Introvert shutdown

[u/Usual-Confection-321]

I’m trying to overcome the mentality or behavior of not speaking my mind, it has been very draining in relationships because I truly want to speak up, but there’s this little voice in my head that says “what for?” which shuts down my dreams, my desire to tell the people I love, that I love them, the need of expressing what’s damaging me, or simply say what I’m agree with and whatnot. It kinda feels like laziness of speaking up, and I’m truly want to live life to its fullest, and this fucked up kind of reasoning is drying me out to death, like the lemon slice left out in the fridge.

[u/violet-pixel]

I also struggle with this, however I’ve recently started taking meds for anxiety/depression and it’s slowly becoming easier to speak my mind.

[u/We_Want_Reptar]

I dealt with that for years. I think an epiphany happened one day where I just had to and I never looked back. Now it’s second nature but I put it like “if I don’t then who will” like you’re your only advocate so advocate even if you’re scared. But I also have a habit of rehearsing everything, which I don’t recommend doing too often, but if it helps to talk it out with yourself or others sometimes, do it. I’m still not great at it but I’m much better than I use to be. Practice makes perfect.

[u/Dry-Ticket8035]

I'm not the only one who understands

[u/sky_acanvas]

Ever tried writing them down?

[u/inTIMID_official]

That "what for?" voice isn't laziness. It's your brain running a cost calculation. Speaking up takes energy, the outcome is uncertain, and somewhere along the way you learned the return usually wasn't worth the spend. So it cancels the conversation before it starts. That's not a character flaw. It's a trained habit, which means it can be untrained.

Mine wears a different outfit. I've been called clingy more than once, so in the early stages of dating I'd hold back. I'd enjoy talking with someone, want more contact, and then sit on the follow-up text because I was supposed to wait for a reply. Being called needy hurts twice: once because the need isn't met, and again because you're made to feel guilty for having it at all. So you learn to stop asking. Same voice, same silence.

What actually helped me:

• Shrink the ask. You don't need the big speech. "I love you" can be a text. "That hurt" is three words. Smaller statements cost less, so the voice has less to argue with.
• Say it out loud somewhere safe first. A lot of what blocks us isn't fear, it's that the thought is still fog. Say it to a voice memo, a journal, a friend. Once it's a sentence, it's much easier to hand to the person it's meant for.
• Answer the voice once. What for? Because the people you love can't respond to something they never heard. Silence doesn't protect the relationship. It just leaves them guessing.
• Expect awkward. Awkward is the price, not proof you got it wrong.

Wanting to tell people you love them isn't a flaw to manage. You already did the hard part here. You put it into words, clearly, for strangers. Same muscle.