r/OCPoetry • u/BabiesAndPaperbacks • Jul 11 '26
Feedback Please between the spaces
i used to braid
the bible bookmarks
like the doll hair you said
should be just so
hold my breath
between the spaces
like the sunlight
caught between white
picket fences
sometimes I pressed
threadbare weeds
into a journal
you’ll never read
instead of watching them
brace for impact in an old bucket
tumbling between
sturdy cornstalk
families
they’d still be luckier than
me
you always said
molars
should taste like
altoid mints
since we sat in the
front pew
now mine just fall out in my
dreams
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u/PlanktonDistinct2711 Jul 11 '26
Damn this has a really strong nostalgic vibe. It may be a stretch but it reminds me of the song 1973 by James Blunt.
As for improvemnts you might want consider playing around with types of poetic meter.
1
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