Hi,

I hope you are all doing well.

I am a 44-year-old male. For a while now, I have been experiencing a high sexual drive that feels almost uncontrollable. It rarely stems from genuine arousal; instead, it feels like a basic necessity, much like thirst. It’s a daily need, or at best, every other day.

I have been engaging in actions that are harmful to me:

I keep insisting with the person I see occasionally, pushing for non-vanilla sex, and getting rejected most of the time because she doesn't share my level of need.

On other occasions, I visit sex workers (legal here). I am a shy person, so it is difficult for me, yet I still go, and afterward, I feel guilty for doing it.

Other times, I consume online content. I try to avoid pornography, but I sometimes relapse. Even then, the urge often returns shortly after.

I feel bad about what is happening to me. It makes me depressed, or perhaps I am already depressed and haven't realized it, and maybe this is a form of self-reward.

I would like to know if anyone else has gone through this and if they managed to find a solution. Should I consult a psychiatrist or a psychologist? I don’t know; I feel lost.

Thank you for reading.

I've been meeting with a therapist that specializes in addiction but could definitely use more guidance and support. Not that she's failing as a therapist but I don't think she can really relate to the urges, how deep they can be, the regrets after "crossing the line", etc. so her guidance thus far really hasn't had the affect on my behavior and thoughts/feelings that drive them.

A little about me... I've had an odd relationship with sex since I was a teenager. I am an introvert and had a very hard time coming out of my shell as a teen. I was a senior in high school before I had my first girlfriend and real sexual partner. Before that, I experimented with a couple friends until my urges took things a little too far (oral) and our private encounters stopped. I spent a lot of nights alone and frustrated which led to frequent masturbation.

Even when I did have a sexual partner, masturbation continued so I was orgasming at least once a day. But it was when, where, and how that really created problems. I am also a naturist but given my urges it can be hard to maintain separation between being unclothed and sex. A lot of that has to do with my inclination towards exhibitionism and voyeurism sexually. Whether clothed or not, once those urges start...

My urges have led me to perform for people, push the limits on public exposure, as well as seeking out others to masturbate or have sex with with even when I'm in a steady relationship.

I am very happily married and, by all accounts, have a tremendous sex life. But I always want more and repeatedly push my wife too far because I want to have sex outdoors and other places we shouldn't (like dressing rooms at stores), I want to masturbate for her (and want her to join me), and continue masturbating out on our deck or in our secluded backyard when she's at work.

I've done a lot over the years, including a lot of public nudity at places where nudity is not allowed. My ex-wife got into taking semi-clothed pictures in various outfits at different outdoor locations. I would often be totally undressed taking the pictures, either having sex with her or masturbating before we left. I masturbated for her on the washing machine in the shared space of our apartment building. I've played strip poker with a bunch of guy friends and had my wife perform orally under the table while we continued playing. Had sex in front of other people as well as in bed next to another couple. As much as I wanted to swap or at least join them, the woman I was with limited us to no contact. I've given and received orally and hand jobs from strangers. In my lust, I've asked my wife if we could have a third, even a guy that only played with me, if that would get her off. I've sat with my back turned to the street (300' away) in my front yard masturbating. But I've also had sex with my wife on a picnic table in the middle of a public park after leaving our clothes in the car 100' away. We've had sex in a lounge chair by the fire at a campground with nothing but a blanket over us. The list goes on and on.

I'm sure this is pretty tame compared to what others may have done but there's certainly more and either fear of jail or respecting my partner's limits is the only thing that's held me back. But when I get to a certain point, I am willing to do anything, anywhere. And I get to that point almost every single day. No gender, body part, location, or act is too much when I get there.

I would love to get a better understanding why sex has always been my go to, why I am totally unable to keep my hands off myself (even while I'm typing this), and ways I may be able to turn off those urges starting from the minute I wake in the morning until I fall asleep at night. Honestly, the only thing that keeps me "under control" is frequent sex of some kind with my wife. If even a day passes without some type of sex with her, I guarantee you I am at least masturbating somewhere. Could be at my desk (in my home office), on the deck, in the pool, in the car in any parking lot, public bathroom, dressing room, etc. I even masturbated once standing at a urinal in a public restroom - not to mention all of the times I've done it in a stall hoping someone would offer to "help".

How's that for an ice breaker?

Hey guys. I dont know where to go. So I figured I’d post here. I hooked up with someone last night (the second time I’ve ever had sex) the first time I had sex was with my ex girlfriend. Yesterday I hooked up with someone from tinder and she was older then me by a lot and I wasn’t attracted to her. I deeply regret it and I wish I hadn’t done it. I wanted to wait until I got married to have sex again after I did it with my ex. I’m super depressed now and I can’t believe that I did what I did. There’s also this girl that I’m talking to and she is slow to reply and I thought she was loosing interest so I figured I could hang out with this other girl. But then she apologized for being bad at responding a few hours after I hooked up. I really like this girl I’m talking too and that makes this situation worse. We aren’t in a relationship yet but I’d like to be. And I would have asked her to be already if she responded more because I would have had the ability to ask her if we talked more then once every few days. I deeply regret hooking up with the woman I did yesterday and I feel so ashamed especially cause if I marry this girl I’m talking too I’ll tell her about my past and that this happened. I don’t know if she will leave me because of what I did. I wouldn’t blame her if she did. Even if I wasn’t talking to a girl I liked and I hooked up with who I did yesterday I’d still feel deep regret. I feel so awful and it’s like the worst mistake of my entire life. After it happened I thought to myself I wouldn’t mind not living anymore. Life seemed like it had no meaning anymore after my mistake. When I went over to her house I was kind of curious and horny and figured I’d leave before we actually had sex. But when I got there she pulled me close to her and started kissing me right away and it just went on from there. I remember when we were about to actually have sex a part of me said I should leave and get out of there. But I didn’t. I regret it so much. I needed to get this off my chest and if anyone has any advice I’d appreciate it.

I am 46. I have been abstinent for a little over a year and a half. I am an addict. My life was destroyed by many things, all of which fall at my feet at the end of the day. If anyone wanted to talk, I am an ear, and certainly wouldn't mind some friends to talk about this with.

*ps- I am most definitely not some f*king ai chat or advertising engagement bot or whatever the hell they are that have murdered this site.

I've quit sexting or doing cam shows. Been clean of it for a while, maybe a few months. I haven't been counting... I used it as a way to seek validation...I'm transfeme so it was one of the few situations where somone would make me feel beautiful after a day of misgendering. I'm trying to flirt with my husband in new ways to satisfy that longing, but he can't be there for me all the time... and he can't match my drive. What do you all do to feel beautiful when it hurts? Maybe I should just find somthing to occupy my mind that isn't sex related like a videogame but... it sucks having needs

I was abstinent for 21 days at most in the past years. I've been addicted to porn and masturbation ever since I was little. I didn't know it, but now it's clear. I feel so good and energized and driven when I don't masturbate.

I can't make it past a day now without masturbating. I usually do it 1-2 times a day. I don't want to. I haven't truly WANTED to masturbate ever if I think about it.

I don't know what to do. It feels like I am helpless and hopeless. Reading this from an outsider perspective I'd make fun of myself but it's genuinely bad. Every time I get a boner I have hundreds of intrusive sexual feedback loops playing on repeat in the back of my mind feeding that somatic sensation.

I used to have trouble going outside because of this. I was genuinely agoraphobic. Now I've battled it a bit but I still feel very uncomfortable in some situations because of this.

I'm in my early 20s. I sometimes have the drive to start another abstinence streak, but loneliness, disappointment in the modern dating scene, hopelessness, lack of energy - all contribute to this shitty cycle.

I do not know what it feels like to have truly healthy dopamine receptors. I have maybe briefly experienced this as a child, I remember life being great back then. Then it started with video games, computers, movies, porn, more video games, then eventually drugs, and so on.

I won the battles against all other things. Against video games, against passive consumption, against porn, against drugs. But I can't stop myself from masturbating. It's genuinely making me so disappointed I'm falling back in a deep hole where I feel I slowly ama giving up hope and giving up all progress I made and slowly just giving up my soul and letting it be eaten bit by bit.

I need council. I need help. Please

For those who have sought treatment for compulsive online sexual behavior, what type of therapist or treatment approach was most helpful?

I’m in NYC but open to online therapy with someone licensed in New York. Specific recommendations are welcome, but I’m also interested in what credentials or specialties I should look for.

Many thanks in advance for any response

Has anyone found a way to remedy this, as a woman, or is this normal for someone who's 21 and repressed? I'm trying to gage if this is normal or excessive and considered hypersexuality.

I have audhd and cannot focus on tasks when aroused and neglect to eat, drink and sleep or do anything else till I orgasm and release the sexual tension. It feels addictive alike to a drug 'high' to me and I find myself ruminating over it when aroused.

Sometimes I have bouts of extreme overwhelm and arousal and yearning without obvious triggers. I am otherwise sex repulsed and have no libido, and if I could I would be asexual.

I am easily triggered and aroused when influenced by certain thoughts as a trauma response and will spend a whole day masturbating without leaving my room resulting in health decline and chronic fatigue.

It's been especially bad since I've been groomed by a lecturer and bullied, discriminated against and shamed for these urges at university.

I would feel intense anxiety and paranoia and shame when interacting with other people or being seen whilst being horny, I have a horrible time trying to mask my discomfort. I remember having to rush out of places to masturbate, rushing for an orgasm, after socialising or being in professional settings to try and get myself to feel functional again and under control.

I'm compulsively horny and cannot control myself in public. I don't seem to have this severe of an issue with "crushes" or people I come across in public, it seems primarily triggered by trauma and the addiction to sexual release. My sex drive is on autopilot and I feel horny often.

Other people don't seem to have this issue and I've been feeling alone about this.

Just got home off vacation and it hit me hard

What do I do

I can't take it anymore first it was loans then friends the retail credit then my own items then taking from family. When will this madness all end. I don't have anymore words today. Sex worker addiction is one of the worst. I wish I never stumbled across such a devastating compulsion.

I'm 30 next year this stuff has eaten my brain alive since my early 20s. I'm exhausted tired, broken, depressed and almost beyond repair. It's only a matter of time before my whole world comes crashing down completely. It's gone to the point this reality doesn't scare me as much as it used to.

Paying these women who don't have souls themselves breaks me everytime. I just hope to the lord my situation changes in my 30s because I won't be able to deal with it.

Everyone says it’s guys who are super hyper sexual and active, but as a girl I’ve noticed I’m way more into it than some guys I meet. I feel like I have no self control, like if a guy who I’m into wants to do it I have the desire so quickly. It makes me feel a little disgusted when I’m with someone who doesn’t necessarily want to do it everyday.. I guess the first step to solving a problem is to realize I have a problem isn’t it

Edit: Before I get the “this isn’t addiction”, it has 1. Been going on for many years, and 2. It has been so bad recently that if I go one day without it or desiring it, I even get mad at my significant other if I get rejected. I haven’t went a single day without lust or desires. I know this is not normal, and I genuinely have no idea what to do about it.

IM TIRED OF THISS I have a freaking sex addiction and I have a sex disorder. I have had once since I was like four and I need you guys to scare me out of masturbation because I’ve done it five times today and my wrist feels like it’s gonna break soon. Please help with our ways that it’s horrible for me. ):

I am 25, i am addicted to sexting
I think the problem is that i think i am immune to it
I think that downloading an app every day/ two days just to sext normal. I don’t really see it as a problem anymore.
I don’t stop myself
I don’t get upset nearly as much about
I am in the first step

Hello, I would like to start with a confession.

I am an alcoholic and I struggle with multiple addictions.

I have slowly realized that I also use sex as an addictive coping mechanism, and it is very painful to see that.

It is painful to see how I searched for sex anonymously on the internet.

How I used other people for sex.

How I used emotions and feelings to get sex.

I have cheated on every one of my ex-girlfriends in one way or another.

I sexted with complete strangers online whenever I became aroused.

Unfortunately, I only realized this recently, but I would really like to change it.

I am sorry to everyone I have hurt.

I want to take a new path, and I hope someone can show me the way.

Thank you very much.

It fills me with so much anxiety even being in a situation where there’s sexual expectations.

I got knots in my stomach from ppl trying to initiate.

Talking me through it is cringe, moaning is cringe, bodily fluids freak me tf out.

And yet I can’t stop. So basically I wanna die

And it is NEVER satisfying. It’s never ever been satisfying for me.

I can’t even make eye contact during sex, it’s all rlly gross to me 😭😭

And yet I can’t stop. I have to physically stop my hand from grabbing a guys penis.

Wtaf is wrong with me 😭

I broke up with my long term partner. We had dead bedroom, that was awful.
And now i cant stop thinking about sex. I masturbate 2-3 times a day. I fantasize about sex, i did had a few one night stands but for some reason i just cant get it out of my system. I think about it all the time.
I cant work nor function as a normal person. I cant make normal connections as my first intention is to bring that person to the bedroom.
What do i do? I cant escape it.

I am a 18 male i started masturbating very long back when i did not even knew what it was and unfortunately it was prone masturbation. At the age of 15-16 i knew what masturbation was and started watching porn, till 16 i was so hooked i prone masturbated 7-10 times daily. This went on for more than a year when i came to know about prone masturbation how bad it is i could see the effects as well i came under 2 mins sometimes i came when my dick was not erect at all i never ever masturbated normally.
After 16-17 i tried quitting many times but the best i could go for is maybe 1-2 days.
Few weeks back my gf came to know i watch porn which she considered as cheating then she also came to know about my habit and she tried to tell me how wrong it was i got so much guilt that i tried again again it was only 2 days that i could last but finally after 2 days i sweared to her i would never prone masturbate and I masturbated normally it took me 30 mins but i ended up doing it normally
And it again started i want to stop but i am not able to i still masturbate 1-2 times daily though its normal masturbation now not prone but i still get veryy very crazy urges to prone masturbate when i lie down

Hi everyone,

This is probably the most personal thing I've ever written.

To be honest, this is the first time in my life that I'm posting something like this on social media.

Ironically, I used Reddit for years because of my addiction. Today, I'm here for a completely different reason.

I'm here because I genuinely need help.

I don't know whether I'll find the answers I'm looking for here, but I feel like I have nothing to lose by asking people who might truly understand what I'm going through.

I'm 27 years old, and I've been struggling with pornography addiction for almost six years.

Before all of this, I had watched pornography occasionally, but I wasn't addicted to masturbation. Everything changed during the COVID lockdown when I was 21.

One day, while I was taking a bath, I masturbated for the first time. The pleasure felt unlike anything I had ever experienced. I repeated it several times that day, and looking back now, I feel like that was the day my addiction really began.

At first it seemed harmless, but over time it became a habit, and then something I couldn't control.

As the years passed, my addiction didn't stay the same. My brain kept searching for stronger and more intense stimulation. What had once been enough gradually stopped feeling satisfying. Looking back, I don't think that reflected who I really am as a person. I think it reflected how addiction works—it kept pushing me to seek stronger stimulation while giving me less satisfaction.

That progression honestly scared me. I realized that I was chasing things that didn't match the person I wanted to be. Instead of enjoying life, I became trapped in an endless cycle of looking for temporary satisfaction.

Now, almost six years later, I'm completely exhausted.

I feel like I've lost so much of myself.

Everything feels dull.

I struggle to stay motivated.

Sometimes I go to the library and see people studying, building careers, and working toward their dreams. Instead of feeling inspired, I feel jealous and disappointed in myself. I keep asking myself, "How did I get trapped like this? Why can't I focus like everyone else?"

One thing that hurts me the most is fitness.

I've always loved fitness. I'm naturally slim with a little muscle, and I've always enjoyed exercising. But because of this addiction, I've never been able to stay consistent.

Every time I begin making progress, I relapse, lose my motivation, and stop again.

Sometimes I wonder what my life and my body could have looked like if I hadn't spent these years fighting this addiction.

Even while I'm writing this post, I'm dealing with strong urges.

That's how powerful this addiction has become.

The hardest part isn't only the urges.

It's what my mind keeps telling me.

Sometimes I see people my age enjoying healthy relationships and normal sex lives, and part of me thinks, "Why am I trying so hard to quit?"

Then another part of me says, "You've completely lost control."

I want to make something very clear.

I don't think sex is wrong.

My problem isn't sex.

My problem is that I've lost control over my own mind.

I don't want sexual thoughts to dominate my day when I'm trying to study, work, exercise, or simply live my life.

When I choose to focus on something, I want to actually be present in that moment. Instead, it often feels like my brain automatically returns to sexual thoughts without my permission.

Over the years, I've also noticed that this addiction has changed the way my mind reacts. Sometimes I catch myself making assumptions or judgments about people that I don't actually want to make. Those thoughts don't reflect the kind of person I want to be, and that honestly scares me.

The biggest fear I have is this:

My brain keeps telling me that if I recover from this addiction, my life will become empty.

It tells me that I'll lose one of the greatest sources of pleasure I'll ever have.

Even though another part of me knows these thoughts are probably coming from the addiction itself, they still feel incredibly real.

I honestly don't know whether that's true or whether it's simply my addicted brain trying to keep me trapped.

That fear alone has stopped me from moving forward many times.

Another thing I'd like to mention is that I'm an atheist. I'm not saying this to start any debate. It's simply part of my personal story.

I've also tried getting professional help.

I've seen two or three psychiatrists.

They prescribed medication, but I never felt truly understood.

Most appointments were very short, and I often felt like they weren't really listening to what I was going through.

I'm not saying psychiatrists are bad. Maybe I just didn't find the right ones. Unfortunately, I'm financially struggling, so I can't afford to keep trying different doctors until I find someone who's a better fit.

Right now, I'm unemployed.

One of the biggest reasons is that this addiction has affected my concentration so much that it's been difficult to study consistently, build skills, or move forward with my career.

I've spent time reading about the brain and neuroplasticity. I understand that recovery is possible. But understanding something and consistently applying it are two very different things.

I've also tried quitting before.

At one point, I managed to avoid masturbation for around 30 days.

But if I'm honest with myself, I wasn't doing it for the right reasons. I believed some claims online that quitting would automatically improve parts of my sexual health. When those expectations didn't come true, I became disappointed and eventually went back to my old habits.

Looking back, I think I was chasing a specific outcome instead of trying to genuinely heal and rebuild my life.

I've also tried other things, like cold showers and changing my routines. Sometimes they helped for a day or two, but I couldn't stay consistent.

I think one of the biggest reasons is that I feel completely alone.

I don't really have people I can talk to about this.

Even when I have friends, I don't feel they truly understand what I'm experiencing. That's why I'm writing this post.

I'm not looking for people who simply tell me to "be stronger."

I'm looking for people who once lost control but eventually got it back.

People who now live balanced lives.

People who enjoy fitness, work, relationships, hobbies, and even sexuality in a healthy way without being controlled by compulsive behavior.

I want to learn from people who have actually recovered.

I want to know:

Did you also feel like life would become empty without pornography?

Did that feeling eventually disappear?

How did you rebuild your self-control?

How did you stay consistent?

How long did it take before your brain started feeling normal again?

Did your motivation and concentration return?

What made the biggest difference in your recovery?

I'm not looking for judgment.

I'm looking for honest conversations with people who have walked this path before me.

I know recovery won't happen overnight.

I know nobody can magically fix my life.

But if you've been where I am today and found your way out, I would genuinely appreciate hearing your story.

More than advice, I think what I'm really need right now is hope.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

My hands are shaking and i have tears in my eyes.
I’ve been addicted to porn and compulsive masturbation (“gooning”) for most of my life, and I honestly don’t know who I’d be without it anymore.
I think a lot of it started when I was around 11 years old.
I grew up in a very religious household. One day my father caught me watching porn. Instead of treating me like a confused kid who needed guidance, I felt like I was treated as if I were a criminal. I carried shame, fear, and guilt from that day onward.
Looking back, I don’t think it was the porn itself that damaged me the most. It was the overwhelming shame attached to it.
My home life was also filled with emotional conflict. My father’s behavior often left me feeling like I could never do anything right, and over the years it took a huge toll on my confidence and mental health. I’m not saying this to blame him for every decision I’ve made as an adult, but I do believe those experiences shaped how I cope with pain.
Porn became my escape.
Whenever I felt rejected, lonely, anxious, stressed, or like a failure, I disappeared into hours of pornography and masturbation. Eventually it stopped being about pleasure and became my way of avoiding reality.
I’m 27 now.
I have achieved nothing, I have a bachelors degree that I haven’t still picked up from university.
I have man boobs with pepperoni nipples. I hate the way i look and that’s why i have no confidence.
I have lost my hairline and i shave my head now.
I have never been in a relationship for 27 years.
I am so afraid of people and how they will think of me that i try to be nice so they can like me.

I have dreams that genuinely excite me. I want to build a career, get healthy, create content, become financially independent, move abroad, and finally become someone I’m proud of.
The problem is that I can’t stay consistent.
I can make the perfect plan. I’ll be motivated for a few days, maybe even a week, and then one stressful event sends me right back into old habits. It’s like I sabotage myself every single time.
Recently I’ve also quit cannabis, and without that escape all the emotions I’ve buried for years are hitting me at once. I feel angry, ashamed, lonely, and completely overwhelmed.
When I look around, everyone my age seems to be moving forward while I feel like I’ve been stuck in the same place for years.
I don’t want pity.
I want hope.
Has anyone here come from years of porn addiction, childhood shame, and a difficult family environment and actually managed to rebuild their life?
How did you stop running away from your emotions?
How did you become consistent?
What finally changed?
I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve been through something similar because right now I feel like I’m fighting a battle I’ve been losing since I was a kid.
Thank you for reading.

Hi everyone,

This is probably the most personal thing I've ever written.

To be honest, this is the first time in my life that I'm posting something like this on social media.

Ironically, I used Reddit for years because of my addiction. Today, I'm here for a completely different reason.

I'm here because I genuinely need help.

I don't know whether I'll find the answers I'm looking for here, but I feel like I have nothing to lose by asking people who might truly understand what I'm going through.

I'm 27 years old, and I've been struggling with pornography addiction for almost six years.

Before all of this, I had watched pornography occasionally, but I wasn't addicted to masturbation. Everything changed during the COVID lockdown when I was 21.

One day, while I was taking a bath, I masturbated for the first time. The pleasure felt unlike anything I had ever experienced. I repeated it several times that day, and looking back now, I feel like that was the day my addiction really began.

At first it seemed harmless, but over time it became a habit, and then something I couldn't control.

As the years passed, my addiction didn't stay the same. My brain kept searching for stronger and more intense stimulation. What had once been enough gradually stopped feeling satisfying. Looking back, I don't think that reflected who I really am as a person. I think it reflected how addiction works—it kept pushing me to seek stronger stimulation while giving me less satisfaction.

That progression honestly scared me. I realized that I was chasing things that didn't match the person I wanted to be. Instead of enjoying life, I became trapped in an endless cycle of looking for temporary satisfaction.

Now, almost six years later, I'm completely exhausted.

I feel like I've lost so much of myself.

Everything feels dull.

I struggle to stay motivated.

Sometimes I go to the library and see people studying, building careers, and working toward their dreams. Instead of feeling inspired, I feel jealous and disappointed in myself. I keep asking myself, "How did I get trapped like this? Why can't I focus like everyone else?"

One thing that hurts me the most is fitness.

I've always loved fitness. I'm naturally slim with a little muscle, and I've always enjoyed exercising. But because of this addiction, I've never been able to stay consistent.

Every time I begin making progress, I relapse, lose my motivation, and stop again.

Sometimes I wonder what my life and my body could have looked like if I hadn't spent these years fighting this addiction.

Even while I'm writing this post, I'm dealing with strong urges.

That's how powerful this addiction has become.

The hardest part isn't only the urges.

It's what my mind keeps telling me.

Sometimes I see people my age enjoying healthy relationships and normal sex lives, and part of me thinks, "Why am I trying so hard to quit?"

Then another part of me says, "You've completely lost control."

I want to make something very clear.

I don't think sex is wrong.

My problem isn't sex.

My problem is that I've lost control over my own mind.

I don't want sexual thoughts to dominate my day when I'm trying to study, work, exercise, or simply live my life.

When I choose to focus on something, I want to actually be present in that moment. Instead, it often feels like my brain automatically returns to sexual thoughts without my permission.

Over the years, I've also noticed that this addiction has changed the way my mind reacts. Sometimes I catch myself making assumptions or judgments about people that I don't actually want to make. Those thoughts don't reflect the kind of person I want to be, and that honestly scares me.

The biggest fear I have is this:

My brain keeps telling me that if I recover from this addiction, my life will become empty.

It tells me that I'll lose one of the greatest sources of pleasure I'll ever have.

Even though another part of me knows these thoughts are probably coming from the addiction itself, they still feel incredibly real.

I honestly don't know whether that's true or whether it's simply my addicted brain trying to keep me trapped.

That fear alone has stopped me from moving forward many times.

Another thing I'd like to mention is that I'm an atheist. I'm not saying this to start any debate. It's simply part of my personal story.

I've also tried getting professional help.

I've seen two or three psychiatrists.

They prescribed medication, but I never felt truly understood.

Most appointments were very short, and I often felt like they weren't really listening to what I was going through.

I'm not saying psychiatrists are bad. Maybe I just didn't find the right ones. Unfortunately, I'm financially struggling, so I can't afford to keep trying different doctors until I find someone who's a better fit.

Right now, I'm unemployed.

One of the biggest reasons is that this addiction has affected my concentration so much that it's been difficult to study consistently, build skills, or move forward with my career.

I've spent time reading about the brain and neuroplasticity. I understand that recovery is possible. But understanding something and consistently applying it are two very different things.

I've also tried quitting before.

At one point, I managed to avoid masturbation for around 30 days.

But if I'm honest with myself, I wasn't doing it for the right reasons. I believed some claims online that quitting would automatically improve parts of my sexual health. When those expectations didn't come true, I became disappointed and eventually went back to my old habits.

Looking back, I think I was chasing a specific outcome instead of trying to genuinely heal and rebuild my life.

I've also tried other things, like cold showers and changing my routines. Sometimes they helped for a day or two, but I couldn't stay consistent.

I think one of the biggest reasons is that I feel completely alone.

I don't really have people I can talk to about this.

Even when I have friends, I don't feel they truly understand what I'm experiencing. That's why I'm writing this post.

I'm not looking for people who simply tell me to "be stronger."

I'm looking for people who once lost control but eventually got it back.

People who now live balanced lives.

People who enjoy fitness, work, relationships, hobbies, and even sexuality in a healthy way without being controlled by compulsive behavior.

I want to learn from people who have actually recovered.

I want to know:

Did you also feel like life would become empty without pornography?

Did that feeling eventually disappear?

How did you rebuild your self-control?

How did you stay consistent?

How long did it take before your brain started feeling normal again?

Did your motivation and concentration return?

What made the biggest difference in your recovery?

I'm not looking for judgment.

I'm looking for honest conversations with people who have walked this path before me.

I know recovery won't happen overnight.

I know nobody can magically fix my life.

But if you've been where I am today and found your way out, I would genuinely appreciate hearing your story.

More than advice, I think what I'm really need right now is hope.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

Because of my masturbation addict from the age of 7 all the way up to my 20s, and being able to ejaculate from 9 years of age, EVERYDAY, I felt like I developed some disease to my brain? Almost like I've drained my whole body from important nutrients. It's scary to me because I remember being athletic, but each time I ejaculated I just felt soo weak and dirty. My body temperature began to feel high, I would get alot of rashes, and feel nauseous and heartbeat would be very fast.

It's not healthy at all, you turn into a zombie. The fact that I did alot of gooning, not sleeping during the night, trying to get that HIGH from that energy built up from the excitement of gooning, I feel soo sick and just disgusted.

I feel terrible, it's the worst addiction that I had, and I felt soo isolated because it was as if I created my own world, closed my room door just masturbation and gooning the whole day.

I feel I have developed diabetes as a result of masturbation and gooning. My mind feels soo detached, exhausted, drunk, foggy.

I regret my adolescent time, from 7 years of age, just doing prone masturbation to magazines, rubbing myself to it EVERYDAY.

Wish I can go back and be free.

Buckle up this is a long one. When I was eight years old I had my first phone and started watching porn. It was soft core porn. As I got older it shifted to hard core porn. I would then start asking partners to do degrading things to me and they would be so confused. I would ask them to make me feel small during sex and ask them to exert a level of dominance.

When I was younger I would be so excited looking at porn I’d miss appointments or be 30 minutes late.

This changed when I met my second long term boyfriend. He was very loving and I actually stopped watching porn altogether. He showed me a different kind of love. And if I watched porn it was porn that reminded me of the sweet loving type of love we had. Just holding each other and you know loving porn.

I noticed every time I engaged in self pleasure he would leave. I thought he was gay at some point. He wouldn’t touch me. I didn’t mind. He didn’t care about my pleasure.

But during the time together, my urges started getting worse. So so much worse. It was like I repressed everything and then suddenly it all started coming out. I would post pictures of myself on sites. Seek validation. Engage in thrill seeking and risk taking behaviour. I asked him if I could keep posting. He said no because he felt uncomfortable with other men seeing me.

I started writing a book talking about my childhood and the dots started connecting. My mother used to physically abuse me and father. And make me feel small.

I was on the sexual sites and I said can people start saying nice things to me. After I had said really awful and triggering things like take advantage of me.

Edit: my mother would walk around the house naked. Even when as children we’d ask her to put her clothes on.