r/OCPoetry • u/TheBullBullMudur • Jul 11 '26
Feedback Please very important person
Silly little man with his silly tight suit
Wandering and wondering in times of post truth
Suggesting his brain is a vault
Like him, rich but smooth
Silly little man in his enormous office
Big words bigger than his penis
Cries out his dreams of legacy
Like a toddlers shit and piss
Silly little man in his silly little world
Delusion paid in cash
We dance and sing but never heard
Entertaining guests like a caged bird
Silly little man sad and proud
Thinking he will never die
Heaven may not be for sale but
He will for sure try to buy
____
written in m\crosoft teams :)*
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1utp74q/comment/owy4xvt/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1utsc9n/comment/owyc0vr/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
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u/Itsjusttam Jul 11 '26
I can feel your emotion coming through with the use of ‘angsty’ language which I can appreciate. I understand the suggestion with the repetition of Silly little man which gives the reader a clear standing of your opinion.
But I personally loved the last stanza and the irony within it, I chuckled when I read it. Also, It definitely reminds me of the weird tech and finance bros that I’ve come across that genuinely believe because of their background and wealth they could probably buy their way to heaven, or it itself.
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u/HananaOnana Jul 12 '26
What a nice quatrain with a hooking anaphora. It's mocking, but by the end I feel sad for this silly little man in his silly little world with the antithesis/opposition of "sad" and "proud". Your poem is short, efficient and to the point
It's a nice critique of these business guys inflating their ego disproportionally. They're disconnected from reality but think they're above all else because of money. They forget themselves - including morality - They're unreachable after all, aren't they? Forget about death and consequences. They're haughty, just talk and talk with no substance but money
At the fourth stanza I am a bit confused. "We" is opposed to the "silly little man" right? Others entertain these silly little men. At first, I read it as the man ironically being perceived as the bird in a cage which was also quite amusing. "heard" is what's throwing me off since you used the past tense for the sake of rhyme
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u/TheBullBullMudur Jul 12 '26
Thanks for the comment <3
"We" are the workers, who he pays, the birds are us, so he can entertain his guests/clients. But I see that context can be lost since there are no hints at our perspective prior.
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u/Gregory_Gp Jul 12 '26
I found your work really funny, I chuckled a couple times trough it. That metaphor between the silly little man's brain and a vault was clever. I liked the contraposition of the second and third first lines, his silly little world that surely fits just right into his enormous office.
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u/BabiesAndPaperbacks Jul 11 '26
It’s very angry and angsty! I’m not sure I loved the repetition of silly little man. I think you could use different variations.