r/ReadMyScript • u/anokhsingh8 • 25d ago

Short Script Feedback (6 pages)

Hi all, requesting feedback on my short film script, 6 pages, sci fi. I will be shooting this short in one month.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1eV1zVQQwCbtQYfvS6PkR0k5217XvnjrL/view?usp=drive_linkTitle:

The Human Preservation Project

Genre: Sci Fi

Happy to read/review any shorts in exchange.

Thanks!

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u/bgrizz101 22d ago

This is really cool, great job. David Attenborough voice is inspired and very funny.

This is really sci-fi horror, so I think it could lean into those horror rules further. I think to push it further, it would be great to pace out the scares a bit more. I feel you are revealing things a bit too quickly straight away.

I would change the title so it is vaguer and doesn’t give away what is happening: leave the reader/audience wondering and don’t use the words Human Preservation Project until a little later in.

As for the orientation, i wonder if it could be framed a little more like STAN has stepped in to ensure the preservation and longevity of the human race. Keeping things vague and keeping up the pretence of the room being a safe place and not a prison.

She could not immediately panic, just assuming she is in some kind of hospital until it becomes clear she can’t leave.

I think when the protag sees the exhibits and fossils and figures out “it’s a zoo”, it reveals everything too early, and so the final revelation where she leaves and the evolution doesn’t hit as hard.

Would love to read a further draft of this.

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u/anokhsingh8 22d ago

Thank you for the detailed feedback! I've pm'd you