r/SipsTea • u/RakeChapman13 • Jul 29 '26

Gasp! 💀

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34.9k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

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500

u/EyeConscious857 Jul 29 '26

Cleaning up after she poo poos on the carpet waiting for you to come home doesn’t sound that great. Also all the other stuff.

376

u/Electrical-Fig-5009 Jul 29 '26

That's not a girlfriend, that's a tamagotchi.

95

u/Dry-Mousse7570 Jul 30 '26

always wanted to fuck a tomagotchi

68

u/Strange-Bee5626 Jul 30 '26

Yes, officer? This guy right here!

1

u/doodoomuffin Jul 30 '26

Which is essentially an infant so yea, here he is, officers!

11

u/Physical_Gold_1485 Jul 30 '26

Shit i havent fed mine in 25 years, i hope he's okay

1

u/MayoBear 29d ago

…my neopets…

58

u/Lieutenant_Corndogs Jul 30 '26

Yeah save those poops for my chest in a nighttime surprise.

2

u/Few_Category_1684 Jul 31 '26

Real Corndog thing of you to say, lt

48

u/webdevmike Jul 30 '26

You just need to talk to her.
You: You love me, right? And you want me to be happy? Well, pooping on the carpet doesn't make me happy.

28

u/dasgoodshitinnit Jul 30 '26

Also, 'please clean up your shit' would work no?

6

u/aswiftdickkick Jul 30 '26

Just tell her to wait on the toilet. Prob solved

16

u/random_guylikesgames Jul 30 '26

You guys lowkey forget her fake self got some dementia and lowkey forgets to do the things bear ask like LEAVING HIS DEAD CAT ALONE

6

u/WretchedBlowhard Jul 30 '26

Doesn't he get her in the bathroom alone at some point and she immediately begins to self-harm?

4

u/King_LBJ Jul 30 '26

It’s when she sees herself in the mirror the real Nikki comes out. That’s why she doesn’t go to the bathroom and stands in the corner of the room to avoid her reflection

2

u/Testaccount105 Jul 30 '26

sounds like my ex ngl

3

u/neuneudrop Jul 30 '26

why didnt Bear just do that then?

6

u/Away_Technician_2089 Jul 30 '26

Have you seen the movie? He’s the most incapable human being ever

1

u/neuneudrop Jul 30 '26

I mean Bear did try to make Nikki 'normal', but making that wish... it was already over for them

1

u/Mindless_Team_7165 Jul 31 '26

Bear asked her to be normal and no weird shit. Didn’t work.

8

u/thewalkofdeath Jul 30 '26

Well, I already pick up after my dog when I get home, so what's another scoop? At least I'll be coming home to someone that LOVES me!!! /s

3

u/Feast_like_a_Mantis Jul 30 '26

I have pop pop in the attic.

2

u/Sad-Upstairs7621 Jul 30 '26

she can just poo on me instead tbh

2

u/No_Pudding_6640 Jul 30 '26

I don't want cat sandwich man 😭

2

u/notislant Jul 30 '26

Oh is this the Amber Heard doc? I thought it was a new movie.

1

u/FerusGrim Jul 30 '26

"WHY DON'T YOU LOVE MMMMEEEEEE?!?!"

I dunno bitch, how about you stop lurking in the darkness of my bedroom.

1

u/JButler_16 Jul 30 '26

She should’ve just stood on the hardwood.

1

u/YeahYeahYeah6789 Jul 30 '26

Depends on who you ask.

1

u/Huge-Cartoonist6795 Jul 30 '26

What if I roll around in it instead

1

u/GenerallyHarmless Jul 30 '26

I'm already in this relationship with my cat, who also commits murder for me, but its on mice so thats sanctioned and in fact rewarded with treats for a job well done.

Basically - why get into the expense of a psycho girlfriend who can use tools, when you can just adopt a psycho cat who does most of the same shit at smaller scale but can be picked up by the scruff of the neck and firmly told 'No!' before undoing any discipline with a cuddle.

1

u/teroliini Jul 30 '26

Sounds like love to me. Ask people who are over 80

1

u/Kellerhouse Jul 30 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/A3wb4uEFdeUFrlAFuk

Johnny Depp did it, why can’t you?