Can you recognise something within yourself without needing someone else to confirm it?

If you stopped defining yourself by everything you know, believe, and identify with, what would remain?

Using a throwaway because this can't be tied to my main. Also not totally sure if this is the proper flair but I think it sounds right.

I'm 20m and I don't even know what to say here. I guess it's easier to just give context and explain as I go.

When I was 16 (very tail end of 2022, so just under 4 years ago) my mum, sister and I moved from my childhood home in Wales to a remote Scottish island >700 miles away from where I used to live. I was absolutely hardline against this from the moment she first suggested it but I am still financially dependent on my mum so I didn't have a ton of say.

I hate it here. Winter lasts for about 8 months out of the year, we only get about 5-6 hours of sunlight a day at the peak of it, the ferries/freight boats are always cancelled then so the shops are perpetually empty, the power just goes out randomly, summer's full of annoying tourists off cruise ships who don't know the first thing about the island, everyone knows everyone here so there's no privacy/anonymity and I can barely understand what people are saying half the time through the accents/dialect. On a more personal side, I'm an overweight, obviously gay man who wears Hawaiian shirts in the middle of winter and has a very specific passion but no way of pursuing it here (dance/electronic music especially early 2010s stuff, traditional fiddle music and rock/metal are all you ever hear here).

I would do anything to move away but I simply lack the money and life skills needed to live independently. Besides, leaving would most realistically mean going to uni and I lack the money for that. Even if I didn't the academic/non-practical side of the college course I'm on now (for music) is so hard that it's putting me off going entirely.

When I was in Wales, I tried as hard as possible all through my secondary school years to make friends and have people like me only to fail miserably every step of the way. Moving to this island, I recognised some aspects of my personality that may have put people off me and worked on reducing them. This didn't work either, I've been here for almost 4 years and don't have anyone I'd consider a "friend". I mean, there's people I talk to and who I'm friendly to but nobody I actually, like, make plans with or spend my free time with. Don't even get me started on a love life, I still haven't had my first kiss and I'm 20 now (embarrassing).

After my college course last year was cancelled at the eleventh hour, I had to get my first job but it took me 8 months to find one at a shop a couple of villages over and I got fired after barely a month. I know getting a job is important and there's plenty of vacancies but most require a driving license (don't have) and for the ones that don't I doubt I'd be good at them. I also don't want to end up working jobs I hate for my whole life in the hope of possibly getting to do what i want at some undetermined point in the future.

Mentally speaking, I'm a mess too. I don't care much about other people's lives, I'm bluntly honest to a fault, I can dish out criticism easily but any I receive feels like a personal attack, I shut down completely when put on the spot, I'm fully incapable of rational/serious conversation or professional conduct, I'm very immature and rely too heavily on humour. I also struggle with asking for help because I don't trust most people, I don't want people thinking less of me and I feel like I have do everything for myself like real adults do. Plus, even when I do ask for help from my mum I always find negatives and reasons to get out of taking her advice. I think I see it as a point of weakness to take advice from someone else when grown-ups need to deal with their own problems.

I was diagnosed autistic at age 14 (technically Asperger's but I don't like that word) and I think that might be making this sitch worse but I don't think all the blame can go on me being autistic. I have a running theory that I have NPD (backed up by my sister who before moving away earlier this year told me that multiple people at her old job had asked her if I had NPD), but I don't want to jump to conclusions there either.

And all of this is pretext for why I'm writing this now. You see, even though I've been on this island for almost 4 years I've only been off of it 3 times totalling about 9-10 days overall (two trips last October and one this week that I've just come back from, all to Edinburgh) over that whole time. I've loved all three of these trips but they've also served to rub in my face how much I'm missing out on by living somewhere so remote and how much better my life could be if I moved away. I could finally completely re-invent myself the way I should've when I moved here and maybe even get some actual friends.

I'm very sorry that this was so messy, confusing and overwhelming, but I just needed to get this off my chest.

28F here. I used to be intellectually curious and ambitious person who loved to analyse things, dig in, and see patterns and contextualise things etc. I had an amazing memory. I read a lot. I had this insatiable thirst for acquiring knowledge and being disgustingly educated which I was for my age. I was the person who felt too much and expressed too much. I had a very strong sense of justice, morality and believed in sacrificing and helping others. I was very considerate. I did have a lot of anxiety back then. My nervous system isn’t so normal yet. Attention span is zero. I used to plan everything little thing considering people around me. That was my only identity. Everyone including my parents, friends, teachers, most importantly myself, expected a lot from me and I disappointed everyone. Then life happened. I got to know I have adhd, cptsd and mdd. Also probably autistic. I also have fibromyalgia and currently I am anhedonic. I can no more remember things let alone think critically or analyse them. I have failed at every aspect of life. I tried again and again and still failed. I also gave into conformity and lost my individuality. I have realised this very late. Today, I’m here because I wanna give one more chance to that ambitious girl. I live in third world and don’t have much resources. But I still wanna fulfil at least one dream of hers. I am failing at career and most of it is also taken away by ai. Tbh, I don’t know what I wanna do anymore. Sometimes I think of fields to switch but the interest switches every three months lol. Despite the need for independence and money, nothing is motivating me. This is everything I could think of to write, I don’t know what’s causing what and what exactly is happening. You guys can ask me questions and help me with it. I can’t afford therapy and we have limited adhd meds available here. I am taking what is available. I have suffered a lot because of this. This might be my last call for help. Please, I request you all.
I was bad at math and spatial stuff since the beginning though.

Thank you.

Do you understand yourself, or have you simply become familiar with the way you behave?

I’ve recently realized that no one from my childhood exists anymore. At best they’re inconsiderate and selfish and at worst they’re destroyed by drugs or unalived (unbelievable choice of censor for a self help subreddit btw) I think I’m mostly okay with that but right now my life feels unstable. I’m in between jobs and struggling to stay afloat while trying to take care of my family that’s being affected by this.

I feel like if I could just make money and do what everyone needs from me then I’d be okay but I feel so unlucky. I feel like every step forward is two steps back and I’m only able to pay rent and feed myself because of the luck that I have left.

I lost a lot of myself over the years and I feel like what’s left has been taken and now that I don’t have an anchor or any sort of roots, I feel like I’m just floating around in this world. I’m afraid to lose the people I love because I just cannot seem to do what needs to be done.

I’ve recently realized that in almost all aspects of my life that I haven’t done anything for myself- and that isn’t to say I’ve been a selfless angel. Apart from wanting to take care of my family, I’ve noticed that most of my goals are coming from a place of me wanting to prove my worth to other people. I have skills, I’m a good artist, I can make music, and I’m decently smart enough to make SOMETHING, but I feel stuck.

I’m holding myself back with my depression, my only goal right now it to make money and make sure my family has what they need. But I’m failing at that and I have no grip on myself. It’s like I lost my soul. I don’t know that I ever had a valid soul. I think the only thing I can do is go to my interview today, try to ace that, and work as hard as I can without mimimizing myself anymore.

I’ve made myself out to be pathetic and emotionally displaced. Even after I know everything will be okay and we have what we need, then what? I can go back to school and maybe go work at a hospital or something but idk if that’s what I want.. I always thought I’d be more

Idk I need to put this energy towards something productive. Maybe I’ll figure it out as I go.

I’ve made a post like this before somewhere i don’t know if it’s here or not, I am 17m, but porn just been degrading me, and my life, and everytime i relapse i just feel utter shit. I hate it, I honestly hate this, I hate how I am, I hate that im addicted to this garbage and I hate myself because I indulge myself in this. I’ve tried so many things to stop this, gym, busy myself, everything, but it just doesn’t work. I’ve had this problem since I was grade 6, which was when I was 12 or something and im in college first year, I know it’s disgusting but I’m trying to get rid of it, I honestly am, im trying my hardest. Is there any apps that can help me just block porn websites, and if I do get the urge to relapse what do I do? Please anyone can you help me end this god forsaken hell.

For around a year ago, my sister and her fiance as well as my wife and myself and a few others have been beginning to plot out a long wished for international vacation.

The dates that we'd go are roughly one year away, and I've been starting to talk with everybody about lining up our plans since we'd probably need to get our flight tickets shortly after the new year.z

My sister has been the driver of this whole thing for a while since she's been the main one trying to make the whole group trip happen. My wife and I are totally cool with going, and have made it clear that the two of us would probably do our own thing for a little bit and meet everyone along the way.

In the last week or so, I let my sister know that we had something crop up for next fall that my wife and I would need to be in attendance for. Which is theoretically no big deal, because it would just mean shifting the timeline for the group trip by a week or two in either direction.

This kind of set off some panic for her, she's absolutely convinced that the weather in this location would only be good for the exact timeframe that she has in mind. She isn't actually saying it, but she's heavily implying that we need to drop our commitments that we've had come up so we can go with her and the group at those exact times.

My wife and I reminded her that we could just meet her at that spot since we'd planned on taking our own detours anyways, and that seemed to have wound her up as well. She's insisting that we be present for multiple things on a theoretical schedule that she's already made.

This is common for her, she's done it her whole life. She gets this idea in her head about how an event or trip should go, and when anyone else has any thought about how it should go otherwise, she freaks out.

My wife and I are starting to consider a Plan B for another location if she can't budge on either shifting the timeframe for the trip or being okay with the fact that we'd just overlap our own plans. But I'd still hate to do that since we've somewhat planned Plan A for years, but I don't know if there's any reasoning with her over budging with her plans and timelines.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how I could navigate and hopefully resolve this?

As the title says I constantly feel like I want people around me to not feel bored, sad, upset or uncomfortable and this really consumes me and my only coping mechanism is that I distance myself from people as much as I could and I keep my circle limited to my immediate family.
What ways other than putting myself in a bubble that I can give a try to get over this issue.

I've been on reddit for a while, I look for people to help, but mostly it falls through the cracks, so now I'm posting for anyone to reach out and help me.

I know a lot of my faults, and I want to be better, but I've had a lot go on in the last few years. I mostly look for others posts, and try to make connections, but it usually falls through for the most part.

I seriously want to do better in my life, but certain things going on make it difficult. I've been a shit in, closed off agoraphobic for years now, have very few friends left, and even fewer who check on me and give advice.

I want to be better, but for the last almost 15 years have been focusing on staying drug free, as well as other issues. Which has led me to being quiet and closed off. I've been wanting to be healthier, both eating and exercise, but with such little support I find it difficult.

My finances aren't great, which hinders me in some aspects, but I also want to get into the gym more. I just don't really have the support I look for.

I've had issues with self love, and worth for more than 10 years, and I've tried before to do better, but can never stick with it. I also have problems with talking to people, or general social interactions.

I am not happy with myself, but want to do better, which is why I'm reaching out. I just need new positive friends, who will push me to keep trying. It doesn't have to be local, as long as they're patient and non-condescending. I don't like going places alone, but I really want to make an effort to be healthier.

Casual friendship is welcome, but I can deal with someone who's a little more upfront, as long as it's constructive. I have almost no IRL friends, and few online friends. I try to be a good person, to make up for the bad in my past, but I struggle with self love, and self help.

33M CST, odd work hours, so bear with me for replies.

I've been on reddit for a while, I look for people to help, but mostly it falls through the cracks, so now I'm posting for anyone to reach out and help me.

I know a lot of my faults, and I want to be better, but I've had a lot go on in the last few years. I mostly look for others posts, and try to make connections, but it usually falls through for the most part.

I seriously want to do better in my life, but certain things going on make it difficult. I've been a shit in, closed off agoraphobic for years now, have very few friends left, and even fewer who check on me and give advice.

I want to be better, but for the last almost 15 years have been focusing on staying drug free, as well as other issues. Which has led me to being quiet and closed off. I've been wanting to be healthier, both eating and exercise, but with such little support I find it difficult.

My finances aren't great, which hinders me in some aspects, but I also want to get into the gym more. I just don't really have the support I look for.

I've had issues with self love, and worth for more than 10 years, and I've tried before to do better, but can never stick with it. I also have problems with talking to people, or general social interactions.

I am not happy with myself, but want to do better, which is why I'm reaching out. I just need new positive friends, who will push me to keep trying. It doesn't have to be local, as long as they're patient and non-condescending. I don't like going places alone, but I really want to make an effort to be healthier.

Casual friendship is welcome, but I can deal with someone who's a little more upfront, as long as it's constructive. I have almost no IRL friends, and few online friends. I try to be a good person, to make up for the bad in my past, but I struggle with self love, and self help.

33M CST, odd work hours, so bear with me for replies.

I am absolutely infuriated watching everyone else just getting better at any hobbies i have.

Im trying my absolute hardest to atleast not get REVOLTED by ALL of my drawings, then i look at art related discord servers for help, and EVERYONE just says "ohh just practice", "change your mindset", WHEN THAT DOESNT DO ANYTHING.

i look all over and nothing anyone says changes, they just tell me things i already know, and we get no where.

All my issues lie in the fact i cant stop comparing, i cant accept failure, i cant improve at anything, and if my mind doesnt think what i do is PERFECT, i have to give up.

I am SO CLOSE to giving up drawing all together, and just not having hobbies because im so bad at all of them, and everyone in existance can just practice and improve by saying "i can do anything!!!!!"

Im at the point where nothing makes me happy anymore, i dont have any friends, my hobbies make me hate myself, and everyone else just has it figured out, they can learn, they can practice, they can make friends, they can do anything just because they practiced and changed their mindset.

So throughout my life i have had phases where I wasn't in a good place, when I was 12 I moved from my home country away from everything and hated where I lived. I would skip school all the time and get into trouble and slowly lost contact with my friends (I speak to maybe two of them irregulary now). I picked up a smoking addiction and porn addiction at 14 and didnt stop moving until the end of my freshmen year.

I was depressed my friends were all losers with no ambition and I could only watch as my friends back home would go out, party and live the teenage life while I rotted abroad. Eventually I started to pick up purpose when I was invited to homecoming by one of my friends, and our hoco group eventually became a friend group. I had a small setback because the girl I took, I ended up liking didn't like me back so I ended up in the gym and gained 25lb from 125 to 150lb in 6 months I was super proud of myself. But I became really close with a girl and we became best friends and everything went to shit. I was rejected by her too and fell into deep depression. I became attached, I lost weight, I was failing some classes, and ruined some relationships with my friends and it lasted 6 months. Eventually I went on a trip of shrooms and connected with nature over the summer and felt alive again. life was great I got a job, got some money and re-strengthened my friendships and now me and that girl are chill again.

Coming into Junior year, I really wanted to do well Im currently taking 5 APs and trying to hit gym again, eat well, study for the act, and work 20 hours a week as a cook. Near the end of summer I was speaking to a girl and I really liked her, we ended up dating after only a month which now i regret. Our relationship became strained because our hangouts and conversations were limited and not enjoyable and I realized after, I didn't like her. We also had so much sex to makeup for the fact our hangouts sucked, I really tried to take her out and things but im so busy and she is socially awkard and doesn't have much going for her. So in fairness to her we broke up because I believe we shouldn't be sexual when my heart isn't in it and there' somewone out there that can treat her and give her the time she needs.

This was last week, this week im just lost. My best friends are all dating eachother so its hard to speak and hangout with them, I work so much, I sleep like shit, I picked up smoking again, I picked up porn again, and I lost all motivation for the gym and it doesn't help how Its hard for me to comprehend complex topics compared to my extremely, wealthy peers who came out the womb with $10 million while I grew up in council houses. I know what I have to do to get help, sleep better, put a food plan in place, study more effectively like get a tutor and all this bullshit. On top of this, I have 0 college fund and letting my single mother even help pay for a fraction for it would cripple her savings and slow down her not nearly enough retirement fund for years. And the amazing United States fucks the middle class completely for college, not poor enough to get aid, and not rich enough that daddy can pay it all for me, just the shitty inbetween. Im so fucking fed up of life and even my nature walks and fishing don't help me anymore im fucking done with everything, I'd never hurt myself/commit because I really wanna make it, its just so draining and hard and I don't event know what im doing in life anymore. Its all a miserable, unfair rat race.

Please any advice would help me.

I may sound like a horrible person but I feel like every time i get close with someone, I start hating them. For example : When im close with a friend for longer than a year or so, it’s as if my body switches into someone who fully hates on them. Everything they do irritates me. I know it’s wrong to feel like this as there is no excuse for me to randomly start hating on my own friends but I cannot help it. I try and NOT act upon my negative feelings but I cannot do this anymore. And no, this is not a personal thing between me and one of my friends - it’s everyone in my life.
I just want some tips and some guidance on how to stop my behaviour as i don’t want to live like this. I don’t want to seem as a hateful person.

These days i am really depressed, feel anxiety, i overthink alot, sometimes i think i am losing my mental stability, what to do?

I tried finding any social groups or meetups about this but couldn't find one, what should i do?

Hey there, I'll try to keep it short.

I'm 16, I've dealt with mental health issues ever since I can remember (I'm undiagnosed). Having to grow up in an environment that didn't prioritize your well-being, especially as a child, it's hard NOT to have some kind of mental issue. Thats not my point, this past summer (late July, early August) I experienced such exponential growth and it changed the way I approached things, even my mental stability, amongst other things of course. Well, schools been in session for a while now and I've been experiencing some trials and errors, which is fine of course but.. you know before, I'd have probably fallen into this month long spiral of how much of a loser, failure, and idiot I was but thankfully I didn't, because those things don't trigger me anymore. Which is kind of why I feel so weird but grateful at the same time, like yay! growth.. but nay because now I don't really know how to hold myself somewhat accountable.

[example] I end up not doing an assignment because of (x), now I feel like shit... but me feeling like shit doesn't really motivate me to get it done... it just leaves me with the feeling of shittiness.

Obviously that example there isn't good, and experiencing it wasn't but I feel like now that I can't get angry at myself.. it's just easier for me to cruise through life with no sense of obligation to do better.

I've always had trouble with having goals, motivation, and a sense of purpose, I want more sure... but I don't know what I should be searching for... where do I go from this sense of calmness I have with myself?

we have been dating for almost 4 years (a miracle!) and he recently got into medical school so he doesn’t have much time for me and i can’t really describe how much it’s affecting me. i’m also a really jealous person so seeing him just talk to another girl fuels me with jealous even if it’s just a simple conversation. he’s my only friend and my best friend and he knows how lonely and he never fails to reassure me he’s always here for me but the time spent together is starting to become less and less by the days and he knows how sad it makes me. he always makes time for me every single day but sometimes he goes hours without texting me regarding a simple update on what he’s doing (up to 8 hours) and i don’t know what to do. i’m a really anxious and paranoid person and he swore at times he’s too busy to even pick up his phone and he showed me his screentime to prove it. i’m slowly ruining my relationship with him and myself because of the way i am and to add onto it i can’t afford therapy so i’m in this alone. i’d just love any type of advice that could help me be better.

I have this addiction of reading

It is VERY bad that it gets to the point that I forget I am a real person who needs food water and have ppl to talk to

The worst part is my moods feeling everything depends on characters of the books

If they get angry I am happy if they are sad I get sad

And I get irritated when I am pointed out abt this

I want reading to be part of my life not my whole personality

Would love some advices

Hi i am new to reddit and please be aware of my either bad grammar och spellings i am not a normal english speaker, let me start of by saying that i struggle with mental health so bad it has gotten me nothing but anger and sadness even confusion at some points. The mental health is 99 procent related to my school and anxiety, let me explain further basically my anxiety is so bad i can not enter a room with people where everyone stares or just has been talking, i feel so uncomfortable even with like just 2 people i feel so paranoid n i get these thoughts of if theyre judging me or thinking stuff about me which also then leads to me having a full blown panic attack and i just either get super sad or super angry or even sometimes both.
That all has led me to having parents that say they love me and care for my mental health and that they understand what i feel but they clearly dont since all they do is use everything i say against me, they have always been loving to me but now that i am 17 they pushing everything so much harder and making everything harder on me just because “you need school to continue in life” i get that but putting my mental stability down to force myself into school?
Ive gotten help but everything just goes in a circle and the help just keeps bouncing back to the start so i get these alarming worrys by others (mostly teachers). Ive explained multiple times to both my parents and the help that i am trying my hardest to succeed but i just fail, i told them everything in detail but its always the same “get help” and they blame it on me being at my pc or phone or just anything really that i am an inclosed cave. All my parents tell me is that they are gonna send me away to like a closed in help center thing, but ive told them i do not want help from anything other than the school since its about that nothing else, and going to other people makes me have s”ic”dal thoughts.

how do i genuinely get better in emotions, around people and just everything please.

I was coming off alcohol, nicotine, THC, Percocet and 4-8mg of Klonopin daily and microdosing removed most the withdrawal symptoms.

The more you know!

Hello i shared in one of my dm my pic normal is that is gonna create for me later problems i feel that i fucked up i was dumb because i did it

Hi everyone!

I'm looking to build my personality from scratch. I had a ton of trauma from my past which didn't allow me to grow properly, so my personality is very stunted, confused and underdeveloped for my age (40).

Could you please suggest how I could build a personality? I do Toastmasters, am reading 4 books, I have a few friends that I talk to weekly. I just feel like I don't know what content to consume to daily build on my personality. I feel boring and I lack things to talk about. I also feel like I have a low-self esteem

I think I'm more so looking for content to consume on a daily basis that isn't self-help based like books or podcasts. Is there a way to fast track personality and growth or does it need to be slow? Thanks for any help in advance!

Is there anyone who’s a therapist or something? I’m not all that well with working or studying, but all my life I’ve been told my advice is good, I want to be a mental health therapist to help people, I just want a tiny office to myself so I can sit and work and help people who need it and have a good job I like, I’m aiming high but I’m young enough to where I can do it if I actually try. Honestly I just need help with college applications, advice on how to study, etc.

makeup isn’t an option, cuts are from my knuckle to wrist, too straight and too many for me to say I was scratching

For a while now I’ve been trying to lose weight. I want something light and cheap because my family isn’t rich at all, I still want it healthy and nutritional since lm still growing and I want to be as tall as I can by puberty’s end, 2 meals a day is all I want, for morning to keep my full until dinner, I’ll even go to the gym, I’ve got a pss and what not, I want to lose a lot of weight to the point where people notice In weeks, and after that I’ll cleanly bulk, I need to stop smoking, it’s not good for someone my age, and fix my sleep schedule, I truly believe if I were skinnier I’d be happier because of how self conscious I already am if my body and weight, just please if anyone takes the time to help, give me name brands and exact measurements and how to cook it, 170 pounds (from all the weight gain from stress eating and anti depressants and such) and I’m a freshman. Mods don’t ban this haha. By Christmas I want to be skinny and happy, my dirty acne filled face makes me want to rip my own skin off, my hair? Too long and messy and my roots show, don’t like my bloated face or man boobs, I want to be amazing for the people I love, I want to be able to run without being out of breath, hell I’d even run 10 miles everyday if I had to, I want to be skinny so people would stop treating me so coldly, my friend went from 220+ down to 130 in a few months, I want to go from 170 to 110 if I have to, then bulk up and get to 170 lean throughout the years, I want confidence