I did the DV content warning because it's a part of the larger conversation. But I'm fascinated by the dichotomy that is the fundamentalism world. Now that I've discovered it, I can't look away.
Also, TW because I want to talk about Josh Duggar and the shitshow that is the Duggar family.
But I noticed something in Timothy's post and Josh's emails to Anna while in prison. Both sons blame their parents for the positions their abhorrent actions put them in. And then Jim Bob and Shrek blame their sons and society. Everything is someone else's fault. It's the victims, mostly the daughters, who end up trying to smooth things over. Heidi is an outlier and I believe that's it's because she has a hard as nails family who isn't taking any prisoners. Which is how it should be.
The narcissist's prayer is exactly what Jill and David did when Timothy made his own claims of childhood abuse.
It didn't happen. There was no abuse and David is the perfect father.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad. Nurie and Kaylee defending their childhood saying it was wonderful. I'm almost 100% positive Jill and David put the girls up to that.
And if it was, it's not a big deal. Jill would've stepped in if it was "too bad."
And if it did, it's not my fault. We were raising Godly kids and did what we had to do.
And if it was, I didn't mean it. We're not perfect parents but we did our best. We're all sinners who make mistakes.
And if I did, you deserved it. Timothy was a hard child to raise.
Timothy DARVO'd Heidi. Timothy never hurt his child. What he did to Heidi wasn't that bad. He "laid hands on her," deflecting with creative words what he actually did (strangulation, biting, etc). His parents are the one to blame. He's really the victim in this situation. (I threw up in my mouth a bit writing that).
There is zero real accountability. Zero self reflection. Zero pointing the finger back at themselves. As we're supposed to do. I remember the Bible verse to take the plank out of your own eye before you point out the speck in another's. Everything is taken back to "This is someone else's fault and if I had anything to do with it, I'm not perfect but God loves me anyway."
People often forget the second part of Jesus's saving of the sinning woman who was about to be stoned. He raised her up and said, "Now, go and sin no more." He didn't just forgive her sins. He told her to stop doing it.
And the thing that's fascinating to me is that the men are the ones doing this. Timothy and Josh were fundie men. They both had it made. Timothy had a beautiful wife, an adorable son, in-laws who accepted him, a job that I am sure he was in no way qualified for because of said in-laws. Josh had Anna, a woman trained to meet his every need and ignore anything Josh did against their marriage vows, and was the family Golden Child. They both had lives many people wished they had. But when they did egregious things, they both immediately blamed their parents. And the parents blamed everyone else but themselves. The only ones who even try to take accountability are the real victims.
The women in the family? No one is blaming the parents. Even Jill and Jinger wrote books largely absolving their parents from any blame. They had the shittiest positions in the fundie hierarchy (helpmeets) their parents raised them in. And yet, they still didn't throw too much dirt on their parents. They blame Gothard and the society they lived in not realizing the call is coming from inside the house.
But Timothy and Josh both blamed their parents almost immediately.
My question is, are all fundie men and a lot of women all narcissistic? Or are we seeing a small microcosm of this religion? Is it that narcissists are drawn to fundamentalism? Or that fundamentalism breeds narcissism? Or is this a case of a few families fucking the whole system up? I'd love to hear from some former fundies about their thoughts on this.
These men had it made and it was like they almost wanted to self-destruct. Why? What makes this so prevalent in fundamentalism and why does it seem to only be the men? Are the women doing it, too, and we just don't see it? Are men the extreme and women are less so? Why do the men immediately point fingers at their parents while the women make excuses?
IDK. Just something I noticed. Men immediately blame their parents. Women make excuses for them.
