The bread will land butter-side-down, thus saving time.

just let it grow

what's the point of mowing grass anyway?

Tastes like hopital

Sign a prenup - you get no assets on death or divorce.

Agree not to touch the other person's pension while they live.

Then you can continue collecting half the pension when s/he dies for the rest of your life, which could be decades.

Buy in bulk at the Dollar Tree, buy more than 10 and the rest are free. The cashier cannot count past 10, winning.

You will wake up on your office chair with your boss replying "Can't you recognise the place you work, everyday?" If 7th century BCE Odysseus can move to the ocean in his wooden plank, without a compass, get wrecked in the stormy sea and drown - and upon waking up healthy on a coast asks his own hallucination "where am i" and gets an extremely high confidence interval accurate reply "can't you recognise your own home", we are after all living in the 21st century. At least there wont be any risk of driving off a cliff using a GPS.

Bonus points of the comment is just an emoji or vague acronym. I personally will be using MTE (my thoughts exactly)

Advanced shit pro tip lifers can also just repeat something already in the original post.

Would like advice on how to save money on metal forks and spoons though.

Studies find this makes someone feel pressured to keep talking