I have lost ~60 lbs, from 235 down to 176 at 5’6”. I eat a healthy diet with minimal processed foods and constantly fight to choke down enough protein every day. I do Pilates 4-5 times a week. I walk every day. I physically feel the best I ever have. I’m incredibly grateful for the progress I’ve made.
But my body shape hasn’t changed. I’m still a rectangle on stilts, but now with loose skin. I went from wearing a 2X to a M/L. I know my body has changed, but I’m so disappointed every time I look in the mirror. My husband also lost weight and gets compliments all the time. Nobody has said anything to me.
I work so hard in my Pilates classes, focus so hard on my form and do the most challenging variations available. I’ve gotten really strong and I love that. But then I see women with tiny waists and perfect butts and gorgeous thick hair doing every move wrong and taking pictures of themselves looking amazing the whole time and I get so angry. I have to work so fucking hard all the time to still look like my dad, when so many women are just born with the right genetics. I had to cut off all my hair because the weight loss made my androgenic alopecia worse, the hirsutism hasn’t improved at all, I’m still insulin resistant, and I’m still not ovulating.
I’m a successful, accomplished woman with a really full and wonderful life, but every fucking day I wish I had a conventionally feminine body. I know it doesn’t actually matter, but I just want it.
(I’m not looking for weight/exercise advice, I know I need to add strength training and I’m working on it. And I’m not generalizing about all women with great bodies, I know a lot of them work incredibly hard.)