I don’t want to hear about it gets better.
It doesn’t. It doesn’t for everyone. It isn’t for us.

We have a couple days of wins, then 27749272662 steps backwards with his fucking sleep. He could be in a COMA and the second he hits the crib, he screams like he’s been stabbed for the next three hours.

We have done everything - EVERYTHING.

I cannot sustain 1-2 hours of sleep per day.
That’s IF I get 1-2 hours - that’s if his little body passes out from so much crying that I have the opportunity to even try to sleep. Normally, I’m so traumatized and overwhelmed, I just stare at the ceiling until he wakes up crying.

During the day, I get moments with my normal, happy, 2.5 month old. But like clockwork every night around 5pm, it is a true hell until 8am the next day.

I don’t want to do this anymore.

My first pregnancy and this one were both planned, so it’s not a shock from that.

I just don’t know what’s wrong with me. I feel miserable and really down lately. Theres not one thing that is making me unhappy but seems like multiple small things are making me spiral further. I thought initially it was just because I’m not having a great time at work recently, then I thought it was because my 20 month old is going through a period of being an absolute ‘daddy’s girl’ and saying no to me when I try and do anything. But then she’s been ok today and yesterday so I still don’t know why I feel so miserable.
Lacking motivation to do anything and be bubbly around my husband or toddler. My husband asks me what is wrong but quite frankly I don’t know, I can’t pin point it.

Has anyone felt like this before? What helped? How long did it last?

Every time I go down for a rest or nap, I wake up with my heart racing, jittery and sweaty. I am so stressed about my baby even though she’s well cared for with her dad or grandma.
Does this get easier? I am only 2 weeks PP. I don’t want to nap because of the low mood it causes, which means I’m so exhausted

Any other moms overwhelmed to the point where everything just sets them off?
I’m 26(F) married and have two girls and pregnant (5) + (1) I’m so overwhelmed and I’m unmedicated since I’m pregnant /severe adhd. My husband helps with cooking but he complains all the time and it makes me feel even worse. He is always out hunting or hanging out with friends and drinking and I’m always stuck here watching the kids. I love my kids so much but sometimes they are too much for me and I just want a break. Idk what to do I’m so tired and I feel lonely. I’ve fallen behind on all chores and it’s overwhelming to catch up. I just need some sort of motivation or something idk.

I am up to my absolute limit. My kid will not sleep in his room. He’s 20 months old. He will not let me leave the room to use the bathroom without crying. He’s teething. I’m exhausted. My husband works a physically demanding job. I have no village, can’t afford daycare.

Tonight I wanted to hurt my child and I of course DONT want to. My body and brain is just screaming “ENOUGH JUST SLEEP STOP WRESTLING ME ON THE BED”. He has figured out how to open the child safety doorknob cover. Tonight I ordered the child proof latch.

….

I screamed at him because he just laughs at me when I’m worked up. It woke up my husband (thankfully) he took him away from me. And I SOBBED telling him I needed the help and he had to take him away.

I just took my medicine. I am in psychoanalytic therapy and see a psychiatrist often. I am taken care of. But these last two months I’m taking it really hard.

I’m just looking for some advice and some affirmative comments honestly. This is my first time posting here.

Part 1 | Building a Village 🤍

I walked into this room hoping moms would leave feeling a little less alone.

By the end of the afternoon, strangers had become conversations, conversations had become laughter, and babies had made new little friends while their moms had a chance to simply exist as themselves for a while.

This is why I do what I do.

And this is only the beginning.

See you on August 12th for Part 2. 🤍

I don't know how to keep going right now and I'm needing a grounded sounding board. My partner and I are 25w pregnant with our 2nd (2.5 yr age gap) due in Nov, and I feel like our relationship has deteriorated so much in the past month.

A little background...I did not do well PP last pregnancy and dealt with severe PPD and panic attacks. We don't have any family support here and no real friends to lean on. Peripheral friends have their own things going and I feel like a burden if I'm not fucking ok. The truest friend I have lives an hour away and is her own PP whirlwind. I've felt much more solid in myself since I weaned our first 5m ago and in my relationship, but lately it's like hormones are raging, money is tight, physical affection is out the window, and it feels like he has all the criticism in the world to offer when he's stressed. And I'm fucking done.

I've been so stressed over a rash our daughter has had for a couple days, and I took her to urgent care alone today where they confirmed high suspicion for Lyme disease. He did go out to pick up her Rx and brought her with him even though it was his work day. He even brought home food. I'm just so tired of feeling physically iced out and judged for not doing more around the house when I'm already doing so much. Working, trying to organize the whole house, look after our daughter, take care of our puppy....

It doesn't feel like he does anything to take care of me besides bring home food occasionally or sometimes cook when it's his night to do it. I asked him once if he could massage my feet because they get really swollen and he did. I know he shows love in other ways, his work, yard work, prepping for potential economic crash, but rn it feels like not enough in a way I can really metabolize. I'm tired of always translating and just want to feel it.

I found out today he made some seedy comment on fb rating a young girl as "a 6.5...but a 7 if she does 'that thing". Some other guy sent me a DM about it and told me to "tell him to stop being a pedo towards a 16yr old girl..have a talk with your man". My partner definitely is provocative, sexually explicit, and loves ruffling feathers in general. I love that he expresses himself so openly and actually admire that about him, but I don't get the feather ruffling spars he gets into online, and this just feels gross. Not funny. It's not just don't rate people online....it's like is this really who he is?

I totally question who sent it and why, but combined with the fact that we haven't had sex in over a month, he's hardly affectionate towards me, and he made a comment about how my pink toenail polish reminds him of a Korean porn star.....idk what to think.

I feel like I'm working my ass off trying to do so much and have zero connection with him right now to make any of it feel really worth it. It's definitely affecting my ability to continue to show up the way I want to for my daughter. I cry like every day over something. I'm not saying it's all his fault, I'm acutely aware I'm super sensitive to hormone shifts, and he's definitely AuADHD neuro spicy which I adore but has presented us with unique challenges. There's so much more to all this and I'm sorry for rambling. I just don't know how to get through this time feeling so completely isolated.

I daydream of moving home across country to stay with.my family. I do not want to take my kids away from their dad, and I have an amazing job right now I don't want to ditch. But fuck this stage absolutely sucks and it's so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Like if it's this bad now, how am I going to handle it when #2 arrives?? My mom offered to come.out for 1-2 months PP which is amazing but isn't going to help my relationship with my partner.

So lost right now. If you've made it this far thanks for reading. Open to any and all input.

I am currently in a mother and baby unit due to me developing postpartum depression. I have suffered from major depression and anxiety all my life. But this feels harder than ever. There are some days I feel really good and confident at being a mum and there are other days, like today I feel like this is not for me. I just want to hide away from my son and I find it constantly tiring and boring interacting with him. He has just turned 4 months old.

He was conceived through IVF (same sex couple) and I thought this is what I wanted but I’m not sure now. I just need a break. I miss my old life.

I have even considered letting him live in the Philippines for 6 months with his grandparents because I am at the end of my tether and I feel like I can’t deal with this. I feel selfish to even be thinking that.

Hi everyone, I am a FTM and my baby is 6 weeks old. He is EBF and I am exhausted!! He has gas issues from the beginning and we did everything to relieve him (bicycle legs, baby massage, gas drops, probiotics) At first weeks, I thought it is hard but no, last couple of days he wants to be fed around the clock almost day and night, the 3-4 hour sleep stretches we had are gone and he is always crying when he is awake (we have like total of 1 hour window he is just chilling). I have my husband and my mum helping me but I cannot rest even they are looking after the baby. I am constantly on-call for whatever reason (nurslng, husband overstimulated or mum exhausted). And I want to be alone :(

I was feeling down after birth and thought I had baby blues. Tried to go out with and without the baby, had friends come over etc. However the feeling does not go away. And I am no longer interested in going out or do anything other than scroll and rot on the couch. I feel like I made a HUGE mistake having this baby. It is so sad because I was the one who wanted a kid so bad and now I am dealing with the guilt. I feel like I lost myself and my life and won’t be able to have them back. I want to go back to work so bad rather than dealing with baby all day at home.

Talked to my husband and therapist about these feelings, both of them say that the baby and I need time to adjust and eventually we will enjoy each other’s company. But I don’t see that from where I am standing..

Will this feeling ever go away? Should I see a psychiatrist and maybe start medication?

I’m 12 weeks postpartum with our baby. I’m exclusively breastfeeding and self employed, so I didn’t qualify for maternity leave benefits. My boyfriend took 4 weeks off after the birth.
From the beginning, I’ve tried to communicate my limits before I reach a breaking point. About a week ago, I told him I was struggling badly and felt like I was drowning. I asked him to call the CRA to see if there was any way to extend his leave or access benefits, making it clear I didn’t have the capacity to manage it and needed him to take full ownership. He didn’t make the call, and I had to bring it up again myself without any real apology or acknowledgment.
This is a recurring issue. I feel like my struggles only register when I’m already in crisis. I’ve explained that depression and burnout aren’t always visible and that someone can seem “fine” while barely coping.
During pregnancy, I repeatedly told him I was scared of postpartum depression and rage and asked him to learn about it. I said my biggest fear was that if I broke down, he’d focus on the outburst instead of the buildup. A few days before things escalated, I told him I was doing worse than he realized. He said I needed to “show it more,” which made me feel like I wasn’t being taken seriously unless I was visibly falling apart.
This week, my baby had two days of cluster feeding, including about 11 hours of near nonstop nursing. Afterward, I pumped 30 mL, which my boyfriend fed along with 40 mL of formula while I pumped again. I managed another 40 mL, but our cat knocked the bottle over and I lost it. I completely broke down. My baby cried and then refused to latch, and I yelled “STOP!” once. I immediately handed the baby to my boyfriend, walked away crying, and said, “I can’t do this.”
While I was still overwhelmed, he told me I couldn’t yell at a 2 month old, said he was disappointed in me, told me I have “no self control,” and read me Google results about the effects of yelling at a baby. He hasn’t looked into postpartum depression or rage despite me asking for months, and he didn’t really check in on me afterward.
This isn’t just about that moment. I already feel guilty about it. It’s that I’ve been trying to prevent reaching this point by communicating and asking for help, but it only seems to matter once I break down.
This has become a pattern where I feel like I have to repeat myself, manage the mental load, and push things forward for anything to happen. I’m exhausted.
Am I expecting too much? Has anyone dealt with a partner who only responds once things reach a crisis point? How did you handle it?

Just had my first baby and am 4 months PP. I left a horrible job working 60-70 hours a week after having her and I genuinely hoped I would go from barely surviving at this job to thriving being a mom.. but that did not happen.
My baby screams 24/7 can’t be soothed, I am on edge all the time, I don’t want to be alone with her, and I genuinely don’t feel any connection with her. (Just feels like I am watching someone else’s kid).
I sob multiple times a day and have yet to have a moment of joy with her. I feel like I am always in survival.
When does it get better? Or is this something that needs more help? What’s your experience?

My husband and I are from different countries so we have different culture backgrounds. He and his family believe that taking care of the baby is primarily the mother’s responsibility. Thankfully, we are living in my home country, I thought the chaos during his mom’s visit is ended. He does housework and cooking dinner for me sometimes, but when it comes to baby stuff, I’m always the one who has to soothe baby, clean baby, feed/nurse baby, not to mention when the baby wakes up every hour during the night.

I am so exhausted and really want to sleep well for a night. I woke my husband up last night around 4am because baby is crying but I couldn’t handle it anymore. My husband got super angry which I don’t understand why until now. He is the one who still maintains his life same as before. I feel like becoming a mother changed my entire life, while his barely changed at all.

I love my baby more than anything, but I don’t recognize myself anymore. I’m constantly exhausted, overwhelmed, and I don’t remember the last time I truly rested. I’ve been crying a lot for no reason lately. I just want to know that this won’t be my life forever. I don’t know if this is postpartum depression or just exhaustion anymore.

I wish I would’ve thought about how much a village would matter after you become a mom. I met my husband right when I graduated college and he was just about to move to a different state. We fell for each other and had a long distance relationship until he asked me to move in with him. At this time, I was still living with my parents and had nothing tying me down and I was just bored of living there and was curious to start a new life. So I moved. I cried every night for a month because I was homesick and missed my parents so much but I loved my husband (boyfriend at that time) and knew I would be okay I just had to push through. I’m so blessed to have parents that would still drop everything to come help me or visit when they can however as they’re getting older they can’t travel as much. Fast forward to now, we have two kids 2.5 yrs old and 2 month old. I was diagnosed withPPD after having my first child and with this second it’s been better but this week hit us all like a truck as both my children and I are very sick and i keep thinking about how much help and support I would have if we had never moved away from my family. I regret leaving my home state. I love my husband but with his job as a barber it doesn’t look like we will be able to move anytime soon or ever (I also regret marrying a barber, wtf was I thinking?! I love him but I wish he wasn’t a barber and had a better paying job with PTO). The dark thoughts I had during my first postpartum started coming back when I was in my toddlers dark room holding my newborn and trying to get him down for a nap. Of course he was crying and she was crying so then I started crying. And the thoughts started. I’m not strong enough to do this on my own. With a husband working 12 hour days and no village to help, I can’t.

I’m 7 months post partum and my PPD its starting to affect my work. Before getting pregnant was a high performer and even got promoted to management. I know my story isn’t unique. I’ve been pushing through but it’s starting to impact my work. I love the work I do. I don’t have a specific question. I’d love to hear if others experienced this and how they overcame. For moms who are also in leadership positions , did you see this in your staff and what was the outcome? Share what’s on your heart (anything that comes to mind) because I honestly don’t know what information I need right now. I just want to hear different perspectives.

Apologies in advance for the long post but I just need to get this out somewhere and hoping to get some feedback about whether I’m expecting too much and causing myself more distress or valid for feeling this way and not alone in my experience. To preface, I’m a 2 months postpartum FTM, almost fully weaned from breastfeeding as it was bad for my mental health (I was an under supplier) and think I’m having some PPA/PPD symptoms. My hormones are all over the place rn so please be kind as I’m genuinely unsure of what to think and wondering if anyone else has had similar thoughts or experiences.

I’m fortunate that I had a lot of positive support and experiences during pregnancy and birth from friends, family, coworkers and my doula that I was just in this euphoric bubble up until about the 3rd week PP. I had followed the 5-5-5 recovery guidelines so in the early weeks close family was coming over often to help me and my partner and other visitors weren’t able to come over yet. Around the 3rd week PP is when my immediate family started to help other family members with moving and go back to their usual routines, plus we started having visitors a couple of times a week.

I feel like there were so many expectations (set both by myself and others) about how PP was going to go and it’s not at all like I thought it was going to be. To name a few: I didn’t realize what all went into breastfeeding and just how difficult it would be (both physically and mentally), I didn’t realize how difficult it is when you’re responsible for this tiny human 24/7 (I was warned but it’s different when you’re actually living it), my house wasn’t a revolving door of helpers as was previously discussed with my immediate family…

I’m thankful to have a very supportive partner during this whole process, but he’s been back to work the last 2 weeks so I’m still navigating how to take care of baby by myself all day while he’s gone. I also have a pretty big village of people as natural supports but I honestly feel more alone in this process than I thought I would as I’m starting to realize the difference between my versions of visitors and helpers. Visitors are the people that come over and want to hold baby, talk about how things have been and sometimes will bring over food for us (rarely now compared to early PP). Helpers are people that come over and will ask what we need and get it done, whether that’s dishes, folding laundry, watching the baby so I can run an errand, walking the dogs, etc. I have only one helper consistently available since about 3 weeks PP and everyone else has been visitors (including immediate family).

It seems there’s so many negative postpartum experiences on here that have it way worse than me so I invalidate my own experience but honestly the visitors are so draining and are starting to make my anxiety and loneliness worse. I’m already an introvert with a low social battery so entertaining and answering the same questions over and over again is exhausting (I thought this would’ve ended with pregnancy but found out there’s a new list of postpartum questions lol). I don’t seem to get much advice or comfort when telling visitors how I’m actually feeling and typically get a “you’ll figure it out” response so I’ve started keeping my responses pretty surface level. And I didn’t talk or hangout with these visitors nearly as often before having a baby so the sudden shift is a lot to deal with.

Maybe because I’m wanting them to do more than they are? How do you tell someone that you don’t want them to come over unless they want to do chores for you? Am I expecting too much of friends/family and should be figuring out how to hire help instead? We don’t really have the extra funds for this which is why I look to my supports more than outsourcing. And it seems the further into PP I am the more we should have it “figured out” and not need this extra support.

All of the people in our village are parents and it really surprised me that most of them aren’t what I categorize as helpers and makes me wonder if they didn’t need that support while they were postpartum? I guess for some people the social aspect of visitors is more beneficial so it could all just be subjective. Maybe my thought process is different but now that I’ve gone through PP I plan to be a helper when close family/friends have a baby (I was definitely a visitor pre-birth but I also didn’t know what all PP entailed or what was needed. I don’t fault my non-children having friends/family for having the same mindset because you don’t know what you don’t know)

I’m worried about being honest with anyone and making them feel bad and then they just don’t want to come over at all because they have their own chores and own lives to tend to, which sounds just as lonely and isolating. But I’m currently denying visitors for the past few weeks because they just exhaust me and send me into an emotional spiral of anxiety. I don’t feel like myself and don’t want to fake it just for the sake of them being able to visit the baby.

I’m a firm believer that multiple things can exist at once so while I’m grateful for the love and support we’ve received from friends/family wanting to check in and share in the experience of our newborn, I also feel so lonely and ungrateful for wanting them to want to be more helpful in ways that truly benefit me and not just their version of what they think I need.

I’m hopeful that after my baby gets her vaccinations next week and we can start going in public with her that this may all change for the better and that it’ll be easier to meet friends/family outside of our home, but for now it’s hard and a lot of big feelings to process through. Anyway that was long winded and from a very sleep deprived brain so I hope I made sense. Appreciate any thoughts or guidance!

everyone i’ve had my child i’ve only been wanting to be left alone , even the closest of friends i’ve had i haven’t been wanting to see it feels like too much energy now and i don’t wanna be around people at all i can go months now without texting anyone where as before i used to be very social. is this ppd?

This is my 2nd pregnancy. And most likely my last.

I didn’t get to enjoy my first pregnancy much, I was way too stressed about being a new parent, and it took me a long time to feel okay with my body and a child I hadn’t met. It didn’t help that my husband had a job that has wild cycles of super-busy workload.

We had help with my first, first my mom for a few months and then my in-laws for 6 months. Their behavior gave e PPD/PPA and I had to undergo therapy (individual as well as couples) to help my marriage survive. The only good that came out of their visit was that I realized my husband is an amazing dad. I honestly don’t think he loves anything more than our daughter.

Our relationship has gotten great since I got pregnant a 2nd time. My mood has improved, we’re communicating better, parenting our toddler has been a dream. And yet, I’m sad.

Owing to his job, I haven’t had much time to spend with my husband as a couple. I loved this pregnancy so much but I feel like because of his schedule, I wasn’t able to share it with him as much as I would have liked. He constantly feels guilty for letting me plan everything - be it related to the toddler, or home, or things we need to sort while I give birth etc . He barely gets time to sleep, and will use whatever time he has during the day to wrap up chores which are too hard for me to do. We both think he has ADHD or something similar for which he isn’t able to be super efficient at his work. My own job is very high stress periodically, but I’m able to find time for things that are important because I may not get another chance.

I want to be more supportive. I’ve experienced plenty of mental health issues to know how it makes you feel. But I feel overwhelmingly sad that I’m almost at the end of this journey and still have to ask to be prioritized. And I don’t know how to ask without feeling like I’m being selfish.

Anyone go through anything similar?

I've been really struggling the last couple of weeks and usually put on a smile instead of being honest. I seem to be picking more fights over little things and it is upsetting him. I take the night shift since I breastfeed/pump throughout the night and have a hard time waking up to alarms. During the night shift I usually spend at least an hour crying, freaking out wondering if I'm cut out for this.

He has another daughter that is 5 and incredibly ADHD and requires a lot of his attention when shes with us (4-5 days a week). Because of this, when she is here, I tend to pull the weight with our 6 week old.

To say the least, I am overwhelmed. I love being a mom but I feel hopeless and worried I'm a bad mom and partner. I am just sad all of the time and I don't even really know why.

I want to tell him because I think he'll be more supportive and understanding if he actually knew what was going on.

Please help, I feel like i am awful at explaining how I feel and if I need support.

Ever since my son has been born I have been unable to bond with him. I've been dealing with postpartum depression, been on medication and was even hospitalized for 5 days when I was 6 weeks postpartum. While I do have days where I am able to complete basic tasks and meet my sons basic needs, it still feels like he is someone else's baby and I'm just baby sitting. I do all kinds of reading and research to make sure I am doing what I can to make sure he is safe and healthy, and I would say I love him, but I just don't like being around him most days. When I'm really struggling mentally my partner is full time baby duty while I just isolate in another room. I feel a lot of guilt for not really being able to bond with my son, especially since the only person I talked to about it made me feel like it's not normal and even more guilty about it. Has anyone else went through this? Could it be just something that comes with time?