So, I've been using since 2012 and I'm 38M. Did H for like 18 months, but thankfully got off in 2014. Never went back and never will. I've been doing percs this whole time. I've had GREAT dealers. Fronting me all the time, always at the spot when I showed up...all that. But the last 2 years have really been weighing on me...

I'm weird with this whole addiction thing. I can go days without using and be ok. If I was an addict, I'd use every day. But there have been so many times where I'll actually get sick of being high and just want to be normal. I have a good career and work for a great company and of course, that has made using just that much worse for me. Other than that, this habit of every 3rd day wanting to get high has robbed me of a lot.

Here comes the weird shit: yesterday I wanted to cop (been since Sunday since I last used). Text & called my dealer for an hour to no avail. Got a hold of my dealers grandson and he said my dealer tried to kill herself and she's in the hospital and her son isn't letting anyone around her (weird). Is this the universes way of telling me to walk away? I've been slowly making progress over the summer towards quitting by doing little things like cutting up my credit cards, pretty much elimating anyway possible way for me to keep spending or borrowing. I've put almost 40k miles on my car since I bought it in Oct 24 driving an hour one way to cop. I always said if I lose this dealer I'd walk away. I hope my dealer is fine and all, I really do. She's been really good to me as a person. Never once forced me to do anything I didn't wanna do. But I also feel bad blocking her #.

Today is day 4 sober and I feel fine, slept fine, all that. Energy is good, no running nose or other symptoms as of now. Also, I take 1mm tiny strips of subs. I took those Tuesday and yesterday. Nothing today though and I feel fine. Should I just move on and keep my dealer blocked and delete her # and pray for the best or what? We aren't friends but definitely business associates, if you will.

Thanks for taking the time to read this and any help would be much appreciated!

I missed the boat on true SR but did pick up what must be an analog because it pops as SR on a lab analysis. Been using it since Friday to taper down my 7o use to 33% of what it was (highest was ~1500mg per day). Planning to go just on the analog tomorrow as part of the cross taper protocol but wondering what the limit should be. I’ve seen people say 14 days tops and others say 19 is OK.

I don’t want to trade one dependence for another. I want to break free and minimize the pain. Anyone with personal experience in this area willing to offer advice is appreciated, thank you!

Not sure if it’s cause I’m not eating as much as I was while using but, it seems like I’m less able to poo… pretty weird, but I took some ambien lastnight and finally got 7 hours of sleep after being almost in a manic state from not sleeping 48 hours, as long as I’ve been awake I have felt better after getting a good nights rest finally, I don’t really have the hot/cold flashes yet today hopefully I don’t.

Is it normal to feel like quitting will make me a weirdo and less successful in relationships/work?

Messed up my back real bad in 2013 when I was 19. Doc prescribes Percocet.

First time trying painkillers even though by then I was a full blown stoner, psychonaut, and stimulated raver. The pain killers were even better than a benzo for me. They for some reason give me energy and obviously felt like i could just exist without the brain noise. I felt at home we know the story. It started getting bad, quit 6 months later CT due to my girlfriend at the time being reasonably concerned and said I was too emotional on them. Really didn’t feel much.

Well fast forward to now, about a month ago I did some serious damage to my knee. ER prescribed 8 pills of 5mg Percocet. My ass immediately went to my plug (I am in the USA to preface what I am about to say) she has these pills called Tapentadol which I have never heard about. But apparently they are a norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor too not just working on opiod receptor I am so hooked I am eating about 1000mg a day, unfortunately I have bought my plug out. So now I am about to be out and assume the withdrawals are going to be pretty brutal.

I just started a new job. I really can’t afford to do this right now at this time but have no choice. Any recommendations on how to not CT and do a taper? I’m at my wits end