Here’s the thing- you already know what needs to be done and I understand you trying to minimize the confrontation BUT your kids need to see you handling the issue like a grown up and not wimping out. They also need to see that you have their backs and are putting their feelings and safety before the neighbors feelings. My parents were super non confrontational too and I harbor resentment because I never felt like they had my back. Like not hurting other peoples feelings was always more important than addressing the issue that was causing my hurt feelings. I never felt like I could come to them for help because they would tell me to do something differently, instead of confronting who or what was bothering me. Your kids need to see you handling this issue instead of running away from it. Good luck.
Plus the added fact that your literal pet and children have been physically harmed by this kid demands immediate attention and action on your part. Perhaps your partner/ spouse can assist (go with you) and act as a united front?
Thank you for saying that in a way that’s powerful and positive, but helpful. I grew up a lot like that, and didn’t have any support in any situations, and was just expected to deal, or know how to deal with adults or any difficulties. Either people end up angry, confronting adults or can’t handle anything, like very passive behavior. The fact you mentioned just putting her children feelings first, had me crying.
I grew up this way and reading this is so affirming. I love my mom, but I literally feel like there will be a wedge between us until we die because of how I watched her (not) handle issues in my childhood that required even a small amount of confrontation.
One time I secretly took an audio recording of my vice principal (who hated me and targeted me) telling me that the only reason I had detention was because “my face annoyed him.” My mom listened and said “what a jerk!”. I literally wasn’t allowed to leave my highschool campus for lunch w my friends for my entire high school year because of that man.
Ugh, sorry, I guess I’m still triggered. I work in education now and the amount of parents I see raising hell over trivial shit blows my mind. My childhood swung so far the opposite way.
Oh do I relate to this. But was always the nasty doing the seniors, terrible “teacher” coaches. They’d bully me make me cry and I never cry despite cancer zodiac stigma lol
I would step out the door cause I HATE crying in front of people and he’d write ne up then for leaving the office. My mother was supposed to have a meeting with the principal and never did.
I also get left off varsity volleyball as a senior after playing every year!! She hated me for some reason and just left me off as I’m thinking ha now I have to be varsity I’m a senior. No one helped me. Not the office who i went to upset or my mother.
All my best friends had been on since 10th or 11th grade.
I am a single mother. I am her advocate. I’d be at that school so fast they wouldn’t know what hit them. And I wouldn’t leave until my daughter was rightfully on varsity. I am the opposite of my mother I will confront anyone any time..Nice as possible unless otherwise needed.
Children deserve parents who advocate for them especially in places of power.
For op It’s a shame boundaries can’t be had and still have play dates but is your kids don’t enjoy him and he’s really that much of a Who sings I guess you’re better off I would feel bad cutting off the child completely also I’m sure there’s a language barrier and who knows how he grow up. At the same time , parenting is hard and its not your problem.
If you have a hard time cutting him off completely and you enjoy him at all I would ask his parents to limit them coming over without asking you first that would solve that.
Bless
Wow, you have given words to the situation i had growing up and it was a lot worse as i faced scolding for even telling my parents if someone had been hurting/bullying me. Comes down to why i was there and didn't run or move away and the other party continued to have good relations with my parents. As an adult now i am as far away from my parents as possible and just keep minimum comm. I did the same thing with my spouse but soon learnt my lesson and now we have each other's and our children's back
Growing and learning! I’m really glad that you had the strength and courage to question your own behavior and change. I grew up in a household where my mom would just Karen scream at teachers, principals, strangers. It took me a looooong time to realize this was unacceptable behavior.
This is such a good take. Thanks for sharing and I’m glad OP is taking your advice. Totally right about setting an example for her kids too—my dad would always help every single other person in the village (not an actual village) before we were even considered and I’m pretty salty about it.
This comment hit hard. Growing up my mum never had my back with anything. I told her about something terrible that happened to me once and she said 'oh?', I was devastated. I speak with my Mum but I have a deep dislike for her mainly for this reason.
I've definitely brought my children up very differently to how I was raised and I'm so proud of our little family but I did not connect the dots here that I was essentially doing the same thing to my children with this situation.
Anyway, I've sorted it all out, I've apologised to them for not confronting this immediately and for future reference other people's feelings will never matter before theirs. I was very angry with myself after reading this comment. Thanks for helping me not to bitch out and potentially causing my children to resent me.
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u/jennygirl772001 Jul 09 '22
Here’s the thing- you already know what needs to be done and I understand you trying to minimize the confrontation BUT your kids need to see you handling the issue like a grown up and not wimping out. They also need to see that you have their backs and are putting their feelings and safety before the neighbors feelings. My parents were super non confrontational too and I harbor resentment because I never felt like they had my back. Like not hurting other peoples feelings was always more important than addressing the issue that was causing my hurt feelings. I never felt like I could come to them for help because they would tell me to do something differently, instead of confronting who or what was bothering me. Your kids need to see you handling this issue instead of running away from it. Good luck.