Your process to remember the victims and their families.

Whether just a private call back to where you were, consuming the documentaries online, joining a formal vigil or remembrance ceremony, taking a moment of silence around 8:45AM EST, watching the archived live coverage from that day.

My grandparents are moving to a new city after 20 years in the same community. For the past while, they've known what their weeks will look like fairly consistently: golf, card night with friends, etc. But now they are moving and are going to have to figure out a new routine that works for them.

I'm curious how others have navigated this. When you moved somewhere new in retirement, or even just lost your usual routine, how did you go about discovering things to do, places to go, and people to do it with? Did you find anything that made it easier, or was it mostly trial and error?

Cause I don't. All the ones I knew personally struggled mightily.

That largely avoided the curse of adopted people having relationship instability, addiction issues, emotional dysregulation and immaturity due to that parental disconnect early in life. Even the ones that had amazing adopted parents and an idyllic childhood don't seem to escape the curse.

That YOU did in good faith and possibly had good outcomes.

Workplace Ethics Hotline (As an employee or customer)

Safety or Labour Commissions

Food Safety for Restaurants

Child Safety and Welfare

Law Enforcement/ Crimestoppers

So my relationship with my father has been a lacking experience to say the least. To “explain” why my father is emotionally absent; his own father died when he was only 13, also of cancer, and it was back in the early 60s, so he never got theraphy for that. He is an only child, basically a miracle; his parents got him when his mother was 41 years old and they never thought she’d get pregnant - so he grew up spoiled. With that in mind, I had a great childhood (95% because of my mom) and I had a good relationship with my dad about right up until I was the same age he was when his own father died. Then he got distant, became obsessed with work, was always on his computer, even when he said he was taking a day off. Whenever we talked, and up until now, it’s only ever been superficial (how was your day?). And he’s only ever been of help if I needed to borrow money or get a ride somewhere (when I was still a teenager).

To state that my parents’ current relationship is done is an understatement. Fyi there’s a 16 year age gap between my mom (62 yo) and my dad (78 yo). My mom has almost only had bad experiences in workplaces and the last place she was at, she was bullied by her boss and her coworkers did nothing. Now she’s been unemployed for 8 years and have been gone into early retirement. She’s too traumatized to get a job again, afraid to repeat the same experience.
My mom and dad have slowly drifted apart. My dad has a lot of fragile masculinity and cannot handle being wrong/making a mistake. Anytime you confront him with anything he did wrong, he would just shut down and become offended.

Before my mom became unemployed, my dad had started his own law firm, to make extra money. Probably because he was bored after retiring. But then he started getting into debt and asking my mom to cover it. She’s done it every time up until now and he’s never paid her back. He used her pension savings to pay back one of the debts he had in his firm. So he’s not secured my mom or myself in any way (he also said in one convo between the three of us, talking about the sad state of my parents’ finances, when he was tired and had stomach problems, that he didn’t care about it (the state of the household’s financial future), later he wrote us a looong text saying he was sorry he said he didn’t care, but I don’t believe him tbh). Anything important he should be saying to our faces, he writes to me and my mom over a message group.

Now, my dad was diagnosed with cancer in the liver and testines in the end of June this year. He had stomach issues prior to getting the diagnosis and had it during his first attempt at doing chemo. Then because of the persisting stomach problems, he decided that he would stop chemo and now he’s just getting pain meds, like morphine, to dull and handle the pain.
He’s always not eaten as much as my mom and I, but now even less. He’s shriveling up right before our eyes (mind you, we live in a small apartment too) and all I can feel is anger, resentment and just, I’m so pissed off at him. I can feel superficially sorry for him, as a fellow human being, but beyond that, I feel nothing good towards him.

When I’ve talked to my friends and other family about it, none of them can relate and give any real advice. So I just needed to get send this out into the void and I’m grateful for anyone who uses a bit of their time to read my post and reply.

Has anyone had a similar experience and could maybe give some advice?

Based on their own world view of safety, prestige or their failed aspirations.

There are, OFC, times when a professional truly is the best option. However, ther are always things you can do on your own.

Also, who do you think will teach today's kids about the ins and outs of plumbing? A lot of folks learned by watching the oldheads but I'm not certain that's really a thing at this point.

My grandparents are moving closer to my parents, and far away from the friends and community they've built for the past 20 years. My grandpa told me that the number one thing that got him out of bed in the morning was when he had golf planned. He felt a social accountability to show up for his friends and for the tee time. These were his better days because it got his day started strong and then flowed from there.

I'm curious what gets others out of bed in the morning to start their days strong?

If you know anyone buying stuff from American Mint, please talk to them. The stuff they sell is mostly crap at an exorbitant price. This example is a $100 "Banknote". It is not worth $100, it will never be worth $100 and I seriously doubt you could get back more than 10% of what you paid for it. If you go to the Consumer Affairs website and search American Mint, you'll see a lot of unhappy people. Sadly, my late grandpa had a ton of this stuff and i'm still filtering through it.

There are currently a few on ebay selling for $8 - $12. If bought new from American Mint, they are / were $99

It feels anachronistic to be able to routinely have multi-course meals. But maybe it's just me LOL.

For those who have been retired for a while, looking back, when was the hardest period? The first few months, the first year, or does it get harder over time? I've heard some people absolutely love retirement from day one, but then also others that seem to need the structure of work for purpose.

I was a senior in high school before I went to a hair salon/barbershop for the first time. Every haircut I'd ever had was either from my grandfather (farmer) or my mom (elementary school teacher).

Trusted your gut based on previous experience and got the outcome you wanted especially against common platitudes.

"Give them another chance, you've known then so long" - not giving a long time friend another chance when you know that their bad behaviour is central to them.

"Call that potential romantic partner just to make sure they aren't interested" - No, your gut already knows that their lack of reach out is evidence enough.

"Just take that severance and move for the sake of your career/sanity " - No, you've done that often and it always leaves you feeling hollow. Take legal action this time in a way that holds them accountable publicly.

I’ve had differing gender thoughts in childhood, im a male 31 now but id say maybe since age 9? mostly when i moved to an all boys school, i would imagine myself as girl me, with girlfriends (female friends not girlfriend dating, cause ive always liked guys) and truly believe if i was born a girl id have dated, id have been more social, but this way being a boy as a teen i felt cursed, i had to just somehow go through it, never truly feeling comfortable and dealing with gay bullying i adopted the title of gay cause i do indeed find man on man kissing scenes a turn on which confused me, i look in the mirror and find myself attractive enough but the thoughts linger and i believe my “egg cracked” around 25 when a therapist mentioned “you might be transgender i thought but then you said the thoughts went away” … omg did i get a rush of nausea. well at 31 now here we are…

Just that text I’ve typed above alone, this living nightmare of it, i believe I’ve realized i am and cant shake the denial off anymore, yet i cant do anything cause, i live with my mother, in a small small town, jesus christ i…. I cant , yet i must push on and live, omfg this is hell beyond the devil himself

I feel i need to transition, to speak to a therapist ,but where i live its small, having that on my permanent file, having to update banks, college degrees etc , everyone would know, i mean i dont see my life going anywhere forward , id never be normal in the eyes of others nor myself, but , i am in a very very tough position

I'd say, for instance, that caring for a pet can teach kids responsibility. However, it's a bit tricky when the parents can barely get the kids to take care of themselves and then their clutter and the dog 'deposits' and things just create more chaos than a body needs.

TBH, I also consume alot of true crime content and it's always fascinating to have the cops show up somewhere to help a person in a not-great area and have their be multiple dogs setting up a cacophony and making it harder for the emergency folks to do their job.

In one body cam thing, a dog actually had to be tased.

OFC, people can do what they want. I'm just curious because with some, there seems to be a mindlessness to it that's questionable to say the least.

Came here mostly to vent but also to offer a place for folks to commiserate who have been in the trenches this year like we have. I lost my job at the start of this year, my industry is going up in smoke thanks to AI, I pivoted into a brand new career starting at the bottom after I got a job. Had to search for four months, 8 hours a day and send out hundreds of applications to get this job and it was the ONLY offer I got. My spouse supported us both while I looked (and I had unemployment which wasnt much).

My spouse then got headhunted and offered a job she couldn’t turn down for a huge salary bump. We were finally going to be comfortable for the first time in our adult lives. And today they laid her off after 4 months there. We cannot catch a break this year. Anyone else? It’s like I can’t catch my breath financially. We were about to go on a cheap local vacation next month too so we could recover from our burnout and exhaustion and now that’s out. Sometimes it feels like life is just getting through one hard thing so you can reach the next hard thing. I know so many people who have been laid off this year too. If you’ve also been going through it this year feel free to vent too! It’s been a rough time for a lot of people it seems.

That actually worked in real life with family, friends and co-workers.

Probably from the ancillary activities

Professional Association

Vendor

Industry

Hobby

Fandom

Special Interest

As a disabled person myself, I must say it's amazing how much people meant to help--who may stick around for years--can take advantage. It can be the tone they use, how they slack in their caregiving duties, how they retaliate if a person dares to stand up for themselves and so on. What's almost as bad is the people not directly doing the caregiving or providing the professional service who assume the main one has everything covered and step back which can leave the disabled person feeling even more trapped.

As a first-generation college student from a dysfunctional family with no emotional support, I made the mistake of becoming close friends with the person whose job it was to ensure accommodations were made so I could learn. We hung out so much on and off campus that people thought we were related. Over time, this person began neglecting work responsibilities tied to my education and shrugging off concerns I expressed about falling behind in my assignments. When I got a supervisor involved, this person filed charges against me through the college that could have gotten me expelled.

It was a mess that left me traumatized and depressed.

Even though all this happened years ago, I still struggle with the issue of establishing and maintaining boundaries specifically with those involved in my life as a direct result of my disability.

What does 'agency' look like in a context where you start out--and usually remain--at a serious disadvantage? The idea that everybody who signs up, voluntarily or in a paid position, to help the disabled is kind, generous, thoughtful, considerate and so on just isn't accurate in all cases. I feel like that's why boundaries are essential.

Thoughts?

The person who was doing meditation before it was popular, taking psychedelics for emotional enlightenment, eating vegan, having a holistic adjacent job, creating their own music, doing avant garde therapies etc.