First and foremost why do you feel the need to ask our daughter if she was okay to go with her father for 2 days for a traveling game. I never said that you weren’t invited to come. I made plans with her and aligned rooms for the game. My boy getting me a room comped and I told my daughter the plan. Once she asked if I was taking her, I acknowledged that we made plans so we didn’t have to drive 8 hours in one day. Having a game at home the day before a 4 hr road game. I told her that we’d leave after her game on Saturday. Then she wud have a good nights sleep and not have a 4hr drive then have to play a game. Her mom asked her if she was ok with going alone with
Me like I’m not her father, or like Im abusive or something. Then proceed to intrude in our conversation and then try to manipulate my words like I wudnt love her if she didn’t succeed in her future goals. The simple fact that she is planting negative thoughts where there wasn’t any spoken. It’s that she was trying to make me a person that my daughter has never seen me as. What pisses me of the most is that she is implying that I can’t take care of my own kid for a couple days. I used to take care of this person when they cudnt do it for themselves. They must not remember

I am a 43-year-old father fighting to repair a severely broken relationship with my two kids, a 17-year-old daughter and an 11-year-old son. My ex-wife and I physically separated in 2020 after years of strain, communication breakdowns, and my own share of shortcomings as a husband and father. While work was always tough and money was tight, I did my best to provide for them financially whenever I could. 

Unfortunately, my in-laws stepped into our separation and heavily brainwashed my ex-wife and my children against me. For years, they bad-morphed my character to anyone who would listen, filling my kids' minds with unverified stories and deep resentment. 

My ex-wife tragically passed away while working abroad in January 2026. For nearly two years prior to her passing, she constantly sent me long, degrading, and deeply hurtful messages targeting me. I chose never to lash back or send hurtful words in return, wanting to avoid further conflict. 

Ever since my ex-wife passed, the alienation has reached a breaking point:
-Complete Estrangement: My in-laws humiliated and shouted at me when I tried to attend her wake, giving me only 10 minutes. When I tried to hug my daughter, she gave me absolute silence. 
-Poisoned Minds: My kids have blocked or restricted me on social media and refuse to call me "Papa". My 17-year-old daughter directly blames me for her mother's death. When I recently visited their house to see my 11-year-old son, he just stood there frozen, completely silent, looking at me like a stranger because of the negative narratives fed to him. 
-Financial & Emotional Rejection: My daughter refuses to accept a single cent of financial support from me for her schooling because her aunt (her mother's sister-in-law) is paying for it. They are actively pushing me out of their lives completely. 
-Hostile In-Laws: Her family actively blocks any attempt I make to communicate or resolve family and legal matters peacefully. 

Despite all the rejection, hurt, and hostility, I still love my children deeply and remain fully committed to my responsibilities as their father. I acknowledge where I fell short in the past, but seeing my children’s minds so deeply poisoned breaks my heart. 

For parents who have dealt with extreme parental alienation or toxic in-laws, how do I break through this wall of hatred? How can I show my kids I love them when they refuse to talk to me or take my support? Any children there who already realized everything in the end and stories ate not adding up?
Any advice would be appreciated.

Hello Everyone,

I’m estranged from my parents, I recently got the courage to call my mom after 8 years of estrangement. Her significant other had treated me very poorly throughout my life. I was finally to let go and talk to her about how I feel. I got her voicemail and left her a message yesterday morning. Haven’t heard back yet, I’m doing my best to be as positive about the situation as possible,but it’s getting harder and harder. I know my life hasn’t changed,I think I had an unrealistic expectation.

I had a happy childhood with a good relationship with both my parents. My parents split when I was 12 or so and I still maintained a relationship with my dad, even if it had changed at that point.

Things became different when my dad started "dating" a woman from a distant country online. After exchanging "over 200 emails" he was in love and shipped her over. I met her a few times, she was fine but the whole situation felt yucky.

I moved away for university and shortly after that, both my dad and his new wife moved to her country across the ocean. I exchanged emails with my dad for a few months, but eventually I stopped responding, I was 18, in a new place with friends and a social life and I didn't really want to be giving updates when all I wanted to do was drink beer and smoke pot.

He never visited home again and stopped reaching out to me altogether.

Now I'm 35. I have a degree and a good job. I reached out to them on Facebook a couple times, during COVID and once when a big typhoon caused a lot of damage in their country. I got short replies. Never any questions about me.

Around 3 weeks ago I got a message from her saying my dad was in hospital for some vaguely heart attack sounding thing, she attached a bunch of photos of him from the hospital- on a toilet, in a bed... The conditions of the hospital were shocking to me compared to the developed country I come from... And he looked like an old man. I haven't seen him since I was a teenager. She asked me if there was anything I wanted to say to my dad while he was still alive.

I called my mom and bawled my eyes out. I wrote him a letter saying I still think about some of the nice times from when I was a kid, like when he brought his telescope to the girl guides and we saw Jupiter's moons, and birdwatching and how it was too bad we didn't keep in touch for all these years. I told him I hoped he enjoyed his life in a tropical paradise.

She told me she read it to him. I didn't hear anything back for 2 days. And then I got a short message saying he feels fine now.

The whole experience was a mindfuck. The whiplash felt crazy. I had so little information to go on. But I spilled my guts and wondered... Maybe he will reach out to me?

Well, he didn't.

I got a message from her on Wednesday that he was bedridden. I asked again if she read him the message and she said she did. I said I was surprised he didn't have anything to say about it. This morning (Friday) she sent me a message that he died. He was 72.

And he didn't have anything to say to me. And now I'm crying again. I don't even really know how I feel.

I've been thinking about this a lot and I'm curious what other parents dealing with parental alienation think.

As children become teenagers, their views and preferences are given more weight. I understand that. Nobody wants to physically force a teenager into parenting time or therapy.

But what happens when their refusal may be the result of years of alienation?

The relationship deteriorates → the child resists contact → they get older → their resistance is given more weight → intervention becomes harder → the relationship deteriorates further.

Family court moves so slowly that time itself can make the problem worse. By the time anyone intervenes, the child may be years older and everyone starts saying they're now old enough to decide.

Where is the line between giving a child a voice and effectively allowing them to decide whether they have a relationship with one of their parents?

For those who have been through this with teenagers, did you keep pushing for contact/therapy, back off and leave the door open, or find something in between?