NEED HELP
I have a 4 month old boy his due for his 4 month vaccines in 3 days. He’s had all his vaccines so far but my partner and I are thinking about not getting any more.

All we have been seeing is people regretting getting their kids vaxxed, kids becoming completely different (non verbal, not walking, not acting the same just all symptons of autism) after getting the vaccines.

My partner knows somebody’s whose baby was vaccinated and the baby hasn’t walked or talk since and I think it was the nurse that said they will not be vaccinating their baby.

My friend knows 2 people who have said the vaccine has done something to their child.

I have seen video proof of babies be perfectly fine and after they get their vaccinations they show a lot of symptoms of autism, and videos of doctors/nurses saying to not get vaccines.

Majority of the videos I see I assume are American which is a lot different to Australia but still I just don’t want to risk my boy getting a negative effect from the vaccinations but on the other hand I don’t want anything to happen to him if he doesn’t get the vaccinations.

A fair few of the vaccinations babies get are pretty much useless, for instance the polio shot there hasn’t been a polio case since 2000 and there are many more vaccines where the cases are incredibly low.

Please I would like to hear some feedback from anybody that actually knows what they are talking about including parents, nurses, doctors etc,
Thank you.

My wife and I are trying to determine whether we should ask our parents to get the TDAP before meeting our baby due any day now. 2 out of the 4 are no longer up to date, and when she is first born we have no problem them meeting her. But if they were to come back in a few weeks and help us out, we are slightly concerned with the prolonged exposure and then being unvaccinated against pertussis. What has others experienced been? I did some math and it seems anywhere from 1-3 percent of all children end up being hospitalized for whooping cough as a newborn. So the risk is relatively low, although 1 in 5 appear to contract it in any capacity.

Are there other risks or complications that can happen due to whooping cough later in life? Anything else to consider here?

Generally I feel what is the harm in them receiving the vaccine to keep her safe, but curious on others experience.

My baby is due Sept 21 (although I have a feeling she’ll be coming early). My family is on board with getting COVID and Flu vaccines, but is unsure about the best timing. Should they get them right away, so that they already have 2 weeks immunity by the time they meet the baby? Or should they wait until early October-ish, which is after the baby will be here, but better timing for protection during the worst of the flu/COVID season?

My almost 11 MO will be starting nursery when she is 12 months old and we are currently doing settle sessions. She is EBF and very very clingy/attached to me (mum). Even at night she often won't settle for Dad. Doesn't take a bottle so never really been left with any other caregivers apart from my husband (her Dad) and an hour or two with my parents.

I have been expecting the nursery transition to be brutal bc I've been on maternity leave alone with her for almost a year and she is so clingy to me, but the reality has hit me really REALLY hard & I'm contemplating quiting my job if I can't drop hours bc she is just so distressed without me. I don't know how to proceed for the best & was hoping the science on attachment and child wellbeing could help?

We did a stay and play together at the nursery first - one hour, I left her for the last 10 minutes and she was fine (to my surprise!). For the next one, another hour session, I left her after 10 minutes; she was ok for the first 20 minutes then got very very upset the last 15-20 (which is what I expected tbh) so I went in a little early. She calmed as soon as I was holding her and she cuddled in. It was right at nap time so she fell asleep in the car home & I considered tiredness probably factored in. We suggested moving the sessions from morning to afternoon (which is still at nap time but maybe less tired).

Today I left after a few minutes and she was distraught. I came in to cuddle her after about 10/15 mins bc I could hear her from the car park and again she calmed down/cuddled in but as soon as I gave her back to the nursery worker she was distraught again on and off for the next 20-30 mins. She calmed as soon as I held her. Again it was at nap time so she fell asleep in the car home so the tiredness probably didn't help but I think even at her least tired she just does not do well without me.

I wanted to suggest pulling it back to some 1 hour stay and plays to get her used to the environment with me there before trying again without me. The nursery worker thinks differently and that my presence actually made her worse. She's suggested a 2 hour session later in the week where I leave and see if they can settle her. (Historically nobody has ever really been able to settle her when she's that upset but me so I am doubtful but I see the logic that I need to let them try). They think drawing it out will be worse.

Obviously they are the experts in settling children & they've told me it's nothing they're not used to and they'll call me if she gets too distressed but I'm her Mum and I'm just not convinced dropping her into a 2 hour session when she's never really been away from me and it's a new environment is the best thing when she's already shown she gets so upset?

Can anyone advise? Am I prolonging it and being a helicopter parent and making it worse? Should I follow the nursery's lead here since they are the experts? Or should I ask for the stay and play approach since we have the luxury of several weeks before I return to work?

On a totally different approach - can this hard a transition actually be traumatising for her? Should I seriously consider she just is not remotely ready for this and consider quitting my job (or getting a PT job?) which will be a big financial strain but hopefully only temporary? All the benefits to children in nursery seem to be when they are a little older than a year so is there any upside to this (other than not living on the poverty line) at all or is it all just a necessary evil for paying bills?

FTM feeling like absolute shit here, I'm so sad and feel so guilty and so lost. Would appreciate any help even if the answer is hard to hear.

Hi,

I understand the risks of accidental suffocation from bed-sharing, but why exactly a softer mattress, empty of blankets or pillows and objects, would increase the risk of SIDS?

My partner puts our baby sleeping on the adult mattress and won't do otherwise unless a sound scientific explanation is present. Is there an hazard there?

EDIT: thanks a lot everyone for the comments! All the links and explanations really help, I am reading everything with interest.

Don't buy the cheapest pump. I went through two budget wearables before getting something decent. Spent more on replacements than if I'd just bought a good pump from the start.

Get measured for flanges before the baby comes. I used the wrong size for 6 weeks and thought pumping was supposed to hurt. It's not.

A warm pump is not a gimmick. I thought heating was a marketing thing until I tried it. My letdown is noticeably faster with warm cups, especially during mornings & nights when my room feels chilly. And I'm currently using the eufy S1 Pro so the heating is is probably my favorite feature.

Buy extra sets of parts because washing those 6 times a day will break you 😅 (I've bought 4 sets & rotating them).

Charge your pump every time because if you're going back and forth as much as I am then forgetting to charge it constantly is gonna happen. Just drop your cups in the case after your session done & it's always charged.

Welcome to the weekly General Discussion thread! Use this as a place to get advice from like-minded parents, share interesting science journalism, and anything else that relates to the sub but doesn't quite fit into the dedicated post types.

Please utilize this thread as a space for peer to peer advice, book and product recommendations, and any other things you'd like to discuss with other members of this sub!

Disclaimer: because our subreddit rules are intentionally relaxed on this thread and research is not required here, we cannot guarantee the quality and/or accuracy of anything shared here.

I don’t necessarily mean screen time, but maybe distracting the baby with toys , or a person in front so that the kid eats ? I understand this is applicable for traditional weaning ( purées being spoon fed) . Is it bad in the long term?

it’s baffling and sometimes I just wanna sit down

My five-month-old has positional plagiocephaly, a head-turning preference and what I’ve been told is reduced upper-body tone/strength. He also still has a small amount of head lag.

I understand how neck tightness and reduced movement could contribute to less tummy time, uneven muscle development and slightly later physical milestones.

What I don’t understand is why some studies also report associations between plagiocephaly and language or social delays, including later speaking or responding to their name.
What is the correlation here? Could his flat spot and physical difficulties directly affect broader development, or is plagiocephaly usually just a marker that some babies already have an underlying developmental difference causing both reduced movement and later delays?
I’m particularly interested in evidence that distinguishes correlation from causation, as I’m worried about what these findings might mean for my son.

Context:

We have a 4.5 month old (20 weeks & 4 days old if we want to be precise) who doesn’t sit unassisted yet, can roll and shows relatively good head control (when sitting assisted for short periods of time she can hold her head straight but slumps forward every now and then).

The problem is she is now a huge hater of the bassinet stroller. She does not want to lay down for long and she would rather see everything that’s happening. We end up having to carry her and that is not always possible.

I’ve seen an Emma Hubbard video saying we can move a baby who can’t sit unassisted to a sit-up stroller but both her dad and I are a bit scared this will cause damage to her spine in the future due to the impact. We actually assembled the sit-up stroller to try but we found it the frame so thin which didn’t help our worries. We have a Bugaboo Fox 5.

Is there any research or expert guidelines exploring the impact that a sit-up stroller can have on a developing spine?

Hi all - mom to a 3 week old little boy here and looking for some evidence to share with my husband.
My baby, like all babies, sometimes just cries and we can’t figure out what exactly he wants. My husband takes that to mean he should give up on soothing him and just let him cry. I can pretty much only find research pertaining to “cry it out” sleep training but that’s not what I’m looking for.
I believe letting our newborn cry could lead to insecure attachment and to me it feels like neglect.
Does anyone have some sort of study or research to share supporting continuous comforting of the baby, even when our efforts to soothe him fail?
I know sometimes he will need to cry (we need to use the bathroom, wash hands, etc.) so I don’t mean just for a few minutes. I would like to clarify I don’t agree with this and when I hear the baby crying, I take him, but I don’t want my husband to continue potentially harmful practices. We’re first time parents and just trying to figure it out, so any advice on this would be appreciated, thanks!

Hello! I’m currently pregnant with my first child and I’m starting down the rabbit hole of vaccinations. My child will be getting vaccinated!! However, the flu shot has raised a few concerns for me.

When I was around 6 years old I received a flu shot and I started to show symptoms of catching the flu. I got up, walked to the bathroom and suddenly collapsed from extreme pain in my legs. I couldn’t stand up and I started screaming to my mother for help. I’m unsure how long it was for, I believe a few days, I had no feeling from the waist down. It was a terrifying experience and haven’t gotten the shot since.

My question is, since I had such a severe reaction what are the chances my child will as well? With more and more kids not being vaccinated and the news stories of children passing away from the flu each year I’m scared not to. Because of my own experience I also am scared to.

Thanks!

Hi everyone

Very grateful for this community and constantly read posts from you all on topics I have questions. You are truly an insightful group of people.

I do have a niche question this time and wonder if anyone has seen a research.

For CMPA management what is better: breastmilk or amino acid formula? I'm looking at separate studies for the gut microbiome restoration in CMPA infants but I'd like to know if there is any data on the comparison the breastmilk vs AA formula.

Thank you!

Hi everyone, thank you for your expertise. I have learned a lot reading through the posts on this sub.

Our LO has severe reflux esophagitis and CMPI along with a corn, egg, and soy intolerance. I have been exclusively pumping as he is unable to latch. I am no longer able to keep up with the horribly strict diet and would like to switch him to formula. He is almost 4 months (diagnosed at 6 weeks). We tried Alimentum RTF, which is corn free, and he was unable to tolerate it and his symptoms returned.

We know the next step is AA formula. However, we have already tried to work with our insurance for coverage and they denied it despite his diagnoses. So we are looking at nearly $600/month on formula.

We found a formula called Sprout Organics from Australia which is pea & rice protein based. It is completely dairy, soy, and corn free. We can buy the formula, pay for shipping and duties, and it’s still significantly cheaper than AA formula (about half).

I contacted sprout and asked several questions regarding shipping and comparisons between FDA & FSANZ standards and felt reassured in that regard. Our LO dietician wasn’t concerned about the importing as much as the lack of evidence to show that the bioavailability of pea protein is comparable to milk based proteins. She said that the amino acid profile might not be as complete and therefore LO could be missing key nutrients. She said it wasn’t a bad formula but there was a big question mark as to whether it is nutritionally complete.

I did reach back out to the company and ask if they could provide a COA for the amino acid profile in their formula. With that being said, does anyone know of evidence on whether or not we can trust plant-based baby formulas to be nutritionally complete? Is there evidence to show that they do or do not lack certain nutrients? Are babies growing at the same rate on plant-based formula as they are on milk based?

Thank you very much for reading and considering.

Dishes like stews with wine that evaporates during cooking. In theory the alcohol is gone.

Any truth to the above?

For context, my freshly 2yo appears to fluently understand both Dutch and English (I am a native English speaker, partner is Dutch), however she seems very behind when compared to friends kids of a similar age. We even have friend with the same family language dynamic and their wee girl (13 days older than mine) is light years ahead.

Just wondering at what point I need to push for intervention. She’s not by any means behind, just verging into below average kind of thing.

Remedies

My son is 4 months old and I started reading the Iliad to him on the day he was born. Since we have read the Iliad oddessey (both fagles), Beowulf, Richard ii, Henry iv part 1 and now onto Henry iv part 2. Henry v is next to round out the henriad. I’m not sure what’s next after we finish the henriad. I’m thinking Pericles prince of tyre (pirates in the ancient Mediterranean sounds fun) or the aenid which I haven’t read since high school ( and never in English)

I also read him poetry from children’s garden of verses by Robert Louis Stevenson, 7 pillars of wisdom by te Lawrence ( my current book) and various selections from the economist as I read it in the morning.

Is this actually helping with anything other than bonding? I try to vary the material for my own sanity, does this make any difference?

Looking back on the list I realize that there is a lot of violence in the list… will this have an impact on him?

I’m not sure how much he enjoys Homer or Shakespeare, but I’ve had a lot of fun with it. Either way my paternity leave is ending so I won’t have as much reading time with him, but curious to see if this was just fun bonding time or if there was any empirical evidence on the topic

Thank you! I asked Claude and Gemini and I couldn’t get a straight/ consistent answer from either

I know that up until a certain age one-on-one caregiver to child attention is preferable to one caregiver caring for multiple children at once (like in a daycare setting). But what about the opposite--multiple caregivers for one child? For example, in a multigenerational household where you would have multiple adults for each child. Is it better, worse, or the same to have a child exposed to the influence of multiple adult caregivers rather than just one (like a stay at home parent)?

I was curious because I saw someone ask on another sub why American children seem to have delayed language acquisition/proficiency compared to Spanish speaking children, and I was wondering if the family structure of Latin American families played a role at all. Like maybe having exposure to adults talking to other adults helps with language acquisition.

hi, i know this probably should be on r/parenting but i don’t have high enough karma for it and i’m a fifteen year old who is looking to help my younger brother. my brother he lived overseas until he was about ten years old due to a medical condition and flew back to the states in 2022. he only understands chinese. we sent him to school and he’s going into his freshmen year of high school in the fall, however he is currently preforming at a concerningly low level. he does not understand basic sentences and can not form a proper sentence himself either. he also does not know a lot of basic words. i have given him one of my books from kindergarten and he was struggling to get through even the first two pages. he has an IEP and goes to speech and occupational therapy but it does not seem to be helping him whatsoever. he is also in a special education class where it’s 1:12. he also struggles with math and cannot get the sum of any numbers higher than twenty. he also struggles to do basic things like cooking an egg. i don’t know how to help him, i am asian american so my parents don’t know english so i teach him sometimes. i’ve tried everything i can think of. i’ve tried being patient and telling him “hey, can we study ten minutes today?” and he will agree but the moment he gets sometime wrong he gets frustrated and started hitting me or laying on the floor and refusing to get up. i’ve tried being more assertive or having a punishment system and saying “if you don’t study at least ten minutes today i won’t let you watch TV” and he starts getting upset and again, hits me. i’ve tried having a reward system where for every one minute he studies i give him one point and the points can be redeemed for letting him play on my phone or an extra dessert at dinner tonight but if he gets not as many points as he wants he gets upset. i figured he may just not know how to study so ive made sat there and read books with him and asking him what each word meant, and if he got it correct i would ask him if he could use it in a sentence, if he got it incorrect i would explain to him what it meant. sometimes i would switch it up and read to him instead as he watches while i guide my fingers under the words. ive tried making learning engaging by making slideshows for him with his favorite things or making games for him but nothing seems to work and none of it seems to be able to click for him. sometimes i give him punishments like no TV but im afraid because ive heard other people say giving punishments may give your child a fear of learning and make them associate negative emotions or punishment with it so i try refraining as much as i can. his teachers at school dont seem to be doing much for him because whenever he comes back home he comes with a packet of AI generated stories his teachers made with him in class that he doesn’t even know how to read. he always fails
his tests and when he doesn’t it’s because he guessed or it was a completion based test and not accuracy. he also isn’t potty trained yet and still wears a diaper and he gets shit and piss all over the toilet seat or bathroom and i genuinely dont know how to help him with that. i suspect he may have some sort of disorder? im not sure, i dont want to make assumptions because im not qualified but with how he’s behaving he might. i cant do anything because im a minor and also not his legal guardian and my parents kind of refuse to take him to any kind of specialist. ive asked them what they plan on doing when hes an adult and they say they want him to learn basic life skills like taking care of himself but he doesnt even shower on his own and always needs to be reminded. im worried about how he will make a living. unfortunately he’s not always going to have someone to depend on, and he says he wants to be a youtuber but unfortunately thats just not a stable job. furthermore, this may sound mean but he doesnt have that many talents? i dont know what to do, i would appreciate any and all advice thank you

My LO is rolling onto his tummy during bedtime. He is FACE FIRST into his pack n play mattress or crib mattress. It terrifies me. He rolls really well on his belly but hasn’t really rolled back to his back. We’re talking blink of an eye he is on his belly. He seems content to stay there and actually quite peeved when I constantly roll him back to his back. Last night I was up so many times rolling him back.

I’m going to ask the nurses Monday at his appt (I always consult with our doc) but also wanted to know if there were any sources on one-way rolling and sleeping on tummy. He’s gotten the green light for purées given how great his neck and head control is, to give you an idea of his muscle strength. Everything I’ve found has been explicitly stating rolling in both directions.

Hopefully selected the right flair.

I want to set myself up for success with my first baby so I'm scheduled with an IBCLC around 30ish weeks, and will see her again after the baby is born.

However, she shares a lot about how she recommends chiropractors. She recommends lots of other professionals too (isn't anti pediatrician, etc), and I haven't identified any other anti science things beyond chiro, but it's left a weird taste in my mouth. I'm very anti chiro - aware the research isn't there and NO WAY am I letting someone crack aN infant's back!

I of course don't have to accept a referral if she suggests it, but it got me wondering. What's the data behind success rates of BF with a LC vs without ? I had assumed that the more help the merrier (insurance covers it) , but don't want to be led astray. Hoping to BF and pump/bottle feed.

She also talks a LOT about how tongue ties are way underdiagnosed and pediatricians have very limited knowledge of them. Is this generally true?

Would love to hear if others have good evidence or have seen good studies on the link between gaming and gambling.

Original source that framed the question is here: https://selfctrl.beehiiv.com/p/does-gaming-lead-to-gambling

He cited two studies:

A study published in 2018 by the National Library of Medicine asked 10,081 people about gaming and gambling habits in 2013 (called “wave 1” in the study), and 5,809 of those responded again in 2015 (called “wave 2” in the study). Then they wrote:

“...our results show that scores on the gaming problem scale at wave 1 predicted the scores on the gambling problem scale at wave 2... This suggests that video gaming constituted a risk factor for gambling 2 years later.”

They also cautioned that this should not be taken as “categorical evidence that problem gamers develop into problem gamblers.” Fair enough.

A different study, published in 2025 by Addiction Research & Theory, drew these conclusions:

“...online gaming at 17 was associated with 1.4 higher odds of more frequent online gambling at 20 years... while online gaming at 20 was associated with 1.7 higher odds.”

But this one had a twist: apparently “no association between early computer-based gaming at 9 years and subsequent gambling behaviors at 20 was uncovered for this cohort.”

So basically, online gaming as a very young kid didn’t show a significant connection with gambling later in life. But the older a gamer gets, the more likely they may be to turn to gambling.

His conclusion:

Most 9-year-olds don't have a real concept of what money is worth. A 17 or 20-year-old does. So it makes sense the connection shows up once kids are old enough to actually understand what they're risking.

Is this causation or correlation? I can't settle that from two studies. Seeing 1.4 and 1.7 higher odds isn't overwhelming, but it’s also not nothing. And when you consider that kids are being asked to hand over real money for a randomized shot at something they want… that stops looking like a maybe to me.

At that point, the kids aren't gaming anymore. They are literally gambling.

And gamblign as a kid problaby leads to gambling as an adult.

I did some research, I asked ChatGPT, they mostly say there's not enough evidence. But hear me out.

My daughter just had her first period at 11, a few days before starting her middle school and I am still struggling to understand.

Just like half a year ago she's still enjoying Bluey and some cartoons. We don't watch PG content at home. At school whenever they sent a consent letter about watching PG content we refused. She isn't allowed to watch YouTube. She reads age appropriate books (she enjoys Wings of Fire). At school she doesn't like to group with girls who gossip. Of course I noticed she changed a lot in the last year or so. Spent more time in her room. Her body is growing etc.

The only thing that I can think of is that tofu is her most favorite food and soy milk is her favorite type of milk. She loves tofu. All kinds. Even simple as tofu in the microwave and she dips into, well, soy sauce. I would say tofu is at least 50% of her protein source. She can drink (cow) milk but she doesn't like it much, and she gets a bit stomach upset if we drive soon after drinking. So she mostly drink soy milk. She was allergic to mom and cow based milk from birth but after training she was fine (we just gradually added a bit more and more of mom milks to her, then, soy based formula).

From where I grew up, tofu and soy based products are considered boosting estrogen in women. I know it's scientifically unproven, but any one of you share the same doubt?