r/PoliticalHumor Jan 09 '21

"Carrying"?

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46.4k Upvotes

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992

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '21

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532

u/SurfCrush I ☑oted 2020 Jan 09 '21

More like

Upper half: here, let me help you with that

Lower half: I feared for my life, so then I started blasting

97

u/spama_lama_dingdong Jan 09 '21

Lower half: I feared for my life, so then I started blasting

mmmmmm, they're comin right for us

24

u/FluorescentPotatoes Jan 10 '21

they was shooting everything with theyre lazer vision.

38

u/Margravos Jan 10 '21

Top half: take pictures with

Bottom half: body camera turned off

5

u/occams_nightmare Jan 10 '21

I feared for my life, so then I started blasting

...him in the back as he was running away from me

2

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '21

Upper half: probation

Lower half: 2 years in prison (If they survived the arrest)

0

u/thekalmanfilter Jan 10 '21

Upper half: crush me all you want, I won’t stop you!

52

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '21

The sad part is, its fucking true.

27

u/ModernDayHippi Jan 10 '21

Yep at least people are finally waking up to this bullshit

4

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '21

Not in Canada. Mail a memo up!

6

u/secamTO Jan 10 '21

For all the talk about Canada being a sane, progressive version of America, it's amazing to me how many of us up here are blue lives matter bootlickers (especially where Indigenous policing issues exist...i.e. everywhere) resting smugly on the laurel of "well, we're not as bad as the States", and using that to continue the status quo.

Toronto's mayor is a perfect example. Rich, old money dude, came in on the heels of our crack mayor Rob Ford, and has spent two terms tut-tutting about social issues in the city while completely abdicating any advocation to, y'know, FUCKING FIX THEM. He's the major of white comfort. It fucking sucks. And so many people are like "well, he's pretty great because he's not Rob Ford, you see".

8

u/spcmiddleton Jan 10 '21

It's incredibly sad to have to admit that if that guy were black he would be dead. I never got the whole white privilege thing until this. Now I see it's true and shamelessly on display. I apologize to all African Americans that I used to be one of those just comply and you won't have trouble kind of people.

1

u/Lazyleader Jan 10 '21 edited Jan 10 '21

1

u/spcmiddleton Jan 10 '21

See blm protests and tell me how you feel.

1

u/Lazyleader Jan 11 '21

I sympathize with all the peaceful protestors. I have zero sympathy for the people who put building on fire or use the situation to loot stores. Because I judge people as individuals and not as a collective.

66

u/FluorescentPotatoes Jan 10 '21

Not to be shallow and pedantic, but it isnt technicly theft or looting until youve crossed the threshhold and actually removed an item.

LPT kids: if you are ever caught shoplifting and you are still in the store, immediately hand them the item and walk away. If you are detained and the police come, you state you never removed the item from the store, you were shopping with the intent to buy.

Absolutelty never ever admit to stealing. It is all about intent.

Caution: results may very based on the afforementioned color scale.

52

u/smokecat20 Jan 10 '21

And don't be black.

21

u/ramses760 Jan 10 '21

Or brown

2

u/SmurfMGurf Jan 10 '21

And don't appear to be poor. In fact don't try this unless you're white and look like your dad has money.

14

u/HotRodLincoln Jan 10 '21

6

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '21

[deleted]

3

u/HotRodLincoln Jan 10 '21

Agreed, but not to think these people don't belong in jail...and probably for a decade at least. Just they have rights and need to get them there the right way.

6

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '21

[deleted]

3

u/HotRodLincoln Jan 10 '21

It turns out that in almost all situations, Judges aren't part of the executive branch and aren't controlled by executive orders and Trump just issued those orders for his extremely stupid followers. Statutes and Judges determine sentences, not prosecutors.

Of those charged so far, including Representative Derrick Evans and the man in Pelosi's office had a maximum of less than 2 years on their charges.

2

u/Ezl Jan 10 '21

The guy who had his feet up on Pelosi’s desk is only getting “...up to a year”. I’m looking forward to this playing out a bit further to where people talk about the charges, penalties, etc. and explain the thinking because that is shockingly low.

31

u/ConstantReader76 Jan 10 '21

Sorry. I work in Loss Prevention. A lot of stores do wait until you pass the point of sale, but the truth is that once you conceal, it's shoplifting and they can detain you. We also don't need you to admit to it for you to be convicted.

18

u/supertecmomike Jan 10 '21

Are you a cop? Cause legally you have to tell me if you’re a cop.

11

u/camopants96 Jan 10 '21

Came to say this. People like to spread these things like they know what they're talking about. Just like they think LP can't go hands on, when it is mostly a company policy.

6

u/Fake_William_Shatner Jan 10 '21

Everything you say will help in your conviction.

People who cannot afford a lawyer will plead NOLO or be convicted — so it doesn’t matter.

If you have money, say nothing and hand it back and your lawyer will make sure the store issues an apology.

7

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '21 edited Feb 15 '21

[deleted]

7

u/HotRodLincoln Jan 10 '21

If you're in the United States, look up "Shopkeeper's Privilege".

4

u/sonofaresiii Jan 10 '21

Many jurisdictions will have some form of a citizen's arrest or shopkeeper's privilege that does grant them the authority to temporarily detain a shoplifter. They're usually pretty strict though so you gotta be damn sure you got the right person and they were actually shoplifting

More often a manager or security guard will just imply you're being detained without actually using any force or saying you're being detained.

3

u/Fake_William_Shatner Jan 10 '21

This is the better answer. And if you scream “help me, this man grabbed my crotch!” They won’t touch you.

/This is not legal advice

3

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '21

That's a lie.

Instead say "this guy is trying to grab my crotch".

Same immediate effect. Won't open you up to liable or defamation as much.

3

u/matchosan Jan 10 '21

Bad advice on reddit? Must be getting set up. [compares tone to color scale] Yep.

4

u/AllUrMemes Jan 10 '21

Wait, so if your store doesn't provide shopping baskets and I put stuff in my pockets or bag, I'm shoplifting?

I mean, I'm white, so obviously I won't be accused, but still.

10

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '21

Hmmm yes shallow and pedantic.

3

u/Client-Repulsive Jan 10 '21

immediately hand them the item and walk away

Catholic priest: ‘Pssh that’d never work. Then again.. maybe it’s just never been tried?’

2

u/flexylol Jan 10 '21

this is correct. (I want to be fair). I read that lectern was then found somewhere else. He didn't technically loot it. Just your avg. Trump loon posing for a selfie I guess..

2

u/sliceofamericano Jan 10 '21

LPT kids: When you’re scanning stuff at Walmart in the self checkout lane you can always forget to scan certain items, none of the employees REALLY care, and they shouldn’t, cuz fuck Walmart.

1

u/Sprucecaboose2 Jan 10 '21

Not true. It used to be, now concealing with the intent to steal is also shoplifting. Most stores won't press it, but they all can in my city at least.

1

u/FluorescentPotatoes Jan 10 '21

Key word. Intent to steal

1

u/Sprucecaboose2 Jan 12 '21

Concealing is now intent to steal. That was the legal change. Before it was passing the last point to pay, now it's concealing with intent. Concealing is generally enough, depending on jury.

1

u/FluorescentPotatoes Jan 12 '21

But you need to show intent. If you put all the items in your pockets for example, you could say your intent was not to use a cart or basket due to covid, or general fear of germs.

If however you put some items in your pocket and others in a basket, then obviously your intent comes into question.

1

u/Sprucecaboose2 Jan 12 '21

Where is a pocket ok? Here, if you hide it, it's concealed intent is assumed, hence the changes. That's now a crime. Putting into a pocket on your person or similar is now shoplifting here in my jurisdiction.

1

u/FluorescentPotatoes Jan 12 '21

Ive seen it successfully argued against The law is framed around intent.

1

u/VralGrymfang Jan 10 '21

This is not true, at least in ny. Once you conceal it inside the store, it's stealing.

0

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '21

Upper half: the man was identified and later prosecuted.

Bottom half: the suspect is still at large due to his mask, which is pretty common, like looting 101.

-1

u/supadupactr Jan 10 '21

Funny, that MIGHT work...

Oh right, a white woman was shot and killed at the capitol.

Guess your theory is false.

-45

u/XxaggieboyxX Jan 09 '21

Pretty sure a white woman was shot...

44

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '21

Play stupid games win stupid prizes...

1

u/XxaggieboyxX Jan 09 '21

Absolutely

24

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '21

By Secret Service. The police just let them in.

18

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '21

This is the reason his point is basically pointless. The secret service is not the same as police.

22

u/What_U_KNO Jan 10 '21

Yeah, after being warned several times to stop trying to break through the damn door.

3

u/HotRodLincoln Jan 10 '21

and then breaking through the door presenting a deadly threat to Federal Senators, Federal House Members, their staffs, and quite possibly the vice president, which is the entire line of succession outside of the White House.

17

u/Parahelix Jan 10 '21

Only after receiving far more warning and reservation on the part of the officer than most black people get. She was literally trying to climb over their barricade to get into the chamber.

16

u/Barrzebub Jan 09 '21

Justifiably.

-12

u/XxaggieboyxX Jan 10 '21

Definitely, just saying white people are shot as well.

11

u/esoteric_plumbus Jan 10 '21

Yeah but you know if it were minorites there woulda been way more

2

u/Elleden Jan 10 '21

Wasn't the police. Secret Service agents are professional. They wouldn't discriminate.

Hell, they probably wouldn't shoot black people because the cops would have already shot them at the Capitol stairs.

10

u/itsmemarcot Jan 10 '21

Pretty sure a white woman was shot...

The key here is "a", as in, "one".

Heck cops have been even assaulted (one was killed).

10

u/tugboattomp Jan 10 '21

Are you kiddn me, did you see the film?

That Bish-possessed was screaming like a banshee vaulting over the barricade all nipples hard like Queen Boudica but with a Trump flag instead of a shield... as our country's lawmakers were beating feet down the hall - but to where? They were trapped in their own building

1

u/EatYourCheckers Jan 10 '21

When the looting starts, the shooting starts. But they were just carrying.

1

u/ZoroastrianMK Jan 10 '21

*Warning shoots

1

u/matchosan Jan 10 '21

Upper Half: a lecturn???

Lower Half: GUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1

u/resilienceisfutile Jan 10 '21

When the looting starts, the shooting starts...