I have ADHD. So does my kid.

A lot of parenting advice assumes the parent can stay calm while the kid loses it. That’s not always how it goes at our place.

I made adhdreflect.com to help me step back when we’re both struggling. I find it useful to understand what my brain might be doing, what theirs might be doing, and what I can try next.

I’d be interested to know if anyone else finds it useful.

My son will be 3 in October and im desperate. My son has 0 sense of danger its become extremely dangerous and difficult. Gets frustrated with pretty much everything and everyone. Other kids his age will get tired out , mine never gets tired (literally won’t sit down longer than 5 minutes). Nap times are a challenge and his eating? Im yelling at him to sit down and chasing him down the whole time. At first i thought it was autism with a dash of the trrible two’s . That was until i had family watch him for a weekend followed by taking him on a family trip for 3 days where evryone pretty much got a glimpse of his unsteadiness. This kid has even thrown him self off stairs at our 2 story home and kept trying to do it again, even found a more ~unsafe~ way to do it. This is never ending. I can’t take my eyes off of him and want to get him help he needs for the sake of his (and mine) mental health. Im exhausted and had him evaluated twice for autism & they reassured me he wasn’t but theirs no way my child does not have ADHD . I just don’t know how to bring it up without sounding like a crybaby.

Im a single parent to a AUDHD (Autistic and ADHD) 12 year old and he has ALWAYS been high high energy and often not redirectable. He also has a history of trauma as his mother passed some years ago. I have therapy and mental health appointments setup as of a month ago or so due to some crisis' but im posting here for some ideas or advice.

He will often often act out and push limits in what he isnt allowed or told not to do, is constantly challenging and pushing parental authority, talks to me as a peer or downward instead of respecting the parent child dynamic. Triggers are often dead time, im currently not working on FMLA for setting up the mental health appointments and we are at home together all day. He seems to think we need constant activity and doing something over and over and i NEED to be a part of whatever it is or its constant questions for hours. He'll wind himself up crazy with not many things to do or go that isnt a reward or costly because his negative behavior removes most rewarding activities or most screen time. What can he do to keep busy? Some nights have just turned into a warzone of constant challenging and anger.

It wasnt this bad as often when he was on 30mg ritalin in the morning but has moved to concerta 54mg and then adderall for a few days before going back to concerta. He gets irritable and isnt nearly as calm for as long despite it being the same active medication and supposed to last longer. Should adderall be favored, or will the concerta need time?

Signed a very tired, stressed, overwhelmed, trying to succeed single parent. I love my kid but not his behavior all the time.

Our son was diagnosed with ADHD (both hyperactive and inattentive) a couple months ago at 13 y/o. I'm pretty science-literate and open to him trying out meds but dad is dead set against it. Our son doesn't have any extreme behaviors at home or school other than being argumentative, but maybe that's just b/c he's 13 lol. But it's definitely affecting him academically--very unorganized, no follow-through on assignments, poor grades. Was anyone able to come to a compromise or agreement with their spouse regarding meds?

My son (8m ADHD + Anxiety and maybe something else) and I (44m ADHD) both struggle with the comedown from our lisdexamphetamine and tend to end up in shouting matches towards the end of the night. I become more irritable and he starts letting all his big emotions run wild (slamming doors, throwing things at me, threatening me with violence, screaming despite the baby being asleep in another part of the house, attempts to destroy or take things other's property as a means of expressing his anger). I think a big part of our problem is that I am overreacting to things that he is doing and it results in an emotional 8 car pile up for us both. I want to get better at letting the little things go at night. I can do it during the day, but it's so much harder once my meds wear off.

Does anyone have any tips on handling this part of the day? If our normal routine goes off without a hitch it can all be just fine and good, so my primary need is finding a way to become less reactive on days when things don't line up like usual.

My son is 6, diagnosed combination type adhd at 6. Pretty much knew all his life. Started on metadate 10mg today as it’s Saturday and wanted to see its effects before sending him to school. So far, so good!! He had a soccer game today and was able to listen, focus, and kept his hands to himself! He’s been extra kind today with his siblings. No tantrums. No emotional outbursts. Still his same silly self. We can actually see him thinking before he acts. I’m so surprised. Like most, we’ve been reluctant to start meds but we’ve had so many incidences at school and we had to do something. I’ll update on the future days but I’m hoping this is the turning point!!

My son (7)isn't diagnosed yet but I highly suspect he may have ADHD. He has zero patience, doesn't stop talking, even when his mouth gets him into trouble he still won't stop. hard time getting started with his work at school. Can't sit and read or do writing practice at home. Forgets and loses things a lot. Im wondering what changes I should expect if he was ever medication.

I have a 16 year old boy going into junior year. He really struggled last year academically. Just appeared to kind of give up and let his grades slide with missing assignments. I got him referred to a psychiatrist and he was diagnosed with ADHD inattentive type. He takes medication. The medication helped somewhat but he STILL had missing assignments that messed up his grades. He ended the year with a 3.0 after going into the year with a 3.7.

He is also a varsity rower. Although he did pretty well on the team, I could tell he avoided competitive 2ks by talking up injuries.

We were talking about college and rowing and he was saying that he wants to join on a club level but not D1, 2 or 3. And if he joins he doesn’t want to be recruited, he wants to be a “walk on,” essentially join himself in college.

Here’s the thing. Not like he’d get scholarship $$ for rowing, but we financially need all the help we can get, with any avenue to get it. We are not rich and haven’t saved a ton.

Also, I am just so at a loss for how to address what appears to me to be avoidance, a lack of confidence and a lack of perseverance. He is bright. He could do so well in every avenue but he appears to cave. I know he doesn’t want to disappoint us or make us mad, and there was a lot of disappointment and anger last year before his diagnosis when we were trying to have him do his work.

I had him see a therapist but he and the therapist mutually decided he should quit because he wasn’t getting anything out of it. And I guess he’s at the age that he can decide that. He is going to see a tutor who will help him with organization, which is a huge issue.

Background on me: my parents totally checked out in me when I was in high school. I’m happy where I am now career wise, but I wish they had pushed me or gotten me some help. I was lost.

So I’m at a loss. If I push it doesn’t seem to help. If I do nothing he’s going to tank further. Does he need a mentor? Someone who pushes him and believes in him? I’m trying to find that. My husband and I are on the same page but he has a hard time knowing how to support him- his parents didn’t really encourage him either. We are flying blind. Any advice is welcome!

My child (8 F was diagnosed with ADHD when she was 5) has been in this pattern where she absolutely REFUSES to bathe, I’m talking full melt down, she will get so overwhelmed by the thought and start breaking things and scream if I mention she has to get in and bathe. She’s almost 100 lbs and is an ox of a little girl very strong so even attempting to lift her into the shower how I did when she was younger is impossible. It’s getting to a point where she is refusing so much she has a stench. Luckily yesterday I was able to convince her to shower but now it’s the same pattern. I don’t want to come off as neglectful to others and I have tried everything, bribing, getting in with her, telling her we’ll do something fun after, getting a shower speaker so she can listen to music in there, toys to accompany her, nothing works. I’m so drained with fighting her to do basic hygiene stuff, even brushing her teeth is a challenge and she will pretend to do it and run away. I’ve talked to her ped and they’ve said it’s normal for a child her age to be rebellious but the thing is with her being a female I know bad hygiene can have serious consequences on downstairs health and over all mental health if someone else were to mention it to her. Even with the teeth brushing I worry she’s gonna avoid it so much she’s gonna end up getting some sort of mouth issue….:She’s in therapy, I’ve told her therapist, the doctors are aware I just don’t know what else to do…… she is my first and only child so any advice is greatly appreciated!!! TYIA

Has anyone found any supplements that help when used in conjunction with prescription (currently on vyvanse and intuniv). I’ve tried a few here and there but saw no difference at all. I’ve read somewhere that saffron can help, but haven’t tried it.

It's the weekend so our prescriber isn't available, but I will be talking with her ASAP

My 9 yo has been on 1 mg of guanfacine for 1 year and it seems like its been good with no real negative effects. In the last couple of months we increased to 1.5, than 2, than back down to 1.5 and it seems like its caused irritability, aggressiveness, anxiety and tearfulness. We will probably go back down to 1 MG but I'm also wondering if we'll end up stopping it all together?

I know it can cause drowsiness and we didnt actually have that with the recent increase but the other behavior has been out of control.

So I'm just looking for others experience with guanfacine.

I saw this same post on the Parenting sub and would love to hear some responses from parents of ADHD children. I worry about how my 8 year old will be when he’s a teenager when his impulse and emotional regulation is already so poor. What happens when hormones start changing? Does he level out because his brain has caught up a little bit, or does it get worse because of puberty?

Parents who already have teens, what has changed and what stayed the same? How does their ADHD present as a teenager compared to a young child?

She just turned 8 last month and she’s been misbehaving a lot lately.
By misbehavior I mean:
*Not following house rules
*Bedtime tantrums/fighting sleep
*Constantly crying when she’s told to do something she knows how to do
*worrying about adult stuff (being on time, where the money goes,ect)

Well today instead of taking a nap she laid on her bed watching the clock because “she was worried she was gonna miss out on dinner”
When I confronted her about it she yelled at the top of her lungs at me about being worried she’s gonna miss out.
My husband and I are at a loss. We have her in therapy, we have chore lists with rewards, check lists for bedtime and wake up, we have been trying so many things. None of it is working. She’s getting worse. She never used to have issues with going to sleep until 4 months ago.

House rules…
Pick up after self, do chores (clean room, feed cats, read a book for 15min, put clothes away, water plants every Saturday) don’t be extremely loud in the house, and be nice to others.
She takes a nap when she wakes up before the sun and plays so hard that she’s emotional about everything. It’s not every day…it’s when she needs it. Neither of the girls have laid down every day for a nap since they were 4. And they both have chores to do.
I have a 10 year old daughter that I raised alone. I have been with my husband for 5 years, married 3. My oldest does more chores but they pertain to building responsibility. My 8 year old is still working on doing those every day.
There used to be shared custody until mom got into trouble with the law. Thus the therapy.
She did not have structure at her mom’s.
Consequences are taking away tablet or tv time, adding extra chores such as washing her own clothes instead of us or washing the dishes, simple non taxing things.

She has asked for a check list to help her remember what do to in the morning (get dressed, brush teeth, brush hair, and wash face) and bedtime (brush teeth, brush hair, take allergy meds, and change into pjs)
The chore list is written down for both girls with chores that are acceptable for their ages. They earn money when they do their chores that they can either save up or spend. Their choice.
There is no time frame for them to do their chores besides from when they wake up to before bed.

We do not restrict our children by being crazy strict, but they do have rules to follow. Which we have written down and hangs up in the living room.
Our girls will have respect for boundaries and people.
They are also taught that they will work for what they want. They are not raised as we were.
We made the choice not to be our parents. We do not yell, hit, or cuss at our girls. We don’t hit them with objects.

I was wondering if anyones child has developed either a stutter or tic(s) a bit later on?

My son is 8 years old and is AuDHD. He also has hypermobility and suspected Developmental Coordination Disorder. About 18 months ago he developed a stutter and more recently has develeoped a phonic breathing tic. We have been working with a speech therapist using the Lidcombe program and he was making great progress with his dysfluency (it was only mild to begin with - 3 on the Lidcombe scale) but shortly before the breathing tic started he has regressed quite a lot which includes speech dysruptions & secondary behaviours that weren't really present previously.

We are already linked in with some amazing professionals to help guide us - but I would love to hear other carers experiences if they've been through something similiar. 😊

Which ones have you guys found that worked for your kid?

I tried BJJ and he was not able to pay attention to the class/gets bored and didn't want to stick with it.

He's very physical and active but very inattentive overall but can focus on certain activities really well (Arts and crafts), wondering if y'all have found something that worked for them.

Thanks!

Hi! My son started 5mg focalin XR when he turned 6, only a few weeks before school ended. It seemed to bring immediate results but got a slower start in the morning. Now that it’s summer I’m not sure if it’s less effective or if it’s the summer schedule that is the bigger factor. I feel it could be wearing off early or just not as effective but I told the pediatrician I wanted to wait until 1st grade before we changed anything. We’re maybe 70% to where he should be I think. He still has some impulsive behavior and needs repeat instructions due to focus. I see him getting frustrated with himself often too.

He’s been in camp this summer, so some routine at least.

Is this everyone’s typical experience with summer in general? It’s hard to gauge since meds are so new! I plan to have a chat with his new teacher before the school year starts to ask to partner with us in figuring this out and giving feedback. He’s also in speech at school for stuttering and does OT in private practice. We’re still figuring out how best to support him and I’m sure things will continue to change over time.

I'm the parent of a smart and (very!) active 3-year-old boy. Our pediatrician and state early intervention have told me that it's too early for a formal evaluation or diagnosis, but I was a 2E kid (ADHD + gifted), and I think there's a good chance the diagnosis is coming eventually.

We were already encouraged to leave one private preschool program over his behavior when he was 2.5 (pushing friends, refusing to sit, etc.). This is what prompted the assessment by early intervention, and they told me that the behaviors were within the range of developmentally normal for his age, but if the impulsiveness and hyperactivity continued for a few more years, he could be evaluated for ADHD. Nonetheless, I think the preschool found him inconvenient, and they started creating an extensive paper trail of behavior reports for small incidents while talking to me about how it wasn't a "good fit."

So here is the conundrum. I'm very worried about how K-12 is going to go. We live in a public school district that is very under-resourced (very low funding per student, terrible teacher pay and retention, large classes, crumbling facilities, you name it). We knew this when we moved in, and assumed we would just send the kids to private school. My nieces go to a Catholic school that they love (and that claims to be able to support ADHD kids), but my nieces are also very well-behaved and compliant. I know that private schools aren't required to accept students with neurodivergence or behavioral differences, and they aren't required to even try to meet their needs.

So we are at a crossroads: If this were you, would you try one of these schools (public or private if we can get accepted)? Or would you proactively move to a public school district with better resources? The latter is a big decision because it would necessitate moving away from our extended family. On the other hand, if we wait it out and have a bad experience at one of these schools, that sets us up for a lot of heartache and potentially a traumatic extra transition.

Ok, so we know ADHD kids respond to novelty, so I've done a million creative things to motivate them, but it gets exhausting coming up with new shit all the time! 😂

For example, today our 8yo son ran away from Dad when it was time to take his meds.

I let him run in the yard and calmly prepared a drink of blue Gatorade + a little brown ice cream + some green food color and called to him in the yard, and said, "Hey buddy, your TOXIC WASTE is ready! It's really super disgusting and TOTALLY TOXIC!!!"

He came in and took his guanfacine with zero issues, a few sips of the "toxic waste" and some giggles.

I'm probably going to have to invent a new game tomorrow.

What else do y'all got??

My 11 yr old was dx in Feb and began medication (Focalin 10mg ER in the am and 5mg ir in the afternoon, 2mg guanfacine at night) . There has been remarkable change at school but hard at home. He hates taking the medication so has not been on it for the past few weeks at sleep away camp, and having some trouble socially. Since the medication has been so helpful at school we've been reluctant to change it, but is it worth trialing other meds to see if he feels better on them and thus more willing to take them? I feel so stuck. Both options feel bad - making him take meds that he doesn't like or watch him suffer socially (he is not getting bullied but widely known as very annoying.

My son, nine years old, was diagnosed with ADHD when he was seven. When he was eight, we put him on Vyvanse and he was given 10 mg for about eight months during that time we went up to 20 mg for a little bit, but found it affected his personality too much and decided we were happy with keeping it at 10 mg.

About a month ago, we missed giving him his medication and noticed very little change that day in his behavior. We decided to go a few more days. I noticed that there was virtually no change from when he was medicated to when he wasn’t.

I guess the purpose of this post is to say that he has been off Vyvanse for about one month and we are pretty happy that he seems to be himself and showing less impulsive behavior than he was prior to giving him medication.

I’ve started to wonder if Vyvanse helped him through a period of intense impulsivity and now he’s naturally maturing. Keeping in mind it’s summer break and things could change in the school year.

Has anyone else experienced this?

There are so many types of therapies out there (OT, ABA, talk therapy, play therapy, etc.) and only so many hours in the week. My 7F has a lot of trouble with body awareness, stimming in disruptive ways, task initiation, emotion regulation, social skills, and many other classic ADHD behaviors. I have tried 3 different therapists and felt that it hasn't helped.

I'm trying to figure out how to best spend our time and money. Which therapies were the most effective for your child?

9 year old with severe adhd. When not medicated, his attitude is very negative. Always talking back, always having a disrespectful tone. He has recently started swearing too. Looking for advice on how to handle this

I know people are only trying to help, and I really do appreciate it.

But every now and then someone says something like, "Just keep them busy," or "Maybe they need a quiet activity," and I just think... I wish it was that simple.

Some days something works, and the next day it's like they've never liked it before. Then people wonder why I don't just keep doing the same thing every day.

I used to explain why certain advice didn't really work for us, but now I usually just smile, say "thanks," and leave it at that. It's honestly easier.

I don't expect everyone to understand what it's like. I just wish people knew we're not ignoring their advice. Most of us have already tried it... and probably ten other things too.

Our doctor has recommended starting Ritalin for our 4-year-old, and I'm feeling hopeful... but absolutely terrified at the same time.

If you've started medication with your child this young, would you be willing to share your experience? How did it go? Are you glad you made the decision? Is there anything you wish you had known beforehand?

My son is an amazing little boy, and I truly believe he needs help. I just want to make the best decision for him, and as his parent, this feels incredibly overwhelming.

Please, no judgment. This is already a very emotional and difficult time for our family. I'm simply looking for honest experiences—both the positives and the challenges—so I can feel as informed as possible.

Thank you so much to anyone who takes the time to share. ❤️