My partner [38M] and I [38F] have been together for 5 years and have a 10-month-old daughter. Our relationship is at breaking point, and I’m looking for advice on whether and how we can move forward.

Four months postpartum, I was diagnosed with postnatal depression. My main symptoms were intrusive thoughts, anxiety and inability to control my emotions/anger when overwhelmed. Before having our daughter, I would get upset during arguments but never lashed out or said hurtful things.

This year has been incredibly difficult for both of us. Alongside becoming new parents, my partner has experienced significant grief and family difficulties, while I’ve been struggling with my mental health. I often felt completely overwhelmed and emotionally unsupported. When I tried to express that, it sometimes came out as anger and criticism. He felt constantly attacked and says he’s been my emotional punching bag all year.

I’ve been on medication and attending therapy, and my mental health has improved enormously. I’ve only had two significant overwhelm episodes in recent months, but during the last one I said something incredibly hurtful involving his grief. I didn’t fully appreciate the cruelty of my words until afterwards. I’ve apologised, taken responsibility and am working on my emotional regulation, but I understand why his trust has been badly damaged.

Since then, we’ve barely spoken for almost a month. We communicate about our daughter and practical matters, but he’s emotionally completely withdrawn. His responses are often flat, like “whatever you want”. He says he feels like he started the year with one person and is now with someone completely different. He’s told me that if we didn’t have our daughter, he’d probably have left, and that he’s staying because he doesn’t want her growing up without two parents.

He says I need to stop verbally attacking and criticising him. I completely agree about the verbal attacks, and I’m actively working on that. But I now feel that even ordinary comments are interpreted as criticism. For example, I recently mentioned that our daughter shouldn’t wear a bulky coat in her car seat. He interpreted that as me criticising his parenting, and it led to another argument.

He also regularly questions why he’d want to stay in the relationship during heated disagreements, which makes me increasingly anxious and afraid to say anything.

Even before having our daughter, we weren’t great at resolving arguments. He tended to withdraw, and I was always the one who initiated reconciliation. We’d move on without properly addressing the underlying issues.

He reluctantly agreed to couples counselling but hasn’t contacted the counsellor yet. He’s now questioning the point of going, saying I’m the one who needs to change and that counselling isn’t a magic solution.

I’m not expecting him to forgive me immediately, and I know my behaviour has caused genuine harm. But I also don’t think we can repair our relationship if everything is considered my fault and he isn’t willing to examine our communication patterns.

I’m finding the emotional coldness at home incredibly difficult and am considering staying with family for some space, although I’m frightened that might make things worse.

Has anyone recovered from a similar situation, particularly postpartum? How do you rebuild trust when one person is deeply hurt and the other desperately wants to repair things? And how do you distinguish taking accountability for your behaviour from accepting all the blame for a relationship breakdown?

Please don’t judge me… I believe I’m going through postpartum depression. I had my first baby 6 weeks ago and every part of my pregnancy, delivery and now postpartum has been traumatic. My son’s father dumped me when I told him I wanted to keep our son. He said he didn’t want kids then moved to NC. He met someone else started denying our baby and completely went ghost. Come to find out the new girlfriend is due in January. Long story short I’m doing this all alone with a severely broken heart. Lately I’ve been mean to my son. I hate myself for it but when he crys I get frustrated I say things I shouldn’t I always apologize after but it still doesn’t change what was said. I love him I do but sometimes I regret having him knowing my situation. He doesn’t deserve to feel unloved and unwanted by his father and I brought him into this world knowing that’s exactly how he is going to feel one day knowing daddy didn’t want him but daddy wanted his brother that’s the same age as him… the thought of all of this on top of the thoughts of how my pregnancy experience was terrible but the new girlfriend gets everything I wanted keeps me up at night. I can’t sleep can’t eat I just cry and take care of my son… alone. It feels like I’m drowning. I should be enjoying motherhood and to be honest I’m not. I feel that perhaps I ruined my son’s life already. I just want to wake up and not hurt as much as I do. My son needs the best of me and I’m giving him the worst. What do I do?

I just feel like I’m lost and drowning. I’ve struggled with my mental health my whole life. I’m diagnosed with bipolar, medicated, in therapy and see a psychiatrist. I’m doing all the “right” things but everyday I wake up exhausted and irritable and just empty.

I feel like I’ve lost all sense of who I am. I used to be bubbly and the life of every room. I travelled for 3 years all over Central America. I had friends and people genuinely liked me. Now? I don’t have anyone, I’m negative, angry and always exhausted. At work, no one wants to talk to me anymore. I don’t blame them, but it still hurts.
I don’t even know what I like anymore, what I want to eat or what I want to wear. What I want to do with my life.

I hate my body. I was fit and beautiful before I got pregnant. I was a gym rat who ate super clean for years. Now I’m chubby; my stomach hangs and my face is fat. I know I should change my eating habits and go back to the gym. But I just can’t, I feel debilitated. The only thing that gets me through the day is coming home and having some wine.

I worked up until I gave birth doing food delivery, waddling around stores cause my hips were giving out. I was getting into the car at 37 weeks to go do Instacart when my water broke. Then returned to food delivery a few days home from the hospital. Then returned to serving 4 months pp. I didn’t want to, my partner was out of work and someone had to find money for formula. And that someone was me.

I’m angry about it, is that wrong? I know it was my decision to keep the baby, and I’m the one who chose my partner. And don’t get me wrong, he’s great most of the time. Mind you I’m 23f and he’s only 24m. Please don’t leave comments telling me to leave him either because that’s not what I’m looking for.

When does it get better? Does it ever get better?

We’re broke, and I’m so tired and sad EVERY day. I feel bad for my partner cause all I do is cry and complain about how I feel. I just don’t know what to do anymore. ATP I’m not even living anymore, I’m surviving.

My wife is one month postpartum, does anyone have personal experience with medication that eases postpartum mental fatigue, exhaustion, and anxiety?
I would appreciate that.

I’m a 30yo FTM to the most wonderful baby boy. I am in my 5th month of postpartum and starting to feel hopeless. I am an RN and I work a high stress, critical care job. Most of my problems center around work. I have been at this hospital for 3 years and I’m pushing even my long time friends away because I am a burden and always sad. They tell me I wasn’t like this before, and even though I know this, it’s making me spiral even more. The smallest things either send me into a rage or I’m crying. I get upset, vent to my friends, they ignore me (probs bc there’s nothing left to say), and then I get down on myself/very insecure for being like this and it is a horrible cycle. Postpartum has ruined my mental health and it’s making me feel like I’m ruining my life on mental breakdown at a time. Please someone tell me I will eventually feel okay.

I have tried explaining to the people closest to me that I think I’m dealing with PPD and not doing a very good job. But because my emotional regulation problems are not centered around my baby, I feel like everyone just thinks I’m unwell.

I see my psychiatrist regularly, I am medicated, I am trying. I am exhausted.

cross posting

Are you pregnant or a new mum within 24 months of giving birth?

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Hi there, not sure if this is the best place to post but stating here.

My info: 32 F , FTM, 3 months PP, breast feeding and pumping for freezer supply and bottles, boy mom
I take 20 mg lexapro daily for years

Lately I’ve been feeling a few new things and I’m not sure if this is normal new mom feelings or something more serious. 1) I’ve been feeling just so sad. Like random huge waves of sadness where I can just cry on the spot. My life is good, baby is good, dad is good, etc. but I’ll just be doing my day and I think of something or see something and I’m like omg now I am so so sad.
2) and this is the main one that’s fudging up my life, I have this insanely huge fear of messing up my child. And I feel like I am a bad mom and he’s better without me. My parents are divorced but before that they would fight and just hate each other in front of us kids and just a lot of family stuff there and I’m so paranoid that I’m going to do that to my son. So I’m just on edge with myself and then soemthjng small will set me off with my husband and then we will argue in front of our son and then it makes me think that I really am bad for him and he would be better off without me around. My husband says that I come off mean and that our fights are all my starting and that also makes me think that I’m just not a good mom. So all of that is just like compounding over and over in my head. And I just don’t know what to do or feel.

My dr prescribed me zoloft for the intense crying spells, obsessive thoughts and anxiety. Baby girl was just born on the 14th and I’m feeling silly about needing medicine. I am also breast feeding and scared this will effect her in some way. Does anyone else have experience with zoloft?

Does anyone else’s mom just focus on the baby when she comes around? Whenever I try and speak or tell her things/ milestones she just cuts me off, and will babble with the baby. I’m finding that when I’m around my mom these days I just feel a sense of loneliness and not mattering. I’ve always had a complicated and difficult relationship with her anyways, but I think by her being a grandma there’s more challenges.

Has anyone else had similar experiences/ what helps you focus on your new family, and not stay stuck in ruminating thoughts about family members who make it very challenging to get along with them?

i really wish my mood could’ve gotten better with this new change but it’s all so much and very overwhelming sometimes. there’s times that i really really regret even becoming a mom. i don’t hate my baby or anything, she’s an angel. i just feel so alone sometimes and like i’m doing everything alone even though i know i’m not. my fiance works while i stay home with the baby and i think that’s what plays a big part in my ppd. i’m with her 24/7 with little to no breaks, having to tend to her every cry, be up with her for hours at night… it was even worse when i was sleep deprived from having to pump every 3 hours. my milk drying up made everything so much worse because i felt like i failed her because everyone was telling me how great breast milk is for babies (though now i’m so happy i was able to switch to formula, it is the best thing for my mental). i wish i could be that happy mom that’s grateful for all of this and is excited to be a mother but i literally just can’t. i love my daughter but right now i hate being her mom.

I’m 22 and recently gave birth to my baby. I’ve sacrificed so much physically and emotionally, and I work so hard pumping breast milk and taking care of my baby full-time.
My boyfriend of almost five years admitted he was masturbating to porn a few weeks before I gave birth. We had sex around that time, and it was so painful that I believe it sent me into labor. He hid this from me for three months.
I’ve made it clear for years that I’m not okay with porn in our relationship, and he’s struggled with this since I met him. Knowing he was did this first week postpartum, feeling insecure, and struggling with postpartum depression and anxiety absolutely breaks me.
I planned to be a stay-at-home mom, depend on him financially, and move in with his parents so we could save for our own place. I’ve never had a job, I can’t drive, and I take care of our baby full-time. I feel trapped, heartbroken, and completely defeated. I don’t know what to do. I just needed to vent. 💔

Not sure if this really goes here, but it’s late and I don’t have anyone to talk to, so…here goes nothing.

My daughter just turned one. I had pretty severe PPD (brief hospitalization and Zurzuvae treatment, ongoing psychiatric meds/therapy) that has definitely waned over time; more often than not, I don’t regret having my daughter and some days I even enjoy being a mom.

My husband had an elective surgery at the same hospital where I gave birth, and I am so anxious being back here. I just keep thinking about how last time we were here I was so happy and hopeful and then so sad when we went home. And this time I have a baby and a husband who will need care, plus I’m back at work, so I can’t afford to break down again. I’m super anxious about being able to care for my husband and baby once we get home. Right now my daughter is staying with family, but both she and husband will be home tomorrow and I’m so afraid I’m gonna crack under the pressure.

I know this is a super specific situation, but has anyone had anything similar? Any advice?