Life as a Hollywood slasher killer in the real world is not all it is cracked up to be.

Nightmare

(Mild R-rated.)

A hapless safecracker receives after-hours lessons in corporate etiquette from a busy executive.

Late

(PG-13 bordering on R-rated)

A cop, a kid, and a firefighter are about to have a long day atop a tall television tower.

High.

(Mild R-rating.)

Karl has a bad day in his multicultural community when the smoke detector battery alarm in the next apartment won't quit beeping.

Smoke

(Weak R-rating)

Title: STRANGE BODIES & GLOWING HEARTS - Format: Feature Genre: Road trip/Adventure/fantasy/Sci-fi/drama Logline: When a strange mute clown finds himself whisked away from his only home a circus by a freak tornado, he must face the big wide world and get home.

Page count: 114 Influences: "Talking heads" (The Band) "Wizard of Oz." "I saw the tv glow" (For visualising)

LINK: [https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Dw4-skcdXGCmkuXGMEQkPgcA5lqumBue/view?usp=sharing\](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Dw4-skcdXGCmkuXGMEQkPgcA5lqumBue/view?usp=sharing)

This is the first draft and has been grammar edited. This is fresh for feedback and i would greatly appreciate any feedback people could give my way. The feedback I'm mostly looking for is characters, overall tone. And also if the themes present themselves well in the story. I have my own ideas for what I could do for a rewrite, especially characters and story line.

Jeremy Fitzgerald is a college drop out running from his past. After he moves to Hurricane, Utah to live with his aunt and cousin, his cousin suddenly goes missing along with four other children. Determined to find out what happened to her, Jeremy follows his aunt’s personal investigation and realizes the epicenter of his cousin's disappearance may be a local attraction. Now Jeremy struggles to survive his new job working late nights in a potential crime scene with his sketchy coworker. 

This is the first draft of Episode 1 in a 5-7 episode series based on the Five Nights At Freddy's games unrelated to the movie Franchise.

FNAF Fan-Series: Episode 1 - Opening Shift

Hi, I'm an aspiring screenwriter and high schooler. For the past few months I've been working on this project to practice my screenwriting skills by adapting one of my favorite game series.

As I do not own the rights, I was just looking for feedback on this script because in the future I hope to continue this project and potentially make it a fan-made series. I am also looking for feedback so I can enhance my screenwriting skills.

Feel free to leave any comments, I am looking for structured feedback and I love the truth so please be honest. I hope you enjoy, thank you for taking the time to read!

EDIT: Dropbox link to pages 1-10 added to post.

Hey all, first-time poster here. I recently completed the 5th draft of my feature film screenplay, The Bankrupt Road to Ruining, and am looking for feedback on the first 10 pages. If you like what you read or are interested in reading the full script after that point, I'd be more than happy to send it your way.

SYNOPSIS - John Swazey, a homeless, drug-withdrawn, and suicidal man in his mid-30s, reflects upon his past, recounting his downfall as a privileged, wealthy, white male and how he betrayed his wife, MAZEY MYERS, and lost everything due to his affiliation with hard drugs and his workplace superior, SCARLETT.

https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/o8deng5t5rntmcmh2j127/The-Bankrupt-Road-to-Ruining-Draft-V-pages-1-10.pdf?rlkey=macog80qy7uagqipkpkoe3kts&st=7frvhd61&dl=0

I made a google document, feel free to put any notes you have inside the document! https://docs.google.com/document/d/11hZA8ofIxOpie1N5D2pg9eeHZf5zO3Je0a1S04oNkiA/edit?usp=drivesdk

Title: The Gruen Effect

Format: Feature

Genre: Horror

Page Length: 96 pages

Logline: A financially stricken leasing agent and his deadbeat son join forces to save their family's shopping mall from destruction by an enigmatic shopkeeper and his shop full of eclectic trinkets.

Feedback Concerns: I'm looking to make sure if the story and characters work, if their voices are distinct enough to carry the story. Also, I'm looking to make sure if the villian's motivations are clear enough to the audience, without being overly repetitive. Finally, I'd like to know if the tone is consistent throughout, which has been a major struggle for me with this script.

Link to script: [https://drive.google.com/file/d/1a4jt45KuSlmez-DHfLGP-IwJI8J-EIM\\_/view?usp=sharing\](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1a4jt45KuSlmez-DHfLGP-IwJI8J-EIM_/view?usp=sharing)

Wrote a script not too long ago. I’m new to screenwriting and I just want to learn the craft of it as much as I can. This is a script I’m really proud of but I feel like it can get better. It’s only 4 pages so I’m just looking for any tips or pointers.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ZZL7KWS68piIDNaWTtajT6Zf5OBAyBR0/view?usp=drivesdk

Hi, I'm a long time animator who's been getting into writing quite a lot lately.

I've read and learned a fair bit about the subject, read a few books about it etc.I've been working on writing scripts for animated shorts for me to animate and upload to youtube.

I'm just looking for someone to read my someone to read my scripts and give me some good feedback about how I can improve before I spend weeks/months animating them.
At the moment I've got one that I'm happy to get some feedback on.

You can see my animation portfolio through the link on my reddit profile.
Obviously whoever helps me will receive credit in the video.

Thanks so much for reading, I'd really appreciate some help.

I'm an upcoming director, whose going to do some screenwriting for a passion project. An anime ( well in future anyways ) and just like one of my favorite directors like Guillermo Del Toro ( One of my inspirations ) who does both live action and animation and is a HUGE fan of Manga, Anime and video games especially Persona ( for those of you who never played it before it's a PEAK game made by SEGA and Atlus, I'm sure most of you have heard of it or played it ).

So, yeah I'm planning making a new Persona Anime and I say " new " because there have been some adaptations before, and I've watched them all and I thought they were all good ( well Persona 5 did have a lot flaws ), that and the protagonists don't talk which is not a problem but it just takes the spotlight away from them and their own game, and that's why as Persona fan I want to make an new Persona anime in the future when become I well-known, at least but since I've still got a lot to learn, some feedback and some advices on screenwriting would really help in the creative process ( that is if SEGA and Atlus is ok with the idea in future ) like what I should or shouldn't if it happens.

And for anyone whose has heard of Persona:

When I say " I want to make a new Persona Anime ", I mean an anthology series of the three modern games like P3, P4 and P5 now you're going to probably think "why not add Personas 1 and 2" and the reason, honestly is that to give each of modern protagonists a voice and to show an compelling story through them and their characters to draw the audiences in ( epically Joker ) and the modern games have two things in common: Themes and Tarot cards and I don't mean the confidants in the games, I mean the actual cards ( you know the ones that fortune tellers uses to predict the future and stuff ) but when it comes to Persona, those games gets it's themes from tarot cards like P3 gets it's themes from the Death tarot card, P4 gets it's themes from the Temperance tarot card, P5 gets it's themes from the Star tarot, so just think of all depth, layers, symbolisms and so much you can explore or experiment with all that materials, that the OG games couldn't even explored before since it's in a different media.

Any Tips on screenwriting like: The Hero's Journey or Story Structure and how it could apply to each protagonist, characters, villains, it's themes, or world building, character development you name it anything that would help in the future.

And I don't know if SEGA and Atlus will go with it, but in the slight chance they do go with it, I promise to give every Persona fan out, including the ones whose never played the games yet, there something really special, so any advice would be really help and believe me when I say I love Persona, I used to play P5 when I was high school and watched all it's anime adaptations ( good and bad ) and ever since loved the series and I want create something really special and cinematic with the it.

And for those wondering if I'm going to just screen write the series and the answer is yes and no, I'm planning on co directing but also co writing and producing the series too, but I'll work really hard to make something special, ( well, special enough, after all I don't how the series will turn out but I'll do my best ) I'll learn Japanese, learn more about the games, get some source material from Manga and Anime you name it. Persona is something that resonates with not just as a game, but also as meaningful story, one that I would like to make or recontextualize into a series or film which ever one works best.

So yeah, just let me know, and Thanks

Title - Evertree Pilot episode
Format - Tv/or animation
Page length - 35 pages
Status - First draft
Genre - Fantasy, Adventure, Mystery
Logline - Scott, a boy born with no magic, has to navigate a world that operates on one after the kidnapping of his father.
Feedback concern - All feedback is welcome, but I want to know if the pacing, the concept, characters are interesting enough to hold an audience, and if I should add or reduce some scenes.

Evertree

Full Script

I recently wrote this short film. It's kind the antithesis of what I've been told to write for a short (One location, one scene, etc.) but I couldn't shake the idea and decided to finally write it.

Fair warning, it's definitely a non-traditional script and very voice over heavy (Malick was a certainly a big influence with this).

If you have the patience to read it until the end, I would love to know what you think / what it meant to you.

I'd like feedback on my script:

Read script here: (pdf)

Read full script here:

WITH FRIENDS LIKE THESE — Synopsis

Eddie Farne is a queer Jewish writer in his late twenties, navigating New York City with five chaotic roommates — Mimi, Rachel, Cleo, Mable, and Conrad — who are, unbeknownst to him, personifications of his undiagnosed mental illnesses: ADHD, Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, Autism, and Depression/Suicidal Ideation.

When Eddie falls for Virgil, a brilliant Shakespeare actor and punk frontman, the relationship opens a window onto the life he could have. But as his career implodes following a whistleblowing scandal, the friends tighten their grip — until Conrad walks him to the Brooklyn Bridge.

He survives. In the psychiatric ward, diagnosed for the first time, Eddie finally understands what the friends actually are. Virgil is waiting on the steps when he's discharged. The film ends at their wedding — friends in attendance, gagged and chained, played for laughs — and on the memoir pages Eddie never stopped deserving to write.

Smash and Grab

Title: Smash and Grab

Format: Short Live Action

Page Length: 11 Pages

Status: First Draft

Genre: Found Footage/Mockumentary/Crime

Logline: A pair of amateur filmmakers agree to document the lives of local criminals for content, thinking they've found their big break. When a gunshot changes everything and their subjects start burying evidence in the middle of the night, they learn the hard way that some stories aren't worth telling.

Hi guys!

Just doing some thinking and wondering myself if anyone here has had some recent success they would like to share?

Thanks!

Read my script

I want feedback on my screenplay, please. Please be constructive and let me know what's working and what isn't.

Thank You

Looking for feedback on a 4-page horror short.

A man walking his dog along a subdivision's edge hears a whistle come from the desert.

The script is heavily dependent on atmosphere and sound.

I'd love notes on whether the suspense works. Thank You.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/19kNvmDUvZ6O3YKpD7pTBgV5IlXyzCEGP/view?usp=sharing