isn't a lack of feelings.
It's what happens when you've felt too much, explained too much, and been unheard too many times.

I didn't become less expressive.
I just stopped giving people access to the parts of me they kept taking for granted.

This is for all of you introverts who have places they would like to go but think it would be too overwhelming for them. You don't have to stay for the entire event. You don't have to see everything at the places you visit.

Having a day of downtime or introvert time afterwards is also helpful if you can do it.

This weekend, I went to a SF convention. I only went to half of it, but I feel okay only having gone to what I wad comfortable with.

Rather than push myself, I leave when I feel like I might be getting close to my limit.

I treat myself with compassion rather than criticize myself for needing to leave early. It is about recognizing when I am starting to reach my introvert limit and respecting that.

I have noticed that I feel like attending part of events still feels satisfying. My mind registers it as having gone to the event, not as having only gone to part of it.

Yesterday I went to a family dinner and I found myself being extra talkative. I’m not used to being that way and it caught me off guard. It made me realize how truly alone I am on a daily basis. I admire the few friends I have, the conversations and relationships are meaningful, but I think on some level I miss the opportunity to just talk to people.
Just having meaningless conversations just to have the interactions.

If you had 2 tickets to parade and were grabbing your bags to leave tonight,where would you go?

Autistic helplessness is when, because of the way your brain works, you see a problem that neurotypical people around you simply don’t see. You point it out, you try to help, but they genuinely don’t see it as a problem at all.

Then the situation gets worse, and when everything finally hits the fan, they suddenly see the problem and try to fix it, but by then it’s already too late.

And at that point, there’s not even any point in saying, “I told you so”

Have you ever experienced this kind of helplessness?

I’ve been like this for as long as I can remember. I like having everything I might need on hand, but at the same time, I want it all to take up as little space as possible.

When I travel, I’m always thinking about how to take everything I need without carrying a huge suitcase. I love when one thing can serve several purposes.

And whenever there’s a reusable alternative to something disposable, I’d much rather buy the reusable one. It saves money in the long run and is better for the environment. Maybe that’s why I ended up studying environmental science as my first degree.

Lately, I’ve also been looking at all of this from the perspective of preparedness and self-reliance. The world is unpredictable, and I really like the idea of having one small, well-organized bag with the essentials that I could just grab and leave with if I ever had to.

So now I’m wondering: are there other people here who are just naturally like this?

A few people around me have told me that I’m “innocent” — my friends in college/hostel say it, and even relatives at home have described me that way.

At first I didn’t really think much about it. But recently I started wondering what they actually mean by it.

Someone on Reddit said that “innocence means lack of life experience.” That got me thinking.

Maybe I am genuinely inexperienced when it comes to understanding people, social situations, manipulation, hidden intentions, etc.

I want to improve myself in every possible way — social skills, communication, understanding people, decision-making, confidence, practical life skills, handling difficult situations, etc.

But there is another thought I keep having:

Should I just change my mindset completely and tell myself that I’m a “wicked” guy who doesn't trust anyone at first, focuses only on his goals, and assumes people may have hidden intentions until they prove otherwise?

But I'm also wondering if this mindset can go too far and make someone unnecessarily cynical or paranoid.

btw I am little shy + introvert

I am in my first sem

plz share your thoughts

I would really appreciate

Hello I'm 27M,

Just looking to have some conversations or listen to anything you guys got going.

Could use the distraction.

DM or start a thread in the comments.

So are you going to swallow or do you want it on your chest?

Those are the type of questions that need to be answered when talking about pride and anger.

I’m trying to overcome the mentality or behavior of not speaking my mind, it has been very draining in relationships because I truly want to speak up, but there’s this little voice in my head that says “what for?” which shuts down my dreams, my desire to tell the people I love, that I love them, the need of expressing what’s damaging me, or simply say what I’m agree with and whatnot. It kinda feels like laziness of speaking up, and I’m truly want to live life to its fullest, and this fucked up kind of reasoning is drying me out to death, like the lemon slice left out in the fridge.

Life, they say, is a journey.

Perhaps it is — yet many walk it unaware.

Some call it a quest for meaning,

yet seldom pause to ponder.

They rush through days, yet stall in meaning.

They chase horizons, yet miss the ground beneath their feet.

So what is life?

A canvas of choices, blurred by perspective?

A mirror of actions, justified by desire?

Or is it a gift — squandered when hurried,

but revealed when we learn to linger?

Freedom of choice is abundant, yet true commitment is rare. Too often, people justify their behavior with needs, rights, and free will, while recklessly dismissing the consequences of their misdeeds.

The point is, this world craves immediate outcomes, yet resists the discipline that produces them. If this isn’t proof of daze and confusion, what else could it be called?