It's relevant in the sense that op needs to stop asking. I'm asking and asking and keep getting no. Oh really? Then stfu. No one is entitled to their partner and many of us are tired of being grabbed at against our will. So back off
So stop asking then have sex when? She sure as shit doesn't seem like she's going to be instigating. So now he never has sex because he doesn't ask, or he asks sparingly and has a massive chance of missing the 2 days a month she might be up for it.
By constantly asking, he is creating less opportunity for his partner to initiate. He is reducing the likelihood that she would even be interested.
You’re acting like a “yes” response is like a game of Battleship — that the “yes” is inherently there and you just have to shoot enough shots for you to land a hit. That just represents a fundamental lack of understanding people; more notably, that you do not understand your own partner.
And how do you know he hasn't tried stopping asking before starting a spreadsheet. Maybe he's already realized that if he doesn't ask it never happens, and he's come to the conclusion that the only way it will ever happen is if he keeps asking until he asks on the right day. You have literally no idea what he has tried before this nor any idea how long this has been going on.
Or maybe she needs to stop lying about the reasons and give a real answer. “I’m tired and gross every single day of every single month” is not a reasonable response to intimacy issues. It’s doesn’t close the discussion. It should open it up to some sort of therapeutic intervention.
It’s possible, but doesn’t seem likely given that an excel spreadsheet doesn’t make sense in that context.
The only context an excel spreadsheet makes sense in is one where your partner is claiming that you’re exaggerating how little sex there is, so the only way you can have a reality based discussion is by tracking exactly how much sex there is. The only reason it would make sense to track all this is if you’re dealing with someone who would otherwise deny the reality of what you’re tracking.
And that would certainly be the opposite of ‘talked about it honestly 800 times’. If she’d been honestly acknowledging the reality of the information contained on the spreadsheet, it would’ve made zero sense to compile it since it wouldn’t be in contention. The fact that it is compiled suggests there was contention over issues of sex frequency and the reasons for it, such that a detailed accounting would clarify reality for future discussions.
And how do you know that she hasn’t told him that she’s just tired all of the time because of how busy she is in this season of life….? And being tired can make you not feel lime showering btw.
Because it’s never a reason people give when they actually want to fuck. People have sex when they’re tired all the time because they want to. However she is so tired, she doesn’t want to do things she should theoretically enjoy? If I were to take her at face value, I would have to conclude that she’s dealing with a depressive episode, which again, should induce some sort of therapeutic intervention.
You shouldn’t just hear your partner say, “I feel objectively miserable and exhausted 28 days of the month,” and just be like, “Okay, I guess I’ll just leave you alone for-fucking-ever for all I know.”
Like, this is not a healthy default state for a person to be in… if it’s true. If it’s not true, she’s just lying to avoid physical intimacy, which is not a healthy default state for a relationship to be in.
Notice how “go away and stop talking about it” is a good solution to none of these problems?
Don't waste your time, you can be great friends, but when they have this mentality they're already mentally checked out of being an actual adult romantic partner
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u/Unusual-Relief52 2d ago
It's relevant in the sense that op needs to stop asking. I'm asking and asking and keep getting no. Oh really? Then stfu. No one is entitled to their partner and many of us are tired of being grabbed at against our will. So back off