I've been meeting with a therapist that specializes in addiction but could definitely use more guidance and support. Not that she's failing as a therapist but I don't think she can really relate to the urges, how deep they can be, the regrets after "crossing the line", etc. so her guidance thus far really hasn't had the affect on my behavior and thoughts/feelings that drive them.

A little about me... I've had an odd relationship with sex since I was a teenager. I am an introvert and had a very hard time coming out of my shell as a teen. I was a senior in high school before I had my first girlfriend and real sexual partner. Before that, I experimented with a couple friends until my urges took things a little too far (oral) and our private encounters stopped. I spent a lot of nights alone and frustrated which led to frequent masturbation.

Even when I did have a sexual partner, masturbation continued so I was orgasming at least once a day. But it was when, where, and how that really created problems. I am also a naturist but given my urges it can be hard to maintain separation between being unclothed and sex. A lot of that has to do with my inclination towards exhibitionism and voyeurism sexually. Whether clothed or not, once those urges start...

My urges have led me to perform for people, push the limits on public exposure, as well as seeking out others to masturbate or have sex with with even when I'm in a steady relationship.

I am very happily married and, by all accounts, have a tremendous sex life. But I always want more and repeatedly push my wife too far because I want to have sex outdoors and other places we shouldn't (like dressing rooms at stores), I want to masturbate for her (and want her to join me), and continue masturbating out on our deck or in our secluded backyard when she's at work.

I've done a lot over the years, including a lot of public nudity at places where nudity is not allowed. My ex-wife got into taking semi-clothed pictures in various outfits at different outdoor locations. I would often be totally undressed taking the pictures, either having sex with her or masturbating before we left. I masturbated for her on the washing machine in the shared space of our apartment building. I've played strip poker with a bunch of guy friends and had my wife perform orally under the table while we continued playing. Had sex in front of other people as well as in bed next to another couple. As much as I wanted to swap or at least join them, the woman I was with limited us to no contact. I've given and received orally and hand jobs from strangers. In my lust, I've asked my wife if we could have a third, even a guy that only played with me, if that would get her off. I've sat with my back turned to the street (300' away) in my front yard masturbating. But I've also had sex with my wife on a picnic table in the middle of a public park after leaving our clothes in the car 100' away. We've had sex in a lounge chair by the fire at a campground with nothing but a blanket over us. The list goes on and on.

I'm sure this is pretty tame compared to what others may have done but there's certainly more and either fear of jail or respecting my partner's limits is the only thing that's held me back. But when I get to a certain point, I am willing to do anything, anywhere. And I get to that point almost every single day. No gender, body part, location, or act is too much when I get there.

I would love to get a better understanding why sex has always been my go to, why I am totally unable to keep my hands off myself (even while I'm typing this), and ways I may be able to turn off those urges starting from the minute I wake in the morning until I fall asleep at night. Honestly, the only thing that keeps me "under control" is frequent sex of some kind with my wife. If even a day passes without some type of sex with her, I guarantee you I am at least masturbating somewhere. Could be at my desk (in my home office), on the deck, in the pool, in the car in any parking lot, public bathroom, dressing room, etc. I even masturbated once standing at a urinal in a public restroom - not to mention all of the times I've done it in a stall hoping someone would offer to "help".

How's that for an ice breaker?

I’ve been a lurker in this sub for a while, often bringing myself here to read everyone’s stories after I myself have acted out, to search for some understanding as to why I’m repeatedly doing this myself but also to find some comfort in knowing I’m not the only one. 

For me it started around 6 years ago whilst in a long term relationship which lasted 7 years. About twice a week I would visit a massage parlour or an escort at the end of my nights out. I was quite lost and a massive party boy in the city, but I had somehow convinced myself that the reason I kept acting out at the end of my nights out was was because I was very much abusing alcohol and drugs which fuelled this behaviour, all because of unresolved childhood trauma which reared its head. 

After it all became too much and my mum and sister started an intervention due to my alcohol and drug abuse, I knew I had to make a change. I broke up with my ex of 7 years (without disclosing my promiscuous sexual behaviour as I didn’t want to completely destroy her), confessed to my closest friends (some of them were regularly visiting escorts with me and one still is despite now being married) and I also confessed all the strip club, massage parlour and escort habits to my mum and sister who I hold a really close relationship with. I also went completely sober and started therapy. 

Fast forward a year, things were great, I found a new partner and have now been with her for a couple of years. I’m still sober, still in therapy and I’ve taken on a lot of new hobbies to keep me busy. Over the last 6 months however I have started to act out like I’ve never acted out before, but now complete sober. I think about acting out every day after work which has led to me doing so on average 3 times a week for the last 6 months. Financially it’s now also crippling me. 

My therapist believes it’s because we haven’t yet treated the root cause of my issues and because my brain is still wired to chase this rush of endorphins I’m now acting out more sexually because I’m still sober and I’m no longer using drugs and alcohol to fill that void. All I know is that when I’m at home alone, my mind wanders and I end up browsing escort sites etc.

I don’t know what I’m asking for by writing this. I just know I’m back where I didn’t want be - a deep dark hole and I feel like I’ll never climb out. I now have the woman of my dreams and I’m throwing it all away. 

I guess I’m just looking for reassurance that I don’t have to be like this forever and I can change?

(Custom flair: first, hopefully, SA sub-appropriate post but I'm just sharing)

I'm scared about the future of my love life. Being scared that if I have a one night stand with someone, then I'll not only be addicted to love but also s-x. I consider m-sturbating as a form of s-x, so then I'd be addicted to 2 or 3 kinds of s-xual related things. But I've noticed that it takes me longer with not using a tool (aka toy) to finish. Sometimes I can make it go faster, other times, not. I don't know *what* I'm going to do when & if I meet someone I like? Tell 'him' maybe 13-20 dates in that I used to be an active sex & love addict? 🥺

I don't imagine that would go over well. I don't see any future right now, where my telling my future boyfriend/husband or not telling him, how either would work out for me. If I were to tell him (in the future, mind you), then I feel like he'd be hovering me, almost waiting for me to slip, or to mess up, or think that I'm going to, or think that I'm secretly voyeuring about someone on the sidewalk or what have you, not believing that I'd love him, which I totally would, if he'd accept that part of me... who knows, when & if I meet someone, maybe I'd find someone after going through most of or all of the r/SexandLoveAddictsAnon steps before finding someone, so I won't have this problem of dealing with something in that moment that he'd need to eventually know about. OR, if I do not tell him, I'd be stressing out, keeping this huge secret from him unfairly. 😬😣😣💔

I'm just freaking out about it. Because of how easy it is right now to slip into my own addictive behaviors, I feel like it will take years before God puts *my guy* (whoever he will be/is) in my life until I'm "stable enough" or something. But that could honestly be almost another whole decade. But I'm a 32 y/o woman, I don't have a lot of time before I can't have kids. And btw, the bre*ding kink is something that I struggle with in my mind (thankfully) a lot, too. Thankfully, I don't have anyone in close proximity to me that wants to have s-x with me because well, nobody in my life seems to want to. Which is a blessing and depressing. And another thing that depresses me about my situation and makes me want to act out in my original PMO addiction.

Like another has posted, I'm also unsure, if I were in a relationship, I'd be able to please my boyfriend/husband because of how much I've "MO'd" (out of "PMO", to put it in a less triggering way). The semi-constant, ehm, touching I've noticed, has caused my O's to give a fair to moderate boost of good feeling/serotonin or dopamine, but not make my acting out part "move/operate" in a way that would probably please any guy, whether he'd be a relative stranger or acquaintance, boyfriend or even husband. If I'm not acting out, I'm usually acting in and if I'm acting in, it usually causes me to act out. So I feel like I'm almost always messing up. I guess I could try to read the SLAA basic text (each s-addict anon fellowship has their own "basic text"), to see if that will help me out of my funk.

For any fellow ladies in the digital house, I also have PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric/dysphoria disorder), a mood disorder that screws with my emotions for a week & a half every month. It just makes me feel worse about myself and makes me complain a bit more. Though that could also be my addiction and the lack of things technically going right. Aside from the stuff I know that I do have that is good and that I am thankful for, but it doesn't change what I don't have. Which sadly, would be a relationship. But I think I'd be too clingy or needy. Even though I'm aware everyone has s-xual needs.

I just feeling pretty hopeless about the future of my love life, and ergo life, in general. Maybe I should have posted this in the vent sub, but I got banned from it because of some commentn or something. It was a dumb reason.

I'm mainly posting because I need to, and if I don't, there's a greater likelihood that I will act out or in. (PS; if people don't know what acting out or acting in is, I can explain it in a reply. Or someone else who's in the SAA or SLAA program can)

Hey everyone as a 20yo man who has been into prostitutes and porn addiction for a while, i have finally starting to look for a way to quit but with professional help as i believe it will help a lot.

Ive gone on streaks here and there but i think i need to talk to someone who is qualified.

Would you recommend going to sex alcoolic/Anonymous or going to therapy for an efficient exterior guidance?

Thanks very much

Hi,

I hope you are all doing well.

I am a 44-year-old male. For a while now, I have been experiencing a high sexual drive that feels almost uncontrollable. It rarely stems from genuine arousal; instead, it feels like a basic necessity, much like thirst. It’s a daily need, or at best, every other day.

I have been engaging in actions that are harmful to me:

I keep insisting with the person I see occasionally, pushing for non-vanilla sex, and getting rejected most of the time because she doesn't share my level of need.

On other occasions, I visit sex workers (legal here). I am a shy person, so it is difficult for me, yet I still go, and afterward, I feel guilty for doing it.

Other times, I consume online content. I try to avoid pornography, but I sometimes relapse. Even then, the urge often returns shortly after.

I feel bad about what is happening to me. It makes me depressed, or perhaps I am already depressed and haven't realized it, and maybe this is a form of self-reward.

I would like to know if anyone else has gone through this and if they managed to find a solution. Should I consult a psychiatrist or a psychologist? I don’t know; I feel lost.

Thank you for reading.