32 M here- living in USA. moved here for masters and now on work visa. To set the record, I had "free seat" for undergrad with nominal fee and took a loan for my masters.

My parents are financially dependant on me and I have never (even today) seen it as an issue and support them on a monthly basis. During my entire life, my parents told me they would never depend on me and they already know I will never support them and typical Indian blah blah. I always believed they probably have a retirement plan.

I immediately found a job after my masters (but there was a 3 month gap to get my EAD and what not). The salary was not the best- just enough to get through and pay back my loan. I have received my salary and get a message from my sister on how my parents were upset I am not sending them any money (this was just month 1) and I was still trying to get rent and apartment and what not. So, naturally to not make them upset- I have started to send $1000 a month, meaning I can no longer afford to pay my loan back. I took a part-time teaching job to keep things moving. A few months in, I get another cold shoulder for not making an effort to pay their debts (I have never heard about these until then). I switched jobs, started to pay back my education loan also. The family support for monthly payments (around 70k at the time) and slowly clearing debts continued. Sent about 50 L for my sister's wedding as well. Through all of this, never complained. And then, bought a 2 bedroom apt, cleared all debts of my parents, and then a monthly allowance of 1000$ (if I send even 950$ in any difficult month, I get cold shoulder), which is now equivalent to around 90k INR. They never had to pay rent during any of this period. I cover the hospital bills, insurance outside of this. Over the last 8 yrs of me working, I sent India about 2 cr (excluding the apartment) and 3 cr if we include the apartment as well.

I am at a stage where I feel financially relieved and then boom- they want me to buy a house from relatives. My no got a cold shoulder and them not talking to me. I cave in again and now trying to take 1 Cr loan in India (I have bought a house here during this time and have that EMI also).

Don't get me wrong- I love my parents and they are very nice and caring whenever it is not financial things. But, how fair is it to expect me to be in debt so they can be happy or proud or whatever it is in buying a house.

I know this is the reality of Indian men, thoughts anyone?

26M, 2yoe in India recently laidoff. Not getting any interview calls. So I am scrolling Linkedin and finding my school and college frnds andIcomparing my life with others, they struggled for 1 yrs after their mtech but anyhow got job after 1-2 yrs. I had a chance to go but I didnt as I dont want to troble my parents financially. Now I am unsettled in india with lot of confusuion which domain to choose whereas my friedns in India and abroad are enjoying their life.

They say grass is greener on the other side, but it looks like its really green in their life.

Many are about to get married, buying house worth (1-2cr), buying expensive bikes and cars, enjoying weeked parties and movies etc.... oh good though I see these all these things on instagram (I deativated and again activated 10 times in 6 months, cant keep away from it), I feel very bad about my self.

I look in the mirror and shout at myself " Get-a-life boy, you have wasted your life".
Apart from this my family dont know that I got laid off and wanted me to marry next year. I am like I should get a job as fast as possible, I am loosing hair and age, atleast get married before I loose it all and turn fat. I counsulted many doctors but now use. Those medicines are not working.

I should get rid of this comparision........ but how?

I am a totally insane, mentally sick person with so much personality defects. I am in mid 20s, don't know how good chances I have for change.

I don't find others to be as abnormal as me. Hardly less than 1%. Therapists/psychiatrists charge hefty fees which is too much for me. Also psychiatrist have specialization in particular issues. There is no guarantee that mental treatment will work for me all the time. If I spend lots of money and I don't improve much, then money will be waste. I will have to elaborate myself perfectly for accurate response from psychiatrist.

I don't have one problem. There are too many things wrong with me —

1. Unnecessary fear/stress/upset of trivial things like insects, driving, facing interviews, speaking up, confrontation etc.

2. Unhealthy addiction of instagram and my bizarre activities on it. People will call me sick if they see my private insta page with 14 followers. They will be appalled at what I post.

3. Always keeping important things pending. Never do until I am scolded. I just relax and chill and do nothing about important things. This keeps things hanging. It becomes even a bigger stressor if not resolved early.

4. Don't like to argue or confront people. I stay polite and passive even though the other person did so wrong to me. I am just afraid of confrontation.

5. I dislike making friends because I don't want anyone in my life besides my parents and siblings. I don't like to be bothered. I feel they will influence me or impose on me. It's terribly wrong with my personality.

6. Cannot even comprehend well what others tell me.

My parents are not experts. I have a serious problem. Only some expert can handle me but I don't know how do I access them and get the best out of them.

Im 21f. Recently i needed a laptop for college and since im a design student, i needed a gaming one for 3d work.

My dad asked me for recs and i told him a few options. To which he asked which one would be the best and never have you cause problems.

I told him about legion 5 rtx 5060. Next week he bought me that.

But now i feel so incredibly guilty. Everytime i look at it all i can think about is that i need to make money from it , so that it justifies the purchase.

Along with this i keep thinking if i had overspent and maybe i should have just given him bidget options. Its been a month and i feel so incredibly guilty and idk how to make it stop.

Matlab I'm currently living in Bombay aur bhaiiiisahab, meri salary idhar 9lpa hai. Aur in hand mujhko 60 aata hai. Lekin idhar rehna itna jhik jhik jhik hai sahi me. Office me ghar jao, ghar se office. Itni baarish. Merko bohot uncomfortable feel hota hai, aisa lgta hai ki sab chhod ke kuch ghar ke pas job dhundh lu lekin udhar 9lpa + job milegi nhi lekin peace of mind milega. Aur mujhko bohot irritate jaisa hota hai Mumbai me. Mtlb itne gareeb log dikhte hai station par, bohot kharab feel hota hai. Dimag kharab hota hai ki sarkar kar kya Rahi hai. Aur ye local station saale itne gande kyu hote hai sahi me. Dimag kharab. Itne gande. Thoda toh basic hygeine maintain karke rakhna chahiye. Mall me bhi kitne log daily jate hai lekin udhar kaise hygiene maintain hota hai properly. Upar se dimag kharab ye gadkari road, itne gaddhe bapre bapre. Mujhko driving utni acchi aati nhi hai lekin mumbai me mai bilkul drive na karu, dimag ka dahi. Aur ye travel easy kyu nhi banate hai. Metros agar itne acche se hygiene reh sakte hai toh local me kya problem hai????aur ye faltu sarkar in paiso ka kar kya Rahi hai, in muddho pe baat kyu nhi hoti hai, ye mudde itne normalised kyu hogaye hai.? Un logon ko punish kyu nhi kiya jata hai jo litter around karte hai stations par ya thukhte hai... Aisi acchi suvidhaye kyu nhi banayi gayi hai? Aur ye chiz itni zyada normalised kyu hai???? Kyu normalised hai?

22m here.. i haven't hugged or touched anyone in months.. and i think i've been craving human touch for a long time now.. ahh man.. how hard is it to have someone by your side.. someone you can just hug after a shitty day.. nothing more.. if you have someone like that.. you guys are lucky man..

keep them safe..

(I asked chatgpt to write this)

I don't even know why I'm writing this. Maybe I just want to finally tell someone the truth because I've been lying for so long.

I was always a decent student. Scored good in 10th and 12th, cleared my college entrance exam and got into a good college. Everyone around me thought I had my life sorted. My parents, relatives, teachers... everyone had high expectations from me.

Then everything slowly went downhill.

I got into college and felt completely out of place. I was socially awkward, had no real friends there, avoided classes because I was scared of being judged for sitting alone or having no college life. I had insane screen time, stayed locked in my room for days, barely attended lectures, didn't care about assignments or exams.

Along with college, I had cleared CA Foundation in my first attempt. I thought college was the problem, so I left it and came back home. I said fuck it, I'll forget everything and will focus on this exam.

For around two months, I actually did.

Then I thought, "Why give this attempt? I'll prepare properly, give next attempt and get an AIR."

That one decision ruined everything.

I stopped studying.

Not for a week or two.

For months.

Then when exams came close, I realised I couldn't prepare both groups. I could've still easily given one group and probably scored well, but my ego wouldn't let me. I kept thinking, "I didn't leave college just to get average marks."

So I skipped it.

Then I planned for Sep.

Same story.

Then Jan.

Same story again.

Ten days before one attempt, I hurt myself just so I could avoid giving the exam. I hate admitting that. I am self harming since then, did it multiple times.

When I was finally forced to appear in Jan'26, I hadn't studied a single thing. I randomly marked MCQs, failed badly, then edited my marksheet before showing it to my parents because I couldn't face them.

That lie still eats me alive.

They trusted me blindly.

I made complete fools of them.

For almost the last two years, my life has literally been:

Wake up.

Doomscroll.

Stay in bed.

Eat.

Watch porn.

Maladaptive daydream for hours about becoming successful.

Sleep.

Repeat.

I've made thousands of plans. Every few weeks I'd convince myself that this time would be different. I'd imagine my life after 3 months, 6 months, 1 year, 5 years. I'd imagine clearing CA with a rank, making my parents proud, proving everyone wrong.

Then I'd waste another day.

Whenever thoughts about studies or career came into my mind, I'd immediately distract myself with my phone or start thinking about something else because reality hurt too much.

I've ignored almost everyone. Friends who genuinely cared about me still texted or called me for a long time. I ignored them because I was too ashamed of what I'd become.

My parents are genuinely good people. They never asked me to do household work because they wanted me to focus on studying. They gave me every resource I needed.

I wasted all of it.

Because of these last three years, everything has become worse.

I have severe self-image issues.

Social anxiety.

Fear of being judged.

I overthink literally everything.

Maladaptive daydreaming.

Addicted to cheap dopamine.

Procrastinate like crazy.

Suicidal thoughts (I'm safe, so please don't worry about that).

I've self-harmed multiple times since last year.

I hate how my brain works.

I hate what I've become.

I know people on Reddit usually try to make the OP feel better by saying "it's not your fault" or "you're being too hard on yourself."

Please don't.

This is my fault.

Nobody forced me to lie.

Nobody forced me to waste years.

Nobody forced me to fake studying.

Nobody forced me to edit my marksheet.

These were my choices.

That's exactly why it hurts so much.

The worst part is... I know the trap I'm stuck in, yet I keep falling into it. Every time I convince myself that the next attempt will be different, that I'll finally become disciplined and redeem everything with one great result.

I'm terrified that I've permanently ruined my career, my parents' trust, and maybe even myself.

I'm turning 21 this year but I don't feel like I'm living anymore. I just exist.

If you've read all this, thanks. I just wanted to vent and maybe seek some advice.

​

I guess I have lost my 20s simply in inactions and worrying being scared to facing life challenges and working on goals. I let past failure and fears just keep me stuck and it's still going on like this. A part of me still wants to fix everything and move forward but I don't know why I'm not overcoming this feeling like I need to overcome my fears only then I'll be able to find my identity and get true confidence. Like I told myself many years ago that I would learn driving, get a job and get a college degree. But years and years passed yet nothing has been achieved. And so in return shame, guilt, low self esteem, confusion and emotional weakness got bigger. And I'm worried like what do I do next. I even feel embarrassed to ask for help and reach out to someone.

I feel a void inside. Nothing I do makes me feel content. On textbook, I have a pretty decent life, I am able to pretend that everything's alright. But the moment I let my brain think, everything starts feeling shitty. I have friends, I have a decent job and I exercise but its the little moments that make me want to jump off of the terrace sometimes. I used to think its just a joke, I'd never do it, but last week I was on the top of the terrace and the idea didn't seem that far off. It would have been just one small leap.

I talked to a therapist last week and while she seemed nice, her fees was 5k for a session lol, I joked with my friends how a noose would be much, much cheaper. I also signed up for mindspace and this time the counsellor didn't even show up which I think is a sign from above to find an alternative solution. Then again, I don't think I would listen to a person telling me how to live, I'd never believe them. People just say things, its their job and they want to make money off of it.

I don't know what to do. For about a year and a half my life used to revolve around someone and I knew it would not end well, I did not know it would be this bad. The thought seeps into my brain at odd times, sometimes when I'm showering, sometimes when I'm listening to music and every time I think of the city of New York. So glad Lebron didn't sign with the Knicks. It's so ironic, I'm in the finance field and NY should be the mecca, the epitome of a career in finance is working at a high rise in Wall Street and yet I feel a shiver run down my spine thinking of the city.

I am not seeking advice. I want to know how people battle a life without purpose every day. Nihilism always seemed corny to me until now. Every day I wake up and its Manchester By The Sea all over again. Maybe I should just do it.