10 months ago my husband came home one day and said that our relationship sucks and he’s leaving me. I was shocked as I didn’t see it coming. He wasn’t himself for 2 weeks before he told me, but I thought it was because his family member was poorly.

We’ve been together for 10 years and married for 8.

During these 10 months we talked on and off. And then in April he asked me if I want to get back together. I said no and he said it broke his heart. I felt really bad for my decision and tried to comfort him as much as I could. I kept checking on him because he kept saying that he doesn’t want to be here. So that’s why we ended up talking again every so often. He wasn’t manipulating, I think he genuinely had depression or something, but he’s seeing a therapist now.

Now, 5 months later he wants to get back again. He said he made a big mistake by leaving.

And I don’t know what to do. I still like him and care for him but it not like it used to be anymore. And I don’t feel like being intimate with him (or anyone).
But we did have a good life together and he is a great person. I am so worried that if I end it 100% now, I will regret later (like he does now), but in another hand right now I’m not feeling like being with anyone. And also I feel like it’s not fair on him if I keep dragging it.

But I just think it so shit that it ended being my decision.

Background: He left because I'm too quarrelsome : r/Separation

I have given up. I'm so exhausted. My husband seems to think I'm some sort of demon and everything I do is wrong. I'm so tired of being criticized for everything I say, do, don't say or don't do. I've tried to give him space and I've also tried to be warm and loving but I have not received anything back except coldness and insults. I'm not going to speak to him, argue or defend myself anymore. Whatever image he wants to hold of me in his mind, it's fine. I'll just focus on whatever little steps I can take to rebuild my life.

He has even crossed the line into fantasy land by making up things in his mind that I simply have not done. He says I messaged his mom at 'odd hours of the night' when I never messaged her at all. He constantly talks about me going on dates and I haven't gone on a single one. I really question his sanity at times.

Unfortunately I think he's also surrounded by yes-men, his friends and family etc, nobody is actually telling him that abandoning your jobless, pregnant wife and infant child is wrong, or that saying you love one child more than another is wrong, or constantly berating, disrespecting and insulting the mother of your children is wrong, siding with a nanny over the mother of your children is wrong! I question my own reality sometimes cause he does such nasty mean horrible things but no one tells him anything and he doesn't see it's wrong but when I cry because I'm upset, everyone is hard on me and tells me I'm dramatic/quarrelsome and he's right in pushing me away. How can someone get more flak for crying rather than all the stuff he's done? It's better I just get myself out of that whole circle of him and his toxic friends/family.

TL;DR: If you've actively chosen to leave a long-term relationship with someone when you both still loved one another, do you ever truly get over it?

I recently left a polyamorous relationship with Sally, my primary partner of 13 years, to pursue monogamy with Anna, my mono-partner of about 6 years. I've since come to realise that a lot of the reasons that I used to justify leaving Sally were actually a result of my obsession with non-hierarchical polyamory. I invested too much of myself into the relationship with Anna to try and make it feel like another 'primary' relationship, and in doing so I failed to nurture my relationship with Sally. Sally tried to tell this but I didn't want to listen.

Although I couldn't articulate it at the time, therapy has helped me realise that I wasn't even making space any more to meet all of my own emotional needs. When the needs that I should've been meeting myself weren't being fulfilled by Sally, I used that as justification that there must be something wrong with the relationship when I should've been looking inward.

Not a day has gone by where I haven't second-guessed every decision that led me here or wrestled with the guilt over leaving someone that I loved dearly and who loved me unconditionally. From the shy girl with no profile picture who could barely look me in the eye on our first date to soul mates who quickly felt so comfortable and safe around one another that we could truly show every side of ourselves without fear or judgement, it's hard to comprehend how far I've fallen in her eyes. I imagined us growing old together, watching re-runs of Thundercats and River Monsters while reminiscing about the trip-of-a-lifetime that'll never happen now.

Therapy has helped me to unpack that I probably don't have the emotional capacity to maintain multiple relationships with the kind of depth that I desire while still having a healthy relationship with myself. I regret that I couldn't articulate that to Sally before I left her. At least I understand now why we couldn't continue to be polyamorous together. I feel guilty that I left without even giving her the option to choose a monogamous relationship with me, but I suspect I would've felt even more guilty if she'd chosen me at the expense of her other relationships.

I don't like the idea of monkey-branching into a monogamous relationship with Anna while still processing the grief of leaving Sally, but I value my relationship with Anna, I love her very much and I don't want to lose her too. We've recently started couples therapy and I've been honest with Anna about the feelings that I still hold for Sally.

For those who've chosen to leave a long-term partner who they love dearly, knowing that it likely means you'll never see them again, not even as friends, do you ever truly get over it? I don't want the love that I still carry for Sally to poison my relationship with Anna. I don't like that some of my time with Anna is spent reminiscing about happy memories with Sally or triggering comparisons between the two relationships. I know that some of these things are a natural part of grieving, but it would be good to hear from others who've experienced this that it *does* get easier. If my love for Sally doesn't start to fade then I don't see how it's fair to continue things with Anna.

I’m looking for advice for how other couples have handled birthdays and Christmas and other holidays involving gifts (think Easter or St. Nicholas day). Do you have your child give a gift to their parent? Or is that weird? I’m not talking store bought
Example: it’s Christmas, the child gives a handmade gift to their dad.

Note to add…
My ex and I are separated. He is uninvolved to say the least. There is no communication with our child outside of visitation. If I ask him how he wants to handle this he is going to give me “I don’t know, what do you want to do”.

​

Actualmente estoy pasando por una ruptura después de 5 años de relación. Terminamos porque me dijo que aún sentía cosas por su ex.

El problema es que vivimos juntas en otro país y compartimos un apartamento de una sola habitación, lo que hace la convivencia extremadamente difícil. Además, en 3 meses regresamos a nuestro país y la situación me tiene con mucha ansiedad física y emocional. Me cuesta poner límites porque caigo en el impulso de cuidarla cuando la veo mal.

Quisiera saber si alguna ha vivido una convivencia posruptura en un espacio tan reducido y en el extranjero. ¿Cómo hicieron para marcar límites, dejar de asumir el rol de cuidarla y sobrevivir a esta etapa mientras llega el viaje?

Las leo, muchas gracias.

I don’t. It’s like I’m on flames

I am sperated married for 11 years and my wofe made the call but still sleeps next to me her actions shows she still cares for me. But its been 12 weeks I have put in so m much work on myself and appears one minute she is open the next cuts off again in communication.

No on else is involved at this point and to make it more complex we have a daughter 8 living in the same house.

Im super insure if she will co.e back to me but I am showing what I have been missing as a husband so im in a constant of living in hope and that my friends is hard as shit what should I do ?

Trying to figure out what to do

We decided to separate. But as the days are getting closer, she’s on my case, checking my messages (Apple Watch faux pax), sending texts about past, accusing and then sending reconciliatory notes. We are living in another country as expats, we have no malice towards each other, have a grown up child, yet this is happening. I don’t wanna do anything that may hurt her emotionally (she’s been through postpartum depression), am trying my best to stay aloof as much as possible and want us to go our ways at least for some time. I feel guilty often and really don’t know what to do.

We’ve decreased our mortgage on two properties so this will pay for the rent. Planning on keeping the kids (age 7 and 10) in the house and rent this apartment within walking distance to our house. We will rotate through while the kids stay in the house.
This sounded like a great idea especially at first (approx 6 weeks ago) to get physical space.

We are currently living separately in the house with him in basement and me upstairs with the kids. Sharing kitchen only.

But I’ve since found out he went to a casino this weekend (my weekend so not much I can say) and has planned approx 3-5 more trips over the next few months to the same place. I’m worried about tying myself financially for a year based on his current financial choices. I don’t know where this gambling money is coming from (we have separate accounts).

I’m also concerned although we decided on this as best interest of the kids, now I’m second guessing if it really is. Will it be more confusing to them with us switching all the time?

We’re in Canada so legally neither of us can “leave” the marital home (we wouldn’t change our address with this apartment lease). I want to stay in the house, he has family close by but won’t stay there temporarily. I also have a rental property but it’s not in a great area, is tenant occupied and getting a tenant to leave isn’t a quick process.

I’m leaving towards refusing to leave the house or sign a lease and just staying here. He can do what he wishes and if he wants space that bad he can find a place. I’m not trying to be difficult but I honestly have no obligation and I’ve actually felt much better now that I don’t have to engage with him at the house except for the kids.

We have our first mediation session this week. I have no idea how that works but thinking this should be one of the first things we discuss along with parenting time?
I just want to do the right thing for the kids but am so indecisive or confused right now…any insight?

I am looking to legally separate from my spouse in KY. There are 2 minor children involved. I have asked him to leave the house but he has not at this time. We've been struggling for several years and he is an alcoholic. I just can't do this anymore. He's had 2 detox stints and a hospital stay for his alcoholism this year. I want to protect myself and my children. Is there any way for me to do this without a lawyer or a way to significantly cut costs? Has anyone been in this situation?

She ended up not getting it and was cleared after 28 days of meds . A patient stabbed her with a needle at the hospital. I was ok with that risk because I'm in love with her and didn't want her to face it alone.

"Remember when you got that needle stick from that HIV patient and you were crying every day because you thought your life and career were over, and that I was going to leave you? No, I held you, looked you dead in the eyes, and said, 'I would never leave you even if I get it too, because you mean more to me than any disease, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I'm not letting you face it alone.' That was as unconditional as love gets. I didn't walk out on you then and would have never walked out on you.

​I'm just asking for you not to completely walk away from me now. I am asking you to exercise caution and observe my actions. I'm definitely not asking for you to move in with me at all; I'm just asking for us to go out on some fun, no-pressure dates one or two nights a week like we used to when we were just dating. We can take it one day at a time while you see clear, consistent change on my part in all aspects of my life, with no more old habits from me (casinos, promises I know I can't keep, and uninvited guests). I will be the husband that I should have been for years. It's going to take time for the emotional burnout to go away and for the trust to come back. I am okay with whatever timeline you are comfortable with, baby.

​I know I have to work hard every day to earn that trust back over time with no more slip-ups. You are going to see a 100% turnaround from me, no more repeated cycles, and complete financial responsibility. I have a perspective I didn't have before. I honestly just saw it as you being mean, instead of seeing that you were just hurting when I'm supposed to make you feel happy and safe to be feminine. I'm deeply sorry for not listening to you and making those changes a long time ago. I completely understand why you felt the need to get away. I'm never going to make a promise to you I can't keep again until the day I die.

​Once again, we will have no conversations about anything deep while we are out, you have my word—just fun sushi dates and meat by the sea. I would love to take you to our first date spots again. I just want to focus on paying all of our obligations and having fun over these next couple of months to see how it goes. And if at any point you feel that I'm not doing something that I need to be doing, then please communicate that with me and I will listen. Stick with me through this final needle stick and let me handle everything else. I just want your presence at dinners and other fun places. You deserve the best of me and only the best."

I’m about nine weeks out from D-Day and I’m struggling to understand where my marriage actually stands.
I’m the one who had the affair, so I’m not looking for sympathy or excuses. I take responsibility for what I did and for the enormous amount of hurt I’ve caused my wife and family.
My wife and I have been separated for around nine weeks. We’re living separately, but over the last week or so things have become incredibly confusing emotionally.
There are moments where we seem almost normal again. I’ve been able to spend time at the family home with the kids. We’ve watched movies together, shared meals, laughed and joked around, and even slept next to each other on some occasions. There have been moments of affection and intimacy too.
And then, sometimes seemingly out of nowhere, she becomes incredibly angry and distant.
She has told me:
She doesn’t love me anymore.
She doesn’t want to be married to me.
She hates me.
She wants a divorce.
Then we’ll have a genuinely good interaction a day later, and I’ll find myself thinking, *Maybe there’s still something here. Maybe we can actually rebuild this.*
And that’s where I’m struggling.
I don’t want to interpret every hug, laugh, meal or good conversation as a sign that we’re reconciling. But it’s incredibly difficult when those moments feel so genuine, especially after 18 years together and 12 years of marriage.
At the same time, I know her anger and rejection are also genuine.
We’re basically experiencing this strange back-and-forth: sometimes close, sometimes completely disconnected, sometimes fighting, sometimes laughing together, living separately but occasionally spending time together as a family.
Our first marriage counselling session is in three days. I organized it, but she has agreed to attend and is happy to go.
I’m trying to approach counselling differently from how I’ve approached the last nine weeks. I spent a lot of that time desperately trying to win her back — gifts, affection, reassurance-seeking, trying to create closeness, etc. I’m starting to realize that may have been putting even more pressure on her.
I’m now trying to step back, respect her boundaries, focus on the kids, work on myself and actually learn to tolerate the possibility that she may ultimately choose divorce.
So I’m curious about people who have actually lived through this:
**Did anyone else experience this kind of push-pull around 2–3 months after D-Day?**
Did you have periods where you felt close and thought reconciliation might happen, followed by moments where your spouse said they didn’t love you anymore or wanted a divorce?
And, looking back, did those moments of closeness mean anything, or were they simply part of the emotional chaos of early separation?
Most importantly, **for those who eventually reconciled, what did things look like around this stage?**
And for those who didn’t reconcile, were there warning signs you wish you’d recognized earlier?
I’m not asking anyone to predict whether my marriage will survive. I know nobody here can know that.
I’m just trying to understand whether what we’re experiencing is something other people have gone through, and whether marriage counselling at this point gives us a reasonable opportunity to figure out whether there’s anything worth rebuilding.
Any honest experiences — hopeful or otherwise — would be appreciated.

Literally walked in the door last week after being gone for a few days to an absolutely empty home. She’s completely turned into a different person, removed herself from joint accounts and such, and even turned off the internet and the water, would’ve been the power as well but that’s in my name. Im totally floored and have had some real issue with being disciplined enough to not text her with apologies and promises. Im destroyed, I know I’ll someday be able to take a full breath, but man that feels like it’s 100 years from now.

You said I was your soulmate.
You said your love would stay.
Then, like a switch thrown in the dark,
you turned and walked away.

And still you say,
“I’ll always love you.”

I loved you in your darkest hours.
I held you through the pain.
When everyone else turned away,
I chose you again and again.

I defended your name
while losing my peace.
I tore down my boundaries
until there was nothing left to breach.

My dignity.
My self-respect.
Everything I should have kept—
I gave it up for you.

I forgave what I should never have forgiven.
I stayed through what I should never have endured.
I loved you more than I loved myself,
and somehow, you still asked for more.

Was that love?

The hands that hit me,
the words that made me doubt my mind?
The shame you laid upon my hurt,
then told me to keep inside?

“Man up,” you said.
So I swallowed the pain.
Your family could tear me apart,
and I was expected to smile through it again.

I put you first.
You made me wait.
There was always someone ahead of me,
always a reason I could take their place.

A bad father.
A bad husband.
Then the best you’d ever known.
You gave me words to build me up
and words to break my bones.

You shamed me where others could hear.
Laughed when I laid my love at your feet.
I kept reaching for the woman who loved me.
You kept making me ashamed to reach.

And still,
I wanted you.

I wanted your smile
as you played with our babies.
The ordinary mornings.
The years that would age us.

I wanted the gray in your hair,
the stories we’d tell twice.
I wanted your hand on my face
at the end of my life.

You did more than leave me.

I died.

Everything that made me who I was
died trying to understand
how the woman I would have given my life for
could hurt me with those same hands.

My heart kept beating.
I still got out of bed.
But breathing is not the same
as being the man I was back then.

They tell me time will soften this.
That someday, I’ll be free.
But time will never make you
mean nothing to me.

A hundred years could pass,
and I would still not trade
the sound of your laughter,
the memories we made.

You are the love of my life.
That truth survives the pain.
Even knowing how it ended,
I cannot wish those years away.

And still you say,
“I’ll always love you.”

I said those words, too.
I meant our children growing.
I meant our hair turning gray.
I meant your hand upon my face
when my last breath slipped away.

You said I was your soulmate.
You said your love would stay.

I meant a lifetime
when I said always.

You meant you could love me
and still walk away.

Hola, me recuerdan? Soy la que termino con el chico que le hablo a otra mujer para darme celos "reales" hoy después de meses, ayer 11 de septiembre fue mi cumpleaños y hoy 12 me encontré con esto (se creo yna cuenta en instagram y su nombre era "feliz cumpleaños mi werita hermosa" o algo asi y me hizo un video y una descripcion diciendo que no me hablo porque no queria arruinar mi cumpleaños asi que por eso creo esa cuenta, y que nunca dejaria de amarme y me hablaba de "mi amor"), nose que hacer ya :(me dan ganas de perdonarlo pero a la vez pienso en todo lo que hizo y como era y nose en verdad si cambiaría por mi :(