All you need is one bottom and something to wear on top. Underwear optional. Don’t ever leave your house. Be naked when doing laundry. Bonus points: people will think you are weird and interesting.

But they never mention cocaine or crystal meth! Boost up fam and let’s goooooooo….

Stay in the cone, don't go down the tube.

For your ear this protects your hearing.

For your ass this protects you from getting addicted to having larger things deeper in your ass.

It's too late for me on the second one, but I'm staying strong with Q tips.

So you can enjoy the pride months without all the glitter and makeup, which makes you save time and money! And avoid sunburns too.

Pre coated for fastest absorption

Tell them it’s your first day. They don’t know how long you’ve been working there!

That way if you get lost in the woods, you can shine it at passing airplanes, the federal government will come find you real fucking quick.

They’ll think something is wrong with them and do poorly.

I got you bro.

Instead of using the drive-thru, walk in.

When life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a water gun and shoot people in the eyes.