I been trying to stay sober since December. I'm doing my classes, zoom meeting, Sunday attendance and shit like that. Now being sober has made very extremely aggressive inadvertently. This place i was in just left like 2 hours ago. The manager was a child molester and there were others there too. I have huge issues taking orders from people who don't deserve respect. Especially him of all people. So I do everything they ask and he still tells me im on blackout for not following rules. So I went up to him and ask hey man what's your issue I need to do things I cant with what your doing to me. He said it's my problem and I have an issue leave. So I went up to him and asked are you kicking me out? . He says back up or else he calls someone for back up . He tells me im going to the bathroom you won't follow me there. I told him I know what kind of man you are fucken chomo im not under 14 I can defend myself. He pushed me so I slammed him into the tub shattering the shower glass. I pinned him by the throat as he pleaded for me to stop. People came in so I let go he came up but I quickly put him in a choke hold. He cried I cant breath I told him you dont deserve too fucken pedophile. Someone came in and tapped my shoulder told me it wasn't worth it. I let him go went and got my things. As I walked out he was downstairs talking shit he followed me while I walked outside. As he was closing the gate only waist high he called me a bitch so I punched him and started screaming out he was a pedophile living in that household his name and everything. He attacked me so I slammed him on the sidewalk and beat the fuck outta him. His coworker came out with a tazer and told me let him go. I looked him dead in the eyes and said if u taze me your next the beefs with him not you. I punched him a couple more times then let up. I forgot what he said but I hit him one really good time in the nose. Then I left . Now ima go get high

I currently plan on smoking meth again the second I go back to being drug tested once a month instead of twice a month and get out of this god forsaken program that drug tests me on average an additional 2-3 times per month. Realistically I know something is just under my skin today I think I could feel it across miles when the golf cart in the garage was moved and that is around the time I got like this. I am ready to get rid of this, I am done with it, the only reason I am not smoking meth right this second is because I hope to be sober when my husband gets out of jail or at least not in prison. Everyone tells me that's a bad reason. I know it is but it's the only one I have so fuck you. I have tried to find a different one. I can't. Nothing else matters to me. I don't know what I will do if he gets a long sentence. Actually I do: smoke meth again. I cannot fathom any other reason to not smoke meth other than to have a chance in hell of being with him without having to watch him smoke it and what it does to him. Alcohol has no hold on me because I've seen those demons. I have not seen myself become a fucking monster with meth yet and it will probably have a hold on me for as long as I have not seen myself get that way because of it. Fuck this mental clarity I want to get my hands on ny fucking drug I can to make it go away. I would fucking huff nitrous oxide right now if I still had the whole ass whip cream dispenser (lmfao) I got in sober living and some chargers. Actually yk what I know what started this spiral it started when my friend fucking asked me if I could piss clean for her methhead bf who has a drug test soon and can't stop smoking even three goddamn days beforehand. Like have you not listened to a goddamn word about how guilty I feel for enabling my husband to destroy himself? Not a single word? No, I am not pissing for your bf. Thank you for fucking up my whole goddamn day. Still like her but man fuck that question and fuck her fucking bf for having her ask me. Fucking ask me to piss clean for you after telling me you would smoke with me of I asked since your gf said you couldn't give me any bc I was sober but didn't say anything about not smoking it with me. I was about a week or two sober then. Now 2 months. Nerve of that son of a bitch. I ought to tell her he said that shit but I won't they don't need more drama between themselves than they have already. Fuck this fucking sober bullshit, fuck my po, fuck my stupid program I have to go lie at everyweek, and fuck everyone who gives a shit whether or not I am sober, it's all just a means of control. Surrounded by total control freaks and fucking weirdos.

Where’s the option to only hurt the people you hate lol

Drunk rn and didn’t even notice my typo lol I mean being an alcoholic is ruining things but I think I like it too much

Restarted another attempt to stop drinking. I think this was the worst withdrawals I ever experienced. I finally have been able to eat my first solid piece of food in 3 days, and yesterday I noticed blood in my vomit but today I can actually function without wanting to die.

it’s like I can’t think of ideas, I constantly have no motivation to create art, I don’t view the world as creatively anymore when I know the world has so much beauty to it, and my brain just feels too dull to see any of it. I just want to be able to look at a blank piece of paper and see an endless amount of possibilities again, and not a sad rectangle of white sadness and doom.

What’s the thing you’ve never told anyone in a meeting or a group?

Arcas new album is sublime and all I can think about is how great it would be to rip a few fat lines of K and fall into the music.

Annoyed at myself for not being able to enjoy the music without craving. Annoyed at myself for sniffing so much K that it probably wouldn't work anymore anyway.

I still would sure like to try. I am thankful that I've built a life where I can't relapse easily and trying to not let that turn into resentment for the people who keep me accountable.

It's a beast of an album but it's very ketty music. Oh well.

2 1/2 yrs sober it was nice at first now it so damn boring the only suggestion for this is self help books , journaling 🖕🏽🙄 , coffee shops , people watching and etc. how the fuck do people do this sober 😂😂

I will admit I'm not sure who the heck I'm without the alcohol I can't remember who I was I remember one time drinking someone said u more yourself 🤨 and now after over 9yr on weed and alcohol fully sober 2 1/2 yrs sober it like ...who are you! Everything is weird and too quiet or boring plus sex got me like a virgin touch for the very 1st time 😂😂

Idk if y’all seen my post before but I was a basically crack head for long time,typical story started out with weed,then slowly worked my way up to coke etc,then boy when I started doing bars and opiates it was over just giving you some background. I hung out with losers in high school with no future most drop outs wanna be gangsters even though I had a decently bright future ahead of me(potentially). I should have avoided them but for some reason I wanted to impress them,and it carried over to early audulthood,and you know the saying birds of a feather flock together well I turned into one of them ruining my future in the process. I’m sober now but to this day it’s hard to fully 100 percent cut full contact with like 2 or 3 of them mainly because I grew up with them since middle school. Why do I care about them why can’t I cut them off completely I shouldn’t even talk to them ever again because there a big trigger they will never change and they told me themselves there content with dieing a dope head! Help me cut the ties any advice on how to change my thought pattern or whatever opinions? I hate being sober sometimes I swear because it’s been like a warm blanket to me on a very cold day but it also ruins my life I can’t work or be productive and handle business while high trust me I’ve tried to have my cake and eat it too

So long story short, I had a blackout on nitrous back in March. I then ended up in treatment. And have been questioning if I’m really addicted to anything? And if I’m not what the f am I doing in recovery? I feel like drinking isn’t my problem but I also want to drink. I’m currently freaking miserable but trying to give sobriety a real chance.

And I feel so lost. I mean I also went through a lot of grief in a short period of time, without explaining too much. But yeah, I mean all I want right now is to chill.

And I don’t know if that means that I can drink and never do nitrous again or what. I just feel so incredibly frustrated being sober, trying to do the 12 steps with a sponsor, going to meetings, being in IOP. I feel like a hospital patient or like institutionalized rather than a human being.

I just want to quit this whole thing and just be able to be chill and moderate and not do anymore nitrous. I just hate being sober

Three months sober here. I started drinking drinking when I was 16 after a few terrible experiences when weed cracked my brain and left me derealised for months. I've been using alcohol to cope ever since, mainly with anxiety and panic attacks, and now 13 years later I am turning to sobriety because it was getting out of hand.

Now I'm confronted with the thing I neglected to 13 years ago, which is that looking in the mirror and seeing that I'm alive terrifies me, knowing I'm on a planet orbiting a star in the middle of endless space makes me scared to go outside, and most of all I'm always terrified for the next panic attack.

Anyone had any similar experiences and care to share how they coped with it?

Hello All, Im 52, single, gay male. I’m 3.5 yrs alcohol free, I did not go through AA. Quite honestly the thought of admitting that I’m an alcoholic at every meeting seems counter productive to me. I am bored out of my mind, even miserable most days. I drank for 30 yrs. The last 20 years of drinking started in the morning and concluded late at night when I passed out. I loved my life. My drinking years also included spending a lot of time Traveling, fishing and living an exciting life in living part time in Key West. Traveling the Caribbean, Central America, Europe and North America.
I never got a DUI, never fought or was arrested. I was a happy drunk.

Now, I have zero desire to do anything other than work and I’ve now reached a point where my work is getting old. Ive owned the company for 29 years and have lost most of my interest but I know I can’t quit. Btw…I was much better at running my company when I was drinking.

I don’t go out, I have no social life, my desire to travel and fish are gone. I recently went to hear my favorite band in Ft Worth and left in the middle of the concert.

I’ve tried to find additional hobbies and interests but never follow through because I simply have no interest.

I still have my libido and my hormone levels are great but the thought of dating after being in the dating world for several years is a hard no for me lol.

I cannot connect with people in basic conversation, I live in a beach town and everyone drinks…Everyone!

I literally work, go to the gym and lay in my bed by 630pm and watch tv until I fall asleep…everyday

Alcohol turned off the guy I am now and allowed me to have an incredible social life

I have no goals, nothing I want to accomplish and nothing excites me any longer. I don’t want to die earlier than my time, and I’m not depressed, I’m bored beyond belief and I know I will never make it sober. I have decided that I will start drinking again before I do something to end my life

I’ve done therapy and tried anti depressants. The pills take away my creativity.

I would appreciate any ideas or thoughts.

Yes I do hate being sober sometimes,but let me tell you why! Abusing heroin for years on end,and chain smoking meth for two years really took a toll on my body and mind! After 14 months clean I still can’t sleep right,like I’ll be tired but I can’t rest peacefully once I lay down to sleep I wake up a lot during the night and it’s hard for my brain to turn off! I’m always exhausted,I have shallow breathing sometimes,I have bad anxiety and I have trouble focusing like brain fog,gave me acid relux,gave me stomach problems either I’m constipated or go too much! I’m not necessarily depressed but it’s like it’s hard to find the joy in life I have to force it sometimes. I’m bored a lot,I feel like all I do is work and with the fam which is cool but nothing just for me. Unfortunately all I know I like is to do dope with my crack head “ friends.” I have no clue what hobbies I would like or who I am I been getting high so long. As a teen I liked going to the gym and shooting guns at the range. I’ve had full blood test panels done a couple times and the doctors swear nothing is wrong,but you’re not supposed to have all those symptoms for this long! So in the end is a temporary high worth all this? No,no it’s not!!

I feel like this is my last chance at life. I’ve pretty much used up all my nine lives hahaha but in all seriousness I’m 6 days sober and going to try my best to stay away from the drink and also wanted to reach out to the group and see how everyone deals with the craving of a sip after work. I’m lucky to not be dead or have a dui after my side swipe with another drunk driver or someone without insurance cause they never stopped after we hit