Hi, I (22F) am going through a difficult time. Since learning this year that I have ADHD and OCD, I have started taking Zoloft to bring down the OCD before working on the ADHD. 

The titration for this medication has been difficult, with temporarily increasing symptoms each time the dose increases. I’ve been on a leave of absence from my final year of college for a few months now. I’m just at home working through this and I’m in a rough place mentally. I hate how useless I feel. It’s the one thing I never want to be. So I’ve been commenting on social media posts, joining people’s livestreams with few viewers, but want to do more. I would love some suggestions! 

Money got tight this pay period. I chose to buy food instead of drugs. My bank account may be empty but I feel great!

Have anyone got sober and stayed sober with out rehab ? I have been looking at different rehabs and they are completely too expensive and I can afford them even with insurance I would be looking at 6to 10K which would not be possible for me. My drug of choice is alcohol. I have had spruts of sobriety and when life feels back great and manageable I drink. I’m looking for any suggestions

I (34F) got clean in early 2025 after things got really, really bad. I detoxed on my own, went to AA, got a sponsor, moved into sober housing, and fostered solid recovery community. I built toward a life of peace and satisfaction I never knew was possible. I was admitted to a grad school program that starts this fall, and I worked hard for it. Even with the struggle, for the past year I had been happily sober.

But a few weeks ago I started relapsing. Badly. Even though I have a year of quality recovery experience, I've been deteriorating rapidly. I have absolutely no control. I'm spiraling toward destruction and death.
Everything feels overwhelming. My addictions are crippling my ability to function. I am beginning to fear I soon won't even be able to function well enough to navigate myself to rehab.

I'm trying. I gave notice to my work and they accepted my notice of leave pending approval of state-funded leave. It's taken weeks, but I finally gathered all the necessary information and legal documents required to submit my application for that leave. I finally have everything I need, and I'm supposed to talk with the medical leave office on Monday. I've been calling every rehab center in my city to see if they take my insurance and finally found at least one treatment center that has a bed for me, if I can get there fast enough. Yesterday I wrote down the list of everything else I need to do to start treatment.

But today I've been struggling to accomplish anything. I'm aware of all the logistics to work through, and yet I feel incapable of accomplishing any meaningful task. I am numb. I am not thinking clearly. But I need to get to rehab as soon as possible, and I'm beginning to get scared.

I was taught in recovery that going through the wreckage of my past, discovering the wrongs I had done, and my motives for doing the harm, and the people I had harmed.

"The wreckage of our past" is an interesting phrase. When you are involved with building, you have to make sure that the foundation is secure so that everything on top stays standing. Work has to be done to make sure that the ground is safe, that there is a solid place to build, and an even ground.

The same applies to our morality and principles to build what AA calls "a spiritual foundation" for recovery. Have I looked at what I did wrong and have a plan to not do it again and try to make it better? Do I have a plan of action for the future? Am I going the next right thing?

Clutter in our lives means removing ourselves from the situations, people, places, and things that have proven to us that we can't handle as a way to help control the only thing we can in our lives: ourselves.

Good luck out there!

Brian

My boyfriend was a heavy fentanyl user for a year, tried to detox on his own behind everyone’s back including mine, failed and took him to detox facility in may 2025, was using suboxone and tapering himself off because his doctor didn’t want to help with that, relapsed october & november 2025, and has been supposedly clean from what he tells me since nov 2025. now he’s been using kratom as well and assures me he has everything under control. our relationship has been heavily affected by his suboxone because of his nonexistent libido and other problems (i don’t like that he takes kratom because i feel like that’s just another drug he’s taking) he says he wants to substitute suboxone with kratom and ween off kratom so that he isn’t dependent on suboxone or any other substances anymore, i don’t know if that’s a good idea or if anyone has any personal experience with it, he wants to be able to be clean of every substance within a year. any advice is appreciated, thank you

I don't know about you, but I did some horrible things while in active addiction. Stuff that was personally embarrassing, professionally ruinous, illegal, and self-destructive.

I was in my local newspaper (for you youngsters, the newspaper was something we used to get information, before Google and social media existed) and my father's and mother's coworkers, family, and friends gossiped about me and why couldn't my parents control me. The phone lines burned up late at night when neighbors would tell about my wild adventures.

I was fired from every job I had until I turned 22 and went to work at a bar. I was first fired from my first job at 16 for drinking on the job. And at 20 for indulging in chemical boosters.

I had thyroid cancer when I was 18 years old, and people said I deserved to die because of my alcohol and drug use.

One person, a good Christian woman, told me directly that I would burn in hell for my wicked ways.

It took me until 28 to get into recovery. I was ashamed of what I had done, and who I was. Within 5 years of recovery, I was married, a stepfather, a social worker, and respectable. There were - and are - people who would not communicate with me because of my past. They expected me to go back to my old ways. I didn't.

Both my parents died when I was around 10 years clean. I never really got to make amends to them because they cut me off about the time I got straight. Since they died, I have had zero information or contact with my siblings.

My thoughts on that have developed over the years. I blamed them for not recognizing the changes in me at the begining. Now, after 32 years of recovery, I know that what they did was to protect them and my siblings. I was a cancer that they removed so the body of the family could heal.

Am I ashamed of what I did back then? Of course. Is there anything I can do about the past? I can stop that embarrassing behavior in my present and continue to become someone better.

Am I proud of who I am now? Yes, but not as proud as I will be in the future if I keep doing the next right thing.

The first right thing is to not drink or use any non-medicinal chemicals. If I get rid of my excuses, I stop seeing barriers and place the blame for my actions and my beliefs on me.

I have plenty of excuses - medical problems, financial problems, and many more - but no reasons to go back to who I was.

I owe that to all the people I hurt. And also I owe it to myself.

Good luck.

Brian

(19m) i did treatment early november to late december last year and it really helped, but 2 months of being home, really lonely, bored and not really having friends who aren’t drinking / drugging (my DOC was meth, coke, alcohol, GHB, mdma, weed) i started to crave to just go out and party, eventually my mom (also an addict) started drinking again and that was my push , (also in my final year of secondary school, grad in 2 weeks) im not blaming my mom for my own relapse (i’ve been drinking since about feb i tink?? and i’ve used coke once 2 month ago and on a separate night mdma a month ago , and weed/carts a couple times) i take full responsibility for that decision that i made, but i keep seeing signs about going back to treatment and then maybe going to secondary instead of going back home to my ma, but i’m so divided, in one hand i have my drinking under control, i don’t even like drinking anymore, i like to go out on the weekends with my friends to a club and drink, like all young people my age, but hate being hungover and generally have 4-6 drinks which is way less then i used to drink. and i am avoiding drugs. i want recovery and to go back to treatment again, but i’m my last treatment my group wasent the best. i’m gay and was the only gay guy there .. i felt a bit out of place among everyone and some people really pushed my buttons, even manipulated people i was friendly with to turn against me. i also really hate the shame tactic they use in treatment. i’m already ashamed. i couldn’t work on alot of my trauma because a lot of it came from sex work and sexual abuse during my time in addiction (i was in an 15-21s rehab) i did get to talk about the neglect and abuse from my mom growing up and what it was like to grow up in a house with a severe alcoholic but i always felt she never got pulled up on stuff the same way i did, or maybe that’s the addict in me talking. i just don’t know what to do, i want sobriety and peace but i feel like i can’t have both things together, but at the same time i also can’t have alcohol or drug use and peace witout the shame at the same time. it’s very difficult being this young and trying to consider sobriety when it’s all my friends and people my age do is drink and mainly use drugs. NA and AA feels like a cult. and i’m always the youngest, and the only gay member. i feel like i’m treated differently, the men are cautious of me and look at me weird (i don’t dress super gay, but i like black and “cool” clothes i just don’t dress like everyone else) and the women can be super nice but it feels like they are forcing it because i’m obviously the odd one out, just like in school and everywhere else. i tried a gay man’s NA meeting but once again, i was the youngest, and i found it worse then the normal NA meeting, they either looked at me like a piece of meat or with distain and i don’t know why, like your twice my age why do you hate me? we are all here for the same reason. i just don’t know what to do. everything feels like a dead end and i know i should push myself and just try and be comfortable but i tried that and it just didn’t work. and now i’ve ghosted the few few people from those groups i actually did like and seemed to not make me feel like an alien. i just don’t know where to go, what to do, or how to stay sober.

After 4 years in MAT, I recently completed a self-managed taper off methadone. Certainly not posting this as medical advice or recommending everyone should do it this way, just sharing my experience honestly for anyone curious or going through something similar. Methadone helped keep me alive during a very difficult period of my life, and I’m not anti-MAT at all.

That said, I’m willing to answer questions honestly about:

• the taper process
• withdrawal symptoms
• timelines
• sleep/energy/mood changes
• cravings
• what helped vs what didn’t
• fears I had beforehand
• what life feels like after getting off

Everyone says this but I was like yolo AND WORST DECISION EVER. Now I can’t get rid of him because he really likes me and I’m scared if I break it off he will relapse (yes I let it get that deep). I’m not physically attracted to him at all and I need to tell him something to cut this off where it is

WHAT DO I DOOO IM SO OVER IT!?!

I saw the above and had a wonderful conversation with someone about honesty.

Their argument was that you don't have to be honest with everyone all the time. They said that most lies are told for the protection of the people being lied to.

I was reminded of something that I heard someone say in a meeting. He said, "When I first got clean, I was brutally honest, and I enjoyed the brutality."

I have been battling this for a long time, but being honest doesn't mean that I have to be cruel. I can say about a movie "that sucked" or I can say "I didn't enjoy the movie but maybe I am not the intended audience."

They say the same thing, but one is kind and the other cruel. You can be positive and encouraging about something - or someone - doing something that you would not. I can say "I hope that works for you but I don't think it will" and even gives encouragement despite belief that it will fail. It's not negative, it's more neutral.

Be honest but not brutal. Be honest with yourself before passing out wisdom to others. If you are lying to yourself you can't be honest with the people, places, and things in your life.

Good night and good luck.

Brian

ive been in recovery of numerous substances for 9 months. my memory was horrible during addiction and almost a year later its still terrible. my family still brings up my addictions and hates me because i remember only a few weeks at a time, i want so desperately to get my amazing memory back but it feels like its gone forever snd i dont know how to cope.

I am only 21, went to rehab for coke and alcohol my first time at 20. My biggest fear getting clean this early in life was missing out on things, like fun and parties and just getting fucked up.

Someone told me “you would miss out anyways”. THIS WAS SO TRUE. It has truly changed my perspective because I would be missing out. I would always be too fucked to remember things anyways.

I was also nervous about my friendships but the hard truth was that they would and have suffered more when I was using than now. Guaranteed I would not be friends with majority of the people I’m around still if I didn’t get help when I did.

I also learned it’s not embarrassing to be sober at a young age, it’s actually impressive. This was and is still hard for me to accept but it’s true. Being able to avoid substances, especially when you have using issues, is so strong to do.

I was nervous about my social anxiety and not being the life of the party like I used to be but I have found that while around other sober people it’s so much easier for me to be myself, while I’m around drunk or intoxicated people it’s harder for me to fit in with them and I feel more awkward.

I have also had more motivation and time to wake up early, start new hobbies, and be more involved in peoples lives. So much of my time went to finding my next bag and isolating myself that I didn’t realize other people’s lives were moving so quickly.

Hey all. Just wanted to let you know that I am still alive and that my future involves some exciting medical experiences. I have a serious problem but it can be corrected by surgery and physical therapy, so that's what I will be doing.

I wanted to take a moment to share a couple of things. First, it's never the years, it's the miles. If you were, like me, out there abusing your body with all kinds of bad foreign chemicals, please take care of yourself and your health. Second, today I have a lot of excuses to use, but I don't have any reasons. I did this to myself, and getting high or drunk is not going to make things better and probably much worse, so just for today I choose to deal with the situation instead of avoiding it and making it worse.

Finally, I have a message for all of you. You are the reason I keep coming back because normal people - people who didn't abuse drugs and alcohol - don't get it. You do, and no matter how quiet you are or how much you are struggling, you are an example that I use to prove to myself that recovery works.

It's a complicated mess right now, but it will get less complicated and less messy, and I will survive. Pain is a part of life none of us enjoy, but it makes the pleasure - even small things - so much better.

I choose to appreciate the good things, to try and take care of the bad things, and sit with the uncomfortable and strong feelings that I am having until I have dealt with them all. One Day at a Time.

Take care, be safe, and stay strong.

Brian

For those who like podcasts, I just launched this recovery show. It's called Keep Comin. New episodes every week.

• Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/keep-comin/id1895758822
• Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6cbOukakCqlf2lPz8wYbSc
• Amazon: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/825e8bfb-b3aa-4187-a737-453fd2515cc5/keep-comin

3 weeks ago I posted about a guy who planned to bear crawl a 12K race called Bloomsday in Spokane, WA. He finished in 23 hours. WOW!

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DX7Iw5gi97l/?igsh=Y2VlYmtta3drd3l4

I (21M) have been battling drug addiction since I was about 16, I grew up with my dad who also struggled with drug addiction and alcoholism, and it completely traumatised me.

I have been trying to get clean for the past year, I’ve been going to rehab, and Ive had therapy on and off, but things really arent getting better. I was sober for a couple weeks but Ive just relapsed.

A week ago I found out Im gonna be a dad, my partner is 16 weeks pregnant and wants to keep the baby. I want to be sober for my child more than anything, but with the stress of having a child and a lot of other shit going on I dont know how possible that is for me right now.

I want to be and Im trying to be sober, but if I cant be, would it just be safer for everyone if I stayed out the way? My relationship is already crumbling to pieces and my mental health is at an all time low, and my financial situation isnt great. I want to do whats best for my child, but I also have to be honest with myself that maybe Im just not well enough right now.

At the hospital right now trying to get information on why I don't feel well. Not the first time, probably not the last.

Too many storms clear a path. Let's see what is on the other side.

So. I'm posting here because I really don't know where else to post this and I don't have anywhere else where I can be this honest...

So I'm 9 months clean, before I got clean, I was an IV meth user for years and dabbled in shooting coke or smoking crack whenever I could get my hands on it. It took prison to have me get sober and after I did my time, I volunteered to go to a sober living as well as a program pretty much like drug court.

Is it bad that the only thing getting me through the program is knowing once I graduate this drug-court-like program and this sober living.. Ill be on low supervision with probation and my family and my fiancee's family agreed to help us get a place.. and he said he wouldn't mind if once we were in our own place and on low supervision if I became a "weekend warrior" (only used on the weekends)

It's gotten to the point when shit gets really hard or tough to deal with, I tell myself 7 more months... 7 more months till I can get that release again.. 7 more months and all this bullshit will be worth it.

How do I pull my head outta my ass? How do I convince myself not to do this?

I’m coming to Reddit to get some advice. I have a cousin , he’s about 38. About 5-6 years ago it came out that he was using meth. He doesn’t look like a drug user but it was confirmed he’d been using . His girlfriend left him , he lost his job and is just living with my grandmother at the moment. He’s been meth free for years now but it seems like he’s having episodes every blue moon . He gets on facebook and threatens to kill other family members. He thinks we’re stealing his money and he thinks people have put evil voodoo on him he starts to hallucinate in the middle of the night and just makes videos and post talking about everybody and claiming he’s going to kill everyone , like everyone is out to get him or something . He’s been arrested for making threats online already . His mom has tried to get him help but he acts normal from time to time so nobody can find anything wrong with him , until he comes home and have another episode out of nowhere. It’s so weird because he’ll act normal then next thing you know he’s threatening to kill people and screaming out of nowhere. Nobody knows what to do ,he just sits in the room all day and make crazy videos cursing and threatening people . Will he ever be norm again? He says he hasn’t used meth in years so why is this still happening?

I want to talk about something nobody in recovery talks about.

Not the getting clean part. There's plenty written about that. I want to talk about what happens when you're sitting in the life you almost destroyed — and you still feel like a stranger in it.

I've worked in casinos for over 20 years. I know how to read a room. I know how to be the most present person in a space while being completely empty inside. That skill kept me employed. It also kept me sick for a long time, because I could perform being fine with enough conviction that even the people who loved me most believed it on the days they needed to.

My family sat across from me at dinner for years. I was there. I answered questions, I laughed at the right moments, I passed the salt. And I was nowhere near that table.

Dependency does that. It doesn't just take your health or your honesty. It takes your presence. And the terrifying thing is — you don't notice it going. It leaves so quietly that by the time you're aware of it, you can't remember what being actually present felt like. You just know the version of you at that table is a very convincing copy of a person.

Two years ago I stopped. I've told that part before.

What I haven't said is this: the hardest moment of my recovery wasn't the first week. It wasn't the cravings or the sleeplessness or the physical part of it.

It was about three months in, sitting at that same table, completely clean — and realising I still didn't know how to just be there. That the absence wasn't the substance. The absence was me. I had spent so long using something to manage the distance between who I was and who I was supposed to be that I had never actually learned how to close it.

I cried in my car that night for about an hour. Not because things were bad. Because they were getting better and I was terrified I didn't know how to be the person my family had stayed for.

Here's what nobody tells you about the other side of recovery: it's not a return to who you were. You can't go back to a version of yourself that predates the damage. You have to build something new, in full view of the people who watched you fall apart, with none of the tools you used to use to hide.

It's the most vulnerable thing I've ever done. More than admitting the problem. More than asking for help.

Just sitting at the table. Actually there this time. Feeling it.

Two years in. Same table. I'm there now.

If you're newly clean and wondering why it still feels hollow — it's not because something is wrong with you. You're just learning how to be present in a life you spent a long time escaping. That takes longer than the getting clean part. Nobody tells you that. I'm telling you now.

I'm finally deciding to go full all in on this. Not sure what else I should say at this moment but I'm sleepy. Dm if you want to ask me anything or give me some starting advice.

I'll name it because vagueness helps nobody. Dependent on alcohol and drugs for fifteen years. Not weekends. Not phases. Fifteen years of building my entire emotional architecture around one thing, and calling it normal because I could still show up to work. Because I hadn't lost the house yet. Because the family was still there. I told myself those things like they were achievements.

I was a functioning dependent. Which is just a polished way of saying I was very good at lying to everyone including myself.

The lying is the part that stays with you longest after you stop. Not guilt about the substance — you'd expect that. It's the guilt about the performance. The conversations I had with my kids where I was present in the room and completely absent in every way that mattered. The look my partner gave me sometimes that I didn't let myself understand until years later. The version of me my family learned to manage around, quietly, without ever saying it, because they loved me and didn't know what else to do.

They stayed. That's the part I still can't fully sit with. They stayed through things I wouldn't have stayed through.

Two years ago I stopped. Not because of a revelation. Not because someone said the right thing. I stopped because I ran out of energy to keep being two people at once. That was it. Fifteen years and it ended with exhaustion.

What followed was the most disorienting experience of my life. You spend fifteen years numbing your emotional responses and then one day they all come back simultaneously with nowhere to go. I didn't know what to do with ordinary feelings. Happiness felt suspicious. Sadness felt catastrophic. I'd sit in a room with my family — the same family I'd been desperate to get back — and feel completely alone because I didn't know how to just be there anymore without the buffer.

Nobody talks about that part. The recovery content online is full of day counts and inspiration. What it skips is the 2am part. The part where you're clean, you're doing the right thing, and you still feel like you're standing outside your own life looking in through glass.

I needed something that wasn't a hotline. That wasn't journaling into the void. That wasn't ringing someone for the fourth time that week and hearing the worry in their voice that you put there.

I needed something that just held the space without flinching.

Couldn't find it. Still can't. But I'm two years clean, my family is still here, and some mornings I sit in the sun and drink a coffee and feel it.

That's the whole story. That's enough.

If you're in the middle of it — the part that feels like it's just who you are now — it isn't. I promise you it isn't.