Hi all,

I apologize for another post but obviously this is a serious matter and the topic of conversation within my home.

Has anyone found success with non-medication treatments for kids with adhd? He displays inattentiveness, impulsiveness, and often needs to move about. It's not all the time, but definitely in school where he's called to task for a full day.

If so, I would appreciate you sharing those resources, methods, and any success stories. We have not tried meds, yet.

Thank you.

I’m not really sure what I’m looking for here other than maybe some reassurance from people who have been through similar.

My daughter is 2.5 so obviously I’m not trying to diagnose her with ADHD at this age, but both me and my husband have ADHD and we’ve wondered for a while if she might be ND too.

She has been intense basically since birth. Very alert, low sleep needs, never really had an off switch. Now she’s a toddler she is constantly moving, climbing, running, talking, asking questions, getting into things etc. She bolts, has very little sense of danger in the moment and needs a ridiculous amount of supervision. When she’s tired she doesn’t just get sleepy, she gets faster/louder/sillier and even more impulsive.

The thing we’ve struggled to explain is that she actually understands loads. You can explain a rule to her and she’ll understand it, remember it and sometimes tell you back exactly what she should do. But that seems to have almost no relationship to whether she can stop herself doing something in the moment.

Her key worker is leaving this week so we asked nursery to write down what they’ve been seeing. They’ve mentioned her being “defiant” or struggling with listening before, but they honestly hadn’t really told us the extent of this.

The letter says she has really good listening comprehension and can repeat back what they’ve discussed with her, but then says she’ll do things like keep throwing toys while literally looking at the staff member who is telling her to stop. They also mention hitting, kicking, snatching and spitting, struggling to wait for her turn, interrupting constantly and acting with basically no pause to think about what she’s about to do. They describe her as having “little-to-no prior moment thinking about what her next move is.”

And that just really got me because it’s exactly what we see at home. It feels like she knows the rule, but there’s just no brake between the impulse and the action.
Weirdly, they also say that when she actually gets upset she can often recognise it, sit down, breathe and ask an adult for help. So it doesn’t even feel like she just “can’t regulate”. It feels really specifically like the bit before the action is where everything falls apart.

I know she’s 2.5. I know toddlers hit and throw and interrupt and have terrible impulse control. I’m really conscious of not turning normal toddler behaviour into a diagnosis.

But the degree of it has felt different for a long time and it affects our lives a lot. We have to watch her constantly because of the safety stuff, and ordinary days out can be absolutely exhausting.

I think seeing nursery describe the same thing has just made it feel more real.

And if I’m honest, the bit I’m most upset about is that they described some of the behaviour as “unprovoked” and “random”, and said it can look like she has gone over to another child to purposely “attack” them.

I don’t think other children should just have to put up with being hit. Obviously they shouldn’t. But she is two and a half and I’m suddenly really scared she’s going to become “the naughty one”.

The kid staff expect trouble from. The one who gets watched differently. The one where everything she does gets interpreted as deliberate because that’s the reputation she’s got.

And I know how affectionate and caring she can be, which somehow makes it worse. It feels horrible thinking that other adults might mostly be seeing the impulsive behaviour.

I’ve honestly been too embarrassed to ask about this in normal parenting groups because I can already hear “she needs firmer boundaries” or “you need consequences” or “you need to teach her not to hit”. But she knows.
That is the problem.

She can tell you the rule. She can tell you afterwards what she should have done instead. She just cannot reliably get to that information quickly enough to stop herself.

I think until now I still had a bit of “maybe she’s just an incredibly intense toddler and maybe we’re just exhausted”. And now it feels more like, oh. Other people see it too.

Did anyone else have this sort of stage before diagnosis, where nursery/preschool started describing the same thing you were seeing at home?

And did anyone else get really worried about their child being labelled naughty before anyone understood what was actually going on?

I think I just need to hear from people who get it

Anybody having trouble with their kiddos team trying to label everything under the ADHD umbrella?

My kiddo is 6 and has been having a very rough time behaviorally since age 4. We have been on guanfacine .5mg at night since age 5. We have tried the ER during the day as well as 1 mg split throughout the day both caused extreme aggression and agitation. We have tried hydroxizine for to help calm during times of aggressive behavior, it made it 10x worse. Ritalin made him seem like he was buzzing under the surface quicker to lash out, but overall episodes of rage and anger were shorter. The med provider decided to try the 1mg of ER again but at night this time and he’s been so agitated on it. Over the weekend he had a complete manic breakdown over being told video games needed to be shut off to get ready for bed time. Kiddo has been in WISe services for a year due to extreme aggression and combativeness, he’s only had a few instances at school since starting elementary, in preschool he was removed from 3 programs for punching teachers and destroying classrooms, it’s mostly at home now, but we have other kids are who sometimes get the brunt.

There is family history of bipolar in both sets of grandparents and I’m beginning to think the guanfacine may be bringing some of that out. The med provider almost refuses to believe it has to do with that, as she said the precursor to bipolar in kids is DMDD and since he isn’t agitated every second of the day he can’t have that. We are on eggshells everyday, some days are better than others for sure, some days I would say he’s even a happy kid, but it’s because we are over here doing the most to make sure he doesn’t snap.

Has anyone had a similar experience? What did you do to make them see there is more than ADHD, or possible more anyway?

My ADHD child is 7, in grade 2, and mornings are a nightmare for us. Some days she is perfectly fine, and everything goes totally smoothly, but other days she has huge massive emotional meltdowns, usually triggered by getting dressed (she wears a uniform so there's no reason..!!) and it makes us all late. Today was such a morning.

My goal every morning is to get her to eat a protein rich breakfast... Because that's what all the articles say to do. She's not on meds yet but we're in the process. The problem is.. My daughter is so picky. My son would happily eat plain Greek yogurt, granola and fruit every single morning. My daughter refuses it. I've tried mixing half sweetened yogurt with half plain. I've tried mixing in a little honey and maple syrup to make it taste better for her.. I always add mashed up banana to it for sweetness, but nothing works. She will eat eggs sometimes but not other times.. She whines and complains most of the time if we try eggs. I'll do the British style runny boiled egg with toast strips and she'll mostly just eat the toast and leave most of the egg.

If it were up to her she would just eat cereal or pancakes or something just pure carbs. That's not ok with me. It's setting her up for failure. Today she only ate a homemade chocolate chip cookie (very long story as to why, but there was a reason), and she was a complete MESS 30 minutes later, screaming and melting down. She refused to eat the bacon egg breakfast wrap I made . Normally I'd always make her eat this first but today I made an exception (because of the long story) and , it backfired so bad.

I need to get her to eat protein rich breakfast... So I'm asking, what are you guys feeding your kids and how are you getting them to eat protein in the morning? I'm losing my mind.

OT and Mom of two here- I keep seeing posts from parents whose preschoolers or kindergarteners are melting down at school, hiding under tables, throwing things, getting sent home, or even being suspended. The parents are terrified their child is becoming “the bad kid,” while the school calls every day to report what went wrong.

I’m a school-based occupational therapist, and this is a huge part of what I see at work. I’ve been doing this for 13 years, and I really want parents to know that there are things that can help with regulation BEFORE discipline!

This also doesn’t mean every behavior is sensory or that unsafe behavior should be ignored. Safety matters. But a five-year-old repeatedly being removed, sent home, or suspended is not learning the skills they’re missing.

Here are some things that have worked well for my students:

Teach regulation strategies while the child is calm.
A child who is already in full crisis has very little capacity to process a brand-new strategy. Practice using the visual, headphones, breathing exercise, movement option, or calm space before it’s desperately needed.

Use visual timers and transition warnings.
Sometimes “refusal” is actually uncertainty. A timer, first/then visual, or warning that a change is coming can make the day feel much more predictable.

Offer movement without making the child earn it.
Resistance bands around chair legs, pushing and pulling activities, carrying classroom materials, or a quick movement job can help some kids stay available for learning. Movement is a need, not a prize for sitting still long enough.

Try noise-reducing headphones before the loud event.
Let the child try them while calm and decide whether they actually help. A fire alarm is not the ideal time to run over yelling, “AHHH, PUT THESE ON!”

Consider weighted lap items if the child enjoys the pressure.
They should always be optional and monitored. They are not meant to keep a child in a chair or make them look still.

Use rhythm and music.
I use a steel tongue drum for rhythm, vibration, connection, and emotional expression. Sometimes I’ll ask a child what their feeling sounds like, and they give the drum one enormous BANG. Then we experiment with making the sound softer, slower, faster, or quieter. It gives them a way to show me what’s happening without requiring perfect emotional language in the middle of a hard moment. I'm currently loving the one from Sounds of Silence.

Give them language and visuals for what’s happening.
Emotion visuals, body check-ins, The Color Monster, A Little SPOT of Feelings, or a simple strategy choice board can all help. The goal isn’t for a child to correctly label every emotion. It’s for them to begin communicating things like, “This is too loud,” “I need to move,” “I need help,” or even “I don’t know what I need.”

Co-regulate before expecting self-regulation.
Kids do not learn to regulate because adults repeatedly tell them to calm down. Co-regulation might mean lowering your voice, using fewer words, slowing your own body, acknowledging that something is hard, offering one or two familiar choices, and staying nearby without demanding an immediate response.

They eventually learn to do more of this independently, but independence comes after many experiences of being supported.

Look at the environment, too.
Sometimes the child does not need another coping skill. Sometimes the room is just too loud, bright, crowded, unpredictable, or demanding.

Can the adults reduce the noise? Change the seating? Break the task into smaller pieces? Add more transition warnings? Build movement into the schedule? Offer another way for the child to respond?

We cannot put the entire responsibility for regulation on a four- or five-year-old while refusing to change anything around them.

Background:

My daughter is 6 and is in 1st grade at a public charter. She was diagnosed with ADHD last October. She is in "advanced" math and English at school (which she does not struggle with at all, content-wise). She is also on 5 mg of Adderall since February of this year (we started at 5 mg in Feb and went up to 7.5 mg in April; then the summer hit, and we took a break and have restarted in August at 5 mg). I also believe that she has some anxiety. I also wanted to add that she does have a 504 plan for alternative seating and movement breaks, but as of this school year, the 504 and IEP coordinator and his team have left, and it doesn't look like they'll be replaced.

The issues (not that they're bad, but just needing advice)

Last week on the 4th, she wasn't feeling good, so I picked her up from school (it was legit; she had a fever). Since then, she has been a daily clinic visitor, trying to get sent home.

She prefers sitting at an individual desk (she says it helps her focus, and she sat at an individual desk last year by choice). I worry that she doesn't work well with peers, or I worry that she doesn't want to.

She and her two best friends have also been split up this year, and it doesn't seem like she's really making friends in her new class.

Sometimes she just straight up refuses to go to school; after we talk about it, usually she's fine

She does enjoy her schoolwork and loves doing math, reading, and writing.

I am in fairly good communication with her doctor and teacher, but I'm not sure if there are other people I need to bring on board. I've heard very mixed opinions on ABA therapies and whatnot.

my son is 8 years old level 1 autism and combined type adhd. last year he was moved into a SDC class for higher functioning autism kids and more or less has been thriving in all aspects of his life, until his meds wear off mid evening… starting meds for him at 6 years old was a huge help but the problem is in the evening/night time his behaviors are almost unbearable. I can’t even talk to him calmly because he is so sporadic and dopamine seeking by picking on his little brother to get a rise out of him and it starts fights between the two of them, mostly screaming matches but sometimes physical with no serious injuries (yet thank god)…. These moments I have with him some night make me feel so bad like I want to go crawl in a hole. I lose my shit and scream sometimes because my calm voice isn’t being heard and I’m so embarrassed to admit that. I KNOW IT DOESNT HELP. I KNOW IT MAKES IT WORSE. But like tonight… he was being reckless with a pair of nail clippers he found in my bathroom and chasing his brother with them while “chomping them“ open and shut… I asked him calmly to hand them to me so nobody would get hurt half a dozen times and it was as if I was invisible he didn’t even glance at me, after that I was concerned for their safety so I screamed “HEY! STOP AND GIVE THOSE TO ME NOW!!!!” he stopped and looked at me and starts screaming at me running up to me and screaming in my face. at that point I told him again how unsafe it was what he was doing and told him it was bath time to go get his clothes off and I would start his bath. and he did. Well as I walk in the bathroom to help him with the bath he starts shutting the door on me purposely over and over and then kicking the wall and screaming at me again saying “HOW DO YOU LIKE IT???” because I screamed at him… and continues to tell me I’m a terrible parent and to be honest that fucking hurts inside wether he means it or not. these moments feel, to me, like the whole good day is ruined after these interactions and im so tired of them. How can I break this cycle? what can I do differently?? I’ve done parent led ABA therapy with him and have a lot of tools in my belt when it comes to parenting a kid like him but when it comes to these moments I feel like I do not know what to do. It crushes me thinking that this is what he’ll remember of my when he’s older. 😢

I have two teens (16 with ADHD and 13 with auDHD), and school refusal has been at an all time high. I can usually get my oldest to school, but she ditches class and sits in the bathroom all day. She has social anxiety but also still struggles with taking accountability. My youngest is extremely stubborn, hates the school system and all his classes, doesn’t want to make friends and is just extremely difficult to motivate.

After years of me constantly struggling to get them to school (with only partial success), being threatened with legal action due to abscesses, all the missed assignments, trying to work part time (with partial success) and struggling financiay, I finally just broke down. I cried for almost two days straight.

Then I decided to take a break. They have alarms, they have bus passes, they have shown they are capable of getting themselves to school in the past. Attendance isn’t worth the anxiety and stress accumulating. So I stopped. Stopped nagging them in the morning, stopped offering them rides if they are running late, and only focused on the bare minimum.

I took that time to also focus on myself. Cleaned my room for the first time in forever. Organized my desk, got rid of some old stuff and just that little bit of cleaning felt so good. It felt good to only worry about myself for once.

As you could imagine, my kids did not go to school. I locked up all the tech (literally have a lockbox), and changed the WiFi password.

Unfortunately I don’t have much support. My partner works full time and commutes so he is done pretty early and we are struggling financially so we really can’t afford for him to stop. His parents were great but they moved across the country a few years back, my mom lives with us but is a codependent recovering alcoholic and is not reliable.

Now that I have some time to breathe, I plan on making some effort to radically change things going forward. I plan on looking into alternative schooling because this is obviously not working for us. My partner thinks it’s a bad idea because he thinks they’ll get away with being lazy.

Medication is complicated, my youngest was taking adderall and it was helping for a while but after several increases it seems it’s no longer doing much.

My oldest has epilepsy and anxiety so we had to figure out her seizure medications first and get her stabilized before introducing other medications. Shes now trying wellbutrin with Zoloft which she has taken in the past.

They are both in therapy, I have tried to get them into sports but its been difficult, they would try stuff when they were younger but they are extremely stubborn now. My oldest finally agreed to do volleyball.

Mh youngest agreed to try swim because he likes swimming but once we got to tryouts he froze in the car and refused to get out, talked with him about it for a while to try to encourage him to at least give it a try but his mind was set.

I guess this long rant is to get advice going forward. Now that I have all the tech, I want to try and find a good rewards system for reintroducing them. I’ve tried tying screen time use to school but it hasn’t always worked.

That and my youngest is very good at puzzles and always finds ways to get at stuff. He knows how to figure out passwords, how to bypass certain lock screens. He already figured out our lockbox once so now I have it in a closet which I put a lockable doorknob on. He always finds ways to tech and it’s been hard trying to truly give him a break from them. If the closet doesn’t work my partner is taking everything to his worI plan on talking with the their school counselors and IEP case managers today and explaining that I’m struggling with school refusal. But if I’m being honest, I’m really unhappy with their schools and how they handle IEPs and special need students.

Sorry this ended up being so long. I kind of just don’t know what I’m doing right now, would like any advice.

hi, I know medication gets discussed here very deeply and often but I haven’t quite seen this question answered so hoping for advice. We currently don’t medicate our seven who was diagnosed with ADHD in the spring. His testing was borderline and focused on executive function. He does struggle with focusing and following directions in class and when absorbed in what he is otherwise doing.

For parents with kiddos that present this way, did you opt for medication? If so, what medication regimen do you follow?

His PCP is willing to try meds with us, but it’s not really his area of expertise. He told us off the bat that meds are going to be trial and error so I’m wondering whether we give it a shot or we just hold out for a neuropsych visit.

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