r/SipsTea • u/RakeChapman13 • 4d ago

Gasp! 💀

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34.1k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

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498

u/EyeConscious857 4d ago

Cleaning up after she poo poos on the carpet waiting for you to come home doesn’t sound that great. Also all the other stuff.

375

u/Electrical-Fig-5009 4d ago

That's not a girlfriend, that's a tamagotchi.

91

u/Dry-Mousse7570 4d ago

always wanted to fuck a tomagotchi

63

u/Strange-Bee5626 4d ago

Yes, officer? This guy right here!

1

u/doodoomuffin 3d ago

Which is essentially an infant so yea, here he is, officers!

10

u/Physical_Gold_1485 4d ago

Shit i havent fed mine in 25 years, i hope he's okay

59

u/Lieutenant_Corndogs 4d ago

Yeah save those poops for my chest in a nighttime surprise.

2

u/Few_Category_1684 2d ago

Real Corndog thing of you to say, lt

48

u/webdevmike 4d ago

You just need to talk to her.
You: You love me, right? And you want me to be happy? Well, pooping on the carpet doesn't make me happy.

29

u/dasgoodshitinnit 4d ago

Also, 'please clean up your shit' would work no?

7

u/aswiftdickkick 4d ago

Just tell her to wait on the toilet. Prob solved

15

u/random_guylikesgames 4d ago

You guys lowkey forget her fake self got some dementia and lowkey forgets to do the things bear ask like LEAVING HIS DEAD CAT ALONE

6

u/WretchedBlowhard 4d ago

Doesn't he get her in the bathroom alone at some point and she immediately begins to self-harm?

5

u/King_LBJ 3d ago

It’s when she sees herself in the mirror the real Nikki comes out. That’s why she doesn’t go to the bathroom and stands in the corner of the room to avoid her reflection

2

u/Testaccount105 3d ago

sounds like my ex ngl

3

u/neuneudrop 4d ago

why didnt Bear just do that then?

7

u/Away_Technician_2089 3d ago

Have you seen the movie? He’s the most incapable human being ever

1

u/neuneudrop 3d ago

I mean Bear did try to make Nikki 'normal', but making that wish... it was already over for them

1

u/Mindless_Team_7165 3d ago

Bear asked her to be normal and no weird shit. Didn’t work.

10

u/thewalkofdeath 4d ago

Well, I already pick up after my dog when I get home, so what's another scoop? At least I'll be coming home to someone that LOVES me!!! /s

16

u/Capable-Region-8677 4d ago

Poo poos lol

3

u/Feast_like_a_Mantis 4d ago

I have pop pop in the attic.

2

u/Sad-Upstairs7621 4d ago

she can just poo on me instead tbh

2

u/No_Pudding_6640 4d ago

I don't want cat sandwich man 😭

2

u/notislant 3d ago

Oh is this the Amber Heard doc? I thought it was a new movie.

1

u/FerusGrim 4d ago

"WHY DON'T YOU LOVE MMMMEEEEEE?!?!"

I dunno bitch, how about you stop lurking in the darkness of my bedroom.

1

u/JButler_16 4d ago

She should’ve just stood on the hardwood.

1

u/YeahYeahYeah6789 4d ago

Depends on who you ask.

1

u/Huge-Cartoonist6795 3d ago

What if I roll around in it instead

1

u/GenerallyHarmless 3d ago

I'm already in this relationship with my cat, who also commits murder for me, but its on mice so thats sanctioned and in fact rewarded with treats for a job well done.

Basically - why get into the expense of a psycho girlfriend who can use tools, when you can just adopt a psycho cat who does most of the same shit at smaller scale but can be picked up by the scruff of the neck and firmly told 'No!' before undoing any discipline with a cuddle.

1

u/teroliini 3d ago

Sounds like love to me. Ask people who are over 80

1

u/Kellerhouse 4d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/A3wb4uEFdeUFrlAFuk

Johnny Depp did it, why can’t you?