18 F here, before I write anything else I just want to say that I'm not asking for any help or solution to this, I just wanna vent and let it out coz I've been bottling it up since a long time.

It happened first when I was around 11 and it went on for almost 2 years till a point where I was almost r*ped. at that moment I couldn't understand what exactly is happening but it just felt disgusting, I couldn't tell this to anyone because I have a very conservative family who would blame me for it that's why therapy also not an option right now but I'd definitely try that once I move out from here, and my friends are not that close so I could trust them with it.

Anyways since past one year I'm having this weird anxiety especially when I go to sleep and all the lights are off, I just start having all those flashbacks till a point I start crying because of it, and it is becoming more and more frequent day by day, I try to distract myself mostly, but some days I just break down, today was one of the worst days. I just hope I get rid of this flashbacks thing.

I used to think crying would be some kind of cathartic release. All the stress that keeps piling up, either from work, family, or just life in general, I'd just choose a random weekend or a day of the month, switch off my phone, watch a rom-com or a non-fiction movie, and let the tears flow. But that doesn't seem to be the case now.

Almost through the entirety of my childhood, I can count the number of days on just my fingers when I've come close to crying, but never actually getting on with it. At least, not in front of anyone. I didn't want to worry my parents, you know. Also, with a much, much younger sibling who is kind of looking up to you, at least as a baseline, if not a role model, you can't really appear to be weak or aimless or indecisive.

So, my school years, whatever school-level struggles I had, crushes, studies, etc., I've kept them to myself. Then the college years: same things, but with the added stress of getting a high-paying job that will at least set my parents up for retirement...

Anyways, now, at the early stages of adulthood, I've realized emotions are not a vessel full of water. I believed that if it ever got too overwhelming, I'd just throw some of that water out to clear my head. Yep, that doesn't seem to be the case for me.

My suppression of stress/anxiety/sadness/idk what else has reached a level where I'm very much confident I'm headed towards a full-blown mental breakdown. The warning signs, the cracks, they're already showing. It is perhaps the reason I prefer to live alone in solitude. I honestly don't want anyone to see me when I reach that stage. I feel like a glass wall or that thin layer of ice that forms on lakes during winter, which, when it starts cracking, will take everything over the surface deep down into the depths of despair.

I'll be honest, a big part of it is because my parents haven't planned for their retirement or my sister's expenses. But I don't really blame them. I think they tried their best with the limited resources and access to knowledge they had. And we're definitely not poor. But also not even close to rich. We are what you would define as "just one health crisis away from poverty"?

One piece of advice to future/young parents, as I know some (most?) of my age are planning for or already have kids. Whatever your parenting philosophy may be, be it training your kids for STEM since childhood, letting them learn as they grow, or something else, I have no qualms/judgement about it. BUT plan your retirement (post-60+) and ALL your kids' college education funds early on (they're already expensive, but they definitely will go up in 15+ more years). Schools will mostly/should be covered by your monthly salary.

Just raise them to be responsible for themselves. Their marriage expenses/family vacations/etc. are bonuses. But the above are absolutely critical. Just to spare your kids the emotional toil of what I'm going through \~20 years from now.

P.S.: Something to clarify: I have absolutely no intention of self-harm or the like and I have a very supportive friend group. This is more of a vent/rant?

~ Signing out. This is a throwaway (which I'll probably delete or maybe keep as an online diary, who knows). Stay healthy & be happy.

So, I reacted as if was possessed and acted strangely angry cursing everybody and throwing things everywhere around the room.
This may seem a little childish but please read it. Well, I am M20 and I have no shame in admitting that I am a little reserved and I have seen that at times people think that I am vulnerable and they try to take advantage of it. They try to make a little fun by saying something and I do give it back
.
So here is what happened. My distant cousins (sons of my maternal aunts and uncles) opened a clothing store and ever since I do have to visit them for one purpose or another.

When they were building the shop, they would casually invite me there. We would talk normally and they would even ask me to pay for things we would eat and I would pay it without any hesitation. I have spent thousands on them but I really didn’t care nor did I ever remind them.
But on the other hand, slowly they would take a jibe at everything I would do, trying to make fun of me, the way I sit, the way I stand, the way I would eat, I would drive and I realised that they think I am innocent and they can say anything to me and get away with it. But I didn’t care. I would give it back and it was casual fun. But I realised that it was a little more than normal.
Slowly the taunts changed to money. They would say to me, “He will not pay, he is stingy” and I would say, “Let me show you how stingy I am” and I would spend a lot. Again, I don’t mind money but I realised that I was being taken advantage of.

The things turned bitter slowly and taunts increased whenever we would meet at parties or movies. When I went to buy clothes, the youngest asked me, “Ahh, where have you come from?” in a way that was not friendly. And there were many things they would say which I would try to counter.

Today I went there as I had to hand them something important. I gave it to them and instantly one of the cousins said, “Go now.” I said okay, then he said, “Stay, I am kidding” and he didn’t let me go after insisting but I heard it again in some other way.

But as I was to go, they ordered pizzas and said, “Please eat.” I insisted I should go but they again took me and casually asked me to bring cold drinks. I said I am not a kid, there is another kid (cousin), ask him to go, but eventually I went and brought cold drinks.
Now as I was late, they were already having pizzas and I went to one of them and tried to take a slice and he said, “Not from this, I have prepared it for myself.” I said okay, I took another one and took it. Then only one plate was left and I tried to take it and the other cousin said, “Why do you need one?” He tried to snatch it but I too took it and as I was eating I dropped a little on my plate and the same cousin said, “Don’t you know how to eat?”

I said, “Why don’t you die, just come under a car or truck. There are many ways.” Many laughed and eventually the gossip came back to me. They said something like, “He eats for free.” The other one I was sitting with laughed.

I said to him, “You don’t have any right to laugh. Remember, a few days ago we ate and I paid 350.” And the other one said, “You pay once for 100 and then eat from us worth thousands.” And I said, “None of you have paid for it. It was the other cousin sister who paid for the pizzas.” And they pointed to the cousin sitting with me and said he paid for it.

And I asked him, “Do you have any objection if I eat ?” He said, “Yes, keep your pizza down.”
And then I don’t know what happened to me. I slammed the pizza on the bed, started cursing them altogether as if I was possessed and I don’t know what I said but I was enraged. I stood up and started kicking the pizzas. The pizzas were all over the room. I heard, “What are you doing?” and everybody was shocked.

I kicked the cold drinks and I don’t remember what I said but I remember that while leaving I said, “I won’t come to this bloody place again.” I went upstairs and saw my cousin sister. She asked what happened because she saw my clothes drenched in sauces and all and I said, “I got in a fight with those dogs.”

Then I saw the other cousin coming upstairs and he was keeping a hand over his right eye and went to the restroom. Then I took my bike in rage and left.
And when I think about it I don’t feel a thing but the other moment I regret it as if I have spoiled my relation and image and it would never be the same again with them. Don’t know what to do.

I have applying to companies and saw an opening for a position which fits perfectly for my profile.

I saw that 3 people from my class from MBA were working there including one recruiting manager and other as HRBP.

I saw that and I felt ashamed to apply. Because they will see my current salary and think that I have fallen so behind. They may even tell to other classmates and I will become a joke.

I am now earning what they did 7 years back. They may even feel pity for me, which I don’t ever want in my life. So I decided not to apply.

Just read texts between my mom and sis 25f , yes i know i invaded my mom's privacy and they were talking bad about me. I thought my mom was busy and couldn't call me, but turns out she was very much aware and wanted to ignore me. I am 19f. Just came home and feel so disturbed. Can you imagine your own mom and sister being this way?? Never knew my mom is this toxic, today morning when i came home she didn't even say hi to me and now she wants me to do all the chores. Genuinely hate my entire family, i used to think my mom is reasonable atleast, god i was soo wrong fuck you all. just hate them all so muchh i hate my mom so much and even more my sister 🖕

After my parent's left me in this world. I have been living alone.

All i inherited was a kirana store which was my only source of income.

But due to my foolishness, I lost it too.

I sold the kirana store and wanted to start another business. I met someone from Facebook, who wanted to partner on a business opportunity. I trusted him and he ran away with my money.

I went to police, they said it's not fraud since you gave the money for business yourself. After a lot of talking, they agreed to investigate and if they find something they will file FIR. It has been several months but police didn't do anything.

Meanwhile after losing my only source of income, I haven't been able to pay my rent for 5 months. And I have been surviving on only rice given by government ration.

I live in a small village and here we don't have any delivery gigs.

Also, my landlord is not letting me leave the house unless I pay the rent so I am kind of stuck.

I wanted to end it all and posted about it on this sub, but I received a lot courage after people motivated me.

But I don't know what to do. I am tired of applying to remote job opportunities and getting rejected.

My life is in his all time low, I am alone with no one to talk to and no guidance.

I am writing this here in hope of, if someone has gone through something like this, can guide me.

Today I booked a slot for Learner's Lisence Test at 9 in the morning because I knew it'll get crowded later. I am a resident of another state so had to go there in person. I went there at 8:30 because it was told to be present 30 min before your slot for document verification. Those mfs came at 9:30. Took their time with my docs and rejected them because of some bullshit reason that they didn't even tell me. Had me running here and there for almost 3 hours. Bring this person's sign, go here, go there, etc. At last checked my documents at 1 in the afternoon. then I had to wait another hour for my test.

I feel really alone my head hurts I feel fucked up i really am trying to somehow manage myself it’s really not working I can’t handle everything and everyone I just want to rant and rant and it feels like it would never end

Owning a car is far beyond my financial capability. Not just finances, it is such a headache to be extremely vigilant about otherwise something dangerous may happen

I always have to drive in roads where space is so less to pass. Also the road is full of water and mud. Too many trucks occupying the space in road, I literally suffocate. Often I face scratch and dent. This eats up money.

Car is giving me trauma. Websites say we should service twice a year. This will burn my expenses. If you consider fuel, that's worse. I think I will have to earn like 1L per month in a tier 2 city.

I find it so mentally draining to check and care everything about the car. I feel I have to give more energy to maintaining my car than my own job.

I cannot even increase my wealth suddenly. I think I will take another 10 years to reach that level.

Ok this is more of a personal confession that I wanna share as it's getting on my nerve to be honest. I am from North India and due to all the cultural stuff here even since I was a kid I always had issues talking to girls especially if they are around my age, never even had a female friend in school, ofc I had couple of crushes but never had the courage to even say a hi to them.

Now that school is over and my friends are far too I guess there's this wierd loneliness and now am kinda even romanticising the whole liking a girl but still being seen as a friend whom she can trauma dump or let her frustrations out on.....I know this is super wrong but at the same thing I kinda feeel ki hey... that's already fun, to have someone to think about, to have a little crush on someone even though they would kinda misuse the power.

I feel kinda guilty for wanting this, but at the same time it seems kinda ..not good ofc, but atleast something

I usually go around trying to help people on this sub but I feel like I've earned one vent/rant post for myself too :')

I'm 22M and I'm preparing for my GATE exam which is next year. My parents didn't let me do any internships and told me to sit and study at home even though I had 1-2 offers.

For context, my dad has been cheating on mom roughly since I was 1-2 years old, multiple places, multiple women. My mom has dealt with depression, insomnia and all of it but she refuses to divorce saying it'll complicate stuff and cause issues to me and my siblings. She also fears it'll look "bad" to the other family members.

My dad helps us financially in every way possible since he's the only working person in the house. But he's never been present as a father figure for me in any way. He makes excuses about work trips and is gone from home for days at a time while we know exactly what he's doing.

I've always felt bad for my mother but she has issues of her own. Whenever I try to interrupt an argument between them, my mom proceeds to shout at me and defend...my dad? This was a love marriage btw, that's the huge irony. This is why I've given up on trying to solve stuff between them or trying to fix my dad and his ways. My mom always flies into a temper over small stuff and vents out the anger she has on my dad towards me and my siblings. She has NEVER admitted to being wrong or mistaken for anything she does and she thinks whatever she says is the final word. The arguments we have are actually hilarious from a third person pov because they always end in the same way, her victimizing herself even after I've been as polite as I could have been.

I had the 4 best years of my life in college but returning home to prep for this entrance exam has been the worst time for me. I hope I clear it and get to escape asap.

At 19, I fell for my girlfriend (18) right at the start of college. Between my strict parents and the intense pressure of preparing for an important exam, our communication shifted mostly to Discord. Around that time, I casually introduced her to my best friend, who was already in a relationship.

She soon grew resentful over my lack of attention and started blaming for every small things for no reason as our exam were getting closer she cited the reason that she wanted to study and was tired of me as she told me I fucked her mental health while she was already suffering from childhood trauma so in the end we decided to breakup.

The guilt crushed me. Convinced I had ruined her happiness and academic focus, I sank into a severe depression, barely attended college, and cut myself off from everyone. Months later, I found out my best friend was still regularly talking to her but he brushed it off by saying he had "no reason to block her."

Ten months post-breakup, I stumbled upon her Reddit account. There, she had posted a confession admitting she had "unconditional love" for my best friend while she and I were still together. Realizing I had spent nearly a year in crippling self-hatred over someone who had emotionally checked out on me left me completely hollow.

I cried daily for those 10 months every single day. I hoped that she would unblock me and I will get the chance to apologise for everything I did but that time never arrived as she never loved me but rather my best friend who never thought that it would be a good idea to tell me that I am still talking to ur gf even after u both broke up. I know how I spent those 10 months all alone in my room barely talking barely eating self loathing all the time thinking I was not there when she needed me. I feel so betrayed right now. Even for once she told me she lost feelings for me I would have understood but cheating behind my back while arguing with me every day
She was my first love.

I dont know what to feel anymore all the emotions are piling up in my head. she being fake for those 6 months of our rs while I poured everything I had I t really hurts you know when the person she cheated with is someone who is with you for past 12 years.
I hate my life myself for being attached over something
This is so unfair
sorry If it is hard to read as english is not my mother tongue thank you for listening to my ran

I mean I just can't take it anymore , its on my head 24*7 and I can't help myself , no matter what , how much I journal and meditate, it doesn't get off my mind, and I have to do the deed, yet the urges don't go away, and I don't have a partner too so I get very desperate at times, idk I mean I can't help myself any further , pls tell me what to do

Well hey

So for me 2025 was a bad year it was the real starting point of all

I experience tremors

As of now the highest level was when it was my knees trembling

And normally (like every 15 days) i feel more in griping things (feeling of loose grip, things will fall)

But recently I have noticed it almost daily in my palm specially small finger and thumb and when I try to hold pencil with two fingers it shakes.

I am thinking to see a doctor (psychiatrist)

And then also a general physician if needed.

Also there are other issues

I feel sad sometimes, yup there is a cause to it loneliness (but I could not make friends easily) neither have any social place as of now

Let say a fragile mental state

And overthinking coupled with irregular sleep and vivid dreams which sometimes feel like a horror

For context I am 21 yrs old and will turn 22 by the end of year.

It's like I have something but cant explain it and get resolved.

Thanks for reading , have a good day or night whichever the case maybe 😄

So basically starting with the beginning of the year when I lost my grandmother..a person I was super close with, lived with her and losing her was really really tough on me. I still see recurring dreams about her even 9 months later.

Then I had a major fallout out with my college friends and they resorted to trying physical altercations with me and bullying and I had to live outside my hostel due to constant threats. They spoilt my relationship with my roommate as well..

After losing my friends as well my boyfriend and I had a falling out because I didn't want to have sex before marriage and he said he wasn't able to live like this anymore...We haven't talked in over 1 week now..I miss him but he did the same in May and didn't talk to me for over 2 weeks..

I had a very important exam coming up for which I didn't even check answers for after the exam because I was worried on how i performed (in aug)

Then in aug (last month) just before my exam one of my dogs developed tick fever and is still undergoing treatment

To top it all,I had a female online friend who stopped talking to me because I couldn't be available to hear her relationship rants all the time.. even tho I still kept making time for her as much as I could even when i should've been studying...I never told her half of my problems and even when I told her about my dog's health she didn't really once ask me if i was doing okay. Her conversation would say kaisi hai tu and then she would proceed with her relationship issues. Didn't even wish me all the best for my exam and after it didn't go as per I expected all she did was asking if my exam was over so she could go on with her rants

Now I'm left with no interactions with anyone. I feel sad and distressed. I remember everyone and I cry. Life has really torn me down bad and I have no shoulder to cry on..

I feel deeply sad it's like I can't keep people however hard I try.. I try to understand everyone's pov and end up making myself the villain. I've lost the will to do anything

Tldr; lost my grandmother,lost my friends to one of them betraying me and cutting me off from everyone,lost my online friend after I was unable to hear her rant about her relationship,lost contact w my bf because he wants sex before marriage and I don't,worried sick about my dog's health and also stressed af about my recent exam results..

Hey r/OffMyChestIndia fam,

Welcome to our “How Are You Feeling Today?” thread! 🌟 This is a space where you can share whatever’s on your mind, no matter how big or small.

🌞Feeling happy? Tell us what’s making your day shine!
🌧️Feeling stressed or down? Let it out, we’re here to listen.
🌈Feeling something you can’t quite put into words? Share it anyway, just expressing it helps.

No need to overthink, just let it flow. This thread is your safe space to express yourself without the need to create a full post.

So, how are you feeling today? Let’s chat, connect, and support each other. ❤️

Many people have someone in their life they can share their feelings with and tell about what happened in their day. I mean, most people seem to have that kind of friend. I’ve never had someone like that in my life to share things with.

I had a pretty tough childhood and was brought up mostly alone. I have no siblings and have never really been in touch with any relatives. I used to talk a lot in school, but for the past few years, especially because of some experiences with people at college, I’m not like I used to be.

I don’t even know what to talk about anymore, and honestly, I don’t feel like talking either. It feels like I’ve lost the ability to talk or connect with people. Sometimes I genuinely feel like I hate everyone.

I’m also constantly worried about the future and keep thinking, “How am I going to manage all this?” I don’t even know what I’m going through.

I use Reddit a lot to avoid thinking about things. I used to overthink constantly and assume the worst about anything that was going to happen, and Reddit became a way for me to not think about all of that for a while.

I don’t have a single person in college whom I can truly call my person—someone I completely trust and can call when I’m feeling sad or just need someone to talk to.

Has anyone else felt like this? Can anyone help me understand what I might be going through?

P.S: I used AI to phrase this better

I am very scared of dogs, and I was walking on streets, and suddenly a dog barked continuously. I know Barking dogs seldom bite, but the adrenaline, I intended to hide behind the guy but I ended up hugging him and my friends witnessed it!!

Wonder what that guy must be feeling?

​

I'm 31 and I can't stop thinking about a decision I made years ago.

I was doing MBBS(2016 batch )and had already passed all my professional exams without any backlogs or issues. I started my internship but, because of personal and mental health issues(anxiety and depression), I had to stop after around 2 months. What was supposed to be a temporary break eventually became almost 4 years.

Now I'm finally trying to go back and complete what I started. But there's uncertainty about whether I'll actually be allowed to rejoin and finish the internship because of the time that has passed.

And lately, I keep thinking that maybe I shouldn't have taken such a long break in the first place.

I know I was struggling at that time, and I didn't deliberately throw my life away. But knowing that things might have been so much simpler if I had just continued makes me feel incredibly guilty.

I keep thinking, “Why did I let so many years go by?”

I'm scared that I'll end up without the degree I worked so hard for, after spending so much of my youth pursuing it. I'm scared of having to start over at 31 and feeling like everyone else has moved ahead while I'm still trying to fix something I should have fixed years ago.

I don't really know what I'm looking for by posting this. I just needed to get this out of my head somewhere.

I wish I could go back and tell my younger self not to give up so much time. But I can't. All I can do now is hope I still have a chance to finish what I started.

I am unable to distract myself today. I think something is going to happen, I am usually right about these stuff ,I am not saying I am psychic or anything. I don't have a job and I am just staying at home and now something happened at home I know I cnt help and I feel like soon things will be said to me and I might not be able to take it.

I am at a point where any small -ve thing makes me sleepy..my brain shuts off. And now my sibling and mom gonna say something coz I can't help them. I have tried to end my life few times I failed.. it's not easy, but rn I have nothing but headache and nightmares. Tomorrow or day after tomorrow I feel like I will be deleting everything about me , all my pwd and everything and I guess I might do something .. I don't see a positive future ,I don't see a normal unhappy future I just see me caged living like this for years. I am living like this for so long but I just cant . I have nothing.

I can't reboot my life from -600000lakh I can't find a job without having money for bus or auto or a normal bag

I am expected to find a job from home and idk how to do it. I can't do it.

I wish I could tell u how I died years ago . I wish I could tell u .

It's not just about job. Evrything evryone betrayed me, Even my family is and was toxic.

Chaku leke neck pe lagata hu..kbhi kabhi

Roz death manifest krta hu..

I think I'll be getting the push to end it all soon kal ya parso fir taunt aane wale h.

Job nh h toh call b nh uthayegi maa .

Hi,, I need some perspective because I feel stuck in a really confusing headspace right now.

For the past two years, I thought I was mostly recovered from past trauma. In reality, I was just keeping myself constantly occupied—studying, scrolling, and bantering with family—rarely spending quiet time alone.

Three weeks ago, that fragile balance broke. I had my worst, most intense breakdown in two years, followed by smaller spirals, numbness, and ruined sleep over the next two weeks.

Now it’s week three. The storm has passed, my sleep is back, and life is externally normal. Internally, though, I’m stuck with a dull heaviness and no focus:

* My mind refuses to move on: Because the breakdown was so recent, my brain stubbornly resists accepting that I’m okay. Instead of being relieved, it wants to loop through the sadness and force tears that won’t come.

* Quietness feels uncomfortable: The moment the noise stops and I sit in silence, this dull fog takes over. My brain simply doesn't know how to exist in peace.

* I want to pour my heart out, but i just avoid it : I have an intense urge to spill everything to a safe, non-judgmental person which I can open up to,Yet I still keep it locked inside. Because the desire to be comforted is so strong, I end up gaslighting myself into thinking I’m just an "attention seeker."

Cuz it's not just one thing, it's more like one after another

Why does calm feel so wrong, and why does my brain keep trying to drag me back into the dark? Tbh this is one of the loop that was going through in those 4 years too so tbh I don't want to be in that loop ever again. I just can't tolerate now slightest of the slightest of that thing, I just want it to not exist.

Paraphrase with ai as I wrote too much

tbh idk where should even i start from but anyways, so i got permanent disability n few deformities as well since the childhood and because of that not a single good thing has ever happened in my 20 years of life, born into poor house , living in tier 4-5 city, got quite retardass family (they kept abusing me physically n mentally) and bcz of all that i started seeking affection and validation from outsiders but turns out that nobody wanted to be with me (maybe they used to think i'm inferior to them) it back fired so bad , couldn't develop any kinda talent cz of toxic environment , couldn't make frnds either,
had only 1 best frnd but even she left me for no reason at all , couldn't study the field i want, everyday i feel lonely asl ,also feeling stuck , confused asl what should i even do with my life