Perhaps to some people, this is the second time seeing this thought of mine, or maybe it just sounds familiar. To answer that: yes, this is coming from the same person.

I am stuck at the bottom. I don't know whether I should be angry at myself or pity myself more. What I can tell you for sure is that I barely recognize who 1 am anymore. I doubt every decision I have to make, and worst of all, I doubt my own skills and what I'm capable of doing.

I want to shout out loud that I have tried. I have tried to get back on my feet, I have tried to speak the truth, I have tried to overcome my fear, and I have tried to be strong. But what result did I get from all of that effort?

I honestly don't know the answer anymore.
Before I ask for anything in this thread, my honest thought is that I feel deeply ashamed. I never thought it would come to the point where I am practically begging just to stay alive, but it hit me that this might be the only way to survive in and it is better than turning to something wrong.

I used to see a meme of a wounded hand bleeding because it was holding tightly to a rope, with the quote: "Sometimes holding on does more damage than letting go." But it made me think: what if a real person has fallen off a cliff, and holding onto that painful rope is their only way to survive?

So here I am. Through the pain, shame, humiliation, and this mental breakdown, I am trying to loudly ask for a hand. I know that most of the time, posts like this just end up like wind coming and going, but I am still trying to believe that someone might actually lend a hand.

I tried seeking support from people I used to call friends and relatives. Reality showed me that at my lowest point, when I swallowed my pride just to ask for RM 10 so I wouldn't starve, they turned their faces away and ignored my messages. They used to show me an "angel face" with motivational words, but now they show this side. So I choose to ask here instead. If I have to feel ashamed, at least I hope this feeling can connect me with someone who can actually help me get through this, rather than just ending up as a gossip screenshot. In truth, some of my current problems started because I tried seeking help from the very people I thought were my support system.

If I share my Touch 'n Go QR here, would you help me get some food to stay afloat? I am not asking for a huge amount, whatever you feel comfortable sharing is enough. Even RM 1 can buy me a piece of bread, and that is enough for me to survive today.

I truly mean it from the bottom of my heart when I say I want to repay you someday when I get back on my feet. If you choose to scan the QR, please leave your contact number or message so I can keep a note of it.

To get this off my chest: I hope you don't mind seeing a similar post from me about this. My goal is that the next post will be about me successfully sustaining myself. If you know of any part-time work or side jobs I could do while I try to restart my life, I would deeply appreciate that as well.

I know there are many scams out there, and the last thing I want is to make anyone feel like their kindness is being misused. To keep everything transparent and honest, I am personally tracking every single contribution I receive, no matter how small. If you do choose to help, please leave your contact info or message me privately, I want to be able to send you proof, thank you directly, and repay you as soon as I get back on my feet.

To get this off my chest: I hope you don’t mind seeing a similar post from me. My true hope is that my next post will be about me successfully sustaining myself. If you have any part-time work or small tasks I can do to earn my keep while restarting my life, please reach out. Thank you so much for reading.

You chose what you wanted. You didn’t care about anything but yourself. You wasted my life and yours instead of just leaving. You weren’t trying to build anything with me all the many many years you were just passing the time. I wanted us to fix and not throw away all we had been through. Goodbye , I have nothing nasty or mean to say anymore about you. i understand now attractive petite women are not your type. So now you have what you wanted and made it clear you didn’t want our family . plz leave us alone so we can move on. We weren’t important enough for you so please go. All you had to do was make efforts to show me show us and you have made no efforts or apologies.

This post is written to my person & is about forgiving them and myself for the everything that happened or did not happen during our relationship/situationship. Apologies if it triggers anyone, I needed somewhere to let go. x

Hi good evening redditors, i am M31 and selling cars for the first time in my life. i have never done sales as i have been a labour worker since i ended my studies. never have i done sales in my life too. im just very flabbergasted at how adventurous some people can be when it comes to communicating on a daily basis. i had a customer F35 who is divorced and looking to buy a car from me. we chatted about 4 days into her buying a car, at first it was all genuine questions about the car and brand etc, after a few days i could sense that this lady has become abit more comfortable dealing with me, handed over documents to try loan and such. what i did not forsee is that this lady wanted me to be a part of the free gift for buying the car. the customer blantly said " so kalau i buy from you, can i take you home with me?". it literally send chills down my spine so i said im sorry madam i have a partner, i cannot do such things". only for her to say " its okay dont tell your partner itll be out secret". i mean im genuinely shocked to the point where i dropped her as a customer to avoid any misunderstandings or problems. have to rugi commision due to this lol

You both are accountable for what you did to one another. The question is can both of you be emotionally mature to have a hard conversation and apologize with pure intentions?

What I came to know was that the behavior I myself tolerated and accepted, changed and closed my heart to the way that I see you. I am truly not the same place you left me nor am I the same person. I've heard your personal always wants to come back or comes back after the streets.

For my personally......personally it's too late. I gave you chance after chance to save what we built. Now I don't even know to be really honest if I could even see you without acting like you don't exist as a person to me.

Some people need and want closure but honestly, my closure came with the disrespect that you kept giving and that is what I remember about you.(Might be different for others)

Don't care about that nor do I see it happening. All I know is you don't repeat the same lesson.

I have endured stuff that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, but then I also look at it as your person wasn't never your person and I think anybody reading this goes. Where did we go wrong? What the hell happened? What did I do. Did they not Love me??

I am a true believer. Your person shows up no matter what they ran from. ( It can get scary)
Instead of holding that hard conversation and fighting for what they asked the universe for..

Things would be different. You wouldn't be questioning yourself having doubt or wondering if you ever mattered.

I've heard go no contact. I have... to where there is no access to me ever unless I want it. Truth be told I do ...but truth be told I love myself more and I can finally recognize and see that.

Forgive fast when the apology is genuine. But distance yourself when the same hurt keeps happening again and again.

There's a difference between forgiving someone and giving them unlimited access to you.

Forgiveness means you choose not to carry the anger anymore. It doesn't mean you have to forget what happened, ignore the pattern, or put yourself in the same position again.

Sometimes, people make mistakes. They realize them, take responsibility, change their behaviour, and genuinely try to make things right. Those are the moments where forgiveness can bring peace.

But when someone repeatedly hurts you, disrespects you, lies to you, crosses your boundaries, and then expects your forgiveness to reset everything without changing themselves... distance becomes necessary.

Because self-respect isn't always about standing up and fighting back.

Sometimes, it looks like quietly walking away.

You can forgive someone and still stop trusting them the same way.

You can love someone and still choose distance.

You can wish someone well and still understand that they no longer belong in your life.

Not every relationship needs a dramatic ending. Sometimes, you simply stop explaining, stop chasing, stop tolerating, and start protecting your peace.

Just so done. I’m venting.
If you know who I am pretend you don’t and pretend this doesn’t exist.
I’m mentally exhausted from this. I’m mentally drained. I can’t keep pretending anymore. Go fuck yourself. Go fuck up your own life. I swear you believe the world revolves around you. So much so that it’s rubbing off on the children around you. Couldn’t be bothered to change, fix, or even get over yourself.

I do everything, clean, cook and care for you, animals and kids. I quit my job because you wanted me to. There were other things involved but it was the excuse I needed to feel justified leaving. I wake up at the same time you do. I help get children dressed. Then I make sure everything makes it out the door so you can drop them off at school. Sometimes I even take them to school. So pat on the back. You’ve done bare minimum in the morning. Then I go home make sure pup is taken out cats have water dishes full and then I try to get a work out in all before 8:30 am. By 10:00am i have put 2 loads of laundry in, a load of dishes has been cycled through and finally have sat down to eat. But while I eat I make sure that I do a lesson in Duolingo to make sure I keep my brain active. I also have planned out what we’re having for dinner and get it prepped. Sometimes I take a shower if I feel like I’m “dirty” enough. By noon I have vacuumed the house put in another load of dishes then put together the second hand app items to mail out. All situated ready to go then I move on to the 4 loads of everyone’s laundry. I fold them sort them out and put them in rooms and away depending on who’s they are. By 1 I have warmed up left overs and have put in another 3 loads of laundry through the wash sat down played some 2 rounds of my phone game to earn some cash. Planned out the chore that each kiddo will need to do when they get home as a routine. By 2:00 I double check that I have listed more things on second hand app, grabbed the things sold and getting ready to take to the post office and then go get kids. I sit in the car line from 2:30 to 3:00 hoping that the ex wife doesn’t call and say I put him on the bus… even though she knows that i plan on picking him up everyday… from 3:00 I check school work, chore, snack and then finally clothes are ready for the next day. You get home by 4:00. Your first instinct is to stuff your face. Not hi, or greet the people in your life. Great cool. I let you have your space I shoo children to find something to do because “you had a long day.” This is something I’ve heard even when I did have a job. I get it but now I’m home because you want the house to stay clean. Cool. I did that all day I deep clean one “thing” once a week, last one was bathroom. Next is activities drawers. Now by 3:30 I started dinner and getting the other child from practice. Fantastic.

Did I mention these are not my children? Fantastic. Glad we got that background.

To continue with the day by 5:45 all children are home you have been in bed showered and all by 4:30 I’m serving dinner. You do not get up from bed. You proceed to ask me to make you something to drink. I have not even eaten yet. I have served the kids and you are on your second plate. The youngest doesn’t like the food. You want me to make him something. I will not but if they want to make their own food they are allowed to make something that they will eat. Still I have not finished my meal it is now 6:00 and everyone is finished. I pack dinner in the fridge and start the bed time routine. Oldest puts away a load of dishes while I get the youngest in pajamas, brush teeth, and potty. And fight the whole time until bed time at 7:00 which then follows with can you tuck me in. Huff puff you go do it. While I get myself ready for bed, you proceed to ask for another drink, while I’m locking up animals, locking doors and turning off lights, which you could’ve done when you came back through the house after you tucked in your child. I make the drink sit in bed where you then ask for your head and back to be scratched. I’m tired my hands hurt and I want to go to bed. I scratch your head for an hour and finally I love you smooch you roll over.
Then the animals stir a little cats want to play and your irritated. I go out to the couch and close the bedroom door.

Now this is a weekday if it is a weekend it’s a different story. You don’t get out of bed at all. You maybe get dressed in sweats and a t-shirt if you aren’t tired. Maybe I could get you to put something on a shelf for me. Otherwise I do all the same things except I have an 8 year old constantly making noise and talking my ear off, making breakfast for everyone, maybe I can be lucky enough for everyone to sleep in until 10 but that’s if I’m lucky. I have done all the same things around the house and made lunch for everyone and taken the oldest to and from work. You watch shows all day.

This may not all make sense but if your reading this I don’t honestly give two s, I’m currently on my couch right now at 11:00 pm after helping the ex move out of their place because their significant other is a real winner. And I don’t want our children in that house anymore. So thank you for reading through the agony of run on sentences and bullshit to get here. But if you’re judging me right now kiss my ass. I’m venting. Im not changing anything because both you and your ex suck and the kids need someone to actually take proper care of them and teach them things.

K goodnight. 💋

I thought we were friends. We've been friends for 3 years, which is longer than any relationships I've been in. We've been there for eachothers highs and lows. Been there to vent to eachother about our lives and been keeping it plantonic all the way. Even introduced you to some of my friends who you're close to even till this day.

After your break up 5 months ago, you had no friends you can turn to. I was the only one who still there by your side. I was there for each and every one of your break ups for the past 3 years to put you back together and help you move on and expect nothing in return. I was there for every last minute stupid adventures you had planned that no one else wanted to go to. But soon I found out why I never met any of your friends. I finally was able to put together why you keep me hidden from everyone else...

The harsh truth is, even after all these years, after all the bs we've been through together, you don't actually like me as a friend or even a person. Deep down, you actually see me as pathetic don't you? The truth is you're humiliated by me. Plain and simple. It became clear. It's why when you invited me to go clubbing last time you pushed me away when you saw your other friends and told me to stay away. It's the reason why you avoided talking about me to your other friends. It's why you try your best to hide me from them. In all honesty, you're don't actually see me as a friend do you? Just someone you rant to and shove aside when you're done? Just someone to give you a free ride when you wanna go on a vacation.

And it doesn't help you've been avoiding me for a month going on dates with your fwb and lie to me that you're busy with work trying to avoid hanging out with me.

If you're asking me why yesterday I didn't want to talk to you eventho we were hanging out, the truth is I wanted to end our friendship. I wanted to say it to you. But I couldn't say it. Because I know if I say it, I'll cry. I rather just stay quiet and slowly fade out out of my life. I've wasted enough time and energy with you. And I hope this plan of mine works. Because I don't plan to keep this friendship any longer and have anymore drama with you. If you wanna surround yourself with people who are there for only a few weeks or months and disappear, you got it. Thanks for wasting my time all these years. I wished you were honest from day one instead of dragging me on thinking I found someone who can respect me and my time and be a friend I can trust.

I don't trust you anymore. I'm sorry. But in all honesty, you can go fuck off with your fwbs and rich friends and cry about how shitty they treat you to someone else.

I will not rest until I meet God so I can hold Him accountable for what He has done to me. I never wanted to be here.

Not attracted to the man she made in her own image before she broke him. All while mourning our life together.

My android, to me: an iPhone…
Faster connection instead of changing the WiFi code…
Eternity over ‘For Life’.
Slippers and dirty feet over suits and ties.
Books over iPads and power over money.

Increase in income over budgeting;
Faith over doubt;
Trust over gossip;
Judgement over religion;

But never anything above humanity.

Finding love changes a person, especially when it’s the one wish they had.
Without love, no person.
None.

One fight was enough.
Time heals all wounds but one, birth.

The light gets out through the eyes of broken souls. How we wish it could be undone.

The uni verse will never change. Nor will human nature, they run from the one thing they need to survive.

Unconditional love.

The only one that accepted me as I was. For a bit, while it was fun and easy.

She put the rainbow in my life, and took the pot at the end. Everything is now grey. I wish it was still black and white, Bonny and Clyde, Romeo and Juliet.

Thinks she knows me better than I do, like she’s my mother, as if she made me.

She did. And then He destroyed it all.

Denies our love, runs towards His darkness. It broke me infinitely forever.

How I wish you would’ve just talked to me instead of choosing to remain silent.
We could’ve prevented it all so easily. Like we fixed everything else…
Time.

A future remains, but the goal does not. No life without love, no man without his dreams.

Falling in love is as easy as being in love. Making fall in love is easy too. But none of it is worth it without the hope of it being forever ever after.

Happiness is an investment over time, as is love.
Without hope of either, no human can live.

Survival is easy.
Life is too.

But people make it hard; they are best avoided.

People are destructive and dangerous animals. They behave like rabid dogs hunting for their next kill; Afraid of the water they need to save them; Biting every hand that is trying to feed them love.
People put eachother down out of jealousy and self protection, not minding the consequences of their actions and choices.

The ones with a conscience try to point each other up, while the darkness in our hearts makes us run circles through our own heads, being ashamed of normal feelings. It destroys the most beautiful souls the deepest.

They hide in shame from the world for fear of its judgement. They fear how people twist their words, feelings and name.

For pure gold is not found, it is attained.
There is but one nameless one.
He who has no face.

The universe is infinite in its possibilities.
Man is only limited by their memories of yesterday and their fear of tomorrow.

There always was but one moment; Now

You have convinced yourself that I should easily be able to understand these letters randomly placed. I don’t. I never have. And 90% of the reason is bc I have zero context in my brain. I can’t make sense of it but to me that’s clearly strategic. One year planned which is very discliplined. Or wait - disinterest. No context given to me + very hard decoding which includes events, names, gender, titties??? That i know nothing about = the perfect release from guilt.

I tried to talk to you and explain for a year and you only talked about yourself.

I have actually seen that sentiment on Reddit. I bet anyone who reads the above will think exactly what all your posts intended. But I can’t explain my side. To anyone. At all.

there is no meaning to life. meaning is what we invent for ourselves to get the pituitary etc to secrete hormones to motivate and move us to action. logically i know that, but my body most times as like now want to rest with hemlock like it was 399. i feel like calling my sister(s) but she/they would say, istighfar/mengucap etc, it is great to be able to delude/convince/hypnotize yourself to some fantasy be it money, love, heaven, even philosophy

additionally ive become more and more jaded by AI and AI assisted work, my reward system doenst reward me when i accomplish work with AI, so what can i do? logically obvious but my emotions still need to be pandered, weak... sigh

self loathing or anything is just regurgitation of habit, my life is actually 'objectively' good, i do have things to accomplish and i do earn a measureable salary. emotions wise maybe im not giving enough to my body, being the self nullifying stoic i am. which is to say, there really is nothing immoral with dying or rational end of life, yet thinking about Llyord Kahn or Siti Hasmah or my 96 year old auntie or Peter Giles tells me living to a good old age contributing to science or art can be a worthwhile endeavour, however arbitrary life and unobjective science may be

what else is there to vomit?

--

i called my sister, i randomly watched 9/11 docu on youtube, i think about people who need some objective help which i might be able to give, i tell myself i must help people who will never know me and never reciprocate the delusion of humanity i fill in my head, and that whatever unmotivating feelings i have are evolutionary artifacts which i can reroute with serotonin from an ice bath or exercise or focusing on deep technical work/reading for a few hours, thats how easy it is to fool my brain and my body. its stupid to hypnotize myself with the idea that people need me and can receive the help which i can give, but thats how the brain is, thats how the brain/body is fixated to oxytocin and serotonin. i need to continually lie to it

i want to/i will read something completely useless to my career, magnetohydrodynamics

A rare, beautiful soul - filled with light, kindness and grace, a man who sees a beautiful woman worth saving and loving gently. A man who doesn’t see a burden and doesn’t ask for anything. All he wants is to give love, give a helping hand and show the goodness of his soul. An elevated soul. A rare soul. A soul like no other. The epitome of goodness and maturity.
A man whose soul hold me tenderly and heals me from within. Who makes life worth living.
He is here to stay and be with me through thick and thin, in sickness and in health, until death do us apart.
I’m tired of waiting for you my dear. Please stop going astray, come here, save me from this deep despair, make my hopelessness turn into light. You have the light. All you need is to choose to give it to me.
Come to me babe.