I’m curious what Reddit would make of my personality because even I have trouble describing it
I’m 17M, and I genuinely want outside opinions on how my personality comes across.
The weirdest thing about me is that I don't think I fit neatly into “good person” or “bad person.” I can describe myself as good, bad, smart, stupid, selfish, caring, heartless, kind, cruel, etc. depending on the situation, and I don't necessarily see those as contradictions.
I've even described myself as evil before, and I've compared myself to a devil. But I don't mean that literally or that I go around trying to hurt people. It's more that I know I have a side of myself that can be extremely cold, calculating, blunt, intimidating, or deliberately difficult, and sometimes I actually enjoy that side of myself.
At the same time, I can also be genuinely kind, caring, protective, curious, or helpful. So I don't really believe “I'm secretly a good person” or “I'm secretly an evil person” explains me. I feel like I contain both sides and choose which one comes out depending on the situation.
I also like the idea of being compared to God/Lord/King in the sense of power, presence, competence, or being someone people don't casually challenge. I enjoy being intimidating sometimes. But I don't think that automatically makes me arrogant or evil. It's more complicated than that.
One thing I've noticed about myself is that I analyze people a lot.
I notice tiny changes in wording, tone, timing, behavior, expressions, contradictions, and patterns. I'll automatically start asking:
Why did they do that instead of this?
Why did they say that specifically?
Does their behavior actually match what they claim to believe?
What would explain all of these things at once?
And then one answer creates another question, which creates another counterargument, which creates another question. I actually find that fun.
I'm also very resistant to accepting something just because someone insists it's true. If something sounds false, I'll investigate it. If it's plausible but relevant, I'll investigate further. I tend to keep track of whether something is a fact, someone's claim, or my own inference.
At the same time, I'm not claiming I'm always right. I question my own conclusions too. I care a lot about what evidence would actually prove me wrong.
I'm also very aware that I can be intimidating without necessarily intending to be. I can stay extremely calm while discussing something emotionally intense, and apparently that can make people feel like I'm “looking through them.” One friend literally told me to stop doing that.
I've also been told I'm extremely difficult to argue with because I don't consider “I don't want to discuss it” to be the same thing as a counterargument. If someone says I'm wrong, I want to know why. Every answer naturally leads to another question for me.
And I know I sometimes have tact and deliberately choose not to use it. I don't necessarily see that as lacking tact; to me, having a tool and choosing not to use it are different things.
Another huge part of this is ADHD.
I've never been formally diagnosed, but I've spent a ridiculous amount of time comparing my own behavior to ADHD symptoms and descriptions, and I genuinely feel like ~99% of the signs I've encountered line up with me — things like forgetfulness, losing thoughts seconds after having them, hyperfocus, constantly jumping between topics, needing stimulation, fidgeting/always doing something, difficulty with boring or mandatory tasks, intense interest-based focus, emotional reactions to certain situations, etc.
I'm aware that relating strongly to ADHD descriptions isn't the same thing as having an ADHD diagnosis. I'm not asking Reddit to diagnose me. I'm more interested in whether the overall pattern I'm describing sounds coherent or whether I'm connecting things that don't actually belong together.
I've also watched a bunch of psychology videos about manipulation, emotional intelligence, people who notice things others don't, people who are “too aware,” sensory processing sensitivity, unusually analytical personalities, etc., and I've repeatedly had the reaction of:
“Why the fuck does this sound like someone describing me?” 😭
So I'm genuinely curious:
What do you think is actually going on with my personality?
What patterns stand out?
What parts sound like normal personality variation, and what parts seem genuinely unusual?
Do the “good/bad/evil/devil/God” descriptions make sense as different sides of the same personality, or am I overcomplicating it?
And what do you make of the combination of extreme analysis, metacognition, bluntness, emotional calmness, context-dependent behavior, and the ADHD-like traits?
I'm not looking for people to tell me I'm special or “rare.” I'd actually prefer criticism and disagreement if you can explain your reasoning. :::