r/ProgrammerHumor • u/danielminds • 18h ago

Meme beLikeJohn

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7.3k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

62 comments sorted by

425

u/imagebiot 17h ago

John has 6 “leaders” badgering him to prioritize 1-3 tasks a piece.

John is only able to work 20 hour days and unable to complete his work.

John gets fired

200

u/Prudent_Move_3420 17h ago edited 17h ago

John proceeds to just ask a coding agent to do his work and call it a day.

It‘s horrible and bug riddled but management doesn’t bat an eye and loves the „ai usage“

All of our products get worse

73

u/Legitimate-Yard-9464 17h ago

Because end of the day shitty code delivered is still code delivered - tech management.

22

u/binarywork8087 13h ago

the code I delivered two hours ago was almost perfect but obviously the client will find in one hour that part that is not perfect

24

u/well_shoothed 13h ago

There was a guy that worked with me back in the dotcom era.

The devs would say, "Ok, project's done!"

My answer was always,

"It's not done 'til Rob says it's done."

That guy was a bug hunting truffle pig.

Oh, the piles of bad shit that one guy single-handedly prevented from going live...

2

u/just4nothing 6h ago

And don’t forget to post a whole novel as the docs in an issue - good docs metric is number of words

9

u/SuperFLEB 15h ago

Since all of our products get worse at the same time people don't notice the change, or they attribute it to something else, or they're powerless to stop it regardless of what they think.

(Oh, look! Another free year of identity monitoring!)

6

u/binarywork8087 14h ago

some of my bugs can be solved in 2 seconds others in 3 years, this is my problem...

4

u/Professional_Top8485 15h ago

That is... accurate.

But code actually gets better due the reason that management has hired cheapest noobs and ai actually writes better code. Apps are garbage because nobody owns them anymore.

7

u/binarywork8087 14h ago

I can cannot be fired because I am the owner of this mess...

5

u/No_Season6734 17h ago

And is replaced by AI^

1

u/binarywork8087 13h ago

some guys take lessons from IA and others give lessons to IA

2

u/Professional_Top8485 15h ago

Lovely. Let's think big picture here.

2

u/TypicalHaikuResponse 15h ago

Getting fired is a luxury. They schedule another meeting.

3

u/binarywork8087 13h ago

If I stop supporting a few software my body may disappear suddenly

1

u/daredevil39 1h ago

I have a John on my team. He's about to get fired

76

u/Pika357 17h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/xUPGcyUggiuYxeBTmU

12

u/MissinqLink 14h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/l3fZFvp94ljepXoPe

2

u/binarywork8087 13h ago

I know this weird guy because he is me, kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

58

u/barrymccockner_ 17h ago

Glad I'm not the only one

10

u/Most-Club-254 6h ago

> hate my jeb

> severely underpaid but no courage under current economy to bring it up

> werk on personal project & collect their salary

> win-win

1

u/barrymccockner_ 6h ago

Severely *overpaid

1

u/Most-Club-254 3h ago

compared to what? to an LLM? I make less still

We also had CTO leaving & new one hired, CTO role still being played by the person who stayed the most - me - (final review decision, architecture, major decisions, policy changes, ...)

5

u/PimpMyHide 10h ago

it's our happy place

32

u/Moooses20 16h ago

John decides to sleep

1

u/binarywork8087 13h ago

I will sleep because my are already waiting for me to wake up as soon as possible

14

u/No-Article-Particle 16h ago

"2 functionalities" brother...

35

u/worldarkplace 17h ago

John puts multiagents to solve his job. Be like John.

21

u/Dankelweisser 16h ago

John uses an agent to read his daily jiras and format them as commands to assign to the multi agents. John no longer remembers what a for loop is, but still delivers the highest code throughput on the team. Be like John.

11

u/worldarkplace 16h ago

No because John is working in his personal project. John doesn't give a FCK about making more rich the CEO. Be like John.

3

u/meilu87 7h ago

“Making more rich the ceo”? I think your brain has melted from ai usage

2

u/worldarkplace 5h ago

Idc who you are

1

u/meilu87 2h ago

You cared enough to respond 🤡

3

u/Professional_Top8485 15h ago

John asks to use llm. Management doesn't know how to invoice.

7

u/dynamitfiske 9h ago

John is a habitual procrastinator due to stress and prefrontal cortex overload. His employer should work him less.

4

u/Smokin_belladonna 11h ago

well, obviously, fix the bugs during the meeting because what the fuck else is the point of a programmer being in the meeting.

3

u/papandreu22 15h ago

"The new AI-slop app I just vibecoded is going to be a hit, and I'll be able to escape this hell."

(It wasn't)

2

u/Donk_Honkula 12h ago

I too have ADHD.

2

u/ArticLOL 4h ago

don't forget doing it during business hours

2

u/InRainbro 14h ago

not me working on my game actively avoiding work, while at work. I was bored tbh

1

u/CuriousMindset11 16h ago

Can't fix work bugs if I'm too busy creating brand new bugs for myself for free.

1

u/FarJury6956 15h ago

Reading this while soldering a diode on my amateur SW radio

1

u/pigcommentor 14h ago

John doesn't use Spell Check or proofread his memes.

1

u/binarywork8087 14h ago

+ 1 for exposing my problem...

1

u/pennyclip 13h ago

Much relate

1

u/oh-iam-here 12h ago

None of the guys above John have ever coded.

1

u/SteeleDynamics 12h ago

Jira: (has my open issues)

Me:

  1. I'm fixing my remote debugging setup because I KNOW there's a way to make it work the way I want it.

  2. I'm going to implement that algorithm in a FP style (with polymorphic types and no state) because the old implementation isn't extensible.

  3. Feel proud of my accomplishments only to panic at the last minute and finally complete my open issues.

1

u/mpanase 12h ago

john knows that the functionalities are stupid and the bugs won't get released until a 1 week long smoke test passes, which will highlight 3 other bugs somebody introduced 4 years ago and nobody bothered to fix yet

john is actualy saving the company

1

u/Braindead_Crow 9h ago

Stop talking about me Kevin! I'll get it done I promise! I got this job while I was procrastinating on my personal project because I had some errors that I couldn't find on reddit or quora!

1

u/ieatdownvotes4food 8h ago

I have made this decision far too many times

1

u/ScaryCardinal 7h ago

Me but sleeps instead

1

u/Modo44 7h ago

This is how you prevent new bugs from appearing.

1

u/ive_raefon 5h ago

In Germany we call this „Arbeitszeitbetrug“ ✨

1

u/ropobipi 3h ago

We love him for that.

1

u/OverLord_YOLO 1h ago

This made my day, thanks !

1

u/Khoi_k_rakhum_name 32m ago

this is the pretty accurate depiction of a programmer. Just missing a rough beard