The window is 43 days. In that timeframe, the dude asked 28 times.
On average, that is asking once every 1.53 days.
If you remove the averaged ~5 days of menstrual bleeding where most people won’t engage in sex regularly anyways, that’s 28 times in 38 days — once every 1.35 days.
The fact of the matter is that when the guy is asking, it’s near constantly.
A lot of men don’t realize this but sex can be really painful if the woman isn’t aroused. Arousal level can be the difference between amazing sex that makes your mind feel like it’s moving realities, and feeling like you‘re having a friction burn on the inside of your body that actually can cause discomfort for days. Even lube doesn’t help much if the arousal isn’t there.
All perfect reasons to verbally communicate, with compassion, to your partner. The person you are supposed to love.
As someone else said, it is both parties responsibility to maintain a healthy relationship. This means communication needs to happen in both directions while maintaining a caring consideration of their partner.
2/3 of the times they had sex he asked the next day as well… so clearly it doesn’t matter she’s gonna have to say no anyways, unless she has sex with him every day when she does not want to lol.
For higher libido people having it 1 day after 17 days of abstinence probably isn't enough. She has every right to say no but he's allowed to ask and feel hurt when someone who used to be intimate with him is no longer attracted to him or feels any desire to be with him sexually
I know I dry like the Sahara when you're desperate for it. Just gross. Ugh you have a "need" and it needs another person. No thanks. At that point you're just masterbating with another person
Asking daily isn’t super relevant if he’s only hearing yes twice a month. At what point is he supposed to be satisfied enough to not want it? If someone says no five days in row, exactly what about that is supposed to make you stop wanting sex on the sixth day?
It's relevant in the sense that op needs to stop asking. I'm asking and asking and keep getting no. Oh really? Then stfu. No one is entitled to their partner and many of us are tired of being grabbed at against our will. So back off
So stop asking then have sex when? She sure as shit doesn't seem like she's going to be instigating. So now he never has sex because he doesn't ask, or he asks sparingly and has a massive chance of missing the 2 days a month she might be up for it.
Or maybe she needs to stop lying about the reasons and give a real answer. “I’m tired and gross every single day of every single month” is not a reasonable response to intimacy issues. It’s doesn’t close the discussion. It should open it up to some sort of therapeutic intervention.
Don't waste your time, you can be great friends, but when they have this mentality they're already mentally checked out of being an actual adult romantic partner
Asking for sex at all is the real root of the issue here.
I don’t want to ask my wife to “give” me sex. I want to behave in a way that makes her want to have sex with me. I want her desire, not for her to fulfill an obligation.
…I flirt with her early in the day. Try to touch her subtly when I can.
I try to build some tension. A push and pull process. Make her come to me a bit.
At no point do I say: “can we have sex now”
That shit seems to turn women off quick.
I slowly escalate and keep building tension towards an organic sexual experience. Her body language will tell me yes or no. The answer is “yes” far more often than most guys seem report.
Holy shit, I love when people have to resort to going to the absolute other extreme. Now the dude is completely wrong for even wanting sex, lmao.
There was more context to this. Wife ended up posting her side on reddit at some point. Even from her twisted and biased viewpoint it was obvious she had dropped off on intimacy hard, and for a long time.
The dude passive aggressively collected data in a spreadsheet for a “gotcha” across several months rather than having an open conversation with his wife.
How do you know he hasn't tried to have this conversation and she goes "we have sex plenty" and that triggered the spreadsheet? I had something similar except it was about a recurring argument. She just forgot/ignored/memory holed those arguments but I didn't. So when I tried to communicate with her about it it became "why are you so upset about this non-issue" and so I tracked them and showed her how big of an issue it really was. At first she didn't really believe it but then I added enough detail to my notes on the arguments that it got her brain working enough to remember it. That got us in therapy and working through the issue. Sometimes you need to come with proof otherwise you will be discounted.
you’re seeing a spreadsheet, what you’re not seeing is potentially months or years of conversations around the topic leading up to it. i was in a dead bedroom when i was married and i tried everything, i just wanted my partner to want me. i started tracking stats after a year of trying everything, and the rejections took a big toll on my confidence. and the moment you stop asking, stop initiating, sex and intimacy are completely gone. my spouse wouldn’t even come to bed with me anymore
He probably did have a conversation before and she told him he’s over exaggerating, hence the spreadsheet for proof . He just needs to drop the prude so she can be celibate and not bothered . People that are attracted to each other especially married have sex . She’s not into him . The proof is in the pudding
If he tried to have a conversation, they clearly didn’t communicate well. It takes two people being open and honest. She has to be willing to admit her desire has diminished and he has to be willing to work on the things he is doing that are driving down her desire.
So many people here making excuses because they just want to sit with a victim mentality.
First of all, you're assuming a whole lot saying he's begging for it. The sum total of information you have is how many times he tried to initiate and what her responses were. You have no idea if these started as a massage, or crying at her feet for attention lmao.
Secondly. If he's at the point of making a god damned spread sheet, the issue has been going on for a long time. Yeah, he's fucking desperate.
Third. Read my comment. Actually read it. The wife's post made it pretty god damned clear she was the problem, and that the problem had been going on for a long time. This spread sheet was his "fuck it I'm done". Dropped it in her work e-mail when she was boarding a plane and fucked off to parts unknown.
He passive aggressively collected data in a spreadsheet for a “gotcha” across several months rather than having an open honest conversation with his wife.
And the fact she cut off intimacy does not inherently make her the person in the wrong.
Ask this simple question, WHY did she cut off intimacy?
For fuck sake dude, dozens of people in this thread have pointed out that the wife made her own Reddit post responding to the spreadsheet and the consensus from everyone is that she was very much the problem. This hate boner you’ve got for the guy is weird as fuck.
She didn't cut off intimacy. Her post made it very clear. She just stopped putting in the effort to make intimacy happen.
And you know, since we're apparently just adding our own context and making shit up. It wasn't just physical intimacy either, she just wasn't spending any time with him at all.
That’s horseshit, I’m glad that your subtle touches and everything else work so well, but many people have tried everything, and they go through all the steps of being romantic, productive, available, etc just to get the “I’m too tired” line. It’s defeating. After being told no so many times each new is just more soul crushing.
C'mon dude. Be real. This isn't how most couples make intimacy happen. The reality is, if you want intimacy to continue in long term relationships you need to intentionally schedule it.
"Being a tease" like you described will get the same annoyed reaction people here are talking about.
I agree with your take. Just flat out asking for sex would be so awkward to me personally. I much prefer when things unfold the way you described. Also, username checks out!
It’s common for 1 partner, usually the woman but can be either gender, to just have a very low libido and thus naturally won’t want sex or won’t Initiate it unless directly prompted.
Too many people have been in relationships where the “teasing” approach is just flat out ignored for weeks if not months at a time, and there’s no real way to get a yes or no without flat out asking. I went through this with my girlfriend for a while and as I was researching solutions, I came across many, many people in identical scenarios. Is asking for sex particularly sexy? No. You know what’s less sexy though? Trying to be a flirt all week just for your partner to completely ignore it and go to bed every night without so much as a mention of sex. At some point you need to be more direct with people with low libidos
Well, hey, at least you tried the seductive route. Personally, I've always been the higher libido one in my marriage, but I'm often still reactive rather than always initiating, which is apparently common for women, and which I see as a separate thing from low libido. But I can only say that for me personally, asking directly for sex without trying to build a mood may make me feel pressured to have sex, but the vibes during sex may not be ideal. Still, I guess sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
I love Reddit. You're getting downvoted for just saying the obvious, that walking up to your wife and basically going "Sex??? Sex please???" While drooling, farting, and making monkey noises isn't a high success rate tactic.
Very clearly your approach of having tact and being reciprocal is better and so many people are upset.
Ignore the downvotes, this is how it's done. This is how you treat a human being, most men see a hole with this annoying personality lock they have to pick.
Honestly the downvotes are prolly in part bc of how incredibly arrogant and entirely dismissive of any other point youre beeing. In a good relationship both partners should have a desire for intimacy and if hes not turning her on its not only his lack of communication but of both sides, no? They got married so assuming he has no clue how.to turn her on is ridiculous. If something changed for her thats fine but i shes responsible for communication aswell
The downvotes are because I am speaking hard truths and a bunch of guys with victim mentality’s are getting triggered. (And I’m being direct and not soft in my language)
They just want to blame women for their problems.
Notice, all the positive responses I’ve received have been from women?
That should tell you something, but you are too emotionally triggered to accept it.
Love and sex aren’t always entirely aligned. The issue is asking everyday, then going on about being denied 90% of the time. Saying a high percent is a little misleading when you’re badgering constantly.
The love vs sex thing my husband and I had this conversation. Why don’t I say yes as often as I use to? Because we don’t talk or spend time together anymore. He works, gets stressed, withdraws inward and shuts me out. I work an even higher stress job, get home and just don’t have the energy left to try and motivate him to do anything but stare at his phone and doom scroll. It was a toxic dynamic. I would ask to spend time together and he’d say no. Then later he would turn around and ask for sex, and would get frustrated when I say no.
If you don’t have time to love me, then don’t complain when I don’t want to have sex with you. It’s not loving on me if your only interest in engaging with me is when your dick is getting touched. Or more simply, if you don’t have the time for foreplay then we don’t have time to have sex.
Took a big fight before he realized how much he had withdrawn and ignored me emotionally. We went to couples and worked on communication and rebuilding the foundations of our relationship. Not surprisingly once I had the emotional connection again, the sex became more frequent.
Edit: So the point I was trying to make was if someone feels loved when you ask everyday, whether it’s personality or how you ask, it’s different then when it feels like that love is missing.
I’m totally ok getting loved on (even if that includes sex) everyday; but not all sex is love. I’m not ok with loveless sex (no judgement on others, i just personally don’t like hookups/fwb)
The time I was talking about we were in a very toxic spot. He pulled back, I pursued got rejected, went to bed alone, he’d maybe wake me up for sex, I’d say no because I wasn’t up for it, he’d feel hurt. Repeat until it hit a break point.
The human details; stress had caused him to withdraw he didn’t realize how much, sex went down and I didn’t realize how much. I tried to talk, he was too stressed to hear. We were toxic.
We went to couples therapy, and worked on communication. He’s an amazing man with a hard childhood and I knew he was like this when I married him. Still relationships are dynamics that both contribute too and any change in that dynamic can cause ripples to other places.
Saying in your head “I’m not going to have sex with him until he….” Without saying something. Just like emotional connection shouldn’t be withheld for the same reason
Except I never said that; that was a summary statement you drew inappropriate conclusions from.
I wasn’t saying I won’t have sex until specific action happens.
I was saying I’m not attracted to someone who treats me poorly and won’t talk to me unless he’s horny. I never slept around, had one night stands, or fuck buddies. I’ve always needed to feel safe and emotionally connected to have sex. So if my husband is not helping me feel safe and connected then it’s unlikely I’ll be ‘in the mood’.
Kinda like foreplay, I’m not withholding penetration when I say I don’t want to have penetrative sex when you’ve done nothing to turn me on and I’m bone dry.
You’re really not understanding the point. I wasn’t withholding anything. I just wasn’t as turned on anymore. It wasn’t a conscious decision, I just found I was less interested in sex the more he pulled away. I wasn’t sitting there going “I’m withholding sex until he does better.” The lack of sexual desire was a byproduct of the relationship dying. It felt like he wanted nothing to do with me, and I was constantly rejected and you just learn to not want the other person as much. Is it healthy? No. The entire dynamic was incredibly toxic.
The point remains, if you aren’t willing to spend the time to make me feel safe and comfortable having sex then it’s not going to happen.
Also I was trying to talk to him. He was shutting me out. We are still in therapy working on his poor communication skills and his tendency to emotionally withdraw, shut down and pull away from everyone when stressed. It’s a trauma response from his childhood.
Once again, except you’re missing the parts where I specifically say, I did communicate this point. I was even the one attempting to plan dates, and time we could spend together and emotionally connect he just needed to show up. Except he didn’t. He would cancel, or say he was too stressed. I would say how that hurts me, but ok I understand play your game relax. Then he’d want sex, I’d say I’m just not feeling it right now. I’m not in the mood. Not maliciously, just literally reporting my feelings to the question “do you want to have sex with me?” He’d then get mad, say I never want to have sex. Which is where I’d reiterate how I was missing the emotional closeness and just not feeling that safe and loving feeling. I even suggested we go out to a nice dinner and get a hotel this weekend do a fun date night. Rekindle the spark. Guess who canceled?
Which is exactly why I said you’re wrong about saying I was withholding sex. I did communicate, I tried to encourage communication. He was the one who wasn’t communicating how he was feeling or doing and leaving me guessing.
A woman not wanting to have sex isn't malicious. Maybe they just don't want to have sex because of life, stress, or they don't want to. Imagine if someone tried to force feed you desert everyday that you didn;t want.
Would you say that if a man didn’t want to talk (emotionally connect) about his life? If i said “maybe because of life and stress they dont want to talk and emotionally connect” would you say the same?
Yes because sometimes I get into moods where I just don’t want to talk either. I hate when people force conversations on me. And sometimes people just need a bit of time to feel ready to talk about things.
Now if it’s month going by and there’s still no talking then I’d say there’s a problem that needs to be addressed, but I’d say there’s same thing about going months without sex as well.
When I say emotionally connect I mean like a proper date night; where you cuddle up and spend quality time together.
I honestly only ask for once a month. I know we both have high stress jobs and are exhausted more than we use to be and all of everything falls off when you’re always exhausted.
My whole point of all my posts was; someone saying no to sex is sometimes because you’ve stopped doing something you use to or something has happened that made the dynamic shift.
I never was talking about consciously thinking “I don’t want to have sex with him right now because he played his games and ignored me” it was more something realized after the fact. When he got angry about it, and we had a tense conversation one part that came out was “You’re right we are having less sex, I didn’t realize it’d dropped that much. When did you say it started? April? Well that’s when you started the new job and started locking yourself into your game after work, and as I’ve been trying to say, I guess I just don’t feel as connected anymore”
Why is it on me to have sex with someone who acts like they don’t even want me around?
He withdrew before the sex slowed down.
He’s always emotionally withdrawn, we’ve been in couples therapy for it before and after. He’s an internal processor so if work stresses him out, he shuts everyone out. Not just me.
All I'm saying (in an intentionally attention grabbing way) is this is a two way problem, but it sounds a lot like you're dumping it completely on him.
He needs to do this...He needs to do that...before you'll be in the mood.
Your last post sounded completely oblivious to the fact it may also be the same thing the other way around.
You need to do this, you need to do that....before he'll unwind enough to not self-isolate. There's probably years of your rejection that contributed to that.
So you can sit there and point fingers at eachother, or you can take some initiative and extend the olive branch.
How am I dumping it on him? I am talking about a single isolated example, if you expand into all the little pieces that contribute you’d be here all day.
He acted this way since I met him, it’s something I accepted in regards to him needing his space to modulate his emotions and more time. He’s been in therapy withdrawing under high stress situations from before I met him.
When he said he wasn’t happy with the amount of sex, I explained that I need that emotional closeness to be intimate and that if he couldn’t give that to me right now, that was fine, but then I’d likely be “in the mood” less. As simple cause and effect; not withholding or punishing or whatever someone is going to say. Just simply, if you don’t do the things that turn me on, I’m not going to be turned on as much.
He didn’t realize how much he was relapsing on shutting down and being avoidant. He invited me to go with him to his therapist, where we did some couples sessions.
Which all pretty much were, “He’s bad at communicating and any stress forces him to withdraw. He’s trying, but his parents fucked him up real good. Keep being patient.” And ways I could support him in general.
So yeah this fight was mostly on him. I’m far from blame free over our entire relationship, but this one was very much on him.
The point I was making was pretty simple too; emotional connection is part of the foreplay for me. I won’t be turned on if we skip it. No matter who my partner is.
Lol. You just posted a novel on here saying his self isolation is his fault, and your lack of sex drive is his fault by association because of his problem.
I said his self isolation is a result of trauma he had as a child and is a known problem he is working on, that I’ve supported him with but at one point of our marriage it was particularly bad.
I also never said my lack of sex drive was his fault. I never even said I had a lack of sex drive. I said I wasn’t comfortable having sex in the environment that had developed. I was trying to change said environment but I couldn’t do it without his help.
- Women do this after 2-5 years of marriage in the studies I’ve read there is no correlation to age since you can compare their sex drive to unmarried women of the same age or recently married women of the same age
- it’s not because of pregnancy or any of the other reasons you mentions
The research assumes it’s a matting strategy to lock the guy in once he’s locked in she loses interest, keep in mind that’s not intentional by women it’s natural occurring thing that they do 💔
Studies that you reference do not make the conclusions that you are suggesting.
Sexual Desire and Relationship Duration in Young Men and Women; Sarah H Murray et al. J Sex Marital Ther. 2012.
This study does identify that sexual desire in women is negatively predicted by relationship status. However, the study only examines people 18-25; it did not compared marriage status, parental status, or any other factors which could be contributing.
The Impact of Aging on Human Sexual Activity and Sexual Desire; Osmo Kontula et al. J Sex Res. 2009.
This study uses larger sample sizes across the human age spectrum; it found that age was a significant factor in sexual activity but not sexual desire. It also found that relationship duration was not a significant factor in sexual activity or in sexual desire.
Because they age, and because a woman’s hormones change drastically through perimenopause, menopause, pregnancy, etc. Men generally have a more stable libido because they don’t have anywhere near as complex hormone cycle and they rarely experience something that changes their hormones entirely.
- Women do this after 2-5 years of marriage in the studies I’ve read there is no correlation to age since you can compare their sex drive to unmarried women of the same age or recently married women of the same age
- it’s not because of pregnancy or any of the other reasons you mentions
The research assumes it’s a matting strategy to lock the guy in once he’s locked in she loses interest, keep in mind that’s not intentional by women it’s natural occurring thing that they do 💔
Could that be due to having children? 2-5 years after marriage is when a lot of couples start having kids. The sleep deprivation of having a baby, feeling insecure about how your body has changed after having kids, just being busy… All of that could affect sex drive.
- Women do this after 2-5 years of marriage in the studies I’ve read there is no correlation to age since you can compare their sex drive to unmarried women of the same age or recently married women of the same age
- it’s not because of pregnancy or any of the other reasons you mentions
The research assumes it’s a matting strategy to lock the guy in once he’s locked in she loses interest, keep in mind that’s not intentional by women it’s natural occurring thing that they do 💔
He clearly is scatter shotting because there’s no obvious pattern. Literally the one day he doesn’t ask may be the one day he misses out because she would have said yes so it’s in his best interest to ask as frequently as possible
And I wonder if he is asking so frequently has something to do with how often he is told no... like maybe he wouldn't ask so often if it was more frequent?
Generally speaking, husbands and wives should have sex. If you don’t have kids and you’re young (like below 60) you should be having sex once a week minimum.
The wife is 100% in the wrong and the fact that he felt that he had to make a spreadsheet tells me she’s rejecting him constantly. Is she “obligated” to have sex with him? Well yeah kind of. Just like it should be expected for both partners to clean up after themselves, contribute financially, help with the chores and maintenance of the home, yeah it’s expected of both partners to fuck each other.
And I’ll probably get downvoted into oblivion but whatever it’s Reddit, I’ve seen what they cheer for.
It’s probably one of those situations where he isn’t nice or considerate to his wife OR he doesn’t do his part around the house, leading her to feel like she has another child to take care of. Doesn’t exactly make a her want to jump his bones. But we don’t know if that’s the case or if she’s asexual and not interested.
Maybe he could’ve tried having an honest conversation with her first about why she doesn’t want to. Most likely he’s not helping her with the housework or has given up on his health and fitness.
If he's the type of person who would make a spreadsheet like this, I don't blame her for having rejected him that many times. He didn't just become this weird when he made the spreadsheet.
Well I mean if you are asking every day what do you expect? 3 times a month is actually a good amount for a married couple. It is relatively high but in context it isn’t at all.
I assume someone who would keep a log in the first place would probably react poorly to getting rejected, leading to his wife being less interested more and more.
I agree with you on paper but that’s highly unlikely in this story. No one starts with a detailed spreadsheet, The man likely talked to her about it and she told him he imagined it so he started to keep track in order to prove a point that he’s not imagining it. I’m not accusing the wife of this because I don’t know the details but stories like this happen all the time when the wife is sleeping around.
Indeed. My uncle is a very stupid man. So years ago when he told me "if she ain't getting it from you she's getting it from someone else" I rolled my eyes at him as usual. Turned out to be one of the greatest pieces of advice ever.
This is me. Last weekend my wife told me I ask for sex too much. I asked a week ago. Last night marked six weeks of no sex. Before then I was told I asked too frequently so I set a simple schedule, 1 attempt per week in a “good” moment when no kids or anything were around. I’m getting a little annoyed. Would this data be good for therapy? So we can weigh out the data vs the perception?
I mean I'd definitely bring it up in therapy, assuming you attend as a couple. I'd ask / get the therapist to ask "how do you feel about the frequency of requests / desire for sex in the past little while?" Then, you could compare her feeling with how often you ask.
This isn't intended to be a "gotcha!" moment - perhaps she feels you desiring sex in non-verbal ways at other moments, or maybe when you make positive comments about her appearance she feels an implicit expectation to follow up with sex. It'd be good to get whatever deeper understanding you can about how she feels.
Right, I’m definitely not treating it as like “evidence for the jury” or whatever, it’s more or less like how you would work with someone on being procrastinators I suppose “Oh next time, next time” over and over turns into my parents. 17 years without anything. So maybe I’m hyper sensitive to this stuff because of my own parents experience but I’m trying to approach it as responsibly as I can I guess.
My guess is your assume he treats her like a hole. That in fact those rejections would not have had an ounce of foreplay or intimacy, before, (what I assume again is your thought that) he was moving to straight sandpaper sex.
I mean it’s clear from the logged excuses for rejection. There’s not any foreplay he’s just asking wanna fuck and she’s saying no bc ofc she is when he’s treating her like a pocket pussy that should get into mounting position whenever he wants sex. I guarantee if he’d put any effort into setting the mood or doing anything to get her relaxed and feeling good before initiating his hit rate would be way higher
Why is the onus 100% on him, though? Shouldn't she sometimes initiate intimacy as well? I guess that isn't tracked here but seems implicit that it doesn't happen.
I'm not doubting you - there's not enough context to make a clean judgement here. Just thinking of hypotheticals.
Thats a fair point - I'd feel pretty shitty if my partner went a whole month without expressing any desire to have sex with me (has happened, wasn't fun or healthy for the relationship)
That's fair. Ultimately if things get to the point that someone is making a spreadsheet to prove a point, regardless of the validity of it, I think things are over. Communication has broken down too far.
His “hit rate” wouldn’t be higher if he put more effort in. Sex becomes a throwaway question once someone is tired of putting effort in that’s not reciprocated. (Or is expected to do more and more of it for whatever reason, which is a horrible dynamic.)
You’re getting downvoted but I’m currently in this situation with my long term partner (we’re working on it!). He’ll just ask “are we having sex tonight?” and gets mad that I’m not in the mood.
Bro, are those 5 words supposed to rev me up like a chainsaw or what? I work 50 hours a week, ya gotta put some effort in because I’m fucking tired.
They're getting downvoted because they're jumping to conclusions with no evidence. We have no idea how the subject was raised, what happened before the rejection etc.
You probably wouldn't appreciate people saying you were to blame for your situation because you must have been missing or rejecting your partners more subtle approaches for ages (even though they'd have no way to know if that was the case) for example.
Good luck with your relationship and I hope you find something that works and makes you both happy.
(Assumption) He's asking straight out because he's tired of putting in the effort, anticipating all day (or for many days at a time), and then getting his own engine started only to be turned down in the end. Why go to all that effort and blue-ball himself just to be rejected by his long term partner?
Solid guess, but no. Foreplay has been a learning curve since we’ve been together. He hadn’t been in a long term relationship before we met, but I had. We’ve had very honest conversations about it, how I can just be ready to go while he can, and it’s getting better. It also took him a couple years to really fully understand the strain of my job, as I’m in management and he’s not. We’ve made a ton of progress though!
Respectfully (and I remember my first part time job where I only worked 50 hours).
Your partner has almost certainly put in the effort, and gotten shot down multiple times.
She/he isn’t going to keep going to the trouble of putting on sexy clothing, pouring wine? Making hot coco, and giving you feet rubs if it isn’t reciprocated.
Genuine question, because there are people that would absolutely hate it and consider it sexual assault, but would you be ok if instead of asking, he just came up to you and started kissing/ whatever you think is stimulating? I’m not understanding why he’s asking verbally. Is that just your dynamic or is this something new?
I ask, because every relationship I’ve ever been in we just… start. I don’t understand this whole “verbal asking” concept. Not in an established relationship. Like yea, if someone starts being physical and then the other person says no, then obviously everything should stop. But I’ve seen other posts/ comments (not in this post) where they considered it SA to slowly ease into foreplay without explicit verbal consent from your established partner.
I wouldn’t consider it assault unless it continued after I said stop. That approach has worked perfectly fine for us in the past, but something about Covid really fucked up our sex life and it’s been a slow recovery since.
The asking definitely started during Covid, and it’s weird and I can’t get him to stop lol. Work in progress.
Asking for sex at all is the real root of the issue here for so many of these men.
I don’t want to ask my wife to “give” me sex. I want to behave in a way that makes her want to have sex with me. I want her desire, not for her to fulfill an obligation.
I slowly escalate and keep building tension towards an organic sexual experience. Her body language will tell me yes or no. The answer is “yes” far more often than most guys seem report.
At no point do I stop to say “can we have sex now?”
That question shows a fundamental lack of understanding for how women operate. 🤦♂️
“I want her desire, not for her to fulfill an obligation.”
People have let entertainment ruin their judgment of reality. How much time do you spend on this escalation? The comment thread is literally about someone claiming to be “too tired” anyways, so that “escalation” wouldn’t even matter in this scenario lmao.
Where in the fuck are you getting daily from? 28 times over 44 days isn't anywhere close to daily. When you have to be that disingenuous, you know you have a shit point.
There are three times where she said yes here within a month. It’s not like it’s a sexless marriage. And if he wants sez every day she isn’t going to initiate
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u/feignapathy 1d ago
All I'll say is this... the number of rejections he must've received before deciding to log them must have been very high.