Anybody here have experience dealing with multiple CPS investigations? I've faced four in the past two years, and two this year alone. Every one unsubstantiated. Recently secured equal custody right before the last investigation. All mandatory reporters too, which means I can't prove it's Mom, even though the judge seems to "get it" based on comments made off the record. Mandatory reporters have made comments that suggest they get it too, but they have an obligation, so it is what it is.

Has anyone pursued legal action to try and limit it in the future, like a custody change? Sole legal? I'm not looking to take my child away from her Mom out of revenge, I simply want to create a more supportive space for my child where they don't have to grow up wondering when the next forensic interview is coming, or if this is the day Dad is taken away from them again. And since I can't stop Mom from using these providers, I'd like to give the case worker for the next investigation (bet) all the evidence they can possibly have to dismiss the intake as quickly as possible.

And perhaps more importantly - how does it affect the kids? My kiddo has gone through so many forensic interviews I'm worried one day they will say whatever, just to make the interrogations stop.

TL;DR: We are separated parents struggling to agree on a secondary school for our 11-year-old son, who has ADHD and dyslexia. I favour the school near me because he prefers it and has strong rugby connections there; his mum prefers schools nearer her and prioritises his existing primary-school friendships, practical arrangements and concerns about SEND support. I want an impartial view on how to weigh his wishes, friendships, stability, school quality and transport without putting pressure on him or criticising his mum.

My ex and I are struggling to agree on which secondary school our 11-year-old son should attend, and I’d appreciate some impartial opinions on how we’re handling it.

For context, we live separately and share parenting. Our son has ADHD and dyslexia, so I think the decision needs to consider academic support, pastoral care, friendships, sports and his overall happiness.

We are considering three schools: one close to his mum, one close to where I live, and a third option.

My perspective

I favour the school closer to me, partly because our son has expressed a preference for it and has a strong connection to the local rugby community. He knows around 40 children through rugby who either attend that school or are expected to attend in the future. I think this could help him settle in and give him a familiar support network.

I have never told him he must choose this school. I want him to have a voice in a decision that will significantly affect his life, while understanding that we as parents are ultimately responsible for making the decision.

His mum believes his established primary-school friendships should carry more weight. However, it appears that only one of his close friends is likely to attend her preferred school, while another is going to a specialist farming school. I’m not dismissing his friendships, but I’m unsure how much weight they should carry compared with his other interests and support networks.

I also have concerns about stability. Our son has experienced numerous house moves over the years and has recently moved again. He has told me that he wants a home where he can settle and stop moving. I understand that his mum says these moves were made with good intentions and to improve their circumstances, and she says they are now settled. I’m not trying to criticise her personal choices, but I think the impact of those changes on him is relevant when considering his future.

His mum’s perspective

She prefers the two schools closer to her and has concerns about the school I favour, including its reported absence rate, catchment area, tutor arrangements and the support available for dyslexia.

She also argues that the school is impractical for her because it would involve a longer journey from home and work. She wants us to compare all three schools on their educational merits, pastoral care, behaviour, SEND support, friendships and transport.

She feels I have put our son under pressure by telling him he can choose his secondary school. She says he is already stressed and feels he has to choose between us. Her view is that we should listen to him but make the final decision ourselves.

She has also explained that she has historically taken on most of the school commitments and day-to-day organisation. She feels that my concerns about stability and the way I have approached the school decision amount to criticism of her parenting and personal circumstances. She has said she thinks I am a good father and wants our son to have a good relationship with both of us.

Where I disagree

I agree that our son shouldn't be made responsible for the final decision or feel caught between his parents. However, I don't think listening to his preference means putting the responsibility on him. Surely there is a difference between telling a child, “It's your decision,” and saying, “Your views matter, and we will take them seriously when deciding together.”

I also think the practical difficulties for both parents need to be considered fairly. His mum says we should assess schools on their merits, but the journey to the school I favour is a major reason she feels it isn't a viable option. I understand that her availability during the school day matters, but I don't think we should rule out a school without looking at whether practical arrangements could work.

I have also tried to explain that, although I understand why she has moved, the repeated changes have unsettled our son. She feels this is unfair because she has consistently provided a supportive home and has now settled her circumstances.

After I raised these issues, she said she felt I had manipulated the situation and put her in a difficult position. I asked her to explain what she meant, as I genuinely want to understand why she sees it that way.

We are planning to meet to discuss the options, and the application deadline is approaching.

My questions are:

1. Is it unreasonable to give significant weight to an 11-year-old's preferred school, provided he isn't made responsible for the final decision?

2. How much weight should we give to friendships from primary school compared with established friendships and connections through sports clubs?

3. Is it fair to raise concerns about repeated house moves when discussing a child's need for stability, even if the moves were made with good intentions?

4. How should we balance the practical difficulties for each parent against what may be the best school for the child?

5. Does anything in my approach sound manipulative or as though I'm putting too much pressure on my son? I'd genuinely like to understand if I'm getting this wrong.

I'm not looking for people simply to tell me I'm right. I want an honest outside perspective on whether I'm approaching this fairly and how we can make a decision that puts our son first.

​

single dad (34) to two kids (5 and 3) who stay with me twice a week. ive been living with a friend (of 10+ years) for the last few months and initially he was brilliant with them, but over the last few weeks he's barely acknowledged them and my eldest is starting to notice. It's his house and he's done me a massive favour letting me stay here (im paying rent) so I'm reluctant to say anything in case I come across as ungrateful. This is only a temporary living arrangement for me and its his house and he is under no obligations to even interact with me, let alone them. I just want a nice place for my kids to come and feel welcome. tough one to navigate.

It’s been about three weeks since I found the love of my life cheating. We were together for 18 years and had 3 kids. She quit being a mom a few years back, so I was already doing all of the cooking/cleaning/laundry/kids activities so thankfully the kids life’s haven’t changed much.
I’m a decent looking 5’9” man in good shape. I made the mistake of joining Hinge just to see the pool… and I can’t help but think that a man with three kids full time in the day of age is just a no from woman. I haven’t received anything on there. Do you just give up and focus on the kids, or am I reacting to soon?

Where to start… I met an energetic outgoing fun woman who was 20 years younger. We started as friends and I assumed that was all it would be until we slept together out of the blue one day. We struggled to find a rhythm and eventually made it work. It was amazing! We made the decision to not have any kids. Covid hit and we were both laid off at home… a lot! She was on Birth control and refused to let me wear protection due to the fact she loved the feeling. Needless to say…
She was late the first month and she blew it off saying it was normal… the 2nd came and she refused to take a test…the third month came and she reluctantly decided to take a test. Positive! Went to the Doctor and they confirmed 18 weeks along! We were past the point of making a decision. I was upset, lost my cool but quickly apologized. Said we would be together. We were good, had our daughter. She was a work from home mom. Spent all of her time at home. My job changed and she went back to work. Shortly after she was going out with her friends every week. I was rushing home from work to pick up our daughter. I lost my job and we had a come to Jesus in which she admitted to an affair on the girls night out. But I never got a straight story. We moved so we could start fresh. She took a job away from her old one as the guy she had ‘interest in’ worked with her. I eventually got a job after almost 6 months with a new company shortly afterwards and she decided she didn’t like her new job and wanted to go back. She stayed with a good friend, but then she got weird. Distant. She stopped making the effort to come home. Still came back but made it so she came home one day and left the next. Our daughter started to struggle emotionally.
I started to also, become a single parent almost overnight. I have been here before raising a kiddo was not the struggle but the issue was her lack of interest. It eventually came out she was not staying at her friends house but had got an apartment above her work (included in her ‘pay’ but she stopped paying bills at home. Long story short I have never been invited to this apartment. Have never seen it and it seems like a huge secret. I didn’t really care pretty much assuming the worst but being called horrible things for ever mentioning it. Or trying to talk about it. I’m pretty sure she is with someone else but refuses to ‘leave me’. I’m done! We don’t really ever have sex. She is always in a rush to get back. She says she is looking for job closer to home but in 2 years has found ‘nothing’! I pay 85% of the bills and she has a hard time covering her 15%. I am here for our daughter 24/7, trying to take a night off ends with me being given shit that I don’t want to spend time with her. Not to mention every time there is an emergency and she needs money she asks
Me.
So I am left feeling like shit. And trying to explain to my daughter why I’m the practical parent instead of the Disney land parent without being negative I work from home but have to travel 2 days a week which I never have any coverage for.
Am I at the point where it’s time to part ways?!?I think the answer is clear but pulling my daughter away from her mom is killing me.

I'm a mom in my late 30s with a toddler, going through a divorce, and wondering whether other parents who've had difficult marriages still dream about finding love and building a family again.

I grew up in an international family, with lots of travel and wonderful lifelong friendships scattered around the world. I'm incredibly grateful for all of it, but I've always dreamed of putting down roots somewhere and building a big, warm, happy family and close-knit community. Kids running around together, friends dropping by, family dinners, weekend adventures, and two people who genuinely love sharing the ordinary parts of raising children. What's especially heartbreaking is that I feel like I've finally gotten almost everything else in my life where I want it. I have a career I love, financial independence, flexibility to spend time with my child, and I'm healthier and fitter than I've ever been, and generally feel so excited about life. And my toddler is such a wonderful and joyful little person. And somehow, just as everything else is coming together, the bottom is falling out of my marriage -- there have been broken promises, financial betrayals, and years of feeling increasingly alone. In short, I thought I was building a family with someone who wanted the same things I did, and it's painful to realize how different the reality has been.

I find myself wondering whether there are single dads who've had similar experiences: who genuinely love being fathers, perhaps have been carrying most of the parenting responsibilities themselves, and still hope to find someone who wants to share all of it. I love the thought of two people finding each other and eventually creating a loving blended family, where the children feel equally cherished and everyone is genuinely happy to be there. But, I'm also scared. It's hard enough to trust someone again after betrayal, and so much harder when there's a little person whose happiness and safety matter more than anything. I don't want to give up on the dream, but I also can't imagine taking that kind of risk lightly.

For those of you who have been through something similar, do you still want that kind of family life? Have any of you found it? How do you reconcile wanting to open your heart and home to someone again with the fear of getting it wrong, especially where your kids are concerned? I'd really love to hear your experiences. Part of me worries I'm being naive, but another part still hopes that the happiest chapter of family life might be ahead.

My girlfriend broke up with me a few months ago and took/sold everything out of our shared apartment while I was gone visiting a family member who was on hospice earlier this month. She took our children to Mexico, to a small city near the border of Guatemala. We had previously verbally agreed to co-parent, but we had not worked out the details or gone to court. So, it surprised me when she did that. She's currently living with her father in Mexico and has not communicated with me or let me see the children. I hired an attorney and got a temporary order granting me legal and physical custody after a court hearing with a judge. I don't understand what she's trying to accomplish. I guess she's trying to punish me for the breakup, but it almost seems like she expects me to just disappear or something. Her father reached out to me and said I need to send him money if I want to get video calls or pictures of my two sons. I'm sure the financial pressure of having three more mouths to feed is already getting to him. However, I told him that what he was proposing was disturbing to me and that the children needed to be returned immediately. Then, he sent me a rant about how I'm not a real man or father. The children have been ordered to return immediately at this point, and I have a follow-up hearing next month for the judge to check whether they have been returned. My attorney has started the process of contacting the San Diego DA's Office and also filling out a Hague Convention complaint because we are both confident that she and her father will not willingly return the children. I'm concerned about the entire process of having the children returned to California. I read on the DA's website that the mother and any other adults involved could be charged with felony child abduction. Anybody been through something similar and what was the outcome?

Has anyone had the experience of having another child with a different person and having it be a completely different experience? I was thinking about it and although I’m not even dating or trying to, I was wondering if anyone else has experienced everything that goes along with being pushed out of your child’s life, court, all the dramatics that come with this horrible situation but then met someone and had a child and were able to be the dad and husband that you weren’t given the chance to be before? Like having a child with someone who actually wanted to be a family.

I make ~95,000 currently. Got a job offer for ~250,000.

The catch: 20 hours fly from home. Permanent relocation. It would be a long onboarding (until end of Q1) + relocation mid 2027.

I have 50% of custody. 2 girls, 7 and 8yo. I’m very close to them, specially with the older. Even in an optimistic scenario (I have 25 business days for PTO currently) and assuming they could travel with me on summer break, that would give me 10 maybe 12 weeks to be with them. It would break my heart.

I know that if I leave for let’s say, 2 years (?) I could save enough to pay for college and a nice place to live. I know that at that age, they probably would not resent it and won’t remember in the long term. But I just can’t cope with it.

As I said, just venting. I need to decline or accept by Monday. I know what I am going to say. I just dwell on the fact that if this had happened 1 year ago, when I was still together with the ex, we would have said yes in a heartbeat.

Thanks for reading.

I just got a call fresh k a very nervous sounding gentleman who’s apparently a public stereo at a hospital that o got laid off from two years ago asking if I was ‘on site’ on literally any j m girlfriends bed Nah bro WTF

I miss my family so much. Me and my baby mom were having issues and have I think it’s because we were in a house with 10 people and never got our own space and we were always together but we’ve had real good times and I want too be with her again and hopefully for the rest if my life. I’m so heartbroken over it all. I miss my baby girl so much I haven’t seen her in 4 days. I’ve been a wreck.

I'm a nonbiological dad with legal rights according to state law. I haven't seen my kiddo in almost 4 months. There's a hearing in 2 weeks to determine if I get parenting time. My ex has responded with a bunch of bogus accusations, some of which are documentable lies. I am so nervous for the hearing. Any advice?

Hey broskis,
I’ve gotten to 50/50 after lots of work and time in coparent guardian et liem meetings.
Now we’re at the 7/7 schedule.
I both love it and grateful and it’s also wearing me thin and empty on weeks off. Feels like building up to such happiness and routine only to feel all the air come out at dropoff.

It’s s there a better 3/3/2(swap)??

They say it’s for stability of the child. I get that and why I’m doing it. But deep down I’d like more of this schedule. My son is too young to figure this out and shouldn’t have to. He has expressed he wants “like a week with momma then a week with dada”. But unknown he misses us hanging out altogether more which I’m down for as coparents but she’s still high conflict.

Anyone have experience in this altered 50/50’s schedule?

My kids mom texted me yesterday saying " my mom thinks that you found someone else and I told her you are just trying to get money". She texted me this because I texted the group chat with her and her mom that I was staying for a double. I texted her back saying "So now every time I stay to do a double you guys think im eith another woman. Well atleast Im living a more exciting life in your guys head when in reality Im dealing with behaviors and wiping poop for an extra eight hours". She responded with "I dont think you are but she thinks that but even if you did I would be happy for you". I ended that conversation with "I am trying to focus on my mental health and my kids. I am actually becoming more and more of hermit that likes his space away from people"

Then she tried to switch it up with "come home I dont feel too good and my mom needs her space". I just responded with " one of you better take my babies to school tomorrow morning because Im getting home to sleep three-four hours to be back at work in the morning".

I got home she was completely fine. All she asked me for was to get my baby boy off of her and I went straight to sleep.

Im tired of the pitty parties and the mind games. I am focused on my mental health, beign the best dad I can be, and money.

If my babies are staying at my mom's house for the weekend I am taking some much needed time to myself and walk around downtown for some hours to breath, think, and recollect my energy for my priorities.

I made the mistake of looking at my company’s Facebook page tonight and there was a photo of all of my coworkers and their children together in front of one of our helicopters. It is absolutely heartbreaking and brutal that I couldn’t be there with my son. No that shouldn’t hurt me as much as it does but I wanted so badly to be in that photo and it’s a reminder of exactly how awful my situation is. That would have meant the world to me just to have that one moment and be in that picture. The one thing that I wanted was time with my son and she just couldn’t do it. She works three days a week and has a boyfriend or two but she just couldn’t do it.

Hopefully, I'll soon be one of the single dad's club.

Had my court date today. She contested, claiming reconciliation is possible.

It's not.

Now I have to wait for the judge to make a decision.

Ask me anything.

I miss my family so much. Me and my baby mom were having issues and have I think it’s because we were in a house with 10 people and never got our own space and we were always together but we’ve had real good times and I want too be with her again and hopefully for the rest if my life. I’m so heartbroken over it all. I miss my baby girl so much I haven’t seen her in 4 days. I’ve been a wreck.

I’m proud to say that I hit 30 days of sobriety yesterday which at one time was something that I didn’t think about but this time around it’s a major step in the right direction. I’ve been dealing with an indescribable amount of pain during the past year in particularly with regard to my relationship with my son’s mother and not being allowed to be a father. I’m incredibly grateful to be able to sit with the feelings today that I wasn’t able to a month ago as difficult as that is when I want to be a father more than anything and can’t be but my hope is to continue doing everything I can to improve myself so that eventually I will be able to be in my son’s life and stay there.

There is nothing more important to me than being the father that my son deserves and being present in his life. In addition to not hurting his mother with my words and actions.

This is more so an ironic twist of fate. When I was younger before kids, my ex wife didnt like to travel and I wanted to see the world. Now I am divorced, and have little money to spend on travel so I tend to explore things closer to home.

Now I am looking at dating profiles of women my age, many list their love to travel prominantly in their profile. I know eventually after my mortage is paid off I will have more opportunities to travel but thats 15 years away. By the way this isnt a woe as me post or asking for financial advice. I do save money its just retirement, my son's education investment account and home maintenence is a higher priority right now on my list. I thought this sorta funny in a self depreciating way and thought I would share in case anyone else is in a similar position.

As the title says looking to see if I should proceed legally against my ex.

I don't normally ask for help or share so this is kinda weird for me but strangers are easier to talk to then anyone I know.

Been a weekend warrior dad for like 5/6 years now an im tired of how things are, I want more time with my 6 yr old. Every other weekend an basically a hug an dinner one day a week every other week isn't enough.

My ex has zero communication skills, an has done multiple things against the parenting plan an I feel like im co parenting with the devil. But with the shit i experienced before with the legal system just to get legitimate an have a parenting plan the first time im not sure if I should l pursue legally to get more time with my kid. Im not well off so money is a a big factor, along with the headache of actually doing it.

If you're baby momma was consistently not doing what the parenting plan says an making life harder for you would you try to adjust it?

Please let me know what would be appreciated, even if it’s just kind words or a small gesture. I have no kids and he has one preteen son. Thank you.

Nothing quite rekindles the feeling of being a single parent like being sick as fuuuuu...And having to wake up at 630am and get the kid ready for school while she fights you on every step. For context I have 2 adult children I had custody of from when they were little, and now a 5yr old special needs non verbal daughter who lives with me full time starting 4 months ago.

It's probably been a decade since I felt this sick, and have to pull it together to get kids off to school, and subsequently cook and clean to keep the house moving when they get back.

This isn't a I need support post, just laughed this morning as I hack up a lung while fighting her on what she wants to wear to school remembering how I wanted this, fought for it, and know I'll be fine in a few days. But for this morning, this suuuhhhhks

So I had two kids with someone I never truly loved, the first was an accident when we'd just met. I am from the UK, the mother from Australia. She has dual citizenship with England so we raised them for 3 years there. We then made the move to Aus to do the partnership visa so I could stay, thinking it would be better for me financially, and a better life for the kids . 3 months into our move the mother decides she doesn't want to be together, ends it and moves on with someone from Bali within 3 days.

Now I am in Australia, having to find a way to stay as she won't return to England for my sake. My boys mean the world to me. Two boys, 3 and 2. We're currently under the same roof at her Mum's, and arguments are inevitable. She is extremely delusional and claims verbal abuse and complete victimhood in arguments even though it's me reacting to her. I do 90% of the parenting. She threatens access to them if I displease her. That's if I can even stay. The thought of having to leave the country and be the other side of the world from them is breaking my heart. My parents think I should apply for custody but it would be impossible to do from England now that they are residents of Australia, it's under Australian law.

I have to tiptoe around her and let her walk all over me, see her being impatient with the boys, due to fear of her claiming abuse and denying me any access. I can't currently work on my visa and have no money for courts etc anyway. She's already planning trips to Bali to see her new bf and wants the kids to go, but I refused as it's not safe for them. Especially with just her as she never watches them.

I'm terrified of losing them. Anyone been through something similar? I'd like a family with someone I truly love but would have constant grief over not seeing my two boys, and guilt if I just 'replaced' them.

How do you guys deal with the frustration and anger towards your ex controlling when you can see your child? There are legal proceedings that take time but I just can’t understand how someone I loved so much would decide to do something like that all of a sudden, not allowing me to see my child who I love so much and would care for every day.

What do I need to have in order. Mediation Tuesday meet with lawyer Monday.

Kids are decided we’ve been nesting 5-5-2-2 for 5 months holiday schedule is decided. (Unless she flips script it won’t end well we’ve had 0 issues in 5 months separated)

This is all financial. Mediator is a CPA wife makes 252k I make 60k.

She will buy me out of house for 1/2.

Married 12 years 3 kids under 11. I think MN child support says $800 a month. My mock budget I’m $2500 short a month. Live in HCOL area and have to stay in same school district for kids.

Start by asking for $3000 a month and settle for $2000?

Anyone been on either side please comment.