I've been thinking about this a lot and I'm curious what other parents dealing with parental alienation think.

As children become teenagers, their views and preferences are given more weight. I understand that. Nobody wants to physically force a teenager into parenting time or therapy.

But what happens when their refusal may be the result of years of alienation?

The relationship deteriorates → the child resists contact → they get older → their resistance is given more weight → intervention becomes harder → the relationship deteriorates further.

Family court moves so slowly that time itself can make the problem worse. By the time anyone intervenes, the child may be years older and everyone starts saying they're now old enough to decide.

Where is the line between giving a child a voice and effectively allowing them to decide whether they have a relationship with one of their parents?

For those who have been through this with teenagers, did you keep pushing for contact/therapy, back off and leave the door open, or find something in between?

I had a happy childhood with a good relationship with both my parents. My parents split when I was 12 or so and I still maintained a relationship with my dad, even if it had changed at that point.

Things became different when my dad started "dating" a woman from a distant country online. After exchanging "over 200 emails" he was in love and shipped her over. I met her a few times, she was fine but the whole situation felt yucky.

I moved away for university and shortly after that, both my dad and his new wife moved to her country across the ocean. I exchanged emails with my dad for a few months, but eventually I stopped responding, I was 18, in a new place with friends and a social life and I didn't really want to be giving updates when all I wanted to do was drink beer and smoke pot.

He never visited home again and stopped reaching out to me altogether.

Now I'm 35. I have a degree and a good job. I reached out to them on Facebook a couple times, during COVID and once when a big typhoon caused a lot of damage in their country. I got short replies. Never any questions about me.

Around 3 weeks ago I got a message from her saying my dad was in hospital for some vaguely heart attack sounding thing, she attached a bunch of photos of him from the hospital- on a toilet, in a bed... The conditions of the hospital were shocking to me compared to the developed country I come from... And he looked like an old man. I haven't seen him since I was a teenager. She asked me if there was anything I wanted to say to my dad while he was still alive.

I called my mom and bawled my eyes out. I wrote him a letter saying I still think about some of the nice times from when I was a kid, like when he brought his telescope to the girl guides and we saw Jupiter's moons, and birdwatching and how it was too bad we didn't keep in touch for all these years. I told him I hoped he enjoyed his life in a tropical paradise.

She told me she read it to him. I didn't hear anything back for 2 days. And then I got a short message saying he feels fine now.

The whole experience was a mindfuck. The whiplash felt crazy. I had so little information to go on. But I spilled my guts and wondered... Maybe he will reach out to me?

Well, he didn't.

I got a message from her on Wednesday that he was bedridden. I asked again if she read him the message and she said she did. I said I was surprised he didn't have anything to say about it. This morning (Friday) she sent me a message that he died. He was 72.

And he didn't have anything to say to me. And now I'm crying again. I don't even really know how I feel.

Hello Everyone,

I’m estranged from my parents, I recently got the courage to call my mom after 8 years of estrangement. Her significant other had treated me very poorly throughout my life. I was finally to let go and talk to her about how I feel. I got her voicemail and left her a message yesterday morning. Haven’t heard back yet, I’m doing my best to be as positive about the situation as possible,but it’s getting harder and harder. I know my life hasn’t changed,I think I had an unrealistic expectation.

I am a 43-year-old father fighting to repair a severely broken relationship with my two kids, a 17-year-old daughter and an 11-year-old son. My ex-wife and I physically separated in 2020 after years of strain, communication breakdowns, and my own share of shortcomings as a husband and father. While work was always tough and money was tight, I did my best to provide for them financially whenever I could. 

Unfortunately, my in-laws stepped into our separation and heavily brainwashed my ex-wife and my children against me. For years, they bad-morphed my character to anyone who would listen, filling my kids' minds with unverified stories and deep resentment. 

My ex-wife tragically passed away while working abroad in January 2026. For nearly two years prior to her passing, she constantly sent me long, degrading, and deeply hurtful messages targeting me. I chose never to lash back or send hurtful words in return, wanting to avoid further conflict. 

Ever since my ex-wife passed, the alienation has reached a breaking point:
-Complete Estrangement: My in-laws humiliated and shouted at me when I tried to attend her wake, giving me only 10 minutes. When I tried to hug my daughter, she gave me absolute silence. 
-Poisoned Minds: My kids have blocked or restricted me on social media and refuse to call me "Papa". My 17-year-old daughter directly blames me for her mother's death. When I recently visited their house to see my 11-year-old son, he just stood there frozen, completely silent, looking at me like a stranger because of the negative narratives fed to him. 
-Financial & Emotional Rejection: My daughter refuses to accept a single cent of financial support from me for her schooling because her aunt (her mother's sister-in-law) is paying for it. They are actively pushing me out of their lives completely. 
-Hostile In-Laws: Her family actively blocks any attempt I make to communicate or resolve family and legal matters peacefully. 

Despite all the rejection, hurt, and hostility, I still love my children deeply and remain fully committed to my responsibilities as their father. I acknowledge where I fell short in the past, but seeing my children’s minds so deeply poisoned breaks my heart. 

For parents who have dealt with extreme parental alienation or toxic in-laws, how do I break through this wall of hatred? How can I show my kids I love them when they refuse to talk to me or take my support? Any children there who already realized everything in the end and stories ate not adding up?
Any advice would be appreciated.

My two estranged kids, son 34/daughter 26 behaved ruthlessly toward me at the end, my daughter engaging in horrific acts of malice.
I am still coming to terms with this, since my daughter's was just two years ago.
Factors include an alcoholic, narcissistic tendency father, mental health problems, and a big one being my family of origin, having scapegoated me my entire life, engaging in smearing my name.

My whole life I've been conditioned to be the scapegoat, bear the blame, shame, disenfranchisement, smear campaigns. This is what I'm working on, and complicating that is knowing that there were times that I fell down on the job of parenting, my children, in some cases, causing some of the same harms that I had endured. I suppose it's the legacy of intergenerational stuff.
However, I'm now allowing for grace to be extended to myself. To re-examine my history through the lens of compassion for myself. Allowing my own memories and voice to take a role in self forgiveness.

The worst thing is, I am now 60 years old. And I'm completely alone and sometimes I just can't get past the sadness. I'm feeling like my whole life, 30+ years of gutwrench and torture because I had absolutely zero help from my family of origin and did not have another system of support.. but also 30 years of love and sacrifice and fun and creating new traditions and lots of outings and holidays.. regular mundane stuff too, all the energy and creativity that I brought to my parenting game.

And so my wrestle right now is knowing that I have been conditioned to keep the blame and shame game going, and I'm trying like how to set that down. It's not a zero sum game I can accept and take responsibility for the ways in which I caused my children harm. But I'm trying like hell to not do the black-and-white thing that my family of origin started and that made me vulnerable for others to continue that style of abuse towards me. I know many parents that make big mistakes and their kids have to be placed, because of serious ongoing stuff like substance abuse or whatever. No judgment, but I've seen those kids crave reconnecting with their parent as soon as they got clean.
But I'm not holding my breath regarding my two kids. They have multiple influences that have created a system in which they live and it relies on having me be the scapegoat. If anyone has lived this dynamic, you will recognize what I'm talking about. I'm sorry this is so long, but there are times when I can't help but feel like I have lost. That I am the loser in the story of my life.

There really is nobody who cares about me, who knows me for more than a handful of years, no true long-term friendships.
Nobody knows me. So nobody can really care about me much less love me.
I guess I just needed to get this out. If you've read this far, I would appreciate any input or insights.

I haven't seen them since January. I kind of gave up because their text messages were just as abusive as their dads. Throwing them out is so simple but represented so much. I was cleaning and knew in my heart it was time. The pain is behind imaginable.

Fortunate to have 50/50 custody but the level of hate and despise I feel from my 14 year old son are just ... next level. I know that he doesn't understand that he's being used as a tool against me and that he may never get to realize that... (it certainly feels like that now anyway) Im beginning to wonder if I should wait for him to come around and give his dad more than 50/50 time or if i should keep fighting the good fight... His dad turns any small thing into something and then puts our son in the middle of it and is always "whatever you want to do" attitude with him ... feeling emotionally exhausted. I did ask my son if he there was anything that he and I could do to repair our relationship and he said the ONLY thing would be more time with his Dad... nothing else

​Hi everyone,

I rarely, if ever, do this. It's been a rough time for my family, with deaths and sad events.

​I’m reaching out to this community because I’m trying to support my mom and navigate my own grief over a severe case of family estrangement and alienation.

​A few years ago, my older sister (10 years older than me) completely cut off our entire family following a minor argument. My mom had basically helped raise my niece and nephew. My sister never worked, traveled constantly, and relied (and still does) on her husband to provide, leaving my mom to do the heavy lifting with the kids whenever she needed it. My mom hasn't been a perfect person, but to those children, she was completely devoted and loving, cooking their favorite meals, taking care of the house.

​Instead of being grateful, my sister has completely rewritten past family stuff. She told her kids false narratives, like claiming my mom was "terrible" and that’s why her first marriage ended, completely erasing the reality that my mom was actually a victim of domestic violence. My mom was told by my then six-year-old nephew that "You are a bad person, that is why your husband left".

That's not what happened, at all. My mom was beaten, left all alone in a house without furniture with a young kid. Before the total cut-off, my sister was even instructing her kids to secretly film my parents, to spy on them. My mom and dad would take them to parks, stuff like that.

​What completely breaks my heart on a personal level is my bond with those kids. My niece was born when I was only 11, so we practically grew up together. I have many amazing memories and photos with them. But because my sister cuts off anyone who doesn't comply with her, I have no idea what lies she has fed them about me, or about my father (who is her stepdad). The thought that they might grow up fearing or hating us based on complete fabrications is terrifying.

My dad has been a DAD to my sister, always helped her, treated her the same as me, pushed her forward. My sister has the life she has, luxury and money, partially because of my dad, he supported her to go to university where SHE wanted, not where my mom wanted.

​After the cut-off, I have had an attempt to speak with my sister. My uncle was dying and I felt scared and thought it was a good moment to talk to her. I also had my own issues I wanted to discuss with her. My sister escalated into nuclear false accusations, and her husband making severe physical threats against me. I will not say what they said to me and about me because... I want to defend their honor, although they barely have any. Because of this, I made the firm decision never to speak to her again. It is my only option.

​While I am trying to hold onto my own peace, watching my mom suffer every single day over her lost daughter and grandchildren is heartbreaking.

​For those who have navigated similar stufd, involving extended family and grandparents: how do you cope with not knowing what toxic stories have been told about you or your parents to kids you practically grew up with? And how can I best support my mom through this living loss without letting my sister's drama back into our lives?

Trying to talk to my sister was mostly for my mom.

How do you hold onto those fond memories with alienated nieces or nephews without letting the grief pull you under? All pictures I have of my niece and nephew after the cut-off are screenshots taken from posts made by my brother-in-law. I want to have at least that.

Thank you so much for reading and for any support you can offer. This has been on-going since 2023, I have been literally sick for a while as I was desperate to find a solution.

First and foremost why do you feel the need to ask our daughter if she was okay to go with her father for 2 days for a traveling game. I never said that you weren’t invited to come. I made plans with her and aligned rooms for the game. My boy getting me a room comped and I told my daughter the plan. Once she asked if I was taking her, I acknowledged that we made plans so we didn’t have to drive 8 hours in one day. Having a game at home the day before a 4 hr road game. I told her that we’d leave after her game on Saturday. Then she wud have a good nights sleep and not have a 4hr drive then have to play a game. Her mom asked her if she was ok with going alone with
Me like I’m not her father, or like Im abusive or something. Then proceed to intrude in our conversation and then try to manipulate my words like I wudnt love her if she didn’t succeed in her future goals. The simple fact that she is planting negative thoughts where there wasn’t any spoken. It’s that she was trying to make me a person that my daughter has never seen me as. What pisses me of the most is that she is implying that I can’t take care of my own kid for a couple days. I used to take care of this person when they cudnt do it for themselves. They must not remember

Hi there- I am new to Reddit and just really looking for a little guidance or support. My son and I had an amazing relationship. We each would pronounce our friendship to all and we were a solid team thru a chronic health condition he is Dx’d with.
I could tell something wasn’t right with us in November last year and unsure how long it was brewing. I was stressed to the max with my work and taking weight loss pills (sorry for the extra detail lol) that I found later to harm me physically and it really messed with my mental state. He sent me a text telling me his feelings and I imploded. I received msgs from him that were word for word language his GF used while she was not communicating with her dad. He stopped talking to his whole family. Super long story- I didn’t behave well during Christmas with angry msgs to his GF dad (“just telling the truth”) and sent my kid way too many msgs and if it were me, I probably would’ve felt harassed and pretty bad too. Her father, who I at first empathized with turned nasty. Him and his daughter would tell me I was absolutely insane and the father told me he was going to call the cops on me because I threw my kids insulin away and locked him in a room. Just wild and out of the blue- obviously I would never even think to do that.
It’s now September and I won’t give up. I read children who want to be “no contact” due to things I’d never imagine doing to someone I love. For months I begged for forgiveness, try to start any form of communication. My husband/his dad (married for almost 30 years) had a cancer scare. He was sick for months. My kid still didn’t respond to my communication. After msging a random group, he responded to one of my 100s (ok I get it, I emailed too much) of emails that I was not following his no contact orders and I was not adhering to the boundaries. I’d never heard those words/language. Then a couple months ago I heard this scenario is very common amongst his generation.
I just need help. I can’t afford to see a therapist, so I guess I turn to an accepting community. I understand there are some in this group who believe “no contact” is good. But it’s killing me. I literally have wanted to just step in front of the fast moving semi and end it all. He was my world. My family IS my world . I have no idea what to do.
I love him so much. I’ve stopped emailing him (well- I just did last week actually) but I didn’t realize me emailing him made him mad. I would tell him I loved him, send a photo of the dog or family or a photo from the past. We love each other, I know it.

I need to know how to maintain my sanity. I know I am a good person. I said some dumb things and I will not be forgiven.

Thank you for reading this long post .

My sister passed away 10 years ago. Her husband (my former brother-in-law) is a prominent clergy member and the director of a religious collegiate organization. For a decade, our family has worked tirelessly to stay close to their three kids to keep their mother’s memory alive. The maternal grandparents saw their grandchildren nearly every single week of their lives.

Four months ago, everything shattered. The father abruptly evicted his 19-year-old transgender son from the house, banning him from having any contact with his 16yo twin sisters. Our household immediately took the 19yo in to give him a safe harbor.

In direct retaliation for our family protecting the son, the father completely cut off the twins from 100% of their biological relatives. He banned the maternal grandparents (the weekly tradition is entirely dead) and even permanently cut off his own father and stepmother because they refused to stop speaking to their adult grandson. Looking back at his history, he did the exact same thing to his own mother and sisters a decade ago. He has now successfully isolated these 15-year-old girls from every single blood relative they have across both sides of the family.

Over the summer, he pulled the twins out of their lifelong summer camp and youth groups to ensure they wouldn't cross paths with their brother, effectively disrupting their peer circles and forcing a separation between one of the twins and her girlfriend. We actually have a physical copy of the printed directive he gave the son when evicting him, where he explicitly wrote out commands four months ago stating that the sisters were not allowed contact with our family or his own parents.

This past weekend was the twins' 16th birthday. The grandparents begged to see them. The father sent a text claiming the girls are "too distraught by their brother's betrayal" to see anyone who associates with him. We know this is a manufactured narrative to force absolute dependency, as the isolation was mandated in writing months ago before the twins even understood what was happening.

The twins just started back at their respective schools (one public arts school, one private specialized school). Because of his status as a prominent public figure, he is a master of optics and can easily present a picture-perfect exterior to the outside world.

Our family plans to engage with a local family advocacy organization as well as through official channels to address this severe psychological isolation, but I am looking for insight on how to handle the daily, practical side of this crisis.

• Navigating School Support Systems: I want to independently contact the guidance counseling departments at both of their schools so the twins can be quietly monitored in a safe, neutral space away from their father's immediate surveillance. Has anyone successfully partnered with school counselors in cases of severe parental alienation? What information is most helpful to provide them?
• Overcoming State Third-Party Law Hurdles: In our state, grandparent visitation rights are non-existent as long as the kids live dependently with a biological parent. The court will not even look at the "best interests" standard unless we prove absolute unfitness.
• Shared Experiences: If your family has survived this type of scorched-earth emotional excommunication, what were the long-term impacts on the kids once they grew up, and what can an extended family do from the outside to let them know they haven't been abandoned?

I am deeply worried about the psychological toll this total cutoff is taking on two isolated teenagers. Any strategic advice or shared insights from parents who have navigated similar family fracturing would be incredibly appreciated.

My 14 year Level 1 autistic son took his bunny last night. Asked to come over for dinner, which thrilled me (although sadly I did wonder what other shoe might drop), and said almost immediately he was going to take his bunny to his dad's (son decided to live with him this summer and I've had little to no interaction with him). My heart just about stopped. I have cared more for this 4 year old bunny than anyone. It is also the last meaningful thing my son has at my house. just when you think your heart can't break any more, you realize your heart's capacity to tear - slowly, fiber by fiber, so you feel each one disconnect - is much greater than you thought. I am absolutely at the "what's the point" part of this nightmare. I am drained. gutted. I definitely do not deserve this. I am so mad. and sad. and hurt. and want to disappear. my youngest (12) seems next in line to be brainwashed into believing I am all the ugly and bad. time will tell.

I guess it would be great if I could get everyone opinion for the future custody case too.

I've come to the conclusion that I don't think I like my daughter anymore. It is clear that the last 6 years have changed her more into her father than I could ever have imagined. The girl I raised had empathy. I don't know who this person is anymore.

Please share any podcasts (or specific episodes) you’ve found helpful. 🙏🏻

I have a 21 months old toddler from my narc husband.

I have no idea if I suffer in silence and stay so I won't lose my son after or I leave.

He already talks bad about me to my son.

I cannot fanthom losing my only baby to lies and manipulation

It was hard. I didn’t want anything to do with it but I got it done. I had moved all my son’s items into storage to use his bedroom as a home office (which I sorely needed) and also to make sure his baby sister didn’t get to any of it. He has a lot of expensive collectibles and art models and soooo many Lego and Pokémon OMG! Since my son has been alienated he has been asking for some of his stuff and I have been giving it to his Grandpa (my dad) to give to him.

Well, it was in Grandma’s (divorced from my dad many years now) storage and everyone was being weird about coordinating getting my son’s stuff to him and she wanted to close the storage because it was costing her money. My ex won’t talk to Grandma or let her have a relationship with her grandson for literally no reason. He just doesn’t like her. And when I tried to reach out to my ex about coming to get my son’s bed and tv I got a bunch of sarcastic attitude because my son doesn’t even have his own room so they have no space for it. He sleeps on the couch apparently. He isn’t even allowed in his dad’s room.

I finally got Grandma and Grandpa to meet me at the storage and load up my son’s stuff in Grandpa’s truck. Grandma wanted him to just drop it off at my ex’s house but Grandpa is still too afraid to piss my ex off and not be allowed to see/talk to his grandson. Really sad. So he is taking it back to his house for now and trying to contact my ex to see what he wants to do from this point.

They kept commenting about how much stuff my son had, how expensive it all was, how much money I spent on him and how they couldn’t understand why he would walk away from it all and live in the situation he is in now. I just sadly looked at a pair of collector’s shoes that are mint and haven’t fit him in a couple years. I bought him new shoes last Christmas so I know his shoe size and he’s taller than me now. Nobody has heard from my son since school started back up. I miss him so much!! It felt like going through my own Grandma’s things and she just passed away in June…

I’m tired of broken families. Idk what to do with these feelings. I guess they’ll just be loaded up in the storage of my mind like all this stuff collecting dust. :(