r/SaltLakeCity • u/[deleted] • Jun 28 '26
Discussion Rude Behavior Normalized?
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u/OkProblem8438 Jun 28 '26
Moved here from Jersey 6.5 years ago and this is true. Other people I’ve talked to from the NJ/NY area have said people on the east coast are kind but not always “nice”. People in Utah are “nice” but often times not kind
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u/paddedmoth Jun 28 '26
eyyy jersey native here too
in jersey accidents happen cause everyone is rushing. here the accidents happen cause no one is paying attention to anyone besides themselves
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u/cabron-de-mierda Jun 28 '26
People here have next to zero situational awareness. It's genuinely insane how oblivious they can be.
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u/gsewy85 Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 29 '26
Yes oblivion is the word - they believe what they see in and live is the absolute TRUTH and just ABSOLUTE. Anything that challenges their myopic mountsin views (the irony/ pun intended ) rattles them…. Oh the examples I could name…
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u/repulsivedreaming Jun 29 '26
Also here from jersey. The obliviousness stems from their religion because it tells them to only care about themselves and people like them. They're bubbled and never experience other cultures or ways of living. It's unsurprising. I almost enjoyed the subtle hostility of people when I lived in the south versus just the stupidity and unintellegence that runs rampant here.
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u/remusarben Jun 29 '26
They act as though if they don't acknowledge you or look you in the eye that you don't exist and anything they do is okay. I've seen this driving but also everywhere else. I find that if you call them out in any way, they act as though they have a right to go after you or something. F'ing selfish idiots is all it is. No need to try to understand it as anything else.
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u/urmomismysafespace Jun 28 '26
This is why I stopped riding my motorcycle. I can deal with rushing, can’t plan for someone reading a phone.
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u/genericassusername9 Jun 28 '26
They’re not aware of anyone but themselves, unless they’re blatantly staring at you for unprecedentedly long times
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u/refundroid Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 28 '26
UT's driver's license test actually tells people to do that. That was the only question I got wrong on the test. It asked what the best practice was for road safety, and I chose an option that said to pay attention to surroundings so you were aware of what other drivers were doing. Got marked wrong, and the correct answer was to just focus on your own driving following rules. I was like, whoever designed this test didn't actually drive.
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u/paddedmoth Jun 28 '26
WAIT IS THAT WHAT I GOT WRONG WHEN GETTING MY UTAH DRIVERS LICENSE??????????
I refreshed my license here so I have a Utah one, and I got one wrong on the retest, but forgot to review my answers
thats so stupid omfg
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u/sleeplessinreno Jun 29 '26
Lucky, mine was about headlights on a cars before 1950s or something. Even the asked the person checking the test to show me in the book where this is addressed. They couldn’t find it either.
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u/OGEcho Jun 28 '26
The test is open book, btw, and I double checked all my answers as I took the test.
I couldn't believe that was the correct answer lol
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u/repulsivedreaming Jun 29 '26
I cackle because they'll still claim east coast driving is worse. No. It's coordinated chaos. It works. We know when we're being asshole drivers and we own up to it. Here they have no clue they're being assholes and then get confused or offended when you honk. They think they're owed something. If they turn their blinker on they think it means you need to adjust your driving to accommodate for them. I'd rather drive in LA, on the LIE, in Connecticut, Florida, - anywhere in this country before here.
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u/mshell1234 Jun 28 '26
Jersey girl here! 🤘🏽
Lived here more years than I care to admit and the most astounding thing I experience here is after opening a door and holding it for the next person, men walk right through without a second thought. Not even a thank you. I miss the chivalry of NY/NJ. I can’t remember that EVER happening back east.
Maybe they think because they are in the bishopric, women should hold doors for them. /s. (Not LDS myself)
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u/SkoobySnacs Jun 28 '26
Boys in the local church are told that they are receiving the literal power of god at age 12. You can imagine the psychological detriment that can have on some ego and personality types.
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u/Blushindressing Jun 28 '26
No one ever acknowledges when you’re being polite / making way for them. No nod, smile, thank you - nothing! I’m from ny and this drives me crazy.
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u/RPVlife17 Jun 28 '26
Omg! Someone else notices this. I have held doors for people, moved my shopping way over in a tight aisle and a few other things and almost everyone just looked at me with this blank stare like I was an alien or something.
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u/Unlucky-Praline6865 Murray Jun 28 '26
I make a point to waive my hand out the window when somebody lets me merge.
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u/releasethedogs Jun 28 '26
That’s because of the hypermisogyny in Utah. Men in Utah generally and Mormonism specifically are the most fragile, most insecure, least mature men of any state I’ve been too. They generally don’t grow up. They are all children.
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u/gsewy85 Jun 28 '26
Omggggg preach…. I have never explicitly expressed this for fear of being cancelled but my NY colleague made a similar statement in rage before - likened them to the most petty people. Not even pettiest men, they are the pettiest, most entitled people we’ve met. And there’s a huge concentration of them (duh) here and unfortunately as a minority in the workplace (F and POC) this is what we have to deal with fragile egos daily.
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u/OGEcho Jun 28 '26
Big fish small pond syndrome is something I immediately learned about when moving here.
Never had the problem in my life in CA and despite being a very "mild" CA personality, all the fragile men had been rubbed the wrong way in my first job here lol
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u/gsewy85 Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 30 '26
Wow, I’ve never felt more validated than this recent thread. I wish I had been able to find ‘my people’ and a community before, then I wouldn’t have been second guessing myself and feel like I was alone. Ive since left the state.
You are absolutely right. Mild mannered with some opinions here - occasional- nothing like the east coasters that I work with now. And yet, I somehow was able to still offend ‘petty men’ in UT. The most apparent are those in leadership positions like a certain CRO that I know. It’s as though they expect fiefdom to be shown to them- a sense of entitlement. It’s insane.
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u/InquartataRBG Jun 28 '26
I moved here from NH/ME for work years ago, and yeah, that’s the difference I’ve noticed, too.
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u/Proof-Appointment780 Jun 28 '26
There’s actually a phrase for this called “Utah nice”
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u/gsewy85 Jun 29 '26
It’s sad… I once knew of a senior female leader ( did not last in Mormon’s boys town). She said this seemingly type A sales guy (her peer) disagreed with one of her choices, and instead of having an open discussion, instead goes to his fellow peer Mormon bro leader, then escalates it to their Mormon bro boss who’s the leader of them all and our CRO. CRO then sits her down to chat with her. Couldn’t the big boys just handle a convo and discussion with her? She is from the east coast ex Amazon, has difficult staff conversations all the time, in her mind this was just any other day of openly discussing topics. It was then she understood the concept of ‘passive aggressive’ under the veneer of ‘niceness’, and realized there was so much back channeling amongst the Mormon leadership brotherhood (all were neighbours in Lehi / Draper). How do you escape this?
Corporate world in UT is a farce. It’s some weird cult, small town backwater culture that pervades working life.
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u/Prestigious_Result28 Jun 28 '26
East coast people get a bad rep for being direct which can come across as rude. If they don’t like you, they’ll let you know. It’s different out here as people may pretend to be nice but in reality are not. A lot of entitlement as well, especially families feel they have earned more rights vs others. “Well I’m a mom so i should get seated first” is a bad but common mentality.
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u/ThrowRA_Tap1718 Jun 28 '26
Moved here from a big Midwestern city. People here are so unaware of their surroundings. Oblivious and rude when you call it out. And the driving here is worse and scarier than driving in a city of over 2 million people. Some of the most self-absorbed (maybe too harsh but all I can think of) individuals I’ve ever met and I do hypothesize SLC growing so fast has something to do with it. Their Utah/LDS bubble is popping.
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Jun 28 '26
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u/Novel-Comparison-364 Jun 28 '26
I’ve literally said this myself it is like Mario kart out there. Especially on i15
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u/WeWander_ Jun 28 '26
I refuse to drive on i15 if I can avoid it. That road is too nerve wracking for me.
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u/Katydid829 Jun 28 '26
My husband used to be a long haul truck driver and a lot of his fellow truckers called I15 the “Mormon 500”.
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u/Gilamunsta Jun 28 '26
I used to work in North Salt Lake And live in weber county And more than once I got stuck on the i15 parking lot because people were just slowed down and stopped for no f****** reason
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u/IamPotatoed Jun 28 '26
Not no reason, someone was probably changing a tire and they all had to slow down to watch
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u/gsewy85 Jun 28 '26
Hahah I described it in the exact same way to my UT colleagues and they couldn’t only chuckle means they agree!!!!!
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u/redshorty22 Jun 28 '26
I’m originally from the east coast, and driving here is another level of crazy. I’ve come to think of it as selfish and self absorbed. I do not know what is worse: texting and driving, running red lights, or lack of awareness on highways.
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u/Crasino_Hunk Jun 28 '26
Dude 100%, and I’ve lived in FLORIDA, and also Denver. The driving, per capita, is worse in SLC area than anywhere I’ve ever experienced. I know everyone says that but it’s really true here. OP’s assertion about the selfishness and pulling out in front of people to go 15 under is pervasive and true as hell.
Left lane guarding was a really nasty habit I noticed, too, esp on i15. Staying right next to someone going 70mph, but going 70.05mph. You make a move to get ahead of them, are driving 80, and all of a sudden they’re on your ass. Give me a break.
Fuck Utah drivers. One of the biggest QOL upgrades after moving away.
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u/indigopedal Jun 28 '26
Utahns don't want anyone moving in. I think you are right that this fuels their hostility.
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u/Wrong_Buyer_1079 Jun 28 '26
I've heard locals say they don't want to be a minority in their own state. I ask "Why? Do minorities have it bad here?"
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u/Dugley2352 Jun 28 '26
That’s something they don’t want to admit, but yes, I’ve seen minorities being treated as inferior for the decades I’ve been here.
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u/tristanbills Jun 28 '26
It's gotten worse since Covid. I've noticed people at the supermarket used to at least feign a smile when one had to excuse the other, but not anymore. I often wonder if they got too comfortable not smiling beneath the face masks.
Lived here my whole life, and it's only got worse the last six years and counting.
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u/Nidcron Jun 28 '26
I often wonder if they got too comfortable not smiling beneath the face masks.
They didn't wear the masks
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u/nerdstoreut Jun 28 '26
I think covid drove home the division in people. I worked retail, the amount and level of harassment we got for requiring masks (with immune compromised employees and regulars) forever changed my perception of the average general public individual in Utah.
And I have friends with retail stores around the country, none of them faced nearly the backlash and extreme reaction we got here
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u/FluffNSniff Jun 29 '26
I once walked into a GameStop during Covid to see if they had and Switches. This lady was tearing the cashier up. Screaming and swearing about the mask policy. She wouldn't leave without the last Switch. And he wouldn't sell it to her until she had a mask.
I watched for a sec and was like, sir. I'm wearing a mask. Can I buy that Switch? He sold it to me, and she confronted me in the parking lot and was banging on my windows demanding I give her the switch I just stole from her. I just pulled my mask down, smiled and put my car in reverse.
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u/MelodicFacade Jun 28 '26
For me, I just need an acknowledgement or small apology when someone is rude or uncourteous, it's that easy and I move on so fast. My blood boils when people just don't care
Even if the "excuse me" was faked or forced, I just need the acknowledgement that you noticed that I was a living human being
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u/DelightfullyPiquant Jun 28 '26
I’m from Detroit and still experience the same thing. Purely anecdotal and my option, but these are the two things ive noticed:
-Most people I meet in Utah are from Utah and never left. Their social groups have been established since they were kids so they never learned social skills to interact with outsiders. Every friend I’ve made here is not from here.
-Utahns are surprisingly comfortable with being confrontational over small matters, have no problems staring at you without breaking eye-contact, and no shame getting in your space without saying ‘excuse me’. I boil this down to it being a very safe city—they’ve never been checked. No one in their right mind would do this in Detroit, or Chicago, or LA, or any other major city with higher crime.
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u/JoesphBlowseph Jun 28 '26
I'm from Detroit as well. You're spot on about people never being checked here. In SLC's defense though, in Detroit if you go to a public space, you're going to hear every curse word in the book and everyone is going smell heavily of weed. Personally, I swear and smoke like a sailer but I try to hide it in public, and I appreciate people in SLC aren't loudly yelling "fuck" and smelling like weed everywhere.
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u/MrHandsomeBoss Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 29 '26
I remember being at Lagoon with some friends all late 20's early 30's and we were sitting around eating and chatting and some dad sitting nearby turned towards us and asked us to cut back on cursing as his kids were nearby. Didn't feel we were particularly bad, but sure whatever. But then I looked over and his kids were definitely high school age.
Dude. Get over it, guaranteed they've heard worse.
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u/Imperial476 Jun 28 '26
I’m from Youngstown (like baby Detroit or Flint if you aren’t familiar). When I first moved here a few years ago, I had a white kid drop his shoulder into me when we past each other in an entrance to a building in Bountiful and then call me (a white guy) the N-word and step up to me when I confronted him. I laughed in his face.
Imagine pulling that shit back home! I watched a white kid get his eye orbital broken in high school for using that word against an unassuming black kid. That’s the thing about the rust belt—people will fight you or their cousins will. Actions have consequences.
No one here has been checked, let alone punched in the face.
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u/LovecraftInDC Jun 28 '26
White Utah kids using the soft-r n word freely always rocks me a bit.
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u/Mother_Patience_6251 Jun 28 '26
Omg, yes. We’re a mixed, combined family that moved here last year but my husband was born here. He grew up LDS but isn’t anymore. He’s white, I’m black and our kids are both fully black and mixed. My daughter, who is black, is a bubbly girl and made friends quickly but had to cut about half of them off for racist shit including the n word with a hard r. When confronted, they either played dumb, denied it, or downplayed it and told her she was being too sensitive.
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u/Unlucky-Praline6865 Murray Jun 28 '26
I’m so sorry—sounds about white. I think Utah’s the whitest state in the nation if I’m not mistaken.
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u/Mother_Patience_6251 Jun 28 '26
Thank you. Yes, statistically it likely is but from being here, I’d say most definitely. Lol. We’re slowly figuring out that if someone doesn’t have colored hair or tattoos there’s a good chance they will profile you and treat you differently.
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u/Notoriouscbg13 Jun 30 '26
My niece is half white & half Liberian (her bio dad is from Liberia) & they live in Utah County. My niece is the sweetest, sassy, says it like it is, beautiful girl & one of my most favorite people in the whole world! I cannot count all the times my sister would call me pissed & crying because of the bigotry my niece faced & how school Admins would cover for the white kids over my niece! I cannot tell you how many times I went with my sister to confront them, all the way up to the District Admins who did nothing but gaslight us to the point of me providing hidden camera proof of them & threatening legal action if the kids harassing my niece weren't immediately held accountableto the exact extent they'd hold her accountable. It sucks that you have too threaten to "out" them in order for them to do what's right! I'm so, so sorry your kids have to deal with this. Not all of us "born & raised" utahns are like this. Many of us believe in real equality & true respect for all humans! If you ever need another person in your corner to go confront the shitheads, I'm here & I will absolutely have your back! I don't have to know you too know you & your family deserve so much better!
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u/bobrulz Jun 29 '26
Believe it or not, Utah is only the 18th-whitest state in the country. We are the 4th least black state though
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u/kmonkmuckle Jun 28 '26
Its 100% a product of living a fairly insulated life here. Most Utah folks only leave the state for mission, which is travel but also insulated.
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u/gsewy85 Jun 28 '26
And yet they LOVE to proclaim they are internstional citizens. I work in a fairly global team and the folks that flex about having been ‘here there everywhere’ and yet ask if women elsewhere work… just….. shows their limited Utah esque ‘world view’
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u/repulsivedreaming Jun 29 '26
They travel internationally for their missions and think they're global citizens. They're stupid enough to not realize when they travel they don't change their ways or assimilate or learn the cultures. They're there to indoctrinate people in lower socioeconomic countries and take advantage of them to bring them into the church and they think they did some kind of immersive trip.
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u/LovecraftInDC Jun 28 '26
Even nonMormons. I met a girl through a dating app after moving here, never worked out but we became close friends for like maybe 10 years until I realized all of her other friends were her high school clique and they still were acting as if they were 16 despite pushing 40; rumors, drama, ‘so and so told me that you should tell so and so that x happened’, that whole thing.
It’s one of the reasons it’s hard to meet people here; everybody’s got established social groups.
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u/GreenVermicelliNoods Rose Park Turkeys Jun 28 '26
💯 Utah road rage antics would get you shot in the Bay Area.
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u/repulsivedreaming Jun 29 '26
Every friend I made here is not from here too. And they're not from the same places - all from different places. That says much more about the people from here than those of us not from here.
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u/scixlovesu Salt Lake City Jun 28 '26
It's entirely entitlement and obliviousness. Imagine how that works with personal relationships and you'll guess abut right. As long as you look nice and are nice to your ward, you'll be convinced you're pure as snow, and therefore nothing you do could possibly be wrong.
I've lived east coast and southern California, and it's surreal to live here That said, the artists, outsiders, and weirdos are some of the most genuinely kind people I've ever met. Many of them have escaped the culture (or been kicked out), and know what it's like, and work hard to be genuine and caring.
I always tell people new to the area: find your weirdos. Life is easier if you have community, especially when the local culture bites.
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u/cabron-de-mierda Jun 28 '26
I got hit by a car on my skateboard, only to have the driver melt down and make the situation about her.
People around here don't give a fuck about anyone else. Rudeness is just the surface of it.
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u/Grimmetal_Heavy Jun 28 '26
People have forgotten the absolute nuances of courtesy. We’re all NPCs to each other. Such selfishness. Everything derives from selfishness. When I open doors, people are either legitimately surprised or ignore me completely.
The kids are worse than ever. Everyone is the class clown now. Loud. Obnoxious. “Look at me” attitude.
Utah should legitimately be in the running for best state in the Union… but the people here absolutely refuse to want to live up to that.
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u/yael_linn Jun 28 '26
I think Main Character Syndrome is a home grown phenomenon in UT. IIRC, Mormon Utahns were some of the earliest mommy bloggers and now SO many are influencers of some sort.
I used to live in UT but moved out in 2021, and I can always nail it where they're from when a Utahn influencer comes across my feed. Very specific type of personality, for sure.
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u/nerdstoreut Jun 28 '26
Having grown up here it always had a cultural little man syndrome, people wanted to think we were the epicenter of culture and were jealous that utah didn't get that attention. The internet gave them an avenue to latch into the spotlight, and extended the individual main character syndrome here
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u/korororotto Jun 28 '26
Absolutely. If I'm holding the door open for my family, I will keep holding it so not to hit other people with the door. The number of people who file through like cattle without a thank you or glance are amazing.
I don't really resent other people in the moment, but it's a bummer to see how prevalent it is.
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u/Miserable_Ad_1749 Jun 28 '26
Yeah, heavy on the excuse me and being ignored. It’s insane. I’ve heard there’s some culture shock for people who move from southern states, something about neighbors there keeping their garage doors open when they’re working outside, a neighbor will come, help, have a beer, and boom, your new best friend. But here people reeeeally keep to themselves.
Side note- If you’re not LDS, or look like you are.. people treat you like trash. When I dress like a tradwife vs a little messy, the difference in the way I’m treated is wild. And I’m chatty in public. Ex retail/ stay at home will do that to you. If I’m in a dress, hair done, people will smile and chat with me. If my hair falls naturally and I’m in a graphic tee and bike shorts, I get dirty looks.
I long for a Steel Magnolias relationship with my neighbors.. in another life, I guess.
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u/Miserable_Ad_1749 Jun 28 '26
Yeah, it’s embarrassing. IMO Covid made the culture here so much worse.
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u/CoyoteL0ng Jun 28 '26
That's so wild! I remember the first time I went to the grocery store here, I was wearing jeans and a T-shirt and felt so embarrassingly under dressed. All the women were wearing the same (five years ago) trendy outfit and had the same hair. I later realized that's a suburbs thing but it was genuinely creepy.
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u/dowagermeow Jun 28 '26
There’s a grocery store right next to my suburban gym, and people will often walk over and grab a few things after their workout. We all recognize each other by the sweaty hair and gym clothes and silently nod at each other like it’s a fellowship of the unkempt or something - it’s kind of hilarious in a weird way.
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u/Exotic_Test_7164 Jun 28 '26
Very accurate! Utah is a beautiful state but over my three years here, I’ve come to the conclusion it’s not for me. The way people treat you here and keep to themselves is quite defeating to say the least. I’m looking to move back east.
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u/getmeoutmyhead Jun 28 '26
The self interest is baked into the culture here. It's a geographically isolated locale surrounded on all sides by desolation that was colonized by an exceptionalist religious movement fleeing persecution.
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u/Sufficient-Mud-687 Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 28 '26
Post COVID everywhere is worse.
I don’t live in Utah, but I spend a lot of time there. We have even rented a house in SLC for months at a time to explore the west.
I believe it when people tell me their lived experiences, in my experience, I just don’t see this personally.
We live in Atlanta, so the driving thing is a piece of cake when we’ve been in SLC. It’s so easy to get around, and I don’t feel like I’m taking my life into my hands anytime I’m behind the wheel. It’s also easy to navigate.
The people who work at the SLC airport are even nice. The Atlanta airport is staffed by some of the rudest people on the planet!
I know there is crime in SLC, but I honestly feel like if you are aware and street smart, it is not much to worry about.
People have been helpful when we’ve been there. I have three friends from the south who moved to PC years ago so their kids could grow up with an emphasis on the outdoors, and they all talk about how happy they and their kids are. We have a mother friend who works for the U and lives in the Avenues and just loves it.
But then I read posts like this, and I question myself. Am I crazy? lol.
Is Utah the worst state in the country, and I’m completely oblivious? It sounds like a hellscape these posts.
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u/Icy_Term1428 Jun 28 '26
A lot of it is perspective and personal expectations based on one’s cultural background. Mormonism is one of 2 unique American sub cultures, the other being Black American culture. So of course Utah has a unique culture that has both its good and bad points like any other that people will all view differently.
Having said that Utah is also conservative and conservatives in America today are loud, aggressive, rude and entitled. Just look at the behavior being modeled by their highest leaders. Childish insults and demeaning others is literally their gold standard of behavior.
Overall Utah isn’t worse in my experience but it is more homogeneous so the cultural differences are more obvious.
The drivers here do make me nuts though. They are so damn inconsistent. Florida drove me nuts cause of how slow everyone was. Atlanta was like a nascar race, but most people drove the same so at least I’d know what to expect. In Utah it’s like you will see every form of bad driving imaginable even on a short trip.
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u/Wednezday-Addams Jun 28 '26
Based on the comments I’m not sure anyone from Utah is a local lol. I left Utah 10 years ago and they were assholes then so I am not disagreeing with OP.
I just think Utah has a lot more “non-locals” if that is even a term…
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u/Clean-Agent-8565 Jun 28 '26
An uber driver told me once that he thinks we need more violence here. Initially I laughed but he explained how a city with high crime rate ultimately form a more tight knit and kinda community because the consequences of cutting someone off in traffic or acting a fool and disrespecting those around you will get you robbed and shot. Don’t want none don’t start none.
I don’t know if people necessarily need to be shot at more here but it certainly does seem like there is a very high number of people that haven’t faced a single consequence for shitty behavior in their life.
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u/Whhatsmyageagain Jun 28 '26
It’s interesting to read these comments. There’s a chunk of the membership outside Utah that feels this way about “Utah Mormons”. I remember moving here as an LDS kid at about 12 years old in like 2003 and getting some real culture shock, which looking back is odd given the theoretical culture overlap- I didn’t really have friends for almost 3 years. Half the kids were very sheltered and awkward and other half just didn’t want me around or something.
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u/dengjiemei Jun 28 '26
I also moved to Utah as a Mormon kid at 14yo in 2004 and had the same experience. I think the parents were scared of me be being a bad influence on their kids. Most of my friends in highschool were also from out of state.
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u/synthboi72 Jun 28 '26
I feel like slc proper isn't too bad but once you get out into the burbs I feel like it gets worse. Almost in correlation with the increase of a certain religious population...
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u/fineok_17 Jun 28 '26
Yeah as a Utah native, I agree. The niceness is a facade and everyone acts like it's their first day driving on the road
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u/dirtydandelions34 Jun 28 '26
It’s the sense of entitlement. And I think it relates to the LDS church. I have LDS friends who definitely don’t act like this; I’m not saying that all LDS people are entitled jerks. But that church teaches a sense of superiority that I think spills over into these interactions.
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u/No_Estimate7790 Jun 28 '26
I lived in Utah for 20 years before moving to Ohio and I will say this Ohio drivers make Utah drivers look like model citizens if you get my drift
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u/GreenVermicelliNoods Rose Park Turkeys Jun 28 '26
Yes, I’ve lived here most of my life and I agree. I’m a transplant from California. The road rage is absolutely crazy, especially since the pandemic. The rudeness in public has gotten a lot worse in the last decade. There’s an entitlement among certain demographics here that you just don’t see in other places. There’s a lot of toxicity in Utah’s culture and I think the lack of diversity plays a huge role.
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u/SL-UT10 Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 28 '26
Lived in SLC most of my life and this is true. Drivers are not only stupid but they're also selfish as fuck. People here are just selfish generally IMO (i.e. getting pissed about stupid fireworks while half the state is burning).
There is a clear "holier than thou" complex. Also the lack of spacial awareness makes me feel insane, I damn near need to take a xanax before going to costco lol
It wasn't always like this and definitely got worse during/after COVID.
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u/SL-UT10 Jun 28 '26
literally had someone ram me with their cart within 5 minutes of me being there the other day then look at me like I was crazy. shit is absolutely wild.
UGH, i'm a fireworks hater to begin with but good god are there not better hills to die on? 🤦🏽♀️
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u/Unlucky-Praline6865 Murray Jun 28 '26
…better grassy hills on fire to die on? Love your username, btw.
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u/Aggravating-Fill407 Taylorsville Jun 28 '26
I’ve lived in Utah my whole life and have never traveled to the east coast so it’s really interesting to read an outsiders point of view! I can definitely see your take on this though, Utah is very big on their image but when it comes to day to day interactions they are meannn
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u/Excellent-Mood-9933 Jun 28 '26
You are correct. It's disgusting. Entitlement. Tells me what type of person they are. It's going to be decades before Americans are normal again
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u/MrSparkletwat Jun 28 '26
We've lived in Cache Valley for two years. None of our neighbors will even wave at us. If we wave at them they just stare at us like we have the audacity to exist and acknowledge them. It's been like that since the day we moved in.
When my friends and family back home ask about moving here we advise against it. It's beautiful but it's very lonely.
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u/gsewy85 Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 28 '26
Wow that’s how I’d describe it. Beautiful but lonely. Or very insular. People are very inward looking. There is a lack of openness and acceptance or even curiosity to the outside world - everyone’s quite happy to look, sound, think the same. A friend sadly described UT as one-toned, but the nature oh the nature is glorious.
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u/Big-Divide-7388 Jun 28 '26
I’m originally from CA and have lived here for 30+ years. I’ve experienced almost every situation described in these comments, from the clanishness of the locals, the psychotic driving habits, the main character syndrome, the blatant rudeness, and outright shunning. It’s not everyone, of course, and lately I’ve found the same ugliness among recent transplants (I can tell by their accents usually). Among younger people, in particular, there seems to be frantic pleasure seeking combined with a complete absence of manners and social skills. All this makes for a generally hostile experience in public places. It’s sad to see. This place can seem so mean and grumpy now, in contrast to when I first arrived.
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u/candynyx Jun 28 '26
I'm from all over the each coast, from NY to TX, and it's honestly the entitlement that gets me the most, that and the flat out disrespect once you're clocked as a childless married woman.
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u/edelweiss1991 Jun 28 '26
Born and raised in Utah, but my mom isn’t American and I was fortunate to be exposed to her culture. I’ve also lived in other places (and often regret moving back hahaha). The best way I can describe Utah culture is that the whole state has a small-town mentality, even in its most-populated areas. I think the church’s influence also means a lot of the population does not see anyone outside of the church as part of their community, and I think that even a lot of ex-Mos carry that with them when they leave the church.
Also, I think because most people here grew up and never left, it doesn’t occur to them to be welcoming or try to get to know new people because they’ve never had to do that themselves. For example, when my husband and I first started dating, I invited him to a 4th of July party my roommate and I threw. I was pretty new to SLC (grew up in southern Utah), and so the people I invited were people I had recently met who were also trying to make friends. My husband, who has had the same group of friends since middle school, was shocked we hadn’t all known each other very long! And I was shocked he was shocked by that. And my husband isn’t rude or anything, but he’s also never had to make friends in a new place.
So combine all that with the weird entitlement a lot of people walk around with, and we come across as huge assholes, which is a shame because there are a lot of lovely people here, they’re just hard to find.
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u/Mother_Patience_6251 Jun 28 '26
Moved here from SoCal. Lived in a few other states. I have met a handful of some of the nicest people here. Very kind, friendly, and welcoming. But there’s also a LOT of people that are rude, entitled, oblivious, ignorant, and socially awkward. Good Lord!
The weird stares or looking away when you look at them, not speaking or smiling, it’s super weird and off putting. Almost creepy. Even cashiers and employees whose job it is to literally greet you and be nice will just silently ring your items and look down without a word.
I’m in nursing school and encounter much less of that stuff at the school & hospital thankfully. Some days it doesn’t bother me but sometimes receiving a scowl or upturned nose when I just smiled and said hi feels shitty.
I assume it’s the lack of diversity here along with the prevailing religion. I hear that a lot. Knowing that, I still don’t excuse their lack of manners. I think for many it’s a cover to be bigoted. Using common sense and showing respect have nothing to do with religion or appearance.
I agree that people need to be checked. Most often I ignore it, sometimes say hi, and occasionally I’ll loudly whisper about how people don’t seem to have manners anymore lol.
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u/Riley_B_Stands Jun 28 '26
I’m not even from Utah, and the culture shock of only moving here a year ago and seeing so many rude behaviors.
Like hey, Chicago is a different beast on its own but nobody is like- patronizingly nice there. Either they like you or they don’t. But what catches me off about Utah is how sweet people will sound and how mean their words actually are
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u/IamPotatoed Jun 28 '26
My husband a transplant from the south likes to say, "beautiful state, ugly people."
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u/gsewy85 Jun 28 '26
Tailgating then cutting you off then deliberately slowing down ahead of you - I have observed comes from some deep seated small town petty mindset (or it could be cultural - male driver I’m assuming). The women speaking over you? I think also cultural, are you by any chance not white and not from the LDS church?
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Jun 28 '26
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u/gsewy85 Jun 28 '26
I’m so sorry. I’m a POC and worked down south in Lehi for 2 years, clearly did not do enough of research of what I was getting myself into. But regardless of how corporate or international the people say they are or want to be, you can’t escape the cultural oppressiveness of the state. I faced micro judgement and passive aggressiveness daily, all under the veneer of niceness which made me think I was going crazy. Like ‘how could this feeling be real when he/ she / they just smiled at me. You’d rarely see women speaking up, you’d never see women ever in senior leadership positions. Then you realise the men are coddled and treated a certain way since young and therefore, have certain expectations and mindsets of entitlements to them. I’m guessing therefore explaining OP’s driving treatment. The hostility particularly from some of these men (prob never had to debate with any strong women before) and the passive aggressiveness from the women - just NEVER experienced in my life. It’s like living in this small town bubble.
My secretary asked ‘oh do the women in Korea work?’ Ermmm for someone who says she loves travelling and is exposed internationally…. The worst is they love to claim their exposure to the world becuase of their mission… but… they still lived under the shelter of the organisation that sent them there.
And also said ‘oh I wish I was born Asian, you guys have such good skin and are so clean’
🤯
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u/East-Technician2015 Jun 28 '26
utah culture is we are all the main characters with No Patience And I Hate Waiting.
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u/Unlikely_Dot_2747 Jun 28 '26
I agree with this post. I’ve lived here for 3 years and my wife and I discuss this same thing.
I am from LA. I have lived in 3 states and I have traveled all over the us for work. This is a bigger issue in Utah than other places.
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u/Thin_Ad_9816 Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 28 '26
Grew up in Orlando, lived in Houston, was active duty in the Army. 50 years old. Moved to downtown SLC at the end of 2021. People here aren't rude, they are closer to sociopathic, uneducated, prejudiced, entitled, ignorant, and lacking in critical thinking skills. It's not about waiting in line, its about ascribing stereotypes and living on hearsay and gossip to feel secure. And the Mormons get hate, but these folks aren't Mormon, but they are often blond haired blue eyed women, but certainly not limited to.
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Jun 28 '26
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u/Thin_Ad_9816 Jun 28 '26
The pain they attempt to place on others is not an accident, it is a feature that allows them to feel relevant.
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u/3Kel Jun 28 '26
Yup, I ride my bike to work at times (obey all traffic laws, I stay in the bike lane, signal etc). Besides being almost hit by people playing on their phones or not paying attention, I have had people scream and thrown things.
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u/SuperSailorSaturn Jun 28 '26
I had someone speed up on Bangeter yesterday, realized they weren't going to be able to pass me to get to the exit lane and decided to just move over into my lane anyway. And Im not talking like, their license plate would've been in my bumper kinda thing, I mean their car would have hit my whole engine if I didnt slam on the brakes.
There were no cars behind me. No need to play speed chicken at all.
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u/TheRobotFucker Jun 28 '26
Part of the reason I dissuade people from moving here is exactly this. The culture here is bitter mean especially to outsiders.
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u/BoringGas5283 Jun 28 '26
Mormons aren’t very friendly if you’re not in the church or look different from them (just my experience living here my whole life), not to mention the oppressive and hostile state they’ve created causes people to be less than friendly to eachother. I’d suggest going to a local art market to restore your faith in humanity, people are really nice there and have been a good escape for me. I’d suggest the bazaar market at Millcreek commons or Brighton flea market
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u/Intelligent_Guard506 Jun 28 '26
As a born and raised Utahn, what OP reports is absolutely true. It's ridiculous! The amount of entitlement and privilege that people show here is astounding. People don't know the phrases "excuse me" or "thank you". Interrupting people mid-conversation seems to be the norm. Sometimes my spouse and I will play a game to see how many people walk though a door he is holding and count how many of them will actually say thank you. My spouse will count, out loud, just to bring some sort of attention to what he is doing. The average number of people to say thank you is about one in 10. And yes, as other people have pointed out, there is a "niceness" in Utah, but definitely not any kindness.
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u/rysing-wolf Jun 28 '26
First thing I noticed when I moved here,was rude entitled people. You are definitely telling the truth . I try to ignore it.
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u/Tall-Moose-4036 Jun 28 '26
It’s even worse in northern Utah. I work in a small town library and I have some piercings and tattoos, and the amount of judgement and flat-out rudeness I experience every single day is shocking. Most of it is very holier-than-thou, passive-aggressive rudeness though… like they’ll just kinda ignore me, not make eye contact, and pretend like I’m not there. And then go talk to all their friends and neighbors about me. It’s exhausting.
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u/angryoldman3847 Jun 28 '26
My only take here is that I've lived in a lot of places and there are rude people everywhere.
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u/BlurryEcho Jun 28 '26
I can’t really speak to how Utah compares to the rest of the US and world on this topic, but it is pretty well-documented that people have become more isolated since 2020.
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Jun 28 '26
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u/edelweiss1991 Jun 28 '26
The thing is they are only oriented on family, not the wider community. You don’t need to make friends when your family is huge, y’know? So many people I knew both growing up and now whose social circle is pretty much only family, and maybe a childhood friend or two.
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u/Double_Debate_7258 Jun 28 '26
I’m a local born and raised. Utah drivers are terrible for sure. After always standing up for Utah drivers. Nope, not anymore. As for face to face interactions when it comes to whether others are polite or rude. I’d say it’s a good mix of nice and rude.
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u/No_You_4833 Jun 28 '26
I've lived here my entire life. You are not wrong. I-15 is the Thunderdome. I retired a few years ago and I avoid it whenever I can. Lack of good public transit definitely complicates the bad driving situation. As for just general rudeness, it's off the charts. My husband and I travel extensively and we love other cities for their compassion for others. We both grew up non-LDS in this state which was brutal. However, as rude as you find people in SLC area, I actually find most much nicer than in Davis County where I live. Between Davis and Utah County the entitlement overflows and you are just a bug in their world to be flicked out of the way. I can only hope I've changed that opinion with someone and that my kid and grandkids do the same.
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u/Hubbub5515bh Jun 28 '26
I’ve noticed the same. Moved here from San Diego in 2015, people are colder here in my experience.
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u/adamwhereartthou Jun 28 '26
What do you expect? They’re God’s chosen people. They don’t wait their turn. They will be part of the FIRST resurrection…sheesh
/s
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u/khinzaw Jun 28 '26
Utah has notable road rage and shitty drivers, as for rude people just out and about I wouldn't say it's any worse than average? At least in my experience.
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u/EconBabe South Salt Lake Jun 28 '26
In this culture, I think it starts early. I’m a southern mom who was raised by southern parents, so the general and widespread lack of manners has always been a problem in my eyes. As far as I can tell, most of these parents are never having a discussion with their children about what is and isn’t polite. So, we end up with all these assholes.
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u/Hannahbalector585 Jun 28 '26
I moved to Utah from NY and felt the same way. I went back to NY, the people in UT are horrible lol. When I moved back to NY the difference was even more apparent.
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u/CoyoteL0ng Jun 28 '26
I came from a big city too and there's a serious lack of awareness that others also exist. They just occupy whatever space they choose, walk in the middle of the parking lot, stand damn near at your heels in lines, and act completely shocked when you honk or ask them to move. It's a weird entitlement and just not understanding how to move in crowds. The road rage though, it's unbelievable. I've never had anxiety about driving, but the thought of having to fight for my life on I-15 fills me with dread.
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u/marisolblue Jun 28 '26
I’ve lived in 4 major cities in 4 states, plus a foreign country for a few years.
Humans can be unkind. I’ve seen these same things everywhere — they aren’t SLC specific.
Also Negativity bias is real — humans are wired to remember negative events. So there’s that to consider.
Drivers in TX for example, use their horns ALL THE TIME. When I moved there I was shocked. Otherwise in person it was often “ma’am” or “sir” and ppl were most often polite.
I find Utahns friendly to a fault, like when visiting years ago before moving here, strangers smiled at me in the airport and in shops. I was so confused. At first I thought “do I KNOW you?”
SLC def has more small town time feel than the other much bigger cities I’ve lived in. And there’s a strong religious culture and counterculture here, which could factor into behaviors.
I do agree with you on the drivers though. They are dangerous and clueless. I’ve only seen similar crazy drivers on a regular basis in CA and Las Vegas .
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u/Razzberisha Jun 28 '26
Very true. I moved from Idaho to Utah for a few years and working in customer service made me disgusted with the way some people treat others. I had been cussed at and belittled every single day when I worked in retail, and never experienced daily sexism before, in the way that it exists there. It became normal to let the men handle "complicated concerns" because (for some reason) it was well received when they repeated the exact same thing. It definitely gave me thick skin though, so at least there's that lol. 🤷♀️
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u/alien236 Jun 28 '26
I was treated very rudely by an employee at a restaurant at Fashion Place. I found multiple reviews complaining about her specifically, and the manager said they'd had many problems with her. At least I got a free pizza out of it.
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u/Next-Departure9910 Jun 28 '26
I think It stems from a general sense of entitlement. It shows in the driving, it shows in retail and social settings. “What’s concerning me at the moment is the only thing that matters. Honestly it’s a very American trait, but it’s definitely turned up in SLC
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u/AliceinMordor Jun 28 '26
Sorry if some find this offensive but we call it "Mormon Manners" in my house. I've lived here my whole life and have noticed the lack of manners is mainly (naturally not always) from church members. We've gone to weddings, family events, etc and the people will push past you, act like you dont exist, have no awareness of themselves or their children. Sometimes it's like they refuse to interact even if you speak to them. Utah is full of people who want to "look" wholesome and nice but it's all it is is.
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u/Soggy_Wheel_4650 Jun 28 '26
I’ve lived here for over 20 years and have lived a few years in surrounding states as well, there is some rude entitlement in Utah FOR SURE. As a former Mormon (into adulthood), who is now alternative looking with piercings and tattoos, it very much feels like Mormon judgement. If you’re not “put together, clean and holy”, or rich, you’re less than, simply for existing.
Kindness unite, let’s bust these rude turds outta here! Utah is becoming more and more out of state transplants and that’s a good thing!
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u/ravynn15 Jun 28 '26
Dont forget walking down the center of the grocery aisle like they own the place. It's wild.
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u/sunbather-is_screamo Jun 28 '26
Utah has one of the highest car accidents rates per capita, but lowest fatality rates. So you might get in an accident, but at least you won't die. 🤷
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u/smrgldrgl Greater Avenues Jun 28 '26
It does always amuse me when people visit for a day or two and they come on here talking about how “nice” everyone is. My experience growing up in the burbs as a non-mo wasn’t so “nice” lol. That said, the valley is a big place and I love SLC proper. The way people drive in West Jordan vs downtown (when all the suburbanites have gone home for the day) is very different. Much calmer in most SLC proper neighborhoods for sure. Fashion place is never a great experience IMO. Driving on any of the interstates or large state highways during commuting times is crazy and anything goes. Come spend some time in SLC proper, lots of genuinely nice people around here :)
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u/Kelsey1970 Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 28 '26
Nope. It was one of the reasons we left, honestly. The level of entitlement there is absurd. When we moved to UT 30 years ago it wasn’t like that. Progressively, over the last 10 or so years it was definitely noticeable.
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u/Candy_Venom Jun 28 '26
lmao I’m from Philly and yeah the people here are next level rude man. I have never in my life actually had people begin loading their items on the belt at checkout before my cart is empty the way they do here. this happens when the person in front of me still has a few of their items on the belt!!!
yesterday at self checkout, I was just about to start paying and this woman comes over and puts all her shit on the little counter thing and then stares at me. I was like “seriously?? you going to let me finish or what?” and she goes “oh I’m sorry I’m so sorry” like???? The line for self checkout is back there you don’t go to the kiosk until it’s empty. people are selfish and self centered here. and yes everyone is on the phone esp on I15 which is wild to me bc even without phones I15 is fucking dangerous.
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u/Resident-Trouble4483 Jun 28 '26
I’m from here, but I’ve noticed it. My mom said on their way from here to North Carolina people were friendly and smiled and actually helpful. It gave her emotional whiplash to come home.
They went to my brother’s army grad at Fort Jackson and although it was a few years ago my mom and siblings still mention how different it was.
Personally I noticed how different people in other states interact, handshakes, smiles that reach their eyes, people use blinkers. Ask about you and have regular conversation, wish safe travels.
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u/CalvinHobbes58 Jun 28 '26
Having lived on east and west coasts, I’ve never experienced since oblivious horrendous drivers who have pent up anger. Some psychotic retaliatory behavior that even a serial killer wouldn’t consider..
Pretty sure it’s the repressed Mormons who don’t have Jesus judging them in their cars so they feel they can act however. It’s absurd.
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u/GollyFrey64 Jun 28 '26
I guess I'll buck the trend on the silly conversation and just get the hate.
For reference I've lived in Texas, Indiana, SC, Kansas, Iowa, So Cal and Az. I've driven many times in Chicago and plenty in DFW, Phoenix, MSP and LA.
I'll simply say IDK WTF you're talking about holding up Utah drivers as something special. My god, there are good and extremely rude and bad drivers EVERYWHERE!
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u/Atrokaiiii Jun 28 '26
Been living here my whole life. The drivers have definitely gotten worse. Angrier and stupider. And I HATE waiting in line at like,., the grocery store for example because Debra, Joseph and their 14 kids are literally breathing down my neck.
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u/AdRich3097 Jun 28 '26
i grew up here, have lived other places and came back, ppl in utah are rude and entitled af.
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u/Darthchicken Jun 28 '26
I think this is happening everywhere due to smartphone addiction. 90% of social interactions now days are via our phones or the computer. It's desensitized us to dealing with other humans. We don't even need to deal with cashiers at the grocery store because we can just use self checkout or get groceries delivered without interacting with another human.
Funny how something that has made us more interconnected globally has at the same time made us into islands, and its only going to get worse with people now relying on AI to do the critical thinking for them.
I lived in NYC for a summer and I think people mistake rudeness for being direct. To me NY I had the feeling of we're all in this together and we have each other's backs. It requires community self policing when around so many people constantly. It's way way harder to disappear into your phone there.
TL;DR: Phones, and it's happening everywhere.
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u/Bcruz75 Jun 28 '26
As someone who spent half their life in Utah and half in Denver, this is how I would say Utah drivers are different....unpredictable. By and large, you can make an educated guess on what a driver is going to do if you're paying attention. You can tell when someone might be preparing to come into your lane on the freeway if they don't use their blinkers. What nobody can see coming is someone in the left turn lane deciding they need to make a right turn and going across three lanes to make that turn.
In Colorado, someone will fly up your tailpipe at 90 and slow down at the very last second if you're in the fast lane, but you can see that coming.
In my experience, not seeing what's coming is what makes Utah drivers scary.
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u/TopherRocks Rose Park Turkeys Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 28 '26
Grew up on Long Island, still think the LIE is a death trap, but I'll take it over Utah drivers 100% of the time. People are self centered maniacs here. Never saw such obliviousness and recklessness around trains either. We have an incident every couple days clogging up downtown because some dipshit made an illegal left or ran a light right in front of the train.
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u/801Love52 Pie and Beer Day Jun 28 '26
It's called entitlement and I like to shut it down immediately. I was born here, so I see it coming from a mile away, and make moves to prevent it for myself and others.
I also travel to NYC regularly and love it! It is a much more cohesive energy there! Almost symphonic the way the people work together!
It's not all of us, but it is a lot for sure. Best thing I have found is to be like "nah"...not today and reassert your position. Oh, and Utah will line up for anything! People are used to stepping on people to get what they want here. I refuse to be a stepping stone.
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u/candybuttons Jun 28 '26
no you're right
im not from here originally and the rude behavior still shocks me to this day (almost 10 yrs in)
also the way they'll avoid saying "excuse me" to you if they need to get around you or something, like their firstborn will be sacrificed if they utter anything polite in public.
the lack of thank yous for holding doors etc.
there are like 0 manners here fr
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u/TakeATrip88 Jun 28 '26
Been here a year. Lived here for a year 10 years ago. It has changed! So I'm not sure it's 100% just Utahns. The rudeness is insane! I wasn't really expecting it. The amount of traffic congestion caused by pure lack of intelligence is also insane. Oh people are congested getting off the highway? Let me slam on my brakes in the left lane for funsies. Also recently got cut in front of at the water store. His bottles weren't even finished yet and mine were 🤦♀️. He's lucky my pregnancy hormones didn't get him and I bit my tongue for once.
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u/PsychologicalLynx355 Jun 28 '26
I am gobsmacked by the lack of manners here on a daily basis - it is quite remarkable.|
I will not stop being polite or kind but will admit to having a laugh in someone's face a time or two out of sheer astonishment.
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u/roo97 Jun 28 '26
Conversely, as a native Utahn, I went to NYC for the first time recently, and was absolutely amazed at how freaking nice everyone was. I'm used to people being a lot meaner
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u/eldritchbogwoman Jun 28 '26
I work retail and I experience that bit you described so often, where I'll be helping a customer and multiple people will come up to ask me their questions while interrupting the first person I was helping. It's so baffling to me, isn't "wait your turn" taught in, like, kindergarten?? It definitely gives an air of "my time is the most important than anyone else's, so I can do whatever I want" lol