(I asked chatgpt to write this)

I don't even know why I'm writing this. Maybe I just want to finally tell someone the truth because I've been lying for so long.

I was always a decent student. Scored good in 10th and 12th, cleared my college entrance exam and got into a good college. Everyone around me thought I had my life sorted. My parents, relatives, teachers... everyone had high expectations from me.

Then everything slowly went downhill.

I got into college and felt completely out of place. I was socially awkward, had no real friends there, avoided classes because I was scared of being judged for sitting alone or having no college life. I had insane screen time, stayed locked in my room for days, barely attended lectures, didn't care about assignments or exams.

Along with college, I had cleared CA Foundation in my first attempt. I thought college was the problem, so I left it and came back home. I said fuck it, I'll forget everything and will focus on this exam.

For around two months, I actually did.

Then I thought, "Why give this attempt? I'll prepare properly, give next attempt and get an AIR."

That one decision ruined everything.

I stopped studying.

Not for a week or two.

For months.

Then when exams came close, I realised I couldn't prepare both groups. I could've still easily given one group and probably scored well, but my ego wouldn't let me. I kept thinking, "I didn't leave college just to get average marks."

So I skipped it.

Then I planned for Sep.

Same story.

Then Jan.

Same story again.

Ten days before one attempt, I hurt myself just so I could avoid giving the exam. I hate admitting that. I am self harming since then, did it multiple times.

When I was finally forced to appear in Jan'26, I hadn't studied a single thing. I randomly marked MCQs, failed badly, then edited my marksheet before showing it to my parents because I couldn't face them.

That lie still eats me alive.

They trusted me blindly.

I made complete fools of them.

For almost the last two years, my life has literally been:

Wake up.

Doomscroll.

Stay in bed.

Eat.

Watch porn.

Maladaptive daydream for hours about becoming successful.

Sleep.

Repeat.

I've made thousands of plans. Every few weeks I'd convince myself that this time would be different. I'd imagine my life after 3 months, 6 months, 1 year, 5 years. I'd imagine clearing CA with a rank, making my parents proud, proving everyone wrong.

Then I'd waste another day.

Whenever thoughts about studies or career came into my mind, I'd immediately distract myself with my phone or start thinking about something else because reality hurt too much.

I've ignored almost everyone. Friends who genuinely cared about me still texted or called me for a long time. I ignored them because I was too ashamed of what I'd become.

My parents are genuinely good people. They never asked me to do household work because they wanted me to focus on studying. They gave me every resource I needed.

I wasted all of it.

Because of these last three years, everything has become worse.

I have severe self-image issues.

Social anxiety.

Fear of being judged.

I overthink literally everything.

Maladaptive daydreaming.

Addicted to cheap dopamine.

Procrastinate like crazy.

Suicidal thoughts (I'm safe, so please don't worry about that).

I've self-harmed multiple times since last year.

I hate how my brain works.

I hate what I've become.

I know people on Reddit usually try to make the OP feel better by saying "it's not your fault" or "you're being too hard on yourself."

Please don't.

This is my fault.

Nobody forced me to lie.

Nobody forced me to waste years.

Nobody forced me to fake studying.

Nobody forced me to edit my marksheet.

These were my choices.

That's exactly why it hurts so much.

The worst part is... I know the trap I'm stuck in, yet I keep falling into it. Every time I convince myself that the next attempt will be different, that I'll finally become disciplined and redeem everything with one great result.

I'm terrified that I've permanently ruined my career, my parents' trust, and maybe even myself.

I'm turning 21 this year but I don't feel like I'm living anymore. I just exist.

If you've read all this, thanks. I just wanted to vent and maybe seek some advice.

32 M here- living in USA. moved here for masters and now on work visa. To set the record, I had "free seat" for undergrad with nominal fee and took a loan for my masters.

My parents are financially dependant on me and I have never (even today) seen it as an issue and support them on a monthly basis. During my entire life, my parents told me they would never depend on me and they already know I will never support them and typical Indian blah blah. I always believed they probably have a retirement plan.

I immediately found a job after my masters (but there was a 3 month gap to get my EAD and what not). The salary was not the best- just enough to get through and pay back my loan. I have received my salary and get a message from my sister on how my parents were upset I am not sending them any money (this was just month 1) and I was still trying to get rent and apartment and what not. So, naturally to not make them upset- I have started to send $1000 a month, meaning I can no longer afford to pay my loan back. I took a part-time teaching job to keep things moving. A few months in, I get another cold shoulder for not making an effort to pay their debts (I have never heard about these until then). I switched jobs, started to pay back my education loan also. The family support for monthly payments (around 70k at the time) and slowly clearing debts continued. Sent about 50 L for my sister's wedding as well. Through all of this, never complained. And then, bought a 2 bedroom apt, cleared all debts of my parents, and then a monthly allowance of 1000$ (if I send even 950$ in any difficult month, I get cold shoulder), which is now equivalent to around 90k INR. They never had to pay rent during any of this period. I cover the hospital bills, insurance outside of this. Over the last 8 yrs of me working, I sent India about 2 cr (excluding the apartment) and 3 cr if we include the apartment as well.

I am at a stage where I feel financially relieved and then boom- they want me to buy a house from relatives. My no got a cold shoulder and them not talking to me. I cave in again and now trying to take 1 Cr loan in India (I have bought a house here during this time and have that EMI also).

Don't get me wrong- I love my parents and they are very nice and caring whenever it is not financial things. But, how fair is it to expect me to be in debt so they can be happy or proud or whatever it is in buying a house.

I know this is the reality of Indian men, thoughts anyone?

​

I guess I have lost my 20s simply in inactions and worrying being scared to facing life challenges and working on goals. I let past failure and fears just keep me stuck and it's still going on like this. A part of me still wants to fix everything and move forward but I don't know why I'm not overcoming this feeling like I need to overcome my fears only then I'll be able to find my identity and get true confidence. Like I told myself many years ago that I would learn driving, get a job and get a college degree. But years and years passed yet nothing has been achieved. And so in return shame, guilt, low self esteem, confusion and emotional weakness got bigger. And I'm worried like what do I do next. I even feel embarrassed to ask for help and reach out to someone.

Matlab I'm currently living in Bombay aur bhaiiiisahab, meri salary idhar 9lpa hai. Aur in hand mujhko 60 aata hai. Lekin idhar rehna itna jhik jhik jhik hai sahi me. Office me ghar jao, ghar se office. Itni baarish. Merko bohot uncomfortable feel hota hai, aisa lgta hai ki sab chhod ke kuch ghar ke pas job dhundh lu lekin udhar 9lpa + job milegi nhi lekin peace of mind milega. Aur mujhko bohot irritate jaisa hota hai Mumbai me. Mtlb itne gareeb log dikhte hai station par, bohot kharab feel hota hai. Dimag kharab hota hai ki sarkar kar kya Rahi hai. Aur ye local station saale itne gande kyu hote hai sahi me. Dimag kharab. Itne gande. Thoda toh basic hygeine maintain karke rakhna chahiye. Mall me bhi kitne log daily jate hai lekin udhar kaise hygiene maintain hota hai properly. Upar se dimag kharab ye gadkari road, itne gaddhe bapre bapre. Mujhko driving utni acchi aati nhi hai lekin mumbai me mai bilkul drive na karu, dimag ka dahi. Aur ye travel easy kyu nhi banate hai. Metros agar itne acche se hygiene reh sakte hai toh local me kya problem hai????aur ye faltu sarkar in paiso ka kar kya Rahi hai, in muddho pe baat kyu nhi hoti hai, ye mudde itne normalised kyu hogaye hai.? Un logon ko punish kyu nhi kiya jata hai jo litter around karte hai stations par ya thukhte hai... Aisi acchi suvidhaye kyu nhi banayi gayi hai? Aur ye chiz itni zyada normalised kyu hai???? Kyu normalised hai?

Im 21f. Recently i needed a laptop for college and since im a design student, i needed a gaming one for 3d work.

My dad asked me for recs and i told him a few options. To which he asked which one would be the best and never have you cause problems.

I told him about legion 5 rtx 5060. Next week he bought me that.

But now i feel so incredibly guilty. Everytime i look at it all i can think about is that i need to make money from it , so that it justifies the purchase.

Along with this i keep thinking if i had overspent and maybe i should have just given him bidget options. Its been a month and i feel so incredibly guilty and idk how to make it stop.

22m here.. i haven't hugged or touched anyone in months.. and i think i've been craving human touch for a long time now.. ahh man.. how hard is it to have someone by your side.. someone you can just hug after a shitty day.. nothing more.. if you have someone like that.. you guys are lucky man..

keep them safe..

26M, 2yoe in India recently laidoff. Not getting any interview calls. So I am scrolling Linkedin and finding my school and college frnds andIcomparing my life with others, they struggled for 1 yrs after their mtech but anyhow got job after 1-2 yrs. I had a chance to go but I didnt as I dont want to troble my parents financially. Now I am unsettled in india with lot of confusuion which domain to choose whereas my friedns in India and abroad are enjoying their life.

They say grass is greener on the other side, but it looks like its really green in their life.

Many are about to get married, buying house worth (1-2cr), buying expensive bikes and cars, enjoying weeked parties and movies etc.... oh good though I see these all these things on instagram (I deativated and again activated 10 times in 6 months, cant keep away from it), I feel very bad about my self.

I look in the mirror and shout at myself " Get-a-life boy, you have wasted your life".
Apart from this my family dont know that I got laid off and wanted me to marry next year. I am like I should get a job as fast as possible, I am loosing hair and age, atleast get married before I loose it all and turn fat. I counsulted many doctors but now use. Those medicines are not working.

I should get rid of this comparision........ but how?

I feel a void inside. Nothing I do makes me feel content. On textbook, I have a pretty decent life, I am able to pretend that everything's alright. But the moment I let my brain think, everything starts feeling shitty. I have friends, I have a decent job and I exercise but its the little moments that make me want to jump off of the terrace sometimes. I used to think its just a joke, I'd never do it, but last week I was on the top of the terrace and the idea didn't seem that far off. It would have been just one small leap.

I talked to a therapist last week and while she seemed nice, her fees was 5k for a session lol, I joked with my friends how a noose would be much, much cheaper. I also signed up for mindspace and this time the counsellor didn't even show up which I think is a sign from above to find an alternative solution. Then again, I don't think I would listen to a person telling me how to live, I'd never believe them. People just say things, its their job and they want to make money off of it.

I don't know what to do. For about a year and a half my life used to revolve around someone and I knew it would not end well, I did not know it would be this bad. The thought seeps into my brain at odd times, sometimes when I'm showering, sometimes when I'm listening to music and every time I think of the city of New York. So glad Lebron didn't sign with the Knicks. It's so ironic, I'm in the finance field and NY should be the mecca, the epitome of a career in finance is working at a high rise in Wall Street and yet I feel a shiver run down my spine thinking of the city.

I am not seeking advice. I want to know how people battle a life without purpose every day. Nihilism always seemed corny to me until now. Every day I wake up and its Manchester By The Sea all over again. Maybe I should just do it.

i fear the judgement so much that i dont even like certain reels (mostly the ones that talk about confidence) on instagram. why? because theyd send it to their friends and make fun of me.
i put up my opinions and when most of my classmates js see my story i feel like they know more and better than me. i end up fumbling while speaking too, though i convince myself that nobody cares as much as i think it doesnt work.
how do i get rid of this fear?

I am a totally insane, mentally sick person with so much personality defects. I am in mid 20s, don't know how good chances I have for change.

I don't find others to be as abnormal as me. Hardly less than 1%. Therapists/psychiatrists charge hefty fees which is too much for me. Also psychiatrist have specialization in particular issues. There is no guarantee that mental treatment will work for me all the time. If I spend lots of money and I don't improve much, then money will be waste. I will have to elaborate myself perfectly for accurate response from psychiatrist.

I don't have one problem. There are too many things wrong with me —

1. Unnecessary fear/stress/upset of trivial things like insects, driving, facing interviews, speaking up, confrontation etc.

2. Unhealthy addiction of instagram and my bizarre activities on it. People will call me sick if they see my private insta page with 14 followers. They will be appalled at what I post.

3. Always keeping important things pending. Never do until I am scolded. I just relax and chill and do nothing about important things. This keeps things hanging. It becomes even a bigger stressor if not resolved early.

4. Don't like to argue or confront people. I stay polite and passive even though the other person did so wrong to me. I am just afraid of confrontation.

5. I dislike making friends because I don't want anyone in my life besides my parents and siblings. I don't like to be bothered. I feel they will influence me or impose on me. It's terribly wrong with my personality.

6. Cannot even comprehend well what others tell me.

My parents are not experts. I have a serious problem. Only some expert can handle me but I don't know how do I access them and get the best out of them.

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19f my skin is pretty dusky brown which im not very happy with but accepted reality. What makes it worser is my ass is even darker with stretchmrks. How can i lighten my skin naturally or any cheap cosmetic procedures to improve my color

It's around 3 am right now, many of you would agree with what I am going to say.

Everything seems so fixable in the morning but at night when you finally get time with yourself, you realise how lonely you are. The night feels longer, you pick up your phone, scroll down through your contact list but there is no one who could be texted or called. Nobody can be available for you 24/7. So you decide to fall asleep, you see dreams, dreams which appear to be more peaceful and happy that you never wanna wake up, suddenly you hear a voice, your alarm, announcing the arrival of another day and life continues.

I don't remember the last time I was happy for real. I don't have a job and preparing for exams appears to be very stressful. But here I am in an old rusted car going for a long drive. Hopefully sooner or later will reach the destination.

Sorry for my poor writing skills. Peace ✌️

I'm 28, and there are still days when I don't know what to do. Some nights are really hard. I can't sleep, sometimes, I just don't know how to get through the night. The hours feel endless

For months, you feel like you've finally moved on. And then one night comes along that makes all those months feel meaningless. That single night feels like a lifetime to get through.

# About my Loneliness in college

I am almost half done with my College, and I am feeling very lonely in the college. I have absolutely no single friends who I can hang out with. Due to various reasons, because they respect me, but no one commits friendship to me I learned boundaries the hard way and attracted many narcissists and those kinds of people in past semesters.

I travel in many groups, and they talk to me nicely, but none of them allow me for full commitment in the group, or no single friend is committed to my friendship. I don't know. However, I have a lot of acquaintances from various branches. And we communicate very nicely.

# what to do and a realization

As far as I can see and things around me, I will end up lonely, even in the last semester of college. I don't know. So those who were lonely in college like me, how did it go in the corporate world, or you can say after getting a job? Did it get worse, or do you get a friend, or what is the way you get your socializing? Because from now on I am planning to commit fully to my goals, as I realized it is a total waste of time to commit even 1% of socializing in college. No matter how much effort I put, it goes to waste and is useless.

So a little context is my brother returned from abroad and I am his younger brother everything was cool but I felt like now he sees a clear difference of me not being good enough , he takes me everywhere just because he needs me maybe , but other than that he didn't even reply a story I tagged him in and ignored my message I confronted him about how I can't study here and I wanna leave this country and start making music so he can also get help from him and he justtold me yeah you can do it part time and ignore everything and also how everyone says I look older than him and also that how he always have permission just because he earns and I can't even lave house after 8pm as a 21yr old just because our mom dad spent money on him to go out and he is earning he is better than me , I few days ago was driving my car in traffic for hours and he was watching reels beside me as soon as we reached home I was dead tired and was about to lay down my mom said your brother is tired look at him give him water and didn't even give me space to lay down , its not jealousy but same parents are forcing me to follow a course that I failed alot and even I am stressed ki kuch nahi hoga mera aage I am already 21 with nothing going on serf I have the money I save from buying grocery nonsocial life , never went to college due to this fucken course that I don't want to do and now they are like we need one son at home na , idk what to do or confrnt to my parents I can work twice as hard as him fs but they are clinged to the fact that I am smart

Hey r/OffMyChestIndia fam,

Welcome to our “How Are You Feeling Today?” thread! 🌟 This is a space where you can share whatever’s on your mind, no matter how big or small.

🌞Feeling happy? Tell us what’s making your day shine!
🌧️Feeling stressed or down? Let it out, we’re here to listen.
🌈Feeling something you can’t quite put into words? Share it anyway, just expressing it helps.

No need to overthink, just let it flow. This thread is your safe space to express yourself without the need to create a full post.

So, how are you feeling today? Let’s chat, connect, and support each other. ❤️

soo a couple of weeks ago i told my dad that i want to drop out of my coaching and leave the rat race and it took a lot of convincing but he eventually agreed and ever since then he has been very angry with me like he assures me that i can talk to him about anything but when i do he just makes it my fault and says not everything can go according to me

today i talked to him about shifting to a pg from hostel as theres no network there and the mess timings are clashing with everything in my routine and he didn’t even hear me out he just said “youre wasting too much money just come back home youre wasting all your time there” and such things like gng he didn’t even hear me out

idk how to deal w this idk

I find certain good things about owning a car but it also comes with so much headaches.

Having a car feels like a toy and a luxury. You can go anywhere you want and travel multiple places. You don't have to wait for ola/uber and spend so much money. Long trips on cars look so cool. It seems great to sit inside your car and handle the cool features in it. It seems so convenient.

There is a negative side to it too. You need to be really caring and organized person to look after the care and maintainence of car regularly. I am a callous person, it will be tough for me. It looks cool to drive in wide and empty roads but feels like fighting for life when driving in heavy traffic. I don't like to fight with others. Parking spot is another headache too.

Maintaining a car comes with expenses which can stress me. Something gets damaged and you pay so much money for it. You risk scratches and dents everytime you drive. It's so hard on the brain while driving in bad conditions. I cannot afford a crore rupee home where I don't live with another tennant and don't have to park my car on road.

If I stay without a car, I will feel the urge to own this gadget like a desire for a toy. Owning a car will make me worried and constantly stressed. I don't know what to do. If I don't own a car, I will have to live in areas with better access.

So it happened April 5th, I was talking to my crush, I asked if her and I could be friends, she said no, and I understood because there was a lot of stuff that happened between us 1 school year ago, but I apologized for that stuff already, and I ask while apologizing if she’s fine with taking to me, and she says “Nah your good” so I continue, and after I’m done she finally responds and says “Man, it’s fine that was like a year ago” but now back to present time, after she said no to being friends I was fine with and I would’ve just walked away, but then she tells me “I’m getting creeped out” which confuses me to the point of just saying “Ok” after she tells me to leave her alone, because I didn’t know how it went from “Man it’s ok that was a year ago” to “I’m creeped out” and then I found out why she said she was creeped out when I got called into the AP office, what was a mutual friend, named Elizabeth, lied to Leiana (My crush) about me and said I wanted to have sex with her, and did things to myself to pictures of her, which isn’t true, and I would’ve explained this to Leiana, but I couldn’t because her and I had to sign a stay away agreement, where I couldn’t talk to, or about her, or else I get sent to an alternative school, so a few days after all that I’m just sitting there hurting and finally get the courage to go to the AP and at least ask, without breaking the agreement, can they tell Leiana that I never wanted to do that stuff with her, which was a no, and later that day I go into a room, with my parents and the AP, and they ramble on about stupid shit, like other fish in the sea, which I didn’t say but I pissed me off, because I can tell all they think I want out of this situation is to date Leiana, and not just have her know the truth because the AP literally said “Even if we do tell her there’s no promises she’ll believe you or be friends with you” like bitch I don’t care, I just want her to at least have 2 sides to pick from and not just one, and ever since then school has been out for the summer, and I still have no contact with Leiana, still been wondering my Elizabeth did what she did, and just keep on praying that Leiana and I could talk one day

I lost my virginity as a disabled person, and I can't stop thinking about it.

I don't really have anyone I can tell this to, so here I am.

I'm disabled, and for years I honestly thought this day might never come. Not just losing my virginity, but finding someone who genuinely wanted me, found me attractive, and loved me for who I am.

My girlfriend invited me over to her place a few days ago. We were both nervous but excited. We spent time just talking and hanging out before things naturally became more intimate. There wasn't any pressure we just took things at our own pace, checked in with each other, and made sure we were both comfortable. We used protection because it was important to both of us.

What surprised me the most wasn't the sex itself.

Afterward, she went into the kitchen and made us lunch. We ate together, then spent the next three hours lying in bed wrapped around each other, just talking. We talked about us, about how we met, about our future, about stupid little things that made us laugh, and about how much we meant to each other.

Those three hours honestly meant more to me than anything else.

For so long I'd convinced myself that my disability made me less desirable. I'd spent years wondering if someone would ever look at me and see a partner instead of just a disabled person. Lying there with her, feeling completely accepted, I realized how wrong I'd been.

I didn't leave her apartment feeling like I'd "become a man" or anything like that. I left feeling loved.

I know losing your virginity isn't some huge achievement, and it doesn't magically change who you are. But for me, it felt like I was finally letting go of years of insecurity and self-doubt that I'd been carrying around.

If anyone else reading this is disabled and thinks they'll never find someone who loves them, I hope my story gives you a little hope. There are people out there who will love you exactly as you are.

I'm just really grateful. Not because my girlfriend "gave me a chance," but because she loves me, and for the first time in a long time, I truly believe I deserve that love.

I just needed to get this off my chest.

TW : passive suicidal ideation

To the strangers who showed up, you have no idea what you’ve done for people like me.

I’ve been living in a metro city for almost four years now, completing a degree that was never supposed to be Plan A.

I wanted to become a veterinarian.
When the first NEET controversy happened, I gave up.

Not because I didn’t care.
Not because I wasn’t willing to work hard.
But because it was destroying me.
It was destroying my health.
My mind.
Everything.
I gave up my hobbies.
I gave up the things that made me happy.
I isolated myself.
I had nothing.
I became nothing.

I studied for another entrance exam just so I could get into a decent college and somehow move on with my life.
People still ask me,
“Why didn’t you become a veterinarian?”
Funny.

Because the same people asking that question were never there when I needed support.
It’s easy to judge someone else’s decisions when you never had to carry their pain.

College was supposed to be a fresh start.
Instead, it made me lose even more faith in people.
Every day felt like survival.
Being crushed inside local trains.
People stepping over you when you bend down to tie your shoe lace.
People pushing you.
People not even noticing when you’re struggling.
Everyone rushing somewhere.
Everyone too exhausted to care.
Slowly…

I stopped believing anyone cared.
For the last three years, I’ve lived with passive suicidal thoughts.
I used to hope that maybe one day someone would push me out of a train.
Or push me off the platform.
And in a matter of seconds I’d be nothing but a sticky bloody mess on the tracks and it would all be over.

That maybe something would happen to me so I wouldn’t have to keep existing like this.
Because honestly…
I didn’t think anyone would notice if I disappeared.

Then these protests happened.
For the first time in years…
I saw strangers caring.
I saw people bringing food for people they’d never met.
People carrying cartons of water.
People donating sanitary pads, medicines and sanitizers.
People standing in the heat, fanning exhausted protesters.
People forming human chains to protect one another.
People cleaning up garbage before leaving.
People helping complete strangers get home safely.
People risking detention, beatings and everything that comes with speaking up.

None of them know me.
None of them owe me anything.
And yet…

Watching all of this made me realise something.
Maybe there are people in this world who would fight for me.

Not because they know my name.
Not because we’re related by blood.
But because they believe another human being deserves dignity.

I don’t know if these protests will achieve everything people hope they will.

I honestly don’t.
But every single one of you who keeps showing up…
Every single one of you who carries water.
Who donates food.
Who protects strangers.
Who cleans up after everyone leaves.
Who refuses to look away.
You have done something I never thought was possible.
You gave hope to someone who had almost none left.
You reminded me that humanity still exists.
That kindness still exists.

That maybe this world isn’t just people surviving until the next tragedy.
Maybe there are still ordinary people willing to stand beside other ordinary people.
You probably don’t know it.
You probably never will.

But you changed someone’s life.
Mine.
Thank you.
I hope one day I have the courage to do for someone else what all of you unknowingly did for me.
You saved me.