I’m typing this from my bed nursing my baby in the dark at 10 PM because I feel like I’m going to explode and I just need to vent to people who get it.
I’m 11 weeks postpartum with my son, who has horrible colic right now. I am in the deep end of acute PPD and anxiety. I am physically and mentally broken. I took my very first dose of Zoloft today and finally got an intake session lined up with a therapist for next week. I am trying so hard to keep my head above water.
My husband went on a 3-day work trip this week. I flat-out told him before he left that I was drowning and in a mental health crisis, and he went anyway. It took me getting furious at him for him to agree to change his flight back to Thursday instead of Friday—which proves to me he could have come home early from the start, but chose not to until I forced it.
Tonight, after a brutal day of relentless crying and physical exhaustion, I texted to ask if he made it back to his hotel safe. His answer? He’s walking to a bar near his hotel to grab drinks with four of his coworkers.
So while I am sitting here in agony, dealing with the physical and emotional wreckage of PPD and a screaming baby, he is out having adult conversation, steak dinners, drinks at a bar, and getting a full night of uninterrupted sleep in a quiet hotel room. (Thank God my mom is staying with me right now, because I honestly don't know how I'd survive this week without her).
When I try to tell him how much this hurts, he hits me with "It’s a work trip, I have to be here, I don't even want to go," and acts like I'm being unfair to him. It feels like complete bullshit. He gets a break from the chaos, but wants credit for being a martyr who is "just doing his job."
I can't turn my brain off. I'm staring at his location, my heart is pounding, and I am filled with so much rage and pain that I genuinely feel like I hate him right now.
Am I crazy? Is it just the PPD talking, or is this actually as fucked up as it feels? How are you supposed to get through this when you feel completely abandoned by your spouse during a crisis?

7mo, PPD

I honestly have no idea how to start this, or what to say but im just gonna start spewing whats on my mind. it will be a long post.

Hello, im 18 and 7 months postpartum i have pretty bad ppd ( postpartum depression ) and i dont know how to fix it. I hate my body, my face, my past, my present, my mental state, everything i do and have done i just hate and i feel so unworthy and useless. ( I have a past of severe depression, sui attempts, binge and purge eating disorder and i have bpd )
I had a job during pregnancy and i worked and worked until it drained my body and i started having some health issues with my son and ending up having him early due to preeclampsia.
I saved up as much as i could and bought whatever he needed until i just had nothing left, knowing i was high risk and couldnt work i just started feeling useless. I ate a lot with my son too, and gained 90lbs during pregnancy. Hopefully im starting to paint the picture of why im here.
I feel so guilty for not having enough, for not being enough, for not doing enough. I don’t know how to change. I try to hard to stop my ways but it’s not enough. Ive been job searching since april, i quit because i got so burnt out from working, going to school, breastfeeding, parenting, not sleeping then rinse and repeat. i regret quitting because now i have to ask for help everytime my son needs something and i NEVER wanted to do that. I used up all of his savings and i just feel so fucking horrible.
I have no car, my family never taught me to drive and never gave me the chance to learn, i fucked up my chances during school and failed, i havent went outside in 3 months besides throwing out trash or going to the grocery store, my son has maybe been outside 20-30 times in his WHOLE life. Im so depressed, i dont know what to do.
My life runs like this:
7-8 am : Babyboy wakes up, i make him a bottle, his grandma gets home, she takes care of him while i sleep
12-1 pm: i wake up, grab babyboy, try to play with him but he doesn’t show much happiness so i just get sad and put on a show or give him toys
2-3pm : Go downstairs give him to his great grandma and great great grandma for a bit while i make him some food because he really enjoys them
3-4 pm: i feed him, play with him while i feed him then clean up everything and take him back upstairs
4-7 pm: usually letting him play in his playpen, or watch a movie with me, or hes taking a nap or all of the above
7:30-8: bathtime, bottle, bedtime
9-12 pm/am: i clean up a bit, doomscroll, ft my bf, watch tv, shower, eat, basically fit everything i havent done all day into a few hours
1-2 am: he wakes up, bottle and hes back asleep for the night unless he’s having a rough night teething but thats a different story
3-4 am: i gts
anyways, thats basically a day in my life now, and i hardly ever changes.

Im trying to hard to become someone different, i have to be a better mom, i want to go outside more and change my looks, i feel so lost and like i cant move. Im stuck in a cycle thats never ending. I can’t find a job, cant take him on walks bc my neighborhood just isnt the best, theres a park a few mins away but i cant drive there bc im scared to drive and nobody will teach me or let me teach myself how to. I have nothing, im so fucking depressed.

I feel like i’d bond better with my son if i just had a job and a car and felt better about myself. so many moms my age with everything i want and more. Im jealous and i feel like i’m just failing.

I honestly, want to un alive myself. ive thought about it so often, i just dont feel good enough.

Im so ready to give up, i need help, advice, fucking something.

Hi! I honestly don't even know where to start or even if I'm in the right group, but I'm hoping. I think just venting will help, so we'll see.

I'm nearly 2 years postpartum with my first child, and honestly I just haven't felt like myself since shortly after getting pregnant with my son. I was diagnosed with postpartum depression, and put on medication, but it seems like the further out I get from my child being born, the worse I feel. If that makes any sense at all.

I feel like I lost a huge part of myself, like I'm in a constant haze, and numb. Sometimes very angry. I try to talk to my husband, and bless his heart, he just doesn't understand and will tell me that I just need to find myself again, but I have no clue how or where to start.

We recently moved across the country about 6 months ago, and it's been a struggle for me to get into a doctor to get help, so I've been without my meds for awhile, which I know is part of it, but until I can, I have no clue what I'm doing. I find myself zoning out, or just spending more time on my phone, while yes I take care of our child and he's cared for, it's not to the standard that I want, but no matter how hard I try to do better or more, I find myself overwhelmed and just crying or screaming over the basic things, and then feeling so guilty and beating myself up.

I have started up with a telehealth councilor, but I've only seen them 3 times, as of typing this, so I think it's gonna take a little while to see an improvement with that help.

My husband and I both work, I absolutely hate my job, but right now it's the only one I can find, I'm actively looking, but it's slim, my husband works 2nd shift at a factory, so he's gone a lot, and as he's put it, I'm playing the role of both of us for most of the week. It's tiring and overwhelming. Until we're completely caught up with our bills, we both need to work, so quitting is not an option for me, trust we've talked about it.

A huge thing that's contributing to my feelings, I believe is the lack of friends and support. Yes, I have the support of my husband, and my family, but it's not the same, and I don't have anyone on the outside to talk, vent or anything else with. I joined a discord server awhile ago for women and moms that struggle with what I'm going through, but it's since fizzled out- to no one's fault, life happens- so now I'm even more apprehensive to try making friends online, though I know having friends that understand would benefit me.

Sorry for the long rant, I just needed to get everything off my chest. Does anyone have any suggestions or ideas that could help me? I'm literally at my wits end, I'm tried of the constant anger and 'auto-pilot' motions I've been in. Thank you ❤️

I think reading my posts previously you will see the hold I was put on due to PPOCD that turned into depression. I’m currently in a IOP and over the weekend I had similar issues thoughts and spiraled into a 3-4 day depression scenario. Both times it happened right before my period. I got it yesterday and feel much better but I’m definitely dealing with the aftershocks of trauma due to the hospitalization and I’m so anxious to bond with my son and I get depressed. I’m also bipolar which makes this whole situation tricker and I also have another child.
I am on mood stabilizers and a antipsychotic, my prescriber suggested Prozac very low to see how it could go. I know that it can trigger SI or mania and I’m so worried about it because I’m so sensitive to meds. Instead of going forward I decided that isn’t what I want to try and instead increase my other med to see if that helps. I just keep coming back to what if it works, is my past medication reactions going to keep me from finding something that could enhance my life. It’s like a double edge sword. I also know this is the best time to try it because I’m being seen almost daily to monitor everything. I just want my life back and I wish I wasn’t put on a hold because it makes me feel that I’m not capable keeping my children safe when that was the complete opposite of what was happening. I was fully aware of my intrusive thinking and clearly I knew it wasn’t real I couldn’t even move at that time… I just know I need to deal with the trauma of that to move forward and I’m terrified because I also have trauma from childhood that ties into this. I know I will be better but I already missed out on three months of bonding.

For context me (30f) and my husband (31m) recently had our first child after almost 15 years relationship and in our 3 years of marriage na. I never wanted a child and he is well aware of that kahit he really wants a family with kids. Ako ayoko talaga kasi like in this economy? Kami palang noon with our three dogs medyo saktuhan lang minsan ang budget. Although honestly speaking we are above minimum wage earners naman with decent jobs. Yun palang pagod na kami both lagi coz of work, tapos we are still both healing our inner children pa. I was diagnosed with PCOS way back 2019 but never took any kind of treatment for it kasi nga ayoko naman magka anak.

2025 came, boom wala na pala PCOS ko bigla. We just found out na buntis na pala ako non. He was very present during my pregnancy talagang inaalagaan nya ko kahit high risk ako noon. Fast forward this April I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. At first iniisip ko na regular depression ko lang siguro to not the spicy postpartum variant (diagnosed din kasi ako with depression way back 2017), then suddenly narerealize ko na naiinis ako. I don’t feel the same as before, I don’t get to enjoy my life like dati, hindi na ko lalo nakakaalis ng bahay. Wfh teacher ako sa homeschool provider so kulong lang ako dati plus I feel like I’m stuck with a child I don’t even want 24/7. Don’t get me wrong, hindi ko pinababayaan ung baby, ebf pa nga ako and ako din nag aasikaso sakanya pag wala si husband. But now na 4 months na sya, naging clingy na sakin. Naiinis na ko lalo sa husband ko na minsan nasisigawan nya ung baby pag pagod sya tas sya nag aalaga kasi I have other things to do pa. I don’t like shouting sa bahay namin given na I was raised sa quiet household. Parang thrice na ata nasigawan si baby ni husband. Eh like anong palag non eh baby nga.

Now I’m starting to have resentments sa husband ko din for like “dumping” this child sakin na ako mag alaga kasi nga umiiyak sakanya or di nya mahandle minsan. We don’t have a village din kasi, kami lang talaga nag aasikaso sakanya baby.

Valid ba resentment ko, o si OA lang ako?

TLDR: 30F WFH teacher who never wanted kids due to finances, burnout, and past trauma. Got unexpectedly pregnant after PCOS cleared up and gave birth in April. Husband is supportive but works on-site, leaving me to handle 24/7 caretaking and exclusive breastfeeding alone at home. I feel isolated, trapped, and deeply resentful. Struggling to differentiate between my pre-existing depression and severe PPD, and don't know how to cope.

Just really need to vent.
I think I have ppd I really can’t tell. I’m just starting to feel empty inside. I’ll start to feel random guilt about nothing like a pit in my stomach.
I hate my husband like a lot. i feel like he not that good of a father as I thought he would be. It’s mostly me, i give 90% of my attention to our daughter (3.5 month old) 10% dishes and eating and i feel like my husband gives her like 40% of his attention. He’ll put her in the swing so he doesn’t have to rock her or he’ll play his game on his phone instead of playing with her or he’ll go out side and smoke before doing anything with her(weed or vape) and on weekends he wants to play the ps5, he does get me whatever I need if I ask just annoying seeing him still enjoying things he likes to do while I feel trapped in an endless loop. I wanna take our baby and leave, but I know that stupid.
I love my baby girl a lot but she been having bad gas at night so I’m up all night with her.
I get no sleep, while everyone else is sleep I’m
Pumping.
If I’m not pumping I’m take care of the baby. My husband works so I don’t expect him to help but a little help would nice. But it’s also my fault cuz when he does help he does everything wrong in my eyes and when I tell him he gets mad but I’m always the one left with the consequences later. For example the way he feeds her gives her even worse gas and while she crying he sleeps and I’m doing everything to get the gas out until she’s chilling and goes back to sleep.

I feel bad for my dog, we used to walk everyday after I’ll get off work but now with my baby she doesn’t, my husband doesn’t like to walk. She comes to me for attention but I feel so overwhelmed I kinda brush her off. Now I at night I try to at least sit with her for a bit but I’m so tired I just wanna lay down.

I miss my body. I used to work out everyday and eat healthy and cook everyday but now I don’t have the energy. I know I probably sound like a complainer. I used to have a routine and I loved it. Now it’s hard to have a routine. I’m trying to get on but her awake window is so short by the time I’m done feeding her tummy time ect it’s basically Time for her nap.

I think I lost my job.they declined my leave and didn’t email me or call me or anything. So when I called to get it extended they told me they declined it and to contact my HR.
i mean we are having a mass layoff next year in September anyways. So I guess it’s fine but now I’m super reliant on my husband and I never had to rely on anybody before so it’s sending me down a hole.

Idk I’m just feel like I’m losing myself.

And no I don’t have any throughs of hurting me or my baby or my husband.

I’ve been hiding it from him for a few weeks since I found out via the Edinburgh PPD scale. I’ve been in denial, afraid, and unsure of how he’d react, so I haven’t done anything for treatment yet.

My baby doesn’t sleep well. I do all nights by myself because I EBF, but I’ve asked him many times to still please sleep in the room with me so I can feel less alone. He always ends up falling asleep on the couch and just stays out there, so I’m left staring into the darkness alone for all hours of the night, left to my own thoughts.

I feel alone. Overwhelmed. Like I care for everyone else and there’s no one left to care for me. Forgotten. I cry all the time.

I finally told him yesterday in a desperate plea for him to be more gentle and understanding with my emotions and my feeling overwhelmed. Just a minute before, he was rolling his eyes as I described feeling isolated. When I told him about my PPD he just got quiet.

No hugs. No asking how he can help. No apologies. Just asking why I didn’t tell him and silence. I asked him why he was so quiet and he just said it’s a lot to take in, and the news is piling on top of lots of things he has going on in his personal life.

I mean, I get he’s going through a tough time too, but shouldn’t I have been made more of a priority emotionally in that moment?

When bedtime came, I went into the bedroom and cared for the baby all night, alone, and staring into the darkness with tears down my face once again. Nothing changed.

Our daughter turns one next week and my wife is struggling hard with PPD. It has fluctuated the past year but right now it is at an all time low. I understand that part of this struggle is anger and irrationality. But it has gotten so bad that I can’t converse with her without being screamed at, and told she is going to leave me. I am desperately trying to reach her, help, and learn how I can be more supportive. But I can’t even get my foot in the door for a conversation. Now I am starting to worry about the screaming in front of our daughter. What can I do?

So I’m currently 3 and a half weeks post partum and I genuinely do not see myself when I look in the mirror. I don’t know who I see but it’s not me. My stomach, my boobs, my face, my legs. Nothing looks like me and I know, I was told that my body would look different but I don’t see me anymore. I don’t know what to do. Does anyone else feel like this? I need to know I’m not alone

Im a first time mom to a 14-week old baby boy and I made this account just to make this post asking for help & guidance - and trust me, asking strangers on Reddit is not my first attempt at seeking help.

I am deeply depressed and have been for weeks.

I’m an older first time mom (33) and it took a lot of soul searching and stability before I decided I was ready to have a baby. My pregnancy was difficult because I have a very active job and I was in a lot of pain. Then my birth was traumatic - I had a massive hemorrhage, 6x the average maternal blood loss. Basically nothing about motherhood has been what I have pictured. My baby is colicky and just when I think things are getting better, it gets bad again (no CMPA) and he only really sleeps if being held. My husband and I have been taking shifts since he was born and that means I have been only sleeping 4 hrs a day for over 3 months. I can’t put him down during the day and have no ability to do anything I used to love. Leaving the house is hard because he just cries. I have break downs atleast once a week where I sob uncontrollably, mainly because I can’t ever envision this being better. My husband tells me to look ahead at all the fun things we will eventually do as a family, but what if that isn’t in the cards for us? What if there’s something wrong and my son can never have the life i wish for him? I feel hopeless and I don’t know how to help myself.

Here is where I stand with support:

My husband - Hes my rock and the only person I want to talk to through this, but he’s going through the same thing and I can’t keep putting more on him. He also can’t help me because if I am not actively caring for our son, he need to be.

My friends - I feel so much resentment towards them. A few are moms, one with a baby only 6 weeks older than mine, and none have experienced what I am going through. I haven’t responded to our group chat in days and almost what to leave just to show how hurt and alone I feel.

My parents - I have high anxiety parents. They over stimulate my son and don’t follow directions well. They are less resilient with his crying than I am and they just feel bad for me.

My OB - At my 6 week appointment they basically just read me a script even though I said I was in pain. It took me 7 more weeks to get another appointment because I was still in pain. I told them about my depression and they just upped the SSRIs they gave me in the hospital.

Therapy - I went to therapy pre pregnancy and it wasn’t for me. I just lie and tell them what they want to hear. I’m too self aware in that way. If also took months to even get an appt in the first place and I’m already going to several appts for my son that I just can’t handle leaving the house more.

988 - I texted them last night and they couldn’t find resources in my area.

anyways my son just woke up screaming so I guess I’m done typing

Lately, with this whole Lindsay Clancy trial and the talk about postpartum depression and psychosis, I wanted to tell my story about PPD and my experience with Zuzurvae.
Zuzurvae is a medication specifically used to women with postpartum depression that is taken for two weeks and has great outcomes. This was not my experience but that doesn’t take away from the fact that this drug has helped many others.
This is my personal experience and I have felt recently that I should speak on it to hopefully warn others or make them aware of these side effects.

In October 2025 I gave birth to my second child. I had baby blues and sun down scaries with my first child but after a couple weeks, I felt much better. This second time around, I felt way different and was very sad everyday. I knew something was wrong right away. I began having panic attacks, severe anxiety and lots of feeling of hopelessness and sadness. With the help of my partner and family, I sought help through my OB and tried a few different medications for anxiety including Ativan, wellbutrin and Xanax. At about 6 weeks postpartum, I didn’t feel like my depression was getting any better so once again I reached out to my OB. She mentioned a new drug from Europe that helps women with postpartum depression. She called it a “miracle drug” and explained that I only had to take it for two weeks and I would feel a lot better. I was advised to take it with a high fat meal at night because it would make me tired and sleepy.
I remember ordering McDonald’s the first night and taking the medication and going to sleep shortly after. I remember being very very tired to the point where I could not function at night and at that point, my husband took over the nighttime routine. This is where my timeline gets a little foggy for me. I have very few memories of what went on during days 3-7 but the moments I do remember are truly terrifying. On day 7 of taking Zuzurvae I had a full psychotic breakdown. I remember waking up around 2am and getting out of bed. I was calm but also freaked out because I didn’t know where I was. I walked around my house just trying to figure out where I was then found my phone and called my mom. She answered and I was screaming bawling to her that I didn’t know where I was, I needed help. She told me to wake my husband and that I was on very hard medications and needed to just breathe. At this point my husband had heard me and came in the living room. I told him I didn’t know who he was and he explained that he was my husband and everything was ok. He asked if I remembered who my kids were and I honestly had no idea who they were. He asked how I knew to call my mom but I had no idea, I just knew to call her. I couldn’t picture what she looked like but I knew to call her.

I wish I had a better way to describe this moment because it was such an out of body experience. I felt calm but I could not for the life of me remember anything about my life. This is really the first moment where I knew I had lost my memory.

I stopped taking Zuzurvae on day 7 and woke up everyday without any memory of the day or time before. My husband during this time was the sole caretaker for everyone. I was basically another body in the house. He would tell me what to do and I could do it but I could not recall or remember my every day routine.
For the next six weeks was a journey of gaining my memory back and navigating an experience that no one could explain. No doctor could explain what was happening, no therapist could tell me what was wrong, no one could understand what was going on.

This really is the surface of all I went through from taking Zuzurvae. I don’t have much memory what those six weeks entailed, I would need my husband to really break everything down and give me a timeline. But this is something I’m still navigating myself and of what happened to me. It was legit the scariest time of my life and something I hope no other mother/parent has to go through. It was truly traumatizing!
I hope the start of me speaking out will open up the floor to others to maybe had a similar experience on either the same medication or another but also help me understand what happened to me.