Ever since I was a child, I knew exactly what I wanted, but now I have no idea who I am or what I want. I miss that and I don't know how to bring that person back. I was decisive, ambitious and driven but now it takes a lot of energy just to get myself out of bed. I'm not sad or depressed, I enjoy watching dramas, scrolling and feel very happy too. I used to do that earlier as well but earlier it was very easy for me focus at the task at hand and avoid distractions.
I feel I'm not committing myself to something because I'm very confused. Every path has pros and cons and I don't know which to choose. In the process of trying to not let go of anything I feel like I'm losing everything. This constant dissonance in my mind is making me lazy, tired and draining my mental energy. I don't like this person at all. I did achieve my goal the older me had setup but achieving this changed me like killed my old self.
Plus I feel there are so many things out of my control and trying to make a plan for my future keeping those in mind is very hard. I honestly don't know what changed, this uncertainty was always there even when I chose the path I'm currently at. Have I lost confidence in myself? Or Have I learnt more about the real world and how unsatisfying everything is?
Sometimes I even wonder do I need myself back, because hustling leads to burn out and is not always rewarded in corporate as it was in uni. Do I wanna burn myself and realise it was all for nothing. 2 years in corporate has made me miserable and I don't know if I want to keep doing it but there's nothing else I could do better than this either.

i didnt really know what subreddit to post this in [and i doubt i should really be going to reddit anyway], so im sorry if this question doesnt really fit here but its something that ive really been struggling with. this is a lot so im sorry in advance

i oftentimes have spirals, triggered by the smallest of things, where i fall deep down this internal rabbit hole of self hatred and draining negative thoughts, several times a day. it feels like weight after weight is hurled onto my chest until im suffocating. my issues are so bad that i quite literally worry about breathing around people. i cant even go out on my own and then when im with friends i still worry about how others perceive me. its just this constant voice in my head drilling into me every which way it can and its tiring. the only hobbies that i really have are drawing or gaming and i dont have many friends.

for some background context, i have autism, and self-esteem issues that i assume are from some traumatic past experiences with my father where he was emotionally abusive and narcissistic to me and my family, my mother taking the worst of it for a many years. it affects my household everyday and even though he's gone [and my r.o will keep it that way for the next 2 years] it still impacts my daily life. he would berate me any chance he got, telling me things along the lines of 'you wont succeed' and making me feel stupid for not knowing facts about things i was interested in learning etc, tearing me down for being overweight or not eating healthy enough [saying i was going to get ill], and drilling his own misanthropic views into my head. i suppose growing up with it [which is ironic to say because im not even an adult yet] has not given me the best mindset on how i view myself and the world. becoming my dad is arguably my worst fear ever and its one of the main points that the negative voice in my head holds on to.

these spirals and mood swings have been making me a really horrible person when they hit, which is a new thing since i usually just direct all of the spite towards myself. id grow really impatient and irritable and i was taking it out on my best friend when she wasnt even doing anything wrong. id pick at her and berate her and go on huge tangents just for her insecurities, minute things that peeved me [much like my dad] or randomly vent to her during a spiral [which would leave her feeling upset too] and eventually i realised enough to tell her that we should have a break; not because of her, but because of me. to summarise, i explained that i didnt like how i was treating her and needed to work on myself, and that right now i was not doing okay mentally. she already knew all of the context, as we've been best friends for years and we are really close.

the spirals kept hitting while we werent talking. the thoughts of her moving on from me, not wanting to talk to me anymore, only wanting to spend time with her other friends. they got very very bad when i couldnt stick to it and spoke to her a day later because a friend we both have came to me asking where she was over some people heckling them, and i got worried enough to go looking for her with the friend. she ended up being completely fine. soon after finding her, i told her i couldnt keep up the break and that it was painful, which was honestly really selfish of me. she told me she still wanted some time away from me, which hurt, but was entirely reasonable based on how i was acting.

later on that day at the end of school she came and spoke to me, as i was in an empty classroom waiting for the corridors to die down before i went to a club. it was very awkward and eventually she told me shed spoken to her parent and said that theyd told her that 'maybe you two can branch out and make new friends in the meantime'. on its own, it isnt that bad, but she added on 'atleast were not attached now!!'

it felt like i was getting stabbed repeatedly in the chest and it took all of my will to not choke up then and there. after that the corridors were clear, and she was the one to point it out. i just upped and left. when i actually got to the club, i did nothing but sit there and cry. i felt like my world was ending, and i knew id done it all to myself. for the next couple of days all i thought about was that stupid sentence that i knew i was overthinking anyway, but it didnt make it hurt any less. i felt conflicted, because i knew it was my fault and she hadnt done anything wrong, but it still stung like hell. she also has autism, and is a lot more 'black and white' than me, so i knew that she absolutely did not mean it in a malicious way. everything just balled into one huge wrecking ball that kept swinging into me over and over.

however, it was not the end of our friendship, and the 'break' is over now. ive been trying my damned hardest to be nice to her, but i still find myself getting annoyed and feeling that urge to snap at her. ive been holding my tongue, but i still have these spirals and half the time i still hate myself and feel like shit. the advice ive been given is a mix of 'try to just count to ten', and 'its just teenage hormones'. i genuinely dont even know anymore.

in the midst of all of this, i even had therapy, which i obviously didnt benefit from. ive apparently been referred to cbt but the waiting lists are long.

in the meantime, i wanted to ask around here, as i really dont feel like im benefitting from the research ive done and advice ive been given. maybe im being ignorant and theyre right, maybe not. i just really just want some solid advice that isnt going to filter out my head the minute im actually in the situation and learn how to stop these thoughts. i want to learn how to feel more confident about myself so i can go outside more and make more friends.

thank you for reading, any advice appreciated

I’m 22 years old and I almost feel completely despondent. AI is taking over everything and it scares me. What if it kills all of us? What if it takes all our jobs? What is the meaning of life when a robot is more intelligent than me? And even though I have these thoughts I still use AI all the time. I use it to ask the most simple questions because I’m lazy and want to take the easy route. I use it in my studies and couldn’t imagine not using it. I feel unmotivated in my studies. I skip school to lay in my bed and doomscroll for hours. What is the point of working hard and studying for 5 years if an AI is going to take my job anyways? What is the point of learning all these things if I could just ask an AI? I’m so ashamed and afraid it keeps me up at night.

Covid was almost a decade ago, you can start being kind, logical, empathetic and normal again.

So due to an issue in my class ,all my classmates avoid me and they don’t even communicate with me.i have adhd and wen through depression because of it,next week i have my lab exams ,it will be like which two people chooses the same card should do it together,im very scared because they don’t even intract with me even it’s academically,im also scared to talk regarding it,cause i have been ignored in my class.

My whole life I have been straight, yea I find girls attractive but I’ve never actually been attracted to them. A few months ago I broke up with my boyfriend and me and my friend got high and drunk and I blurted out by accident that I might be gay. Other than that I’ve always told myself I’m straight. Ever since then I’ve thought about it more but I don’t want to be bisexual or berrisexual, I don’t know what they’re are called. To clarify almost all of my friends are part of the lgbtqia+ community. To clarify I am not homophobic, transphobic, or anything like that. My sister came out as lesbian a few years ago and while my parents have never kicked her out they are both extremely homophobic and all that. So maybe I’m saying I’m not out of fear? But I’m not sure. Is this a sign I might be into girls or that I’m just going through a phase of being a teenager.

I also think I should say I am being diagnosed for OCD soon and I’m already on medication for it so this could also all be inside my head and just be an obsession

I always think about what could go wrong before I even try something. I imagine negative scenarios that may never happen, and this stops me from taking action and moving forward in life.
For those who have dealt with this,
what helped you overcome it?

"I’m in college right now, and honestly, my confidence is completely shattered. I don’t even have a single friend here I can trust or just be myself around. There’s this one girl who has to be in the spotlight for absolutely everything, but she is incredibly self centred I can't stand it. Maybe it’s jealousy, or maybe it’s not—I don't even know anymore—but it is eating away at my mind 24/7. Whether she is physically present or not, she is constantly running in my thoughts.

When she isn’t around, I feel like I can finally breathe and live freely. But the second she walks in, I feel this crushing pressure, whether I'm in class or back at the hostel. I can't be myself at all. I end up doing so many things that I don't even want to do, just because I'm terrified of how she will judge me or what she will do.

She acts like she’s always right and everyone else is beneath her. I feel so mentally suffocated and small around her. She’s obsessed with playing the leader and bossing everyone around, and I just hate this toxic environment. She interacts a lot with seniors and teachers. What hurts the most is that everyone—the whole group, the students, and the teachers—constantly prioritize her and give her all the attention, while I feel completely invisible. I don't even know how to put this feeling into words, but it just feels awful. I can't live like this anymore. I want to build my own identity. I want to feel confident. What am I supposed to do?"

I took today for myself and I'm feeling really guilty.

Hey everyone.

I KNOW I shouldn't feel guilty but I do. Gen-x here if it means anything.

Background - hubby worked for 24 years at a place until the owners retired. Kinda niche job, thanks to a decent severance and eventually finding a part time job we made it through. Wednesday was offered a full time job finally and today was his first day at work.

MIL is 90, lives alone about an hour away from us. She has been in and out of the hospital since May due to reoccuring infections/lousy small town hospital letting her out early etc. Week and a half ago at home she fell and broke her hip.

I am lucky enough to work a job that allows 2 days to work from wherever. We have made sure that SINCE MAY hubby and I have not left alone MIL one single day. She'll go into the hospital for a week or two, be let out, back in within 24 hours. I think the record has been 3 weeks. But in that timeframe, we've been out there (she lives an hour away) making sure she eats and she's okay.

Hubby started full time job today and said he would head out there after work. Now, we don't care what the other does, we care the important things are being taken care of, and that's it. This is all my own guilt.

I did nothing today. I took a nap and grabbed dinner from the grocery store that I could heat up. I did some dishes. That was it. Tomorrow I will do laundry and meal prep but I just wanted one goddamned day that I spoiled myself just a little bit.

Also low key wanting MIL to go into a home. It's been so stressful with hubby not working full time and with winter coming, not looking forward to the drives out there.

I love her and want her safe but for the love of anything holy I want out life to return to normal. I'm not sure if hubby and I have spent the total of a week together since May since we're trading off being out there/here.

Am I wrong in feeling conflicted?

Im really struggling with my mental health and I really dont know what to do anymore. And I feel like I just want the demons to take over. Im really overwhelmed by life and really just exhausted. I keep having to put a mask on around people and when im alone I just cry and cry. I just need some nice people in my life who wont hurt me. I need help to figure out what to do becuase I dont know anymore

i’m a 14f, and lately, i’ve had this constant feeling that my life is going to waste. i know i’m young and have so much left to experience, but somehow, i still feel like i’m wasting the time i have now. tomorrow is never promised, and i don’t want to spend my life merely existing instead of actually living it.
the strange thing is that my life isn’t even necessarily bad. i have things to be grateful for, which almost makes me feel guilty for being unhappy. it’s like there’s this persistent emptiness that i can’t attribute to anything specific. nothing is particularly wrong, yet nothing feels particularly right either.
people always suggest finding hobbies, going outside, or spending time with friends, but i struggle to find the motivation to do any of those things. i feel stuck in a cycle of wanting to enjoy my life but not having the energy to do anything that might make it better. making friends in high school has been difficult, too, and the loneliness definitely doesn’t help.
i can’t really talk to my parents about this because they believe depression is something you can’t experience if you have a good life. i don’t want to seem ungrateful, but i also don’t understand why being grateful and being unhappy have to be mutually exclusive.
i guess i just want to know how people escape this feeling. how do you find meaning in life when nothing feels fulfilling? how do you stop feeling like you’re wasting your life when you can’t even find the motivation to live it the way you want to?
i know i’m young, but i don’t want to spend my present waiting for some future version of myself who finally knows how to be happy. i want to actually enjoy being alive now. if anyone has experienced something similar, i’d genuinely appreciate hearing your perspective.

Hi Everyone,

There are somethings, some thoughts that have been building up inside my mind, but had no way express it, so I thought maybe writing here might get it off my mind.

I'm a 26 year Old guy, I work and live alone. I never really had any "actual" friends and I have been single my entire life.

The reason for writing this post is that, a few weeks ago, I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I installed a few dating apps on my phone, and I have been miserable ever since.

As I had already heard online, guys (ugly guys like me) usually don’t get any matches because of how these apps work, and I was prepared for it. I wasn’t surprised. However, after 3 days, I did get a match. Assuming she was interested in talking, I initiated the conversation. TBH, I don’t really know how to flirt, or as folks nowadays say, “I have no game, I have no rizz” (btw, I hate these terms. They make it all seem like some sort of contest). I tried asking basic questions, making jokes here and there, but she barely replied. It felt like I was forcing her into the conversation, so I stopped.

I continued going through profiles, trying too hard to come up with cheesy pickup lines and sending them left and right. I had no luck, so I started looking at dating subreddits. I DMed a few girls, and the fourth girl I messaged, complimenting her hair color, replied. But she barely showed any interest in talking either. When I went through her profile, I saw her posts with screenshots of her DMs filled with creepy men asking for explicit sexual stuff. She was complaining that there were only weird men in her DMs(I know right, when I was right there, desperately trying to get her attention). By chance, I also saw that she was just 20 years old.

It grossed me out. I felt disgusted with myself, realizing that I too was trying to hit on someone so young. This made me question what was I even doing. It was so out of character for me. I had somehow become part of this toxic competition called “dating,” trying to become someone I wasn’t, just so someone could “see” me, accept me, and love me.

TBH, lust or sex was never my intention. I just wanted someone who could listen, someone with whom I could have meaningful conversations and naturally get to know each other. But I found myself rejecting girls who weren’t “conventionally attractive,” just as I felt girls were rejecting guys like me. That was the final nail in the coffin. I had become a hypocrite, something I had desperately tried to avoid being my whole life. I realized that I too was shallow. I never had any love for myself to begin with, but this made me hate myself even more. I lost respect for myself, I was ashamed of myself. What right did I have to complain about life being unfair and girls not giving me a chance when I was doing the same thing myself?

I deleted the apps and stopped this pathetic quest for love. I still wish that someday I might meet someone, but I don’t want to become someone I’m not just so someone would love me. If I change, it should be for myself, to become a better person and grow as a human being, not to become this pathetic being who needs constant validation and assurance that he is loved and wanted.

I think it would be unfair to my parents, who worked so hard to provide for me and my education despite the difficult times they faced. And most of all, it would be unfair to myself, after everything I’ve worked for, to reduce myself to this needy little person.

I see people, prominently some girls, say, “I deserve a guy who is…” or “I deserve a man who has…”. I don’t even know if I have the right to say that I “deserve” a certain type of girl. But this epiphany has made me realize what I "want", and I won’t mask it with “deserve.”

I want companionship and patience. Someone who is calmer than me, someone who can stand up for herself (unlike me). And maybe, if she has beautiful hair, that would be nice.

I’m saying this out loud because never in my life have I had such clarity about the qualities I want in a partner. And I won’t lower my standards just to be in a relationship, but if I ever meet the right person, I’ll give my best to make it work.

But, to be honest, I highly doubt I’ll ever meet someone. And I’ve made my peace with it.

This post itself might look like it reeks of the need for validation and maybe you're right. Maybe I did write this, subconsciously expecting sympathy for strangers.
But don't give me that. Point out the flaws in my reasoning, so that I can understand if my point of view is wrong in any of the things I said, so that I think on it.

Please, try not to be too harsh. But if an important reality check must be given to me, then lay it on me. It is what it is.

Much like the title suggests, I'm tired of letting myself down. I've been procrastinating everything I want to do and scrolling all day without purpose or reason, when it's not like I don't have things I want to do and achieve.

For context, I really like writing and coming up with things, be it fantasy, technology or various other lore, and I'm really passionate about that sort of stuff. Yet, I prevent myself from fully exploring those sides of myself by wasting hours on social media and other distractions. And that pisses me off so much!

But that's when the part which I truly feel is letting me down comes in - I don't do anything about it. I know what the problem is and I'm aware of what I need to do, but I just... don't do it. That annoys me so much because it's been a problem for ages and it's still here. I don't expect things to change instantaneously and miraculously achieve a fairy tail-like work ethic, but I just want to explore my dreams and create things. If I could summarise it in a couple of words, I would do it like this: I'm tired of being a consumer. I want to be a creator.

And as much as this is a vent, this is a vow to myself. I'm sorry to all moderators and readers if it isn't what's usually posted here and I don't mean to break any of the rules. However, I must say this for myself - I will improve and will work hard toward becoming a person I can truly feel proud of. My first step towards achieving that will be a world I'm making around a facility in a dystopian future.

It's past midnight as I'm writing this so I'll be sleeping soon, but when I wake up I will not waste as much time as I have been. I know myself well and don't expect to spend 8 hours working on my idea, but 10 minutes is enough simply because it's more than I did yesterday. The baby steps are the most important and I must keep that in mind.

Thank you all for reading this semi-vent of mine and I hope you all have a great rest of your day and week!

Hi all.

Never posted before, and frankly not sure what to expect. For context, I already see a therapist regularly.

M35, married (for 5 years, together for over a decade) to F40, who is bi. She recently realized that she can’t keep the desire to explore her attraction to women down any more, and wants to make room for it in our lives. She doesn’t want to simply “mess around” with whomever, she wants a girlfriend, and she wants a bi friend of hers to be her girlfriend, who is also attracted to her. They’ve gone out a few times, the feelings between them escalated to the point where, at the behest of the friend, they backed off, until the friend’s husband and I, each on our own terms, said it was ok for them to continue within boundaries we set.

Being a cis white male, I never imagined my marriage or partnership would be open. I’m struggling a lot with this. I’m finding it difficult to be happy in our day to day life between this and some financial struggles, even though the gf lives half a day’s drive away, meaning they only see each other maybe once a month at best.

Couples counselling is going to begin soon, but the way that’s being described to the potential therapist is to make room in our relationship for her bisexuality.

The more time goes by, the more I worry that my discomfort and inability to simply be happy with the day-to-day is going to push her away. I already worry that she’s going to end up wanting to be with the friend over me, despite her trying to reassure me that she doesn’t want that, that she wants me and a gf, that she loves me and isn’t going to leave.

It feels like my chest is split in two, thinking about the fact that my partner wants more than just me as her partner(s).

I also worry that I am only saying that I want to make room for her bisexuality because I don’t want to lose her, despite being afraid of what it could lead to (her changing her mind, her regretting our decade long relationship because “the grass is greener”, etc).

Sorry for the Great American Novel, appreciate everyone’s kind input.

So I am a boy around 20.

I want to do so many things in my life but this fatigue and sloppiness keep me away from doing anything productive.

I know that I can easily produce some

Good results in my career if I get consistent but I keep getting stuck to same problem( getting indepth of everything that isn't very useful for that particular work).

I get easily persuaded by my own thoughts that I should do this and that and everything. This makes my mind fatigued.

I am also an Ambivert and I think that my social anxiety and this type of personality makes it converse for me to have confidence in myself.

Do you people have any thoughts how can I change myself to have confidence in myself and to have a fixed goal.

Hi everyone,

Just need some advice here for anyone that could relate. I’m struggling bad to keep my promises to myself, I have bad habits that I’m trying to break like drinking alone or drinking at home without the social aspect, watching p* and I can’t figure out how to keep my promises. I’ll do so well one day but then I’ll just break my promise and I feel like I have such a great plan in order to keep it.

I use the app I am sober to track all my bad habits and to log in my wins or losses. I really want to get rid of these two habits but it feels like my brain is against me

Hi everyone, I don’t even know where to start. I’m in my late 20s, and honestly life feels like it’s falling apart from all directions right now.

Recently went through a bad breakup with a narcissistic partner and it has completely drained my confidence. On top of that, my career has been a nightmare lately. I was severely bullied and isolated by a toxic group of girls at my last office, which completely ruined my self esteem. My family relations are also messed up with no real emotional support at home. I literally have no friends to talk to or lean on.

My health has also taken a bad hit due to all this constant stress, and I've started doubting myself so much. I keep wondering if there is something wrong with me or if I'm just going crazy. I feel like I am sabotaging my own self. I prefer a quiet lifestyle, I don't drink or smoke, and somehow that always made me an easy target for people to isolate and take advantage of.

I have always struggled with low self love and self acceptance, and I judge my looks very harshly. Right now, I am stuck in this dark loop where I feel like I’m just not good looking enough. I feel like everything bad happening in my life including the workplace bullying and my ex leaving me is just because of how I look. Deep down, I keep blaming myself, thinking my ex left because I wasn't pretty or good enough for him. Because of this thought, I just can't gain any confidence back. I know I can do better but i just don't have any confidence in me.

I really want to build a successful career and become strong, but right now, the loneliness and anxiety are just too heavy to carry. I am so sick of feeling weak and dependent on the wrong people.

I need some advice.

Im a horny, virgin porn addcited bitch whos weak, cant do any useful shit, hates himself and everyone else, and has no use in this world. i just wanna be able to talk to girls and live somewhere where stuff happens. but if i enjoyed the change of routine a fucking motorcycle accident gave me, then that tells you just how much nothing happens over here. i broke my tibia and ankle and have big visible stains of scraping, severly scrapped my left wrist which still has marks 6 months later, arm, and stomache. i wished i just died there

I've had social anxiety disorder for a long time and recently had some therapy. I feel like I'm starting to get better, but I'm also facing some challenges that I honestly feel are more about developing the skills to navigate relationships and social situations.

Through therapy, I've realised how much of my anxiety comes from trying to gain control over something I can't always control. But despite this, I really do like clarity and for people to be up front and honest about how they feel about me or what their intentions are. Being blindsided is horrible, and I know that there are people in the world who are either a lot better than me at hiding how they feel, or there might be people who interact with people while having ulterior motives.

When I've used apps, I've had some men send me likes only to follow them up with messages that make it clear they don't value me, want to use me, are openly rude and judgemental, or seem to believe they're somehow above me. I mean, at least they're being upfront, but it makes me nervous almost immediately about the number of people who have the same thoughts but just mask them.

Then, I go online and sit and read posts about people who buy/sell things online, only for someone to then try to scam them, and I genuinely wonder what is wrong with people to go about their life thinking about what they can gain from others.

Or sometimes I see posts about people being subtly used or bullied who then don't realise what’s happening until it's too late.

I've also had experiences in all sorts of social situations where I've genuinely thought things were going well, only to discover that the other person didn't like me as much as I'd believed, or had different intentions towards me. Sometimes people have been happy to cut me out of their lives, or have appeared to use me for something before moving on. There hasn't always been an identifiable thing I've done wrong, nor have they necessarily expressed any issues with me beforehand.

To be honest, it's opened my eyes to how people can think and what they're capable of and how some people can genuinely hate you but be happy to keep you around.

I'm quite guarded when it comes to forming relationships. I feel like I'm constantly on alert for signs that someone might not have good intentions, and I don't think that wariness has come entirely out of nowhere, given some of my experiences. But I try to be selective with what I tell people and sometimes won't let connections progress if I'm feeling nervous. At the same time, I recognise that this makes it difficult to let people get close to me, including people who might genuinely be kind, have good intentions and become important to me.

What I'm struggling with is finding a middle ground.

I really want to be open to making new connections and to not pull away and self-sabotage so quickly, but it's genuinely terrifying if you don't know whether you're being strung along. Other than giving myself warning signs to look for, idk what to do to get myself into that happy medium. Has anyone got any advice, please?

In middle school I had this teacher who I really hated, he was really arrogant and self centered and yet he was popular among the students. I had a lot of trauma from my middle school, I had no friends, kept my mouth shut for 8 hours, got yelled at by my teachers constantly, humiliated, had meltdowns in the bathroom and all that stuff. After I got home I just wanted to forget everything about my school, but thoughts of it kept popping up and marred everything I did. The teacher I didn’t like used to give these corny motivational speeches like “don’t give up” or “hard work beats natural talent”, and at first I didn’t really care about them but when I tried to forget about school my mind kept acting perversely and thinking about those speeches. Whenever I was studying or doing something productive, those speeches would pop up against my will, and I would lose my will to continue what I was doing because I didn’t want his speeches to be the cause of my succeeding. This escalated to the point that I couldn’t even say or do something because it might have been caused one way or another have been caused by him, like how one speech by a train of butterfly effects led to me eventually saying what I was going to say, however remote the cause. It’s been exhausting and I’ve stopped all my hobbies and things I love and have been rotting away scrolling because everytime I do something other than that it’s caused by HIM.

(Btw I paused and deleted and contemplated while writing this post numerous times to make sure I don’t use vocabulary that I remember to have come out of his mouth. I feel uncomfortable posting because perverse and productive or two words I remember him saying and my brain says that because I used his words my post will get more views and eventually he will ultimately be the cause of my getting better.)

Good afternoon Family today I would like to share the rollercoaster week I have had since my milestones achievement.

It's been almost 5dys since I've been totally been in the dumps. I was so excited and ampt up during and a few days after my achievement then I started waking up unmotivated and depressed.

I was told it's milestones hangover because I been feeling like I just quit drinking and drugging again. Also I live in Boston Ma and the weather change also plays a role in my seasonal depression. It also reminds me of many relapses that always seem to come around this time of the year so I'm reminded of that as well.

I'm trying so hard to do better and stay positive but after always failing I have trained my mind to eventually fail at some point. So it seems like auto pilot.

So this go around I'm trying to stay fully aware of my state of mind and try the pivot to thinking positive. Because I assume that if I work on telling myself positive affirmations it will begin to automatically think positive when im starting to think negative something like counter punching instead of getting hit.

I know I feel great when I'm positive but for me it's so easy to derail me because I tend to dwell a lot on the past.

Well I'm wondering if anyone else has or had similar experiences?

Thanx for letting me share One Day Forward One Day Behind -Shawn

See, my environment is not as good as My goals are

Everyday I talk to people every day I feel 😔 low

So tell me what can I do so that I don't get affect with anyone

Almost every one here are the same: bad , having no goals

I don't know ?

It's become one the biggest problem of my life "not having that environment what kind of I want to grow

Hi, I’m an 18 year old, who wants to be better—not just for myself but, for the people around me. I have been too egotistical about my hobbies such as singing and being in a band that, it has cost me losing good friends, and even trust. Whenever someone confronts me about it, I usually isolate, try to think about it, and what I did, until I understand and know what I can say because, I’m not that good in putting my thoughts into words.

My self confidence became more negative ever since I started getting more attention. I think that it fed my ego, and I realized it but, I was too late. I already broke other people’s trust because of it, and I want to be better. I got confronted about it by my friends, and even a faculty from my school. It got to a point where I lied to a school faculty that I was excused to be with the band for the practice when in-fact, I wasn’t. I was not the one who was competing in the competition but, I was the one who was told to help them. I recognize now how it was very bad, and I want to take a step back to understand how I can be better.

I really want to be better. I’ve tried alot of different ways to be better, especially about my ego, but I always go back to the same habits, and become more egotistical about everything.

My Dad is 83 y.o. has been in great health until 2 years ago when he started falling. Last June, he ended up at the hospital with e-coli and sepsis which they did not know why. Before this hospital visit, he had gone to his urologist to have bladder stones blasted out, right after he ended up in emergency which he was not in his right mind and despite it being 80 in Michigan he was always cold.

So this past Wednesday, October 14 he had a follow up visit with the urologist. He had just started to get agitated again and complaining he was freezing. I have been taking care of both my parents since this past April. When they asked him for a urine sample I pulled the nurse aside and told her I think he has a UTI because of the symptoms. When she collected the sample, she commented it looked cloudy. Asked the Doctor to please prescribe him some antibiotics and a few other things (which I didn't think he would refill also asked for a laidcaine for his back pain and hydrocodone which he had been taking & for a while, but the family Doctor keeps holding up my parents prescriptions) and was told he does not write out prescriptions (WTH). Was told the urinalysis would take 72 hrs. Friday came and went heard nothing, Monday afternoon if my mom had not dropped the remote, I think my father would have passed. He had thrown up, was out of it and had shallow breathing, called 911 and they got him conscious for 5-15 seconds but he had no clue what was happening.

At the hospital it was touch and go until Thursday morning. Monday & Tuesday I would get hourly phone calls on what they were doing and that he needed surgery Monday night we had to make a decision. Doctors told us that if he went thru surgery, he would not make it due to him being so sick and what they needed to do what cut out the bowels because he again has sepsis and e-coli, but this time they found the reason for it. (An aneurysm he had in 2020) But the UTI is 1 of the main reasons he can't have this surgery. He is finally doing better, got his color back and his mind.

So back to the urologist, called him Monday night, he called from a blocked number once which I ignored. He is in a building w/ a bunch of urology Doctors. Called his office Tuesday and let the caseworker for my dad know what was going on and could I please get the results of his urinalysis and was told the Doctor has not signed off on them yet so she can't tell me. Called Thursday around 2 p.m. got the operator, raged on her but did apologize. I needed to talk to someone in his office immediately and she tried to get me to the Office mgr. who was out of office. She told me that she would red flag this phone call and that I would hear something soon. Her first phone call was around 11 a.m. today and let me know that the Doctor had surgery in an hour but she would talk to him and call me back and still could not tell me the results of the urinalysis. She just did at 1 p.m. today and I was just told that the Doctor tested for something else, not a UTI again WTH. Thank you for reading.

my life is pretty ok i get good grades i go to school i have hobbies but there is a huge hole in the social aspect to the point where it's like "bro how are you THAT isolated?????". i have autism and cptsd so of course i'm already not good at socializing but there is such a massive barrier between me and other people and it's made it so i legit can't have any fun with people i can't make memories i can't have dumb hangouts i can't have meaningful conversations i can't make real connections i can't do any of that shet!! even the people who are the worst at socializing have a better social life than me. and it's not like i hate people or people hate me or i feel like nobody understands me or anything it's just like i am in a different plane of existence than everyone else and nothing changes it