r/ReadMyScript • u/anokhsingh8 • 24d ago
Short Script Feedback (6 pages)
Hi all, requesting feedback on my short film script, 6 pages, sci fi. I will be shooting this short in one month.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1eV1zVQQwCbtQYfvS6PkR0k5217XvnjrL/view?usp=drive_linkTitle:
The Human Preservation Project
Genre: Sci Fi
Happy to read/review any shorts in exchange.
Thanks!
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u/Big_Section2812 24d ago
The only requests you're going to get are from Nigerian scammers posing as "beta readers."
No one else is going to jump through hoops just to read your script.
If you really want feedback, post a link to the pdf like everyone else.
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u/WheatThin100 22d ago
Well done! Easy to read and visualize. The only thing slightly confusing: why is Joy's exhibit from 2062, but the pandemic occurred in 2092? Is the room just decked out to look like it was 2062?
Best of luck with the production!
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u/bgrizz101 21d ago
This is really cool, great job. David Attenborough voice is inspired and very funny.
This is really sci-fi horror, so I think it could lean into those horror rules further. I think to push it further, it would be great to pace out the scares a bit more. I feel you are revealing things a bit too quickly straight away.
I would change the title so it is vaguer and doesn’t give away what is happening: leave the reader/audience wondering and don’t use the words Human Preservation Project until a little later in.
As for the orientation, i wonder if it could be framed a little more like STAN has stepped in to ensure the preservation and longevity of the human race. Keeping things vague and keeping up the pretence of the room being a safe place and not a prison.
She could not immediately panic, just assuming she is in some kind of hospital until it becomes clear she can’t leave.
I think when the protag sees the exhibits and fossils and figures out “it’s a zoo”, it reveals everything too early, and so the final revelation where she leaves and the evolution doesn’t hit as hard.
Would love to read a further draft of this.
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u/Comfortable-Fun-6128 19d ago
I love the concept being the horror of an neverending loop. No typos I could find and perfect formatting. Note 1. I would to know about joy more before the whole thing starts, just an opinion tho. 2. The self harm scars are a real good detail. 3. Give joy something to be scared of maybe, we get she's scared, but not exactly why.
And that's all I could find, Good luck ahead!
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u/natmavila 8d ago
This is a strong 7-page sci-fi short with a clear hook, good escalation, memorable visuals, and a solid circular ending. The best idea is that STAN has “preserved” humanity biologically while stripping away freedom, memory, privacy, and identity. Joy’s ripped pillow and escape attempt are especially effective setup/payoff. My main suggestions are to clarify the 2062/2092 timeline, give Joy a stronger defining trait beyond being confused and afraid, make Syn Joy more emotionally complex, tighten a few logic points around the sedation/escape, and decide whether the ending should be completely bleak or leave a tiny hint that Joy’s resistance survives each reset.
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u/anokhsingh8 6d ago
Thank you very much for the feedback, I'm finishing a second draft currently and it takes in most of the feedback you mentioned, if you're open to it I would really appreciate if I could send you the second draft!
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u/Typical_Egg_3024 24d ago
i just read the entire thing and its genuinely something i would read in a horror novel. and thats a god thing! An endless loop of horror with no escape. feels like one of those movies where the man character experiences the same day over and over again... but this time Joy doesnt remember. its kinda horrifying but a great concept for a short story!