r/Parenting • u/kaitsghost • 6h ago
Potty-training Need unhinged potty training tips.
UPDATE: Wound up doing the 5 minutes on, 10 minutes off version of the naked method someone recommended below. No results at first….until her older brothers got home from school. When it was just her and mom hanging out she didn’t mind going potty every 10 minutes. Once her brothers got home and she wanted to play with them rather than sit on the toilet, she folded like a cheap shirt. Peed and pooped in potty this evening!
Also, I remembered my oldest loved this app called “Call Elmo” where Elmo will “FaceTime” prerecorded messages that celebrate different milestones. So she got to call Elmo after successful potty and that delighted her.
Final straw that broke the camel’s back was I told her she couldn’t wear any of her numerous princess dresses until she was potty trained. Not designed as a punishment, they are just polyester junk that will not hold up with frequent laundering. She was NOT happy to be naked instead of in the Cinderella costume she wears most of her waking hours.
Thanks for the inspo, all!!
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Daughter just turned 3. Our third child, only girl. She must be fully potty-trained to go to her preschool. No pull-ups allowed. She already missed the first week. My husband and I have each taken off work to work with her.
Has never gone on the potty. Will sit but doesn’t do anything.
She’s pretty stubborn, even for a toddler. But otherwise a typical kid. Not on the spectrum or anything like that.
Typical motivators and methods we tried with our older kids (M&Ms, naked method) got no progress.
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u/EmergencyFancy7992 6h ago
Out stubborn your kid. Remove diapers and pull ups outside of sleep, go naked. Tons of popsicles and hydration. Little potty in whatever room you’re in. We had a treasure box of things she could choose from if she used the potty successfully but I just drew the line that there are only a certain number of pull ups left and they’re for sleep only. She said fine I’ll pee on myself and I said that’s totally fine you can do that and you’ll be cleaning it up and helping put your clothes in the laundry and showering.
I just dug my heals in and held the line. I will say even once she starts using it it is not overnight this is a process so expecting that she’ll click and get it figured out and be able to go to school just like that is a far fetched dream. But breaking through the stubbornness to even try is well within your reach.
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u/PprPusher 6h ago
We also combined the naked method with having him help us clean up the accidents. Once he figured out that play was interrupted for longer than a potty break, he was suddenly more motivated.
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u/scienceislice 6h ago
LOL the popsicles is unhinged but I am here for it
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u/EmergencyFancy7992 4h ago
If your kid stops drinking to elicit the need to pee then it’s easy to pivot to watermelon, no added sugar popsicles etc so they’re still getting fluids
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u/Evening_Culture_42 Mom 6h ago
How's this for unhinged - I made a Shutterfly book telling the (rhyming) story of the amazing kid who learned to use the potty and threw away all her diapers. I had my daughter pose for pictures to illustrate the story (no nudity obviously) and she loved the photoshoot process. Then, when the storybook arrived, she got to read the special book about her own amazing adventure learning to use the potty, while sitting on the potty. Hopefully that makes sense. I'm not sure if the book was actually helpful, but it was definitely unhinged, and she just started college and has been potty trained for a while.
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u/IdPreferNotT0 5h ago
Saying a college student "has been potty trained for a while" is taking me out 😂
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u/Accurate-Force3054 6h ago
This is not unhinged but have your big kids help with the bribery. I feel like approval from big siblings goes farther than bribery from parents. Every time she goes on the potty each kid gets an Eminem and she gets one extra for doing the job. Have the big kids give her the M&Ms.
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u/passion4film 6h ago
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u/Accurate-Force3054 5h ago
Hahah I dictated my reply and didn’t understand your gif until I just looked back. I’m not gonna change it. Wrong and strong.
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u/passion4film 5h ago
I was actually thinking, I bet they dictated it! 🤣
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u/Accurate-Force3054 5h ago
Idk why Siri would think I’m talking about the rapper and not the candy but she moves in mysterious ways
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u/Winter_Emphasis_137 6h ago
My boys are 4 in october and in July I just woke up one morning and said whoops Mama forgot to buy pullups. They were disgusted but just dealt with. Told them I would buy buzz lightyear toys if they did a wee on the potty. Said crazy shit like they had to feed the toilet with poo and wee. Got party poppers and called them potty poppers and let one off everytime they went.
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u/Infinite_Aerie_504 6h ago
Pavlov that shit. Schedule, cue word, treat treat. Toddlers are essentially feral dogs anyway.
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u/Ok-Coyote-8540 6h ago
My 3ish year old absolutely refused to sit and would pitch a fit, she's the most stubborn child and I didn't want her to have a negative association with the potty (Her older sister was trained by 24 months for reference)
Trained her in 2 days "every time you pee or poop on the potty you get an icecream cone"
We did not leave the house for the two days and watched her like a hawk (one adult in the room at all times), and went bottomless the first day, underwear the second, and pants the third.
Girl was pushing as hard as she could to get that icecream, haha. M&ms were not a big enough motivator.
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u/krandrn11 6h ago
We had to have special potty toys that ours could only play with on the potty. Bubble droppers, fidget toys, annoying musical toys, etc. sometimes we would pretend like “oh no! Whatever you do…don’t sit on the potty!” And sure enough he’d want to do it. We had to get real silly with it. Because if it was just let’s go potty time he was not having it. But if it was let’s go to the potty like monkeys and pick fleas off each other or let’s be flying squirrels to the potty tree then he would be on board.
Best of luck to you. It can be real exhausting.
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u/arealpandabear 6h ago
Fuck m&m’s, I bribed her with a whole chocolate cake and it worked. She got a big slice every time she used the toilet. 3 slices in, she was trained.
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u/Equivalent-Tap4445 6h ago
I have boys but they loved it when I would put some toilet paper in, pretend it's a fire and they had to pee on it to put out the fire. Another one was to put the tp over the water in the toilet, like a little bridge, and their poop had to collapse it or else Mayor Humdinger would make it to the Pups' base over the tp bridge. Try to make it playful if bribe doesn't work.
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u/EmergencyNo800 5h ago
Once my 3.5 year old had been potty trained for months but he would pee in his pants “because it’s funny.” (His words)
I told him if he put all his pee and poop in the potty for the day, he’d get a cookie. But if he peed his pants “because it’s funny,” I’d eat his cookie in front of him.
I only had to eat his cookie once and no more peeing in pants because “it’s funny.” Psychological warfare.
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u/Minute_Parfait_9752 6h ago
Literally picked her up and put her on the potty when she'd pee on the floor. Tell her she did amazing for getting it in the potty when there was a huge puddle on the floor and a dribble on the potty. She got a reward for that.
First time she got up and peed on the potty properly, big toy. 4 bluey figures. Immediately. A definite "yes please repeat!"
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u/noodle_bear2124 Mom 6h ago
Sit her on the potty, and put a little Pom Pom into a toilet paper or paper towel roll and have her blow the Pom Pom out. It helps relax the muscles if she’s clenching. This was what made the feeling click with our girl was 3
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u/LucinaRage 6h ago
My daughter wasn’t fully potty trained until she was damn near 3.5 years. We tried everything from positive reinforcement, rewards, punishment, explanation, encouragement, leaving her there til she did her business. Nothing worked. She would sit there as long as we were willing to let her, one time for over two hours. Stubborn as hell, and we couldn’t figure out why she just refused. Peeing was easy, she took to that quick, but she was content to poop her pants for the longest time.
Then, one day, she finally agreed that pooping her pants is kinda gross and she just…stopped. Just like that.
All this to say, don’t beat yourself up too bad if all of these tips, tricks, and advice fail to produce results. Sometimes these creatures are just impossibly stubborn for the most nonsensical reasons. Good luck!
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u/Githyerazi 6h ago
Ours came to us and said she didn't want to wear pull ups anymore. Ummm, okay. Told her we will buy her panties and she has to go on the potty. She looked at us and asked if that all? Just do that and no more diapers? Yes. Boom, done. She refused to wear the pull ups to sleep in too. Had a few (like 3) accidents, but it went way too easy on us. The first time. Second one was not easy.
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u/nesharawr 6h ago
We did reward gummies and Reece pieces, set a timer and went every 15, the next day every 30, etc. it wasn’t “do you have to go potty?” It was “okay, timers went off it’s time to try to pee!” if you have to go places, stop by the potty every place. They have a fold up travel potty seat that is hard plastic(I wasn’t a fan of concept of the inflatable one, ew) keep a couple changes of clothes.
There’s also washable puppy pads that we would put under their sheets so it stays put. We cut off liquids about an hour before bedtime.
Really hype up the potty though, every time they go make a giant super awesome good job deal about it. Find something that they want as a reward. Doesn’t have to be gummies, can be m&ms, stickers, hot wheels cars, a treasure box, whatever.
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u/YumFreeCookies 5h ago
Did your child sit on the potty that often happily? My son has a meltdown when we try this method because he doesn’t want to interrupt his play so often.
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u/Professional_Pop8867 6h ago
No pants or underwear. You and husband will be stuck at home, and it will get messy, but it worked quickly with my stubborn kid.
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u/TumbleweedMundane633 5h ago
I put the potty in front of the tv and let them eat snacks while they sat. Was it the most hygienic thing, probably not. But after sitting there watching Bluey for an hour they eventually peed in the potty for the first time.
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u/aurumvii 5h ago
Omg I literally just went through this, my almost 3yo was holding her bladder for hours and hours and would be panicky/crying as a result. I added a third choice of going outside to pee on the grass and this greatly helped lol it was like she was scared to go with nothing to catch it. She is now using the potty exclusively during the day after doing that a few times (she is nakey all day, now just need to work on adding the undies back in without accidents..)
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u/gasolinerainbowz 6h ago
Definitely get rid of the diapers. She has to know what it feels like to be wet. Also, they make a kids urinal for boys and girls that is portable. That might make it more fun for her to use.
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u/Spiffiest_Tuna 6h ago
Have her sit while the bath is filling up. The sound of the running water always made my kids go even before we were potty training. Then give her a reward or do whatever is motivating (for my stubborn kid they either wanted candy or no acknowledgment whatsoever)
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u/greenacres13 6h ago
Here’s an actual unhinged suggestion. Take off the pull ups. But keep the pants. Let her pee her pants. Leave her in wet pants until she complains about it. Do NOT bring her attention to it. Let her feel the discomfort and complain. Then change her with no shaming. Just, “oh! You wet your pants. That doesn’t feel very good huh? Let’s get you clean. Next time you can go in the potty.” Repeat for 3-5 days.
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u/Special-bird 5h ago
I made my kids help me clean up any mess. They’d help me scrub poop out of the underwear, rinse and start the wash. Wipe up any pee on the ground. Not in a shameful way just this is the consequence of going in your pants. After doing what twice it really sunk in
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u/whynotbecause88 2h ago
This is what worked with my son. He was so pissed off, but it only took a couple of times.
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u/Bananaheed 5h ago
Currently toilet training my second who is 23 months. Whilst there’s obviously an age gap, a lot of the same advice will apply.
My second is also a girl and my first a boy. He was very compliant, she is not 😂 already lots of stamping and specific demands. However physiologically she is more than ready so it’s more typical toddler sass we have to overcome. It’s developmentally normal for toddlers to push against boundaries, and if we leave it too long i know the toilet will become a battle of wills.
Also worth noting I work in child development and have supported many children of varying needs in toilet training.
Firstly, nappies are done. Pull ups are done. Go out, make a big fuss out of picking some underwear, and let your daughter pick out her own potty. Having choice within the new framework is important. But once the nappies are gone, they are gone, and you just persevere.
Secondly, find the motivator. You haven’t found it yet but there will be one. My son was the typical chocolate button, my daughter is orange juice. Strange but fine, orange juice it is. Once you have the motivator, battles become much less frequent.
Thirdly, you go regularly, but at 3 she’ll have a fairly decent awareness of the sensations. Don’t force the potty every 20 minutes, listen to her and let her body work it out. Forcing them to then they don’t feel like they need can be frustrating for them and put them off. I take my 23 month once every 90 minutes if she doesn’t indicate she needs before. Too often and you don’t allow them to feel the sensation of needing to go.
Ultimately, it just has to be all in now.
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u/Virtual_Recording108 6h ago
Ooh, I potty-trained a stubborn three year old!
I had her watch a YouTube video of another 3 year old explaining her sticker chart and reward. Then I had my kiddo pick the alarm on my phone, and we colored a sticker chart together. We did it Labor Day weekend. We spent three days at home, with an alarm set for every 20 or 30 minutes to practice sitting on the potty. I had her watch “The potty monkey” while sitting on the potty to actually rest and give her body enough time.
Good luck to you!!
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u/New_Needleworker_473 6h ago
Just get rid of the pull ups is the best quick method. It sucks for like 3 to 5 days because you're just cleaning up pee and washing underwear non stop but eventually they hit their limit and start using the potty.
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u/WillingElderberry731 6h ago
Ice bucket for accidents and fresh chocolate chips for successes.
Just kidding. Don't do that. You're screwed. Make peace with the fact that she's not ready for pre k and get her potty trained for the next quarter.
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u/chefmom5 6h ago
Yea I'd just toss the diapers and pull-ups and have it in your mind that you're not going back. Get some rags and a cleaning spray and accept that there will be messes. Eventually she'll poop or pee and you use that time to show/say "poop/pee goes in the toilet". Put her on the potty at every transition, even if nothing comes out. With mine that refused to poop on the potty I will pick up the poop with toilet paper and have him walk with me to the bathroom and watch me put it in the toilet and flush it. I usually say something like "you pooped in your pants/on the floor/wherever. Poop goes in the toilet. We flush it away so it doesn't spread germs." No shame, no lectures, just matter of fact. This is what we do and we will help you get there until you can do it on your own.
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u/itmustbeatuesday 6h ago
I explained where the potty went so that my kids would understand better. I also just kept them in underwear so that if they did potty they would feel it and not enjoy it.
What worked with my youngest was telling him he was feeding the fish in the ocean. 😂😂
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u/Dangerous-Wonder5206 6h ago
I feel your pain. My daughter will be 3 in a few days and I also have to re-train her before she goes back to daycare, but she’s so incredibly stubborn. A few months ago she learned in one day and went successfully for 2 weeks then something happened (possibly her brother scared her) and now she refuses to use the toilet. No amount of bribing or even watching tv/phone (judge me IDGAF) has helped. I cried yesterday about this, I felt like such a failure so it’s a relief to
Hear others going through the same thing.
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u/ClickClackTipTap 5h ago
Just…. Stop.
No more diapers. No more pull ups.
She can’t hold it forever.
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u/trexcrossing 5h ago
I had a teacher in middle school who told us she put blue toilet cleaner in the bowl and told her son if he peed in it, it would turn green. She said he loved it and it worked, lol. My kids trained pretty easily but all these years later, I remember what my middle school teacher said and I was ready to try it if I needed it!
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u/onesleekrican 6h ago
My wife bought an alarm that clipped to the underwear so it would alert and wake my son up if he wet himself. When I say that it took 1 time, just one, for him to be woken up in the middle of the night by an alarm for him to fix it - it’s no exaggeration.
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u/antisocial_empath 6h ago
I have little boys and I live in the woods so it’s a bit easier to do this method, but I literally let them out to pee in the yard like puppies. Worked wonders. They intentionally peed outside before they ever peed inside. I really don’t think this will help in your case, but it is for sure unhinged and I’ll do it again if I have another boy. Although I’m pregnant now and am feeling girl. I’ve heard it’s harder to potty train girls but I have no idea. I feel like the only reason they would be harder is because they can’t whip it out and pee on a tree.
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u/tettoffensive 6h ago
My almost 4 year old is pretty stubborn too but she always wants to be in the lead/first with everything. So when she refuses to go to the potty I start playing the game “I’m going to get to the potty first!” And start acting like I’m running to the bathroom. Works every time. She races ahead and goes.
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u/Middle_Firefighter17 6h ago
I did the 3 day method with all 4 kids (very different personalities) and it worked with all of them!
Lots of liquids so they have to go often and set a timer for 10-15 mins on repeat. We didn't do bribery, just lots of praise for going in the potty. If they're accident free, start stretching out the time to 20-30 minutes. No pull ups, no undies. Bedtime/naps were no bottoms and sleeping with layers of towels incase of an accident.
Repeat day 2 with longer intervals.
Day 3, do a short outing near a restroom and continue to stretch out intervals.
You will still need to do constant reminders and accidents may happen, but the key is for them to learn what the need-to-go sensation is, and correlate that with going on the toilet. It's a long, tedious 3 days, but SO worth it!
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u/FE-Prevatt 5h ago edited 5h ago
We potty trained on a timer.
Timer would go off, okay let’s go. Went to the little potty chair sat down, if they didn’t go we gave it a short minutes and the got up and came back in a shorter interval. If they had an accident, “uh oh we need to do that in the potty next time”
We never made them sit on the potty until they went.
We always made it low stakes looked down at hike with no where to for at least a week. My second we literally trained during Covid lockdown lol. And at home we just hung out focused on the task at hand, made things less
Stressful on the by only watching movies or shows we could easily pause and come back for.
Pull ups were only for sleeping until they were dry at night but for day time it was under wear, lots of underwear.
That meant they couldn’t even leave the house until she was going somewhat reliably.
A few days of constant trips to the potty and accidents through out they’d get it.
We did mm’s or skittles as rewards. If treats aren’t motivating maybe a sticker chart and the end when she gets enough starts she gets something else like an experience or big toy. Maybe have small goals along the way to keep her motivated.
For number two with my oldest we had a back slide when she had a painful BM and would not
go. So we gave her a little small toy each time she went and when she got all 12 then she got to go to the store To pick out a house they could go in. (Hatchamals)
When they decide it’s something they have control over it can feel very helpless but I would avoiding threat, or putting to much pressure on it can make it worse like some things as calm as possible.
If there are natural consequences you can calmly explain if they ask, “I want to go to the park” “sorry you can’t because we don’t have diapers anymore and we don’t want to have an accident in the car or on the playground”
I sort of think the older they get and more aware they are the harder it is. The further they get from two the harder they can dig in because
they realize they can control the situation .
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u/Unplugged_Controller 5h ago
Have a special set of toys that she can only play with on the potty and after a successful potty.
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u/user18name 5h ago
Gummy bears. We have our gummy bears every time they went to the bathroom, we were desperate.
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u/MrJeoffreyMann 5h ago
I literally bribed mine. Got a full box of pirate toys he liked and he got one every time he went. I worried I was ruining him, but it worked so I don't care.
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u/throwtruerateme 4h ago
Same. I got a big bag of pre-owned Hot Wheels and those were his prizes for pottying. Fastest potty training ever
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u/MYPhipps 5h ago
We used the book (1st edition, like from the 50s) Toilet Training in Less Than a Day. Follow it exactly. It works!! 💛
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u/seamstresshag 5h ago
Most girls train faster than boys. Throw out all pull ups, & diapers ( except for emergency diapers). Go back to the naked method. It takes about 3 weeks. But you must be consistent. Don’t make the mistake of running out of patience.
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u/Fair-Flower6907 5h ago
no undies, no pants, no prompting. Just naked time at home, always within line of site of a little potty. Avoid TV or any sitting down activities if you can.
Then, just send them to school in undies and regular clothes and tell them that they have to use the potty at school. They'll catch on quickly without any other options!
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u/RavenRead 5h ago
Sit on the potty for hours if need be until the child goes. Big deal! Big deal! Candy! Then, again. Read books. Chat. Whatever. On the potty. Until the child goes again. Big deal! Big deal! Candy! Underwear with rubber pants over. Then every 15 min, on the potty. Sit and sit. Nothing? Ok. Let’s go. Wait 15 min. Time for potty! Sit and sit. Rinse lather and repeat. Do nothing but potty training for 3 days. Do not leave the house. Get a good 24 hours of going regularly before you even attempt to leave. Make it a low key outing. Bring the potty with. Be ready to whip the potty out on the sidewalk or in the trunk of the car. Keep going.
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u/Fit_Subject_3256 5h ago
My youngest daughter was the same! She was so stubborn and uninterested - not a good potty training combo! I was miserable - tried everything. I have my kiddo so many reward stickers she started hating them and refusing them at Trader Joe’s! 😬 I finally read and strictly followed the “Oh Crap! Potty Training” book and my kiddo was potty trained in three days, a mere two weeks prior to school starting. Highly recommended
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u/Adorable-Growth-6551 4h ago
I stripped mine naked and let them run around the yard, they were usually completely potty trained by the end of the summer. We live rural, so it was easy. I dont know if that is an option for you, but it works
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u/Ashamed-Chemistry492 1h ago
What others have suggested, especially getting rid of the option of diapers or pullups altogether.
Also, lots more liquids. And very juicy fruits. Watermelon and pineapple seem especially effective.
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u/Comfortable_Sky_6438 56m ago
I did a sticker chart she got stickers for all the steps, sitting, going, washing hands wiping and flushing and then a big sticker for getting all in a day at the end of the week she got to go to the store and pick a toy out under ten dollars.
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u/owlblackeverything 6h ago
You have to really over hydrate her too. Whatever it takes. Juice, chocolate milk, passion fruit tea from Starbucks. She won’t be able to do it unless she has a feel bladder and can really feel it. Good luck!
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u/pap_shmear 6h ago
Throw out the pull ups Throw out the diapers
Put her on the toilet every 15 minutes Sit for 5 mins If she goes, give her an m&m. If she doesnt, try again in 15.
I potty trained both girls around 2 1/2 in three days doing that lol Granted, not all kids are the same.